"This is how everything will work, ladies and gentleman. You will all get name tags. You will all get rooms. You will all get meals. You will all get recreational hours. You will all get showers. You will all get visiting hours." The man standing in front of the group read from a list with a robotic voice. "So, this is jail?" Naomi whispered to Emily. She shook her head. "They have to stick to a certain schedule," Emily cupped her hand around Naomi's and squeezed tightly while they listened to the rest of the rooms. Each test subject received five hospital gowns, a nurse, and a day for testing. First would be diagnosis, to get to the root of the problem and see how much dosage they needed of the experimental drug. Emily sat overwhelmed, squeezing Naomi's hand like she was the one that was terrified.
"You are all test subjects. You need to be honest with us about how you're feeling and what is happening. Brutally honest. That means, bathroom needs, vomiting, dreams, and whatever your body is doing. We need to know; it's the only way we can make this human testing trial worthwhile. I must say, that we cannot promise anything. We cannot promise a cure and we cannot promise this will work 100%. Trial and error. Some of you might not make it. Some of you might. We have therapists to help you along the way. Like I said, you need to be honest with the doctors. I'm the student's director, Mr. Hamilton. You can all call me Charles." He stated loud and clear. Naomi wasn't paying attention. Die or not die, blah, blah, blah. So she was an experiment. Joyous and wonderful! She crossed her arms and looked around the room. Emily was so desperately trying to reach for her hand but Naomi wasn't in the mood. She had just joined a testing facility that was a lot like jail. Maybe worse. A psychiatric ward. The people around her looked just as dead as she felt. Pale, bald, and frail.
She didn't like being surrounded by these terminal people. She didn't want to mingle and discuss who had what and how long they had been in treatment for. Naomi wanted to sit in her room and play fucking scrabble with Emily or even a shitty game of cards. Anything would beat hearing over and over that this wasn't 100% effective. "Campbell, Naomi?" Her name was called and apparently she missed the previous instructions. "Present…?" She called and looked around with a cocked eyebrow. "Naoms, you have to grab your things," Emily whispered and she nodded. "Right, dress for jail, line up, and grab my slop." She smiled, inching her way out of the seats to the front of the line. "Garments, slippers, key, and name tag," Naomi held her things, looking at the airtight bags like they were the most sterile things the university could find. "Now… what?" She looked behind her at a few empty seats. How long had she been daydreaming? "Didn't you hear? Surnames, A-E, testing today. No visitation hours." Naomi turned to find Emily in the crowd but they were already leading her out the doors. "Wait, can't I say by-" They stopped her. No visiting hours today. You're heading straight for testing and diagnosis."
Another round of poking and prodding. She could've just told them what she had. That would've been easier, but they insisted on testing for anything and everything. Scans of every piece of her body. X-rays of her chest. MRI's of her whole body and then some. She figured the radiation from it all would've killed her or just made her go completely bald. At least she still had a small boyish cut and her eyebrows. The others in the same testing time as her looked much worse.
"Open," Naomi squinted at the bright ceiling light and opened her mouth. A rough wooden stick flattened against her tongue and she could've gagged, if she still had any taste left. A swab of her tonsils. A lift of her eyelids. A check in her ear and nose. "Okay we need you to undress, we have to check your cervical area," Naomi stared at the nurse. A sense of humor striking over her already. "Aren't you supposed to buy me dinner first?" The nurse stared with a blank face that was clearly un-amused. "Tough crowd," she muttered and slipped the gown off with a bit of help. Her body felt sore and weak. No chemotherapy for a day or two and she felt as elderly as the terrible old people that used to bunk at her house.
The worst part wasn't the examination, but having to describe how everything felt at every second of the damned day. 'Is this all right? What do you feel?' Well, if the nurses liked sarcasm they would've gotten a mouthful by then. Unfortunately they weren't very tolerant of Naomi's backlash. "Next, you're going to the diagnosis room. With these three," the nameless nurse read off the sheet. Two other girls were wheeled out, looking much more sickly than Naomi. Then she was pushed out next. They all had IVs sticking to their arms and the same gown on. If Emily was here, Naomi would've joked about how this place looked like the holocaust. But she had to keep that inside, along with her question of when visiting hours would be.
"Addison, Demient, and Campbell?" The three girls nodded and Naomi sat back ready to roll her eyes. The two girls looked half dead, staring at the 'not so hot' doctor that ruffled his longer hair back behind his head. "Get a haircut, Fabio," Naomi muttered to herself. "You three are all in the same stages. Roughly, same treatment should follow. Hodgkin's." Naomi rolled her eyes. "I could've told you that," she shook her head, unable to keep her mouth under control without Emily's help. The doctor stared at her before clearing his throat. "Like I said, all around the same stages, so we'll be issuing the same dosage. The drug's effectiveness centers on its relationship with a protein called CD47, which is found on the surface of cancer cells in high quantities." Naomi let her head fall back on the comfort of her wheel chair. She didn't want to hear the doctor specifics. She wanted to see Emily.
While the doctor went on about the risk factors and such, which Naomi should've been listening to, she stared at the other patients in the same room as her. The two women looked absolutely terrible, worse than her. And the doctor dared to say that they were on the same stage? What stage was that? Balancing death? One girl looked like she was coughing up blood and the other was struggling to stay awake. Seeing her inevitable future, terrified her. Was this was she was to become? Radiating chills ran up her arms and Naomi looked down at her pale bluish hands. Inevitable. Fucking, inevitable.
"Any questions?" Naomi raised her frail hand and the doctor was hesitant on calling on her. "Yes, Campbell?" She cleared her dry throat and looked at the girls next to her before asking. "When can we having visiting hours and well, how long are they?" The two in the room stared at her like she was some type of alien. It had been common since she arrived in the states. "Didn't know you were British," the weak girl whispered next to her and Naomi rolled her eyes. "Shocker," she spoke sarcastically. "Visiting hours are not until tomorrow."
Cold. The doctor didn't seem to care. "So where are they staying?" Naomi asked abruptly and the doctor obviously didn't want to answer her question. "Wherever they decide to stay. We don't provide room and board for non–patients." Hm. Wonderful. She didn't even have a phone to use to get in touch with Emily. "As I said, this CD-47 protein will cause the immune system to attack the cancer cells that are sitting in your body. Rendering you, hopefully, clear of the illness and on to remission." Well, that sounded promising. Naomi didn't believe it. How could she? Sure science had come far, but fucking hell, there was no way that out of 100 people, she'd be the lucky one. Luck hadn't been on her side since… ever.
The doctor was finished and the girls were wheeled to their separate rooms, which were fairly close to each other. Naomi hated that. She hated being grouped into a section with a few people that had the same condition as her. The others, from what she remembered, looked worse. She could read some of the charts that sat on the doors. Leukemia. Over and over, the charts read the same. How was she so lucky to be apart of this? Everyone else had it worse off. For a moment, Naomi wished she could've backed out and let someone who was in a worse situation have this chance. A chance of survival was all these patients had and she was taking that away from someone.
"Here's your room. You may decorate it as you wish. The call button is on the side of the bed. Unfortunately, the cable isn't set up yet… so you'll have to be patient. Your first round of treatment should start within the hour." Naomi thanked her; at least she was nice and willing to nick her another pillow. She left the wheelchair, stubborn as always, she felt she didn't need it. Of course she was weak and needed a break from walking or standing, but she was in her room now and this room needed to be comfortable. Naomi sat at the edge of her stiff bed and looked at the white walls and small window. "No snow," she spoke in a hopeful voice. Naomi lifted her hat from her head and set it to the side. Emily would make this place to her standards with little things. Small pictures, a vase of a single lily. She'd hack into the university's wifi and let Naomi stream some shitty movies on Netflix while sitting with her in bed.
This room wasn't home. Naomi felt less at home here than at the previous hospital. She sniffed. No crying but the feeling like she just had. A runny nose and strained throat. This was her last stop and Emily knew that, even if she didn't want to accept it. Naomi's subconscious streamed useless thoughts and memories from the speech the doctor had given. This trial was supposed to be a five yearlong commitment; people coming and going. Dying and living. 20 million dollars funded to this university, to make a miracle happen. Naomi didn't believe in miracles nor did she believe in fate. The world was a cruel place and punishment was everywhere; good or bad. Everyone was punished for absolutely no reason.
Naomi reached into her suitcase and pulled out the few pictures she had of her mates. Effy and Naomi moving in to their first flat together outside of London. Emily going off to New York for the first time and saying goodbye at the airport. A group photo of everyone from college; Freddie's birthday party that he wasn't at. She smiled, sifting through the old photos to more recent ones. Funny ones, sad ones, and even disappointing ones. Naomi glanced around the white room. No tacks to hang anything. No board or frames. It felt so temporary. Like they had to prepare at any moment to let one person go and another settle in.
"Here's the pillow, dear," Naomi looked up at the nurse and thanked her with a weak smile. "Are we allowed phone calls?" The nurse shook her head. "Not yet." Naomi groaned, which caught the attention of the nurse in a different way. She closed the door, then the shutters. "Okay, the dial code is nine, then you can dial out anywhere. Long distance is free too," she handed Naomi the phone and she smiled, thanking her under her breath. There was one person she needed to call. Someone that wouldn't get the message straight away. She dialed, waited for the odd tone to sound and hit the voicemail after a few rings.
"Hi, this is Effy. I'm not answering now so leave a message."
"Eff… it's me, I wanted to say thanks. You were too kind with the gifts and the money… and I don't know how the fuck you do these things you do, but I really appreciate it. I'm in California now, Stanford. Human testing for a new drug that apparently destroys cancerous cells. Maybe I can be donated to science or something," she laughed into the phone and sniffed. "I miss you. My best mate and all. Call if you can. Write if you can too? Hope all is well. Love you," Naomi lifted the phone from her cheek and hung up.
"Are you okay, dear?" Her nurse asked and Naomi nodded while rubbing underneath her nose. "Yeah, yeah. I'm always all right. I didn't catch your name though?" Naomi moved back on her bed, feeling exhausted from the day of events already. "Oh, Sarah. You can call me Sarah. I'll be your nurse for the entire trial run, so we can be on a first name basis. Naomi, is it?" She pointed to the name tag pinned to her gown. She nodded and sniffed again. "I'll leave you to nap for a bit, then I'll be back to help set you up on your first treatment. Oh, and I'll bump you up to the front of the visitation list if you like?" Naomi shook her head. She wasn't selfish. Seeing the state of the other patients in this trial made her feel more appreciative of her time now. Everyone else deserved that precious time with loved ones. "No, seriously, many other patients deserve it more than I do. I'm fine taking my turn. Honest." She half smiled, not happy, but not disappointed.
Sarah grabbed her chart and tucked it under her arm. "You're a very sweet girl. I'm sorry you're in this position. Life is a bit unfair at times." Naomi sat quietly, agreeing through her fidgeting hands. "That's how it goes right? Good or bad people. Things happen, you get through it or you don't, right?" Sarah agreed, grabbing the handle of the door. "You're also very wise, Naomi. Don't lose that while you're here, okay? Don't lose yourself." Naomi looked over, grabbing her hat from her side and slipping it over her head once more. "I already promised someone I wouldn't." She smiled, happily watching the door close behind the nurses back.