Elsie finished up her meeting with Cora, and after drawing her a bath and setting out her clothes, went downstairs to look for Charles. Her incident with Mr. Tavish pushed out of her mind, all she could think about was seeing Charles again. Touching him, telling him just how much he meant to her. How much she loved him. How much she wanted him. Although that last part may not be needed to tell, after what he witnessed last night. How could he still doubt her feelings for him? Was it not his name on her lips last night? Was it not he who she so willingly let gaze upon her body? At least for a short time, she thinks, as she once again pictures his face as she tossed the sponge at him. She smiled to herself as she knocked on his door, pushing her way in before he answered. She was certain they could clear the air between them and move forward, together.
"Hello, Mr. Carson." She said smiling, as she let herself in. Seeing him at his desk working intently on the ledgers before him.
"Hello, Mrs. Hughes. Can I help you?" He said formally, not looking at her.
She wanted so badly to just say yes and throw herself on him. Sitting herself right down on his lap and showering his face with kisses. You love me, she thought. Why can you not look at me. "Can you look at me please, Charles?" She asked softly.
He was nervous now. What was she in here for? He was so confused by her actions. After last night he was certain she loved him, or at least wanted him. Why was she still seeing that blasted man? He would not be played a fool again. He knew he needed to ask her about the man, what her intentions were. Yet, he couldn't handle the answer if it was not in his favor. He raised his head and spoke. "Mrs. Hughes. I think we should take some time to ourselves. I see that your life has changed while I've been away. Perhaps mine has changed as well. Maybe I have changed my mind about some things. I need some time to think. I told you in my letter we needed to discuss some things. Perhaps we don't. Perhaps we just need a bit of space from each other."
Elsie felt a pain her chest, certainly it was her heart breaking. Pain and confusion filled her. What was he saying? Had he changed his mind about her. She reached into her pocket and touched the letter she had read earlier that day. "I don't understand, Charles. Did you not mean what you wrote to me?"
"I'm sure I did at the time. I'm sure I wished to discuss some matters with you. That may not be the case anymore." He said without emotion, though he could hardly look at her, standing their so beautiful, her lower lip tucked into her mouth. He wanted so badly to take her in his arms and kiss her passionately. Show her how much he truly wanted her. But what if she were to refuse him. To push him away and say she was already claimed by Tavish. He would never recover from the humiliation.
Elsie walked to his desk and withdrew the letter from her pocket. She laid it down in front of him. "Then you are not the man I thought you were, Charles Carson." She said sadly as tears filled her eyes.
Charles stood at this declaration from her. "I...I am not the man you thought I was?" He said calmly, even though upset and confused. He felt as if he was losing his mind. His emotions taking over him he added. "Elsie Hughes, you are most definitely not the woman I thought you were. But it's a hard pill to swallow when you realize all women are the same. You're no better than Alice!" He snapped sharply. "A charming man comes along and off you go, abandoning all human decency and responsibility."
The words stung her to the core. Is that really what he thought. "Decency! You want to talk about decency, and compare me to that horrible woman. I thought after receiving your letter...I can't believe you would take back such a thing? You are cold, Charles. Colder than I ever thought you could be."
"Why is this damned letter so important to you? You keep mentioning this letter as if..." He paused as it dawned on him what letter she could possibly be referring to. He couldn't have? He quickly grabbed it up from his desk, opening it. He scanned the page and his face turned white as a sheet. He dropped it back down on his desk and stared at Elsie. He turned away from her, leaning over his desk and speaking coldly. "I never intended to send this. It was a mistake. It's all a mistake. Go to your Mr. Tavish."
Tears falling down her face, Elsie turned and walked out the door. Her heart broken by the man she loved. Her hopes and dreams for their future shattered around her.
Later that evening, Charles found himself going through the motions of his work. He felt more lost than he ever had in his life. His regrets piled up in his heart. He stood outside the drawing room door. His Lordship and Ladyship the last awake. He paused when he heard Lady Grantham say "Mrs. Hughes" and his ears immediately perked up.
"Oh good! Cora exclaimed. "Finally Carson's stepped out. I've been wanting to tell you all day that I talked to Mrs. Hughes this morning about what we discussed."
"Well, that was quick, darling." Robert chuckled. "Our first day back."
"I just had to know Robert. I would be lost without her. This house would fall down around us." She said dramatically and it caused Carson roll his eyes.
"Yes, you're probably right." Robert responded. "And I dare say Carson would not survive to long without her."
Charles listened, his heart hurting for the way he and Elsie had parted this afternoon. His Lordship was correct. He would never survive without her, and he had just pushed her into the very arms of a man who was more than happy to take her away.
"Exactly!" Cora shrieked. "That is what I'm trying to tell you. I asked her about these rumors we heard. About this estate manager Mr. Tavish. She assured me they were just friends. She said she thought he was kind, decent, and dare I say it. She said handsome." Cora giggled, and Carson stewed angry.
"Who would have thought our Mrs. Hughes." Robert smirked. "Well, she is quite a beautiful woman."
"Robert!" Cora admonished him.
"Well, she is." He said sheepishly.
Outside Charles was grinning at his masters correct assessment of Elsie. She was gorgeous. She deserved to be loved properly.
"But then she looked upset. Said they were never walking out, and there was no understanding. She said she valued their friendship, but things had turned sour just this morning."
Charles listened intently, not wanting to miss a word.
"How so?" Robert asked worriedly.
"Seems he showed his true colors and tried to force himself upon her." Cora said shockingly.
Charles put his hand on the wall to steady himself. His anger rose and he was finding it hard to breath. Elsie had never wanted the man. She was not in love with him. They were not walking out. He would kill the man. He would kill him for touching his beautiful woman. What had he done?
"Is she alright?" Robert asked concerned.
"Yes, she is. Our housekeeper is made of stern stuff. Anyway, Robert. The awful man did intend for more, but she has refused him. I asked her why and she said. 'Personal reasons my lady.' She said she would never leave Downton." Cora paused and smiled at Robert. "Well, I was beyond relieved, but she looked so very sad. I asked if there was more than her job and loyalty to the family keeping her here. She just answered yes very quietly." Robert stared at her curiously, raising his eyebrow. "Oh Robert, I know it's Carson!"
"Honestly, Cora!" The way your mind works. "Why would you even think that? Carson obviously does not return her feeling. Look at the way he behaved towards her today. His second day home and he barely looked at her, let alone spoke with her."
"That's just it, Robert! Don't you see?" She went on. "He is upset because he believes she's leaving him for this man. They obviously haven't spoken of it. Knowing our Carson, he's probably avoided her since he's walked through that door."
Charles could not listen another minute. Cora had understood him and the situation far better than he could himself. How did he make such a mess of things? How did they go so wrong? Why had he not let her speak to him. He kept pushing and pulling back. Always so hard and stubborn. He needed to find her now. They needed to for once and all sit down and listen to each other. He would finally bare his soul to her, and if necessary, beg for her forgiveness and love.
Thanks so much for your continued reading and reviewing :). I seem to have lost a couple of you. Hopefully I will win you over once again. Things should be starting to sort themselves out soon. Thanks for hanging in there with me. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review if you do...or maybe it is time for me to wrap this thing up already? ) Thanks again, Mona xoxo