Charles spent the next hour pulling himself together and trying to gather his courage and strength. Once he felt he was sound enough to be in her presence he decided to venture out of his room. He could see down the hall that her doorway was shut tightly. Was this a new development since he left, or was she hiding away as he had? He knew she was upset as she left his door. He could hear her the uncertainty in her voice as it wavered through the solid wood of his door. He slowly made his way towards her door. Pausing slightly, he instead turned away and headed for the stairs. Maybe it would do him good to take a turn around upstairs. Get his footing, put him right again, and back into his comfortable role as Charles Carson, Butler of Downton Abbey. He headed up the long staircase and entered the Great Hall. He immediately began to relax in his comfortable surroundings. The house was quiet and lifeless, but buzzing. It was completely brilliant and shining. Though the family was away, the hall was still filled with the fresh floral scents of the surrounding arrangements. As always, she had taken such great care to prepare the house. He was filled with a sense of pride and love. As he walked through the house he realized he didn't know how he would ever survive here without her. He loved the family dearly and would always remain devoted to them. However, as much as this beautiful place was his home, it only was so because she was there with him.

He walked to the front, opening the large door and walking out onto the steps. He closed his eyes breathing deeply, the fresh air of home filling his lungs. He was interrupted by the sound of her tiny, tight steps crossing the room. She was heading his way, and as much as he wanted to quickly shut the door between them and make his escape, he knew he would have to face her sooner or later.

"Welcome home, Mr. Carson." Her Scottish lilt was soft and as sweet as he had ever heard. He knew she was being gentle with him. A nervousness in her voice he had only heard a few times over the years.

"Thank you, Mrs. Hughes," he said turning his head slightly in her direction, but careful not to look at her. He knew it would be his undoing. "I'm very glad to be home again. It was a long season."

"It is very nice to have you home." She said softly, still at at his side as she watched his face. It was killing her that he would not look at her. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yes, thank you. Much better." He said turning back into the house. He looked down as he waited for her to accompany him. "I should get downstairs and see that all the cases are taken up and unpacked properly."

"No need, Mr. Carson. I've had Thomas and the boys take everything up and the maids are unpacking now." She paused before beginning again, staring at him as he continued to look off towards the stairs. "It's very nice out and we are free until the family returns tomorrow. Would you like to join me for a walk so we can catch up?"

He paused momentarily, trying to come up with a reason to refuse her. If he dared to stay near her, he couldn't trust himself to keep his feelings hidden. He finally looked at her to respond and his heart broke as he found her eyes glassing over with unshed tears.

"Please." She said quietly, looking into his eyes.

"I would enjoy that, Mrs. Hughes." He said to her, his facade falling as she continued to look into his eyes. "I have missed..."

She held her breath. Was he going to tell her? Would he say it now?

"I have missed...home." He said as he motioned for her to exit. He followed her out onto the drive and they began to walk towards the gardens.

They were silent as they walked side by side. The tension was so thick it could form a bridge between them. This new and unusual feeling between them was painful for both. She was his most trusted and beloved friend. If he could not open up to her, he had no one. He would become almost inhuman, a shell of himself. She was the only person in the world to see a glimpse of the man he truly was inside. He knew he needed to break the silence. Give her a chance to explain everything.

"How was your season, Mrs. Hughes?"

She was still nervous as she answered. Not knowing exactly what answer he was seeking. "Oh, much like every other. The house got a thorough cleaning. We even made time for the attics. We lost a maid to a young farmer near the village. But you know how that goes."

"I do indeed." He said quietly, before blurting out the question that had been plaguing his mind. "But what I'm wondering is, are we to lose our Housekeeper in this way as well?"

The question stopped her dead in her tracks. She froze, not knowing what to say. Confused that he could he even think her capable of deserting him. "Why... Why would you ever ask that?"

"I suppose when one comes home to find the housekeeper in the drive kissing her suitor, the question does seem to play through ones mind." He delivered coldly avoiding her eyes. "Unless that's a common occurrence in my absence?" He added accusingly, his wounded pride pushing him too far. As soon as the words left his mouth he was silently cursing himself. Why did he always have to go this way with her? Get his digs in. Find the words he knew would hurt her most. He knew it was to protect his own heart, and perhaps to try and give her just a small taste of the pain she was causing him. He glanced her way to see the shocked look on her face, then the flames shooting through her eyes. Her back stiffened, her nostrils flared. Her lips tightened... And then she looked at him.

Her anger built at his unkind words, but then she caught his eyes. She could see through him. She looked into his face and saw the feelings he always tried so hard to hide. He was hurting, and it was she who had hurt him. She held his gaze, the raw and painful emotions passing between them. It would never be easy with him. He had sent her a beautiful letter confessing everything she had ever hoped to hear from him. But the man before her was not the man who sent the letter. Would he ever be able to be that man? He loved her and yet he continued to hurt her time and time again. He did not wait for an explanation from her. Instead he chose to assume the worst, to think so little of her. She wondered, was it truly love that brought that confession? Or was it his fear of change, of losing his housekeeper and his perfectly consistent and comfortable life? She could not even bring herself to respond, for she feared once her mouth opened, her words would push him even further away.

He watched as her shoulders slumped in defeat, a reaction he had never seen from her. He quickly started back up. "Of course it's not. I do apologize, Mrs. Hughes. It's only I had heard you were walking out with Mr. Tavish over the season. I... I do wish you every happiness, if that is where you've found it. It's none of my business, of course. But as your friend, I do wish you every happiness. Well I suppose we've been gone long enough. Yes. We can discuss this later if you like. I best get back." And he slowly turned from her and walked away.