I'll Defend You If You'll Defend Me?
13
Summary: Becky Jackson is trying to survive high school the best that she can. While Santana Lopez is struggling to accept herself and be proud of the person she has become. Can these two people become friends and help each other succeed?
Pairings: Santana Lopez and Becky Jackson. Other pairings: Rachel Berry and Santana Lopez. Brittany Pierce and Santana Lopez. Quinn Fabray and Brittany Pierce. Also other characters have small parts.
It's important to note, that I do not have Down syndrome, but I am "different". I know what it feels like to feel unworthy at time and like no matter what I try to do it's useless.
I hope you enjoy!
~ Santana ~
Before Rachel and I actually fell asleep we talked and kissed a lot more.
Just before she was excusing herself to change in my bathroom, I whispered, "Can I undress you?"
She stopped, turned around, looked at me, and asked, "You want to undress me?"
"Yes, it would give so much pleasure. Will you let me?"
"Um, really?" she asked hesitated. Then she laughed nervously and hung her head down.
"Yes, Rachel," I said. I walked up to her and lifted her chin up with my fingers.
"I may not be perfect," she said shyly.
"Yes, you are," I said as we looked deeply into each other's eyes.
The world could have been ending around us, but that was insignificant. What truly mattered in those precious moments were Rachel and I.
"How revealing do you want to get, San," she asked lustfully.
"As far as you're willing to go. And you can do the same to me," I answered as we maintained our eye contact. She walked up to me.
"O-o-okay. I just hope that you're not disappointed," she said shyly.
"Rachel," I playfully scolded her.
She leaned up and kissed me full on my lips. She managed to bite my bottom lip as she broke the kiss.
"Jesus…" I moaned in anticipation and softly chuckled.
She smiled at me and I smiled back.
Then I first attended to her button down, pink shirt. With each button, I began to get nervous. I watched her chest as it rose up and down with her breathing. No words were spoken…no words were necessary for this experience. By the time I got to her final button and undid it, I leaned down and kissed her quickly.
After the kiss broke, I started to pull at the sleeve and as it fell off of her shoulder, she turned so I could get the other sleeve down. Once the shirt was off her body, I gently tossed it over the back of my chair. Then I took a moment to look at Rachel. I took her into my memory.
She broke my concentration as she reached for my shirt, which didn't have buttons, but rather was over the head type of shirt. I raised my arms up and felt her lift my shirt from my waist up over my chest, shoulders, and finally my head. When the material was off of my body, I whipped my black hair back and forth until it straightened on its own. She watched me do it and I could see the anticipation in her eyes. I could see her desire for me. Truth be told, this excited me to no end.
Then I started to unbutton her skinny jeans. I fumbled with the button because I'd never undone another person's pants before, just my own.
I got impatient so Rachel's hands covered mine and she guided me in the process of unbuttoning her pants. I smiled and she smiled. Once they were unbuttoned, I unzipped them and then started to push them down her waist and off of her perfect thighs. When they were at knee level, I grabbed her hands and guided her to my bed. I motioned to her to sit on the edge of the bed and she did. Then I got down on my knees and pulled the jeans further down her body until they reached her feet. She lifted one foot up at a time and I pulled each pant leg off of her. Once her pants were completely off of her, I threw them on the floor beside me. I stood up and she stood up from the bed. She grabbed the waistband of my pants and looped her finger through the loop and yanked me closer to her.
She looked down at my jeans and started to unbutton them for me. She did it quicker than I had, but I truly didn't care too much.
"You're a pro," I whispered and grinned.
"Nah," she smiled and whispered, "Just know what I want, is all." She raised her head and looked into my eyes. Then she kissed me passionately. While she was kissing me, she lowered my pants all the way down to my thighs. I shivered at the new coolness, but was in a lustful state overall. She stopped the kiss and pushed me backwards until my behind landed on the mattress. She pulled my pants the rest of the way off.
We suddenly were in our bras and panties. Rachel pulled me up, but I just stood there. She walked over to my bed and unmade it. Then she climbed into it. Instead of lying down in my bed, she knelt on top of it. She looked at the bewildered expression on my face.
"I hope you know that I care about you very, very, very much, Santana. I don't know what my life would be like without you in it. I'm beyond happy I don't ever have to find out. Now I hope you'll understand that I'm just not ready to go all the way right now. I told you that you wouldn't wait long and you won't. I want our first time to be as special as possible…" Rachel said, took a deep breath, and then continued, "Having said all of that, I feel the distinct urge to have you see me…" When she finished her sentence, she wrapped an arm around her back and magically unclasped her bra. The garment fell off of her so easily. She knelt there. She just knelt there. No hiding. No shame. She just knelt there and, in the moments that passed, she shyly smiled a few times.
"I-I- wanted to do that," I said as I was in a sexual, longing trance. Rachel bent over a little and picked up her bra and began to put it back on.
"What are you doing?" I asked as I ran to right in front of the bed.
"Putting my bra back on so you can take it off," she said like it was a known fact.
"You don't…you don't have to do that," I stuttered.
"Really?"
"Yep," I replied shyly.
"Well, can I help you with yours," she asked as she held out her hands to me. Once my hands were in hers, she pulled me closer to my bed and I got in it. I immediately knelt on my bed so that we were face to face. We both smiled at each other. Then I let go of her hands, grabbed her face, pulled her closer to me, and kissed her passionately. She pulled me closer to her as we kissed.
I felt her naked breasts rub against the fabric of my bra. It felt so good, but it made the desire for skin-to-skin contact more present. I broke the kiss and took her hands. I wrapped them around my back. I hugged her as she tried and succeeded at unhooking my bra. I pulled out of the hug just enough so that she could pull the bra off my chest. She threw it on the floor next to the ever-growing pile of clothes. Once she was done doing that, she leaned back and memorized my body in her mind. I felt her eyes as they took in my every curve and every birthmark. She slid her hands up and down my arms as she looked into my eyes. Not one for hogging all the attention, I began to caress her face, neck, and shoulders as I watched her reaction.
"Rachel, I need to feel all of you," I revealed.
She lowered herself down onto my bed and bent her legs and placed her feet on my mattress.
"Take them off," she sweetly instructed and pointed to her lacy red underwear.
"You sure?"
"Yes, Santana, I want you to touch me," she said shyly.
"I promise that I will try very hard to honor your wishes and not go further. Just know that our first time will be amazing. If I feel then what I feel now how can it not be?" I said.
She picked her top half of her body off of my mattress and connected our lips again in an Earth-shattering kiss. Our lips met and instantaneously our tongues met and clashed in a fight for dominance. That fight was unnecessary because no one won. Then I ended the kiss. My hands travelled down to her panties and they guided them off of her body.
Rachel laid there, in all her glory, and didn't say a word. I hovered over her. My eyes scanned every beautiful part of her.
"So…"
"So," I said as my eyes travelled back up to hers.
"Am I a disappointment?"
"Rachel, are you serious?" I asked.
"Yeah, I am," she said shyly.
"You are never a disappointment," I said.
"I know that I'm not beautiful, but what about pretty? I'd settle for pretty…"
"You, Rachel Barbra Berry, are the epitome of beauty and sensuality. I am the luckiest girl in the world right now to be where I am. I don't deserve it, and I know it," I said as I saw a tear stream down her face. I took my thumb and wiped it away.
"Santana, I…I need to tell you something. I don't know how you'll take it so I'm just going to say it before I lose my nerve…" she said and looked me deep in the eye.
"Sure, baby, what is it?"
"I love you," she said simply.
I leaned down and kissed her cheek. When I moved my head back to look her in her eyes again, I said happily, "That's the best news I've ever heard. You love me…you really love me?"
"Yes, Santana, I guess I've felt like this since the beginning in the auditorium when you sang to me. I love you so much, but…"
"But what, Rachel?"
"I hope you know that it isn't because of the situation we're in currently. I really and truly do love you from the bottom of my heart. It comes with no expectations or guarantees. It comes with the knowledge that you may not or aren't quite there yet. So I am willing to wait."
"Rachel," I started. I looked into her eyes and happily said, "I love you!"
"You love me," she asked and pointed at herself. "Are you just saying that to ease my nervousness?"
"I love you. I have for most of my high school career. And no, I'm not saying it now to make you feel better," I said and kissed her forehead.
I lowered my head to her look her in the eyes. Then I lowered my lips to hers. Before I made contact I said, "I…" then I kissed her. "Love." I kissed her again. Then after I said, "You." I went in for another longer kiss. I wanted to give her a proper hug, so while we were still kissing, I moved my body to a sitting position. She followed and sat up. Then, still in the kiss, I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly.
It felt like our two hearts connected and became one. The contact we felt was awesome, but what was more awesome to me was what we said to each other. I'd take that over sex or making love any day of the week.
She broke the kiss and said, "Take your underwear off and kiss me again."
"In that order?" I asked with a sly grin.
"Yes, San, in that order," she said, but laughed.
"OK," I said as I stood up to remove my panties. Then I sat back down on my bed, leaned closer to her, and kissed her passionately.
Somehow she maneuvered herself to sit on my lap. I didn't mind. I needed as much contact as humanly possible right then.
I broke the kiss and looked down. I then said, "You're absolutely beautiful. You do know that, right?"
"I used to not think that, but with your unconditional acceptance, I am starting to," she said as she grabbed my hand and guided it downward from her neck.
Her and my hands began to caress her breasts and she arched her back forward for more contact. She sighed and smiled. Then I was brave enough to move downward again. I reached her bellybutton. I inserted a finger into it.
She smiled and said, "That tickles!"
"Oh, I'm sorry," I apologized and went to take my finger out, but she stopped my movement.
"Santana, it's okay," she said.
"Rachel, I more than anything, would love to go further right now, but we're not ready for that, you agree?"
She nodded her head and said, "Thank you for understanding."
"I love you so it doesn't matter when that happens for us. The most important thing we did tonight was tell each other that we love each other. I loved hearing you say that," I said and smiled.
"I did too and I look forward to hearing you say it for years to come," she said.
"May I put you to bed," I asked timidly.
"Of course," she said and stood up. I bent at my knees and scooped her up bridal style. I walked over to my bed and gently placed her on it. I covered her and kissed her forehead. She hummed in approval. Then I went to the other side of the bed and got in. She immediately grabbed me and pulled me close to her.
"I like to cuddle," she said and grinned.
"Cuddle away," I said as I wrapped my arms around her.
"Good night, my love," Rachel said.
I didn't answer because I had a huge smile on my face as I took in the meaning.
Then I said, "Good night, beautiful," I said as she snuggled next to me.
Then we drifted off to sleep.
~ Rachel ~
The next morning, I turned over to feel her lying next to me, but she wasn't there.
"San," I sat up and yelled into the obviously empty room. I turned my body and found a note on her pillow.
"Good morning, Beautiful, Just stepped out for a bit. Be back later. ~ S."
I flung the sheets off of me and immediately felt the coolness so I ran to get my unused pajamas from last night. I put them on and decided to venture downstairs.
Once I walked into the kitchen I saw Maribel sitting at the table.
"Good morning, Mrs….Maribel," I said cheerfully.
"Ah, that's it," she said as she noticed my almost slip.
"It's going to take time," I apologized.
"Of course, dear, want some coffee?" she said as she got up from the table and got a mug to fill.
"Yes, please," I replied.
"So how was your evening," she asked.
"Oh, God, were we too loud…um, nothing too big happened though," I said quickly.
"Haha! No, no, just a question," she said as she placed the coffee in front of me.
"Whew! We had a splendid night," I said and smiled. I sat in the seat next to hers.
"That's good, Rachel," Maribel said and smiled.
"We announced our love for each other," I said happily.
"Aww, really?" she asked with a warm smile.
"Yes, um, Maribel, may I ask you for your honest opinion?" I asked shyly.
"Rachel, look at me," she said.
I raised my head up to meet her gaze. She had the same beautiful brown eyes that her gorgeous daughter had.
"I want you to know that you never have to ask me that. I am here for you…and my daughter," she said and smiled.
"Even though I love my fathers to death and would do anything for each of them, I've never experienced that 'mother-daughter' bond, I've heard so much about. My biological mother just gave me up without a fight," I said with a shaky voice.
"Well, forget her," she said in total Santana style. "She doesn't know what she's missing. Now you're my daughter. And that isn't dependent upon what happens with you and my daughter. I do hope only positive things though."
"Me too…"
"Spill it," she commanded nicely.
"I just, I just want to know how you'd make sure that she knows how you truly feel," I said.
"Didn't you tell her you loved her," she asked a little confused.
"Yes, I did, but I don't think she believes it…or if she does I don't think she thinks that she worthy of it," I replied with a frown.
"Ok, two things about my darling daughter," she said and laughed, "One, when you tell her something, other than asking her to do something like a chore, she believes you. I imagine that San has waited a lot longer than even she knows to hear you say those words. And the other thing is that, despite her 'Lima Heights Adjacent' persona and who she tries to be, she just wants to be loved and cared for. I tried, as her Mom, to doubly fulfill that desire for her since her father is out of the picture, but I too question if it's not enough…"
"Santana asks nothing of me, but is willing to give me anything and everything. My life has drastically changed, in a good way, because of her. How can I repay her?"
"Don't think of it as 'repaying her' cuz if you do, you'll end up holding it against her in the future, and I know you don't wanna do that, right?" she asked me.
"Of course, I don't," I replied without hesitation.
"Rachel, just love her…love all of her. Be with her through the good and the bad. Love her when she goes through her crap. Love her even when you're fed up with her shit. That is truly how you'll prove and 'repay' her for loving you. You understand?" she said.
Before I could answer her the front door flew open.
~ Santana ~
"Honey, I'm home!" I bellowed out as I entered the house.
"Um, was that intended for me or Rachel?" my Mom yelled back.
"Um, whoever wanted it, I guess," I said as I walked into the kitchen. I was holding two roses.
"Good morning, Mother," I said and kissed my Mom on the top of her head. "This is for you."
She grabbed the red rose and said, "Thank you, Daughter…You're a good influence on her," she said and looked at Rachel.
I ignored their little interaction and banter.
I walked over to Rachel and presented her with her rose. "And this, my dear, is for you," I said and gave it to her. I walked up to her seat and she pulled my shirt down and kissed me sweetly.
"Thank you," she said as she let my lips go.
"Thank you," I repeated totally in shock.
She giggled.
Once I came back down from my Rachel high, I pulled out the third chair and plopped down onto it. "Were you talking about me?"
"Wow! Conceited much," Mom said and laughed.
Rachel burst out in laughter with my Mom.
"I told her about your very first roller coaster ride. You were so nervous that you pooped yourself," she joked.
Rachel raised her hand to her mouth to show her surprise.
"You didn't!" I yelled a little.
"Eh. Cool your jets," my Mom said, "I didn't!"
"Thank God," I said, "I wouldn't want her to go runnin' towards the hills!"
"Santana, I'd never do that," Rachel said as she looked at me.
I just nodded my head.
"So what's on the agenda today, ladies," my Mom asked.
"I thought maybe we'd either have everyone over here or we'd go out to eat somewhere," I offered and looked at Rachel. "Is that cool?"
"Sure," she replied.
"Or…" my Mom said to get our attention. "You could do both. Have everyone come here and then go out. You don't have school or anything until Monday!"
"You are correct. Maybe we could do a sleepover if everyone is free," I suddenly yelled.
"I know Brittany and Quinn are house-sitting for Brittany's parents. I'm not sure what Becky is doing," Rachel said.
I pulled out my cell phone and sent a big text.
"Rachel and I want to have you guys over for a sleepover tonight. The boy is allowed only until 10pm, Puck! If you're down with it, let us know. My chariot is available if needed. ~ S & R" Then I hit send.
Within minutes, my phone buzzed with three messages.
"Q & B are in, along with Becky. Puck will come and drive her and stay until 'Mrs. L. throws me out!'" I said.
"Yay!" Mom said and clapped her hands excitedly.
I then grabbed Rachel's hand and started to walk with her upstairs.
"Oh, Rachel," my Mom called out.
"Yes, Maribel," she said.
"You understand what I mean, right?"
"Absolutely," Rachel said and smiled widely.
Second Author's Note: This chapter flew out of me. I wasn't expecting the events that happened in this chapter to happen. I like writing like this.
I hope you enjoy. PLEASE review!