I do not own nor profit from Star Trek or Gene Roddenberrys creations
Khan didn't know how long he held his wife, burying himself and his emotions into her chest. This was the moment he had been waiting for for far too long. To look into those eyes, to watch them look into hers. There were questions and answers on both sides, but he could care less at that moment. She was there.
"It's s-so c-c-cold." She shivered finally, tucking in closer to Khan. With a gentle hand, he scooped her into his arms, and carried her over to the fireplace so she could warm her bones better. She still shivered and held him though he was at this point far too warm, but he didn't care, so long as it appeased her and made her comfortable. His fingertips gently stroked her face, running through her hair much as he had done the last many weeks. This time, however, she would groan as it made her skin tingle, enjoying every moment.
"I am so sorry." Khan finally whispered. If he spoke too loud, his voice would crack and betray him. Safiya turned her head up towards him meeting his gaze.
"As am I." She sighed, feeling a bit warmer now before the inferno.
"Understand Safiya, that no matter what I am, I love you. Always, I've loved you, and always I shall." He leaned down pressing his lips to her forehead. She opened her mouth in response, but he quickly shushed her. "We'll speak when you are stronger. What's important has been said." He held her closely. That wasn't at all what he was thinking about saying. He planned on starting off about her going off like that without telling anybody. Then how she should have never strayed so far from home on her own, and then to try and fly a vessel she had never flown before? A plethora of concerns and frustrations built up in the back of his throat, but he choked them back, and swallowed them until the time was appropriate.
When she had warmed up enough, Khan took her for a bath, supporting her on her unsteady feet. She was thinner now, easy to handle, but Khan feared hurting her as she looked almost frail. Like a doting husband, he helped her bathe, and washed her hair.
"Did you shave my legs?" She reached down feeling how soft they were with a confused frown.
"Don't be silly. I used the laser on them like you used to. I don't think you'd have liked braids made out of your leg hairs." He chuckled as she gave him a tilt of her head, and an amused look.
"Well, thank you." She spoke quietly, washing her breasts and arms. He let her enjoy the soak in the tub as he brought food in for her. It wasn't much, unsure wether she would eat at all. He stoked a fire in the fireplace in their room, and set up a spot at the table for her. She watched him with curious eyes as he moved about the room, the fireplace casting his long flickering shadow across the walls. This was a very different man than she remembered. It looked like some bread, fruit and a bowl of what she thought could be soup, and a glass of water.
She wasn't so sure she wanted to leave the warm water, though it was relatively dirty by the time Khan finished washing her, but reluctantly, and smelling the savory soup, she dragged herself out of the tub. Before she could respond, Khan had a towel around her, guiding her to the bed where he laid out a long creamy temple dress. After she set the straps on her shoulders and smoothed the fabric down her body, Khan thought she resembled the ancient goddess Athena. Though she appeared weakened, he knew that beneath those deep pools stirred a bold and restless spirit. His eyes must have lingered longer than he had thought as she had been looking back at him.
"Khan, is everything okay?" She gave a worried look. "You are staring."
"I am. Becuase I have never seen something so beautiful." He answered honestly. "A most beautiful serendipity." He mused out loud, more to himself than to her.
"Serendipity?" She arched a brow amused making her way to the table.
"Of course. You are my serendipity, wether you would know it already or not. I did not expect you, and yet..." He left his sentance hanging, letting her get the idea. She dipped a spoon into the soup, gave a gentle blow to cool it and took a bite. The look on her face was one of surprise and delight.
"This is amazing. What is it?" She asked taking another bite.
"It's stew. We used the chickens we started cultivating here. This winter is proving to be a harsh one, and an early one it would seem." He rubbed his face in his hands, having to worry about keeping his crew well fed and warm this winter. He decided the next year would be more about exploration and collecting necessary tools and items to keep them through the seasons.
"It's winter?" Safiya asked softly between bites, too hungry to stop and ponder. "It was early fall..." She shook her head.
"Yes. It was, when you left. Long story short, you died, poisoned by those cat creatures. My blood brought you back, but the poison had already taken its toll, and you, it would seem, couldn't wake up. So, we kept you here, in a comatose state. We have been working on repairing that small craft you found, with hopes of getting to the Bradbury to hopefully study the poison more, and come up with an antidote, since it's well stocked with the necessary equipment, but, the answer appeared to be no further than our own front door." He smirked. He got up and left, returning with the fuchsia flowers that Essex had brought for her.
"They are beautiful." She stammered, gazing upon them. She took them into her hand, taking a deep breath of their pungent floral scent.
"It is possible, I say possible, that the centers have capabilities we do not know of yet. Gavin is studying it right now. When the center burst, some fell into your mouth. It is quite possible that this is what cured your poisoning. But again, Gavin will be able to tell us later." He sighed, as she set them on the table.
"How is Ren?" She asked with a sudden worry. Khans face fell, as Safiyas eyes watered.
"His physical body is well, though I worry his mind is not." He shook his head as he got up to look out of the window. "Did he ever tell you of Vivienne?" Khan asked, not looking at her. Safiya could not in that moment recall the name ever coming from Ren, or of any sort of stories tied to that name. She shook her head as he told her the brief story of Vivienne and Ren.
"Ren wanted to join her in death, I'm afraid." Khan thought back over the time Safiya was gone. "I finally understands how he feels, having lost the woman I love. I wish the lesson hadn't been so painful, and I fear it is not yet over." He flexed his jaw in anger towards fate, and turned back to her. She was looking at him solemnly. "Am I right in this?" He asked.
"I don't believe I take your meaning Khan." She sat back, her belly full as she had eaten continuously throughout the story.
"Do you still wish to leave me?" His eyes were filled with tangible pain as he focused on her.
"Yes. And no." She admitted, looking down.
"Why?" He couldn't fathom it at that moment. "Why are you so pressed to leave me?" He furrowed his brow in hurt.
She had to think over the many things he had done to hurt her. "Khan, the way you treat me, as if I am property to you. As if it matters little if I am here or not. You make me feel... Easily replaceble." She began to choke up. "That I am simply a body, just a foolish girl who let her heart be held and taken so easily. The way you made me feel in the very beginning, like I was everything, you protected me. The way you went after Adams in revenge. The moment I saw it on the news, I knew it was you. The way you looked at Jim Kirk, I know that look in your eye. It's the one a starving dog gives another when it comes across a steak. It was flattering, and I was stupid Khan." She sniffed.
"Because I was protective and didn't want Kirk getting the idea he could have you? You felt stupid?" He shook his head. Human women!
"Because then, after everything that transpired, the way you turned around and seemed to hate me so purely on board the Vengeance. How could you? That was... Devastating to me, Khan, you don't understand. How you could go from caring about me, to being so cold, that wasn't what I expected. I wouldn't expect that from a man who loves me, and by then I know I loved you. I just, thought that perhaps you cared more than you did." She stood and walked to the end of their bed, sitting down in front of the fire.
"Khan, even after that, I still took care of your family. I still found a way to free them, and you. It killed me, to know I lost my father and that I was going to lose you too, but then lo and behold! The night before your execution you finally tell me how you truly feel about me. But how am I supposed to know, looking back, that those were your true thoughts? It is easier to believe that those words are the last ditch attempt at freedom. That perhaps, if I thought you loved me, I would save you. But you didn't need to trick me." She began to cry. Still adament that he did not need her.
"I never sought to trick you. Where would you get that idea?" Khan grew louder and defensive.
"From your ACTIONS Khan!" She returned the volume, pained. "The way you are so, kind, then cruel. It feels like you are stringing me along, and I can't do it anymore! I have to cut that string before you break my heart to where it will never see repair." she held a hand over her chest. "Do just enough to make me love you, then it is gone." She cried. "You would keep me here as little more than your warm body at night, but I do not believe you would ever love me." She shook her head as her tears fell.
"Then why would I bother marrying you? Why would I bother giving you this temple, why would I keep you here if I didn't love you? Better yet, why would I go chase after you, nearly get killed and STILL bring you back here, if I didn't love you? You are my wife. I could have just left you to the wilds, and let you deal with everything yourself." He hissed.
"Because marriage is something that human women are groomed for from the time they are babies. It is desired that we grow up and get married, perhaps your idea to sate me. This is not my temple, Khan. This is where you sleep, and as your wife, I sleep here too. And it is reasonable to believe you wouldn't want me to go running back to Star Fleet, letting them know which planet we are on. Make sure they don't come after you or your people." She huffed. She had broken hearted conclusions about all of these behaviors. That this could not be out of love, it had to be for self interest and personal gain. It threw a stick in her wheel when he held her earlier, crying, and stroking her face, but she had to believe it was just a front, or else she would crumble before him, and perhaps never get back up.
"I-I don't know what to say." Khan finally spoke, defeated, after a long uncomfortable silence. He began to walk towards the door, then stopped. Knowing he shouldn't run away, he changed his direction and kneeled before her. He took her hands into his, and looked at them for a long while, hearing her soft sobs, as she once again tried to cope with the thought that he didn't, and never had, loved her.
"Everything I have said, about loving you, and caring for you, is true." He began with a deep sigh and a heavy heart. "I never meant to make you feel otherwise, and I am truly very sorry if I have. I am not a man, Safiya. I am an Augment. While we may feel strongly, I daresay our weak point is expression. The point of Ren's story, was to always make sure a human woman knows she is loved. He lives with that regret I think, everyday, and I was about to live the same." He kissed the backs of her hands gently.
"I can not replace you. Never you, nor do I have a desire to replace you. Should I lose you, heir or not, I would never bed another woman, because that is an act I hold dear and sacred between us. To you I've given my heart body and soul. Though we are not legally, or technically married, I feel married to you in this way."
Safiya looked up to him, her eyes wet and reddened. "We aren't married?" she hiccuped.
"No. Not officially. A ceremony, yes, for the sake of ceremony, women seem to enjoy that. But we are only bound to one another by love. You have freedom to leave should you wish." He winced as the words left his mouth. "I just hope that you would instead, accept my proposal. Because I do wish to be wed to you, officially, where the worlds will recognize it." He looked into her eyes.
"I don't know what to say." She shook her head in disbelief. To hear that Khan would willingly let her go?
"Just say you will consider it. In the mean time, let me show you that I love you." His eyes were desperately searching hers. "And if you still feel doubt, then I will take you back to Earth myself, and we will speak no more." He offered weakly. It wasn't a proposition he wanted to put on the table. In fact, he had barely thought about it, but he knew she wanted to go home, and he wanted to show her he was a changed man. Only one of them would get their way in the end, and he worried. Who?
"I can agree to those terms, Khan." She whispered, her heart pounding. Truth be told, the ice she had built up to try and prevent this pain from him was already working on melting just from her waking up. The amount of emotion he had shown her that evening was more than he had shown her over the last couple of years. It was, of course, encouraging to hear that he still regarded her as his wife, because in his heart, she was.
She was relieved, as much as he, that their conversation wasn't a screaming match. She did not want to see him angry at her, and he did not want to end up saying the wrong things to her. Instead they continued to talk, as he caught her up on the latest news. He was sure that they others, especially Essex, wanted to come in and see her, but he did not want to overwhelm her. He also wanted her all to himself this first night. When he noticed Safiya start to yawn and her eyes grow heavy, he pulled back the blankets, and laid them both down to rest.
"Are you wanting sex tonight?" Khan pursed his lips. "As a man, yes. But as your man, I would rather hold you tonight." He purred, holding her close to him. This was the first night in so long he slept with her against him, and for the first time in just as long, he fell asleep peacefully.