I walked into school the next morning trying to spot out the raven haired boy, but I didn't find him anywhere. I sighed as I walked to my first class, there would always be public speaking class and lunch. So I went through the first half of my day wondering where Logan was. Normally there was some sign of him at school...but not today. Not so far.

At about 11:30 I walked into the cafeteria and when I glanced at mine and Logan's usual table, he was missing. I sighed, hoping he'd be there by the time I paid for my lunch, but once I was out of line and walking to my usual seat Logan wasn't there. I decided he must not be at school today.

I eased myself into the chair that Logan usually used and I relaxed a little. Just because he wasn't here, that didn't mean it was the end of the world. But I instantly missed our lunch time talks. We'd catch up on what had happened in our classes so far, and Lo would tell me everything he learned in his advanced calculus class. Even though I wouldn't understand 99% of what he was saying I would nod my head and smile because Lo looked so cute when talked about formulas and derivatives.

I sighed as I moved my food around on my plate, suddenly not hungry and wondering if Logan was okay. I wondered if he was sick and if he was, did he have anyone to take care of him? My stomach felt uneasy at the thought of Lo at home in bed with a fever trying to get up and make himself soup or to grab a drink of water. I made a mental note to call him while I walked home from school and just as the memo was made I was pulled from my thoughts by a familiar voice.

"You look a little lonely Los..." Hortencia. I sighed as my amigo sat down across from me. "¿Estás bien?" [Are you alright?]

I nodded my head a little, "Si, simplemente darse Lo que no está en la escuela hoy." [Si, just realizing Lo isn't at school today.]

Hortencia looked down and fiddled with his hands awkwardly, "Usted no tiene que sentarse aquí sola. Se podía comer el almuerzo con nosotros como antes ..." [You don't have to sit here all alone. You could eat lunch with us like you used to...]

I shook my head and denied Hortencia's invitation, "No, gracias, voy a quedarme aquí." [No thanks, I'm just going to stay here.]

Hortencia nodded and stood up and began to walk away. I watched him as he went and sat with our "friends" before looking back down at my plate. I felt bad for saying no, but today wasn;t a good day to try and be friendly with everyone. I wasn't as cheerful as I usually was and I didn't want to bring anyone else down with me.

The rest of the day went by slowly without Logan, especially public speaking. Without the "bad boy: there to distract me resumed to picking on me and making me answer questions in front of everyone.

I tried to push the memories from that class out of my mind as I began walking home. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket and pulled up Logan's contact and pressing call. The phone rang a few times and I began to worry when a familiar voice picked up the other end.

"Hello?"

"Lo..It's Los. Are-Are you okay?"

I heard Logan sigh into the phone, and I could mentally picture him rubbing the sides of his head while he was in deep thought. After a moment he responded, "Yeah Los I'm-I'm fine.."

He didn't sound too convincing and I think even he knew that but I didn't point it out. I simply nodded my head even though he couldn't see. "Well...If you need me to come over there let me know okay? I wouldn't hesitate. And if you're sick you better tell me. I don't want you home all alone trying to take care of yourself."

"Los..."

Logan paused and I held my breath waiting for him to say something else.

"Yes Lo?"

"Ja-James called me last night after I left your house."

I stopped walking. Which was kind of bad because I had been crossing the street and a car honked at me. I started walking again, but slower, and I stayed silent. My mind was going. James, like the James had called Lo last night? What did that mean? I sighed as I found myself at the park, not quite ready to go home.

"Los are you still there?"

"Yeah Lo, I'm still here.."

I could hear Logan mumble something under his breath but I couldn't quite make it out and we sat silent for a while until he said something else.

"He wants to come visit me this weekend," Logan's voice was small and I'm sure if he were with me right now he would hear the sound of my heart cracking and falling apart.

"Oh." Was all I managed to say. "You told him he could come all the way here from Texas?"

Logan sighed again before quietly replying once more, "Um, actually he told me his family is moving to a town not too far from here..."

"Oh." There it was again. As much as I wanted to try and hide the pain in my voice as I spoke, I just couldn't do it.

"Los..."

I interrupted Logan and before I could stop myself I rattled out, "He was your friend Lo. I guess he's going to take my place now. You guys have a lot of history together. I'm sure he still realizes what a mistake it was to let you go. I've only known you for a short amount of time compared to him, and even I know you're worth the world. He's going to want his Lo back. You're going to forget about me.."

"No-No" Now I could see Logan shaking his head madly, "I could never forget you Lo. You've honestly changed my life so much already. Remember, you were my first real friend. The only one who's ever looked out for me and been there for me exactly how I needed.

Then why can James make you miss school? That's what I wanted to ask but I held my tongue and thought a bit longer before saying, "What did he tell you? Just that he was moving this way?"

Logan paused again, "Yeah that..."

I got up and started walking home again, Tomas would be worried if I didn't who up soon. "What aren't you telling me Lo?"

"He-He told me he wants to go on a date. He wants to know if we still have a spark-"

"You told him yes." I interrupted Logan and I didn't even realize it. I found myself so mentally upset with myself for even thinking I could just go for it today.

Logan's voice grew small again, "Yeah..."

I shook my head as I walked up my front porch and put my key in the door, "It's none of my business Lo, but it kinda sucks that you would rather go out on a date with someone who's treated you badly in the past than someone who would never do something like that to you ever."

I cursed at myself under my breath as I pushed the door open and walked inside.

Logan stayed quiet for a long time, probably over analyzing what I said and trying to figure out what I meant. "Los..."

"Lo I just got home and Tomas needs help with Lali and Lia. Tell that jackass I said hey." And I hung up the phone.

What's wrong with me? Why does this happen to me? Everyone I need just goes away. Papi left me and now Lo was going to run back to James. Pathetic.

I heard the sound of footsteps running toward me and I put on the best fake smile I could muster as he twins ran up to me and threw their arms around my waist, "Los, we missed you!" I chuckled and picked the girls up and carried them to the kitchen for a snack. At least they wouldn't hurt me. They were still so cute and innocent.

After finally settling the twins down I sat down in my room to do my homework. No matter how much I tried I couldn't focus, but I needed to. If I was ever going to be like my Papi I had to have good grades. So, even though it took much longer than usual, I finished my math and revised my speech...suddenly very glad I had decided to talk about Papi before lying back against my floor and relaxing.

I didn't even realize I had dozed off until I felt Tomas lightly kicking me in the side, "Los, Los time to get up bro. Moms home and she made dinner."

I groaned as I sat up, not wanting to face Tomas. This must have shown because he was soon asking me if I was okay.

I nodded and mumbled, "Just Logan.." before standing up and walking past Tomas.

But before I could get out of the room he gently grabbed my hand, "What did he do? Did you tell him?"

I shook my head as I felt tears in my eyes, "No...Tomas, hie ex-boyfriend is moving a few towns away. They've already planned a date."

Tomas looked at the ground, "Oh."

I just looked down at the ground too, "That's what I said..."

Tomas came a little closer and wrapped me up in a hug, "I still think you're the best big brother. And anyone who doesn't see that doesn't deserve to have you as their boyfriend. But I still know he's into you. Maybe he's just scared he'll get hurt again..."

I shook my head as I buried my face into Tomas's shoulder and allowed myself to cry. "He already made his choice. He didn't even give me a chance."

Tomas sighed as he pulled back and walked across my room to grab me a few tissues and pushing me to the steps. "Come on Los, you need a good home cooked meal."

After dinner I'll admit I felt a little better, but still not good. I heard Tomas tell mom that I wasn't in a good mood but to not ask me about it just yet when he helped her get everyone's plates. She simply nodded and kept a watchful eye on me at dinner and I was grateful for that. I didn't want to talk to anyone else about Logan, not yet.

But now as I lay my bed, it was almost scary how much I had grown attached to my taller friend. I sighed as I pulled the blanket up over my chest and rolled over on my side. I felt my phone vibrate and against my will I reached out and grabbed it.

I unlocked the screen and saw the message was from "Lo:)!" as I had him named in my phone.

Logan: Los...are you still up?

I thought about not responding but I couldn't do that to Logan...especially if he really needed me.

Carlos: Yeah, I'm still up.

I sighed as I sat back up in bed so I wouldn't fall asleep as I waited for a response.

Logan: You're really mad at me...

Carlos: I just didn't expect things to change so fast.

Logan: Would it help if I said you and that guy you had the crush on could do a double date with me and James?

Carlos: He's not interested. So no.

Logan: How do you know? I thought you hadn't told him yet.

Carlos: I haven't but now I don't need to.

Logan: Los...

Carlos: I don't want to talk about it Lo. Today I was ready to tell him. But something came up. And he made it pretty obvious it wasn't me he wanted.

Logan: Do you think he's just scared someone as amazing as you could really, really treat him well?

Carlos: I don't know. Maybe he just likes jerks.

Logan: Maybe he knows a really great guy but he's terrified to kiss him...

Now I was really confused. Was Logan talking about me? Did he want to kiss me? Why wouldn't he just go for it? I sighed as I thought of what to say back to him. Finally figuring it out.

Carlos: Maybe if he wasn't so scared of something new and he took a chance, he would know what it felt like to be fully accepted and appreciated.

Logan: Maybe he thinks you'll take the chance for him...he's not very good at taking risks..

That one got me thinking. So Logan WAS talking about himself. I smiled, realizing I had a chance. I just had to get him away from James.

Carlos: There's still the issue of him being interested in someone else...

This response took longer than all the others. I was sure Logan had fallen asleep. So I lay back down and put my phone next to my head on my pillow so just in case I would hear it go off. Just as I got comfortable my phone vibrated again.

Logan: Tell him how you feel. Maybe that other person won't matter so much once you do. He's a lucky guy Carlos.

Carlos: Hopefully he realizes that. He kind of crushed me tonight. I'm going to sleep Lo. It's late. Goodnight.

Logan: Goodnight Los...Sleep tight. I'll see you tomorrow.

I set my phone back on my dresser and rolled onto my back so I could stare up at the ceiling. What was going to happen tomorrow when I saw Los? What if he didn't really like me? What if he was just honestly trying to determine why this "secret" guy I like would prefer someone else over me?

I woke up when I felt someone crawl into bed with me and I felt their little hands wrap around my waist. "Lwos?" I sighed as I reached down and wrapped my arms around Lali.

"What's wrong Lali?" I used my other hand and rubbed my eyes sleepily before glancing at my clock. It was almost time for me to get up and get ready for school, so I decided not to be upset at my little sister.

She cuddled a little harder into my chest, "Are you okway? At dinner you seemed swad and I cwouldn't sweep if you're swad."

I sighed as I sat up and put Lali on my lap and smiled at her and wiped a few tears off her face, "I'm okay Lali, I promise." She studied my face for a minute before smiling.

"Owkay Lwos...will you make me ceweal now?"

I chuckled as I picked the small girl up and walked to the kitchen, "How about I make us both some cereal."

I walked into school, stomach full from all the cereal as Lali had insisted we each have seconds, and scanned the crowd for Lo. When I didn't see him I kept walking to my first class. I avoided bumping into people and smiled at the few people I made eye contact with.

I couldn't help but feel bad that Lali said she couldn't sleep because of me and I had left abuelo a note to make sure she got a really good nap today to make up for it. I didn't think it was so obvious that I was upset, but then again my family is really good at reading each other. Even Lali and Lia were good at it.

I felt a light tap on my shoulder and turned to see a half smiling Logan. He looked a little guilty and a little upset, "Hey Los.."

I gave a small smile in return, "Hey Lo.."

He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck and he began walking with me, "Can we-Can we talk at lunch?"

I sighed and tried not to glance over at him, "Yeah..."

He stopped as we reached the door to my classroom, "Okay...I really am sorry Los.."

That caught my attention, was he apologizing for James? "Why are you sorry?" I raised an eyebrow out of curiosity.

Logan replied softly, "For not being brave enough.." and with that he turned and walked down the hallway to his own class. I watched him go and wished he had given me the opportunity to say something else.

I would have told him it was okay...because I'm not brave enough either. But I wanted to be.

As I sat down in my seat and class began I couldn't help but think that maybe that was why he was going back to James. Because with James in a totally different city Lo wouldn't have to face coming out to our classmates. No one would have to know as long as he and James went on dates in whatever town James was moving to.

That had to be it. Even though Lo didn't want to be, he was still scared of coming out at school. He didn't want people to judge him. He didn't want to be bullied again.

I walked into lunch, half expecting to see our table empty again. But Logan was there, pulling his homemade lunch out of his backpack and I couldn't help but stand and watch him for a moment. There was no going back after this, but he needed to know how I felt.

Logan looked up and caught my gaze and I sighed quietly before walking over to the table and sitting down.

"Lo.."I started out the conversation, not being able to hold back my curiosity. "You know even if you're not brave enough right now...I can wait.."

"Los I just...I just don't know right now. A week ago I would have jumped at the chance. You're amazing.." Logan smiled at me weakly before continuing, "but now-"

"James." I finished the sentence for him looking away. I felt the tears swelling up in my eyes but I didn't want Lo to see me cry.

"Yeah...James."

We sat there awkwardly for a bit. Both of us staying silent and picking around out food. I decided to ask a question, "But if James hadn't texted and called you...would I have had a chance?" I sounded more upset than I meant to, my voice cracking on the last few words.

"You still have a chance Los...but you deserve more than what I can give you right now. You deserve someone who can proudly be your boyfriend and not be afraid of being judged. I'm still too scared for that."

"But with James in a another city you can still pretend to be straight here...no one will have to know." Logan nodded his head. I felt like I was going to puke.

"I-I want you to meet him..." Lo spoke softly, he was obviously nervous.

"Why?" I came off a little harsher than necessary but I knew Lo would figure out I ws still just upset.

"I want you to be honest in your opinion of him...if you meet him and you honestly think he's no good for me, I want you to tell me that."

"And what if I think he is good for you?" I looked down at my tray and fought the tears a little harder.

"I don't know Los..."

"This isn't fair...this isn't fair at all." The lunch bell rang and I stood up before Logan could respond and headed out of the cafeteria quickly. I ran to the bathroom and barely made it into a stall before the contents of my lunch resurfaced.

This was what it felt like to be crushed by the person you knew was meant for you.

During public speaking Lo wasn't taking very many notes and I knew our previous conversation was still on his mind, much like it was still on mine. Maybe if I had just confessed to him sooner how I felt things would be different right now. James would have called him and we would have just laughed it off. But that's not what happened.

After class Logan simply asked if he could walk home with me and I nodded my head.

So here we were, walking slowly together as we made our way to my house. Los broke the silence, "You don't have to...you know meet him..if you don't want to.."

I shook my head, "I don't mind. You want advice. I'll be honest. Even if it hurts me more."

"I really like you Los...since day one you've just inspired me and I've never felt like that before..."

"Logan please..."

He sighed as we walked up to my front door, "I'm going to go home. I need to do some processing. I meant it though Los...you've inspired me." We stood awkwardly on my porch for a moment before Logan leaned up and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning and walking down my front steps and towards his house.

My cheek burned where he had placed the gentle kiss and I couldn't stop my hand from rising to touch the place where his lips had been.

I can't let James take him from me, I don't care how long they've known each other. Lo was supposed to be with me...he was made for me. I wiped another tear away as I opened my front door and walked in, cautious of what the future held for me.

Please tell me what you think guys! And thank you for all the support so far!:)