Itachi smiled slightly as he enjoyed a cup of tea and a plate of dango at an outside table at his favorite tea house in Konoha which he hadn't been able to visit in nearly five years. There were some things that tasted much better at home than they did elsewhere, and the tea here was just as good as he remembered it being. Kisame, who was under a Henge that made him look like a large, solidly built man with brown hair and green eyes, sat across from him fidgeting nervously. Part of this could have been because he himself was under a Henge that made him look like a particularly attractive young blonde who possessed a rather sizable pair of...assets. No matter what he looked like, Kisame had absolutely no interest in dating him, and their current activity was a bit too close to date-like for his partner's comfort.
While he and Kisame had ostensibly come to Konoha with the goal of testing village security, and possibly capturing the Kyuubi's host, he had actually come to make sure his little brother was alright since there had been rumors that Orochimaru had been in the Forest of Death while his brother had been in there during the Second Phase of the Chunin Exams, and to make a report to the Hokage about the Akatsuki's current activities. The fact that he'd been able to threaten Shimura Danzo and stop at his favorite tea house on the way out of the village was just a bonus as far as he was concerned, even though the threatening of Danzo hadn't gone the way he'd expected.
After leaving the Hokage's secret meeting place, it had taken him a while to find Danzo, who had been hiding in a tree for some strange reason. When he had found him, he had told the man what he'd do to him if he ever even thought about harming Sasuke in exacting detail. Instead of giving him that false smile of his while exuding an air of menace like he normally would have done upon receiving such a threat, the man had quietly taken the threat before smiling sadly at him and apologizing for putting him in a position where he'd been forced to kill his clan. This uncharacteristic behaviour on Danzo's part had naturally disturbed him to no end. Fortunately, he had the continent's best tea and dango to comfort him.
As he was biting into his serving of Mitarashi dango, a boy in a neon pink track suit who looked a great deal like his brother Sasuke raced by. Instead of continuing on his way down the road at the high rate of speed he'd been maintaining, the boy suddenly screeched to a halt in the middle of the street, and then ran backwards until he was even with the table he and Kisame were seated at, at which point he began running in place, turning an active Sharingan on him and his companion.
"Hi Nii-chan." the boy said cheerfully like he used to when he was little, before turning and looking over his shoulder.
Whatever the boy he somehow couldn't process as being Sasuke saw over his shoulder had clearly made him nervous because the exact same expression Sasuke had had the one time their father had gone after him with a belt crossed the boy's face for an instant before he started running once more.
"Bye Nii-chan" the boy yelled over his shoulder as he raced away once more.
"What..." Kisame started, before a glitter covered ANBU in a cat mask raced by.
"Pink spotted on Tobirama Avenue headed East, I'm in pursuit." the ANBU yelled into a headset.
"... was that about?" Kisame finished.
"I don't know." he replied, honestly at a loss.
He'd known that the death of the clan and what he'd done to his brother with the Tsukuyomi would have made him somewhat unstable but, he hadn't realized that he'd destabilized the boy to that point. Based on all of the accounts he'd heard of his younger brother since he'd left the village, he'd been given the impression that Sasuke an aloof avenger who was obsessed with getting stronger in order to get revenge like he should be so he'd be strong enough to face Madara later on, not whatever the hell that was that had just stopped by his table had been.
Ten seconds later, a long haired Hyuuga of indeterminate gender in a yellow track suit raced by.
"Hi Uchiha-san. Bye Uchiha-san." the boy? said, not even bothering to stop as he did so.
The reason for the Hyuuga teen's flight soon became apparent when a paint covered Hyuuga Hiashi followed an instant later, completely ignoring him and Kisame in his determination to catch and possibly kill the other Hyuuga.
As he was getting back to his snack, determinedly trying to ignore what had just happened for the sake of his sanity, a blond in a bright orange and blue tracksuit jumped off of the roof of the tea house and landed on his and Kisame's table, barely missing his and Kisame's food and drinks when he did so.
"Hi Itachi." the boy said cheerfully as he jumped from the table to the ground before turning and giving him an appraising look.
"Eh, I'll give you a seven." the boy who he tentatively identified as his and Kisame's target Uzumaki Naruto, Kyuubi Jinchuriki, bane to Konoha's ANBU, and recently nicknamed Hell-God said.
"Give what a seven?" Kisame asked.
"His Henge." the Uzumaki replied, as if the answer were obvious.
"Seven? Seven? He's a ten!" Kisame exclaimed before realizing what he was saying and shutting up.
"That" the Uzumaki said, pointing at him "Is not a ten. I'll show you a ten. Oiroke no Jutsu!"
The Uzumaki boy vanished into a cloud of smoke, and a moment later a very attractive blond who was completely naked except for a couple of rather strategically placed clouds of smoke stood in his place. Kisame, as well as just about every other man in the area, was blown back by a massive nosebleed and, while he himself hadn't been blown back like the vast majority of the males in the area, he had found that he'd had to rather hastily grab a napkin.
Satisfied by everyone's reaction to his Henge, the Uzumaki turned and flounced off.
"Itachi." Kisame said when he finally managed to haul himself back to his seat.
"Yes?" he asked as he went back to his dango.
"From what I've seen of your village, I'm amazed that you're even half as sane as you are." Kisame replied.
"It's not usually this bad." he said as he took a sip of his tea while repressing the last few minutes in order to preserve what was left of his sanity.
It was at that point that a certain Jounin in green spandex decided to appear.
"I apologize for interrupting your most youthful date but, I must ask if you have seen my most youthful student." Maito Gai said before giving what, for him, was probably a disarming smile.
He was glad he didn't have his Sharingan active at the moment as that smile probably would have finished blinding him if he had. It had almost had done so as it was.
"The flat-chested Hyuuga girl in the neon yellow tracksuit?" Kisame asked before pointing in the direction in which both of the Hyuuga had gone "She went that way. I think her dad's going to kill her when he catches her though."
"That isn't who I was looking for but, I should probably grab him before Hiashi-sama does something regrettable. Thank you." Maito Gai said before running off.
Two seconds later, a miniature copy of Maito Gai ran by on his hands, paused in his tracks, and ran back to the table backwards, giving him a sense of deja vu.
"You are the most beautiful girl I have seen aside from Uzumaki Naruto. Please go out with me, I'll protect you with my life!" the mini-Gai who was running in place on his hands exclaimed.
"I stand corrected." he said, as he determinedly ignored the boy who was pacing in place beside the table waiting for an answer. "I seem to have repressed more than I thought in regards to this place in order to preserve my sanity."
Kisame just laughed.
Edited 11-4-12