He listened to her hurried steps on the stairs as she made her retreat. He was sure she came in to apologize and let him down easy. To tell him all about her understanding with Ian Tavish! He was relieved when she rushed off with only a goodnight on her lips. The lips he so desperately wanted to taste with his own. If Tavish hadn't interrupted he was sure he would have. Ian Tavish! The sight of the man leaning in to kiss her for the second time that day, burned into his brain. He didn't think he'd ever be able to shut his eyes tonight to go to sleep. So she had made her choice without giving him a second thought. He should have known when she did not deny it on their walk. When she just stood there silently and let him chatter on so stiffly about happiness and friendship. When she disappeared to spend the afternoon with that man instead of catching up with him. He felt like he was reliving his past all over again. A past he wished he could have forgotten, instead of being resurrected by her and thrust at him. She thought she had healed his heart when she helped with Griggs and Alice, but she had only made him realize even more the love he was missing with her. What he'd always been too scared to ask for. He would have to retreat back into himself. A form of self preservation he had perfected after those dark days, the days before Elsie Hughes showed up into his life. Never had he thought he would find himself there again because of her.
She stops on the stairs, pausing to collect herself. Her breath is uneven and she's not sure she can move another step. What is she doing?! He loves her! He wrote it in his letter. His flirtations tonight at tea. The desperate, passionate moment in his office. He loves you, you stupid cow! Where are you going? She can't do this. Can't bring herself to go to her room to sleep when there are so many things left unsaid between him. But his words had hurt her. Did he really think so little of her? That she would ever be intimate with another? Yet what was he suppose to believe when he came home to her and the first sight he'd seen was Ian kissing her cheek. This is his first night home to her and they had already made a mess of things. She needs to fix it now! There will be no waiting. No time for their wounds and hurt to fester inside them pulling them apart. She will be bold, hasn't she always been. She will bring up his letter, tell him what's in her heart. She sits on the staircase for a moment, gathering the courage to confront him. Tonight she will sink or swim, they will sink or swim together.
He hears the gentle tap at his door. It couldn't be her. He heard her walk up the steps a quarter hour ago at least. "Come in." He says in his most butler like voice. He is surprised to see it is Elsie back at his door. "Mrs. Hughes, I...I thought I heard you go up." She watches him. He is nervous now as he shuffles through the papers on his desk. "It does look like I have much to catch up on." She steps closer to his desk standing straight across from him, still not speaking.
Finally he looks up at her, still avoiding her eyes. He watches her exhale. "Mr. Carson. I don't want to fight. I don't want your homecoming to be ruined. Especially not by me. When I read your letter, Charles... When I read your letter saying you were coming home to me, I was so completely happy. I feel like everything has been a mess since you've walked through the door. What you saw earlier, out in the drive, it was not what you thought. I believe.."
He interrupts her. "There are many things that can be misconstrued Mrs. Hughes, but I do believe I know a lovers kiss when I see one. And just now in the hall when he kissed you, not two minutes after I, after we... Was that not what I thought, as well? Tell me, have you been letting Mr. Bates kiss you in that way in my absence, perhaps the Gardener, the Groom? Is that how we say goodbye now?"
He was being smug and pompous, hurtful. She had seen him like this before. Mainly with younger staff. Jimmy, Thomas, the girls in the kitchen. Never with her. Never had he talked down to her in such a manner. She was broken now. "You know that is not true. Why are acting in this way? In your letter you... Just earlier when you held me."
"Just stop!" He said loudly as he closed the book in front of him. He still would not look at her. "I think we should say goodnight. It's been a very long day for both of us and I think we both could use some sleep. Tomorrow is a new day and hopefully it will bring some sanity back to us both. Now if you'll excuse me please. Goodnight, Mrs. Hughes."
Elsie turned from him quickly before he could see the tears in her eyes and nearly bolted for his door. She took the steps as quickly as her feet could take her. She was crushed, humiliated, and completely lost in her confusion. She made her way to her room and tore the clothes for her body. She wanted nothing more than to rid herself from everything associated with this day. She wished she could fall into her bed and wake to be able to relive this day. Oh how she would live it differently if given a second chance. No matter how sweet and kind. How good he made her feel. Ian Tavish would never have been welcomed into their home. The home she shared with Charles.
Tears poured down her cheeks as she stared at herself in the mirror. How had she gotten to this point in her life? How had she slowly built her life around a man when she had fully intended to focus solely on her position? She was lost to Charles, and it now seemed he did not want her. She pulled the pins from her hair and her soft brown curls fell down her bare back. She peeled the corset from her body and tossed her shift to the floor. She slid her undergarments off and she stood nude in front of her mirror. Her soul empty, her body bare, her tears falling. She went to her wardrobe and pulled her dressing gown down and wrapped it around her shivering self. She did not know if she would ever feel warm again.
Walking out into the hall she made her way to the washroom thinking a hot bath would soothe her trembling. She shut herself in the small shared bathroom and ran a steaming bath. Sliding the robe from her body she stepped into the hot tub, sitting herself on the edge as she adjusted to the hot temperature. She used her sponge to drag the water over her body as she prepared to slide into the steaming waters, her thoughts still on Charles. He had hurt her and her tears continued to fall, but she had felt so good in his arms. She could also feel how much he wanted her. His stiff member had pressed so solidly against her hip. She shudders just thinking of how it would feel inside her. She dips the sponge to her center and touches herself. She has done it before. The life of service is lonely and there have been times when release was necessary. Times like now. Every inch of her body was humming with anticipation. She thought of Charles and her one hand grasped the tub to steady herself on the edge, as the other rubbed wildly at the small nub of her center. She imagined Charles touching her, what it would feel like to have him inside, his hands all over her body. She dipped her hand down to wet the sponge and brought it to her breasts, the hot water pouring down her in sheets as her hand moved in circles against her throbbing center. Caught up in the moment she moaned Charles named. Biting her bottom lip as she tried to stop her cries. Her head fell back and she gasped his name as she came against her fingers, her body shuddering from the release. A deep groan startling her from her bliss, she looked up to see Charles in the doorway...
Again, thank you all so much for the lovely and funny reviews! You are all fantastic, and I appreciate the support so much! Please, if you want to know what happens next, or have any ideas or requests, let me know! :) And a special thanks to my darling Happyheart :) My muse, and smut partner in crime!
Much love, Mona xo