I thought about skipping public speaking. I could hide in the bathroom and let go of all the tears I had been holding since walking to school this morning. But I remembered my grade in that class, and I remembered Papi. I still wanted him to be proud of me. So I sighed as I walked toward 's class. I walked slowly and I avoided the eyes of anyone I knew. I just wasn't my usual cheery self today, and I hadn't been since last Saturday.

I peeked into the room and was relieved to see Logan wasn't there yet. I allowed my feet to take their usual route. I plopped down in my seat and pulled my next speech from my bag. I waited for class to start, tapping my foot nervously. I kept my eyes on the speech I had written, very unsure about the words but knowing that they needed to be said.

As expected, only a few short minutes later Logan was in the seat next to me. He was quiet. I watched him from the corner of my eyes. He glimpsed over at me before he started pulling his things from his backpack. I noticed him pull a carefully prepared speech from his bag and lay it on his desk. Suddenly I was curious. What could it be about? I wondered what Logan honestly regretted.

I didn't have to wait long because as soon as the bell rang, was in the room. He let us know we were starting on speeches immediately so that we could move through them at a quicker pace. He called on Logan, saying he could go first.

Logan shifted rather uncomfortably in his chair as he got out of his seat. He hesitantly grabbed the speech as he walked to the front of the room. The confidence he usual dawned was somewhere else and in its place was a scared teenage boy.

"Regret."He started off with a chuckle at the mention of the word, "Regret is defined as a sense of loss among other things. But I would like to focus on the feeling of loss. We lose things everyday right? Logan looked around the room, his eyes not quite focusing on me as they made their rounds. When he was satisfied with the pause he continued, "So why do we regret losing some things while other things we don't even notice are gone? For instance, I regret losing my favorite skateboard one day when I broke it out riding with my friends. I regret losing the recipe to my grandmother's semi famous cheesecake. I regret losing a lot of the friends I had in Texas. But there are things I have lost but I do not regret. I do not regret losing the people who hated me in Texas. I do not regret losing the sense of helplessness and loneliness I once had. There are probably hundreds of things I have lost without even realizing it. However, I believe we can regret things we never had. I regret never loving as hard as I should. I regret not loving the right things, the things that I know would be good for me in the long run. I regret some of the chances I can't drag myself to take. I regret not taking those chances with the people who have made my life mean something. I regret being selfish. Nevertheless, regret stirs up anguish and heartache inside of us. It can consume us and make us feel invisible, to ourselves even. So I try not to focus on my regrets. I take pleasure in the things that once brought me delight. Even if those things regret having me around, I know I will always value them. Always. "

When Logan finished, everyone sat kind of stunned. It was a few seconds before we realized he was finished and the clapping began. Logan shrugged as he walked back to his seat. I refused to look at him. I refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing his words had an effect on me.

I regret not loving the right things, the things that would be good for me in the long run.

I took in a sharp breath.

I regret not taking chances with the people who made my life mean something.

Another sharp breath. I felt like the world was collapsing in on me.

"' ? ?" I shook myself out of my trance as I looked up at . He sighed as he scowled at me, "Would you like to give your speech now."

I nodded nervously as I moved to the front of the room. I took my spot behind our podium and arranged my papers. I took in a sharp breath before beginning, "Regret is something that can mean 'to feel uneasy about' or to 'mourn' the loss of something. I've previously talked on the subject before, but there's a different level to this topic. I regret not taking advantage of having my Papi around when I did." I sighed as I pushed back a few tears before continuing, "I think of him all the time when I come across something any other teenage boy would need his father's advice for. Recently, I have come across a lot of emotions I'd rather not share the details of. Through all of these emotions I have been deeply wishing I had my father with me to help guide me in some sort of direction. But when I look back on all the times we did have together I have to smile. I think of him pushing me on the swing set and him teaching me how to catch fireflies when I was five years old. I may always regret the time we don't have, the time that was stolen from us, but I think that has helped to shape me into the carefree person I am today. Life is too short to stay angry, to be jealous, and to keep hate in your heart. The people you love can be snatched away from you in an instant. While I regret the time we didn't have, I know that somewhere, my Papi is looking down on me and smiling."

I finished the speech feeling somewhat defeated. My speech was no where near as moving as Logan's. There was no way it could be. I knew that. So when my speech ended, and the normal, required clapping began, I picked up my notes and trudged back to my seat. I plopped down without a glance to Logan and I tried to focus on the other speeches about regretting silly, trivial things. One girl talked about how she regretted not buying a shirt she saw in a store. Another guy talked about how he regretted giving his dog chocolate, even though his dog survived.

When the time came for to pass back our grades and sighed. I brought my elbows up to my desk and lowered my face into my hands. I refused to move them even when he placed the paper down on my desk. The only thing that gave me the strength to move was when said, "Nice job ." At that I raised and eyebrow and peeked through my fingers. A large smile spread across my face when I saw the A- looking back at me.

We did it Papi. I thought to myself as I picked the paper up and glanced at my teacher's comments before storing the paper away and grabbing my backpack as the bell rang. I had momentarily forgotten my issues with Logan as I made my way to the door of the classroom but I was stopped just shy of the doorway by a hand on my shoulder.

"Los..."

I sighed as I took a breath and turned around slowly. I raised an eyebrow at Lo who was looking at me once again with pleading eyes. "Can we talk? Please? Not now...after school?"

I just nodded my head before turning again, I took a few extra steps before looking over my shoulder and saying, "What ever will make you happy Lo."

A few hours later I was waiting by the entrance of the school with my backpack. I was biting my lip and looking around frantically. When I least expected it I felt a gentle touch on my shoulder and a soft voice in my ear, "You waited.."

I turned and Logan was there. I gave him a small smile as I began walking. He followed and I spoke up, "Of course I did. You wanted me to."

Logan looked over and raised an eyebrow, "Didn't mean you'd actually do it." His voice was small and he looked fragile.

I refused to acknowledge this because I knew as soon as I did I would pull him into me and wrap my arm around his shoulder and tell him everything was okay, when everything was definitely not okay. "What'd you want to talk about." I mumbled halfheartedly.

Logan sighed next to me and pulled me across the street to the park that was near our houses. We walked until we reached a big tree and Logan pulled me on the ground next to him. "I wanted to talk about the other day..." Logan looked to me for reassurance and I just nodded my head. "I'm sorry I freaked out like that and ran away. I just wanted to figure this out, so I can stop tormenting you and James. It isn't fair to either one of you. There is definitely something between us," Logan took my hands in his and placed them in his lap carefully before he sucked in a hard breath and broke his pause. "But there is something between me and James and I think I want to explore that." At this Logan squeezed my hands for a long time, "I want to make sure before I come to you...if I come to you, that any feelings I have for James are gone. I don't ever want to be on a date with you or kissing you or anything like that and he come into my mind. I want to give you the time and the consideration you deserve Los. You're fucking amazing, anyone would have to be stupid not to see that. Right now though, I want you as my friend, my amazing best friend. If-if that's okay."

I nodded my head, unaware of the liquid sorrow running down my face until Logan reached up and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand, "Please Los don't cry. I didn't mean for this to happen."

I shook my head frantically from side to side, "No one ever does."

Logan placed both of his hands on the side of my face and pulled me in for a kiss. I was surprised, shocked, and a little angry that he would be kissing me right now, but I didn't pull away. I fell into the kiss as always, Logan's lips moved gently against mine and I felt him sigh into the kiss before pulling away. He pushed our foreheads together and whispered, "Wait for me?"

I stared deep into his chocolate eyes, searching for an answer, an answer I couldn't find. "What if you don't come back?"

He sighed and pecked my lips again, "Then move on Los. Find someone worth your time. If it can't be me, you must have one amazing guy out there waiting to find you."

I grabbed his hands and pulled them back up to my face and placed his palms flat down against my cheeks before locking our fingers together, "Looking would be a waste of my time."

An hour later was I in my room kicking my shoes off. Heartbroken and confused, I laid down on my bed and turned on my side. What would this mean for our friendship? I assumed we wouldn't be seeing each other as much, Logan would now be busy with James. I sighed as I roughly rubbed my hands over my face. Since when did I get caught up on anyone? I never even had a real crush before, but this, this was both excruciating pain and overwhelming ecstasy.

When I found myself getting too comfortable and dozing off I remembered my homework. I sighed as I rolled over onto the floor and pulled my backpack over into my lap. I laid my books out and got to work, only stopping when madre knocked on my door and told me dinner was ready.

I finished up the last bit of homework before going downstairs. Tomas, Lali, Lia, and madre were all at the table waiting for me to join them when I reached the table. I apologized and took my seat at the table before we began passing the food around. Tomas and I helped Lali and Lia put food on their plates before taking some for ourselves and madre served herself last. For a few minutes everyone was quiet except for a few groans of pleasure from the food.

As I went in for seconds, Tomas spoke up, "How're things going bro? You came in from school and went straight to your room."

I took another bite before responding, "It's okay. Just a little confused about some things."

Now it was madre's turn to speak up, "What kinds of things. nino?"

"Logan things."

At this Tomas and madre looked at each other and nodded their heads. Tomas dropped his head back to his food, "Sorry bro, I didn't know-"

I shook my head, "Nah Tomas it's okay. I think we kind of settled things...for now."

"Happy ending?" My madre asked. Now Lali and Lia were listening to the conversation, although I knew they probably didn't understand the complete depth of the situation.

"Um, not yet I guess. But at least I know where I stand. We're friends. Just friends."

Madre nodded before taking another bite of her own food, "Just keep being there for him nino. He needs a real friend. You've been that for him so far, don't back away now because of this other boy. Whoever he is, Logan seems to trust you more."

I nodded and finished my second plate, just as everyone else was finishing what they were currently eating. "I know madre, it's just hard. But I want him happy, so if this is it. Then I'll be his friend."

Madre reached out and took my hand and squeezed it gently, "You really are the sweetest Carlos."

I fumbled for a way to respond to that, not really sure how to kept telling me how great I was, but I was ending up with nothing to show for it. "Papi would be proud." This statement came from Tomas. He was looking at me sympathetically and I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"Thank you. Both of you."

"Lwos, Lwogan is still gonna come play right?"

"Yeah Lwos, we like when Lwogan comes over here. He's a lwotta fun."

Lali and Lia pouted as they drank the rest of their juice from their small glasses.

"I think so girls. He likes seeing you guys too."

The girls giggled as they got up from the table and ran off to their room to play with their dolls. I sighed as I stood up from the table and began clearing the dishes with Tomas. Madre put the food in containers and placed them in the fridge. The three of us remained silent, deep in our own thoughts, until we went to our three separate rooms for the night.

Thirty minutes later, I was coming out of the shower and was only in a towel. I went into my room and began looking for boxers to slide on when I heard my phone ringing. I looked over at the device, expecting the call to be from Hortencia, demanding an explanation for my behavior at lunch, but it was Logan.

I huffed as I quickly pulled a t-shirt over my head before answering the call, "Hello?"

"Los, hey, you're still awake." Lo seemed anxious and I heard some shuffling in the background like he was laying down on his bed.

I chuckled lightly, "Yeah, it's only eight-thirty Logan."

"Logan." I heard Lo repeat his name softly, I honestly almost missed it before he continued, "Would your mom let you stay here again?...I-I'm lonely. I want my friend..."

"Why don't you call James?" I asked this honestly. If he had chosen James, why couldn't James fill Logan's loneliness?

"I want you. For tonight. Please Los. I know I sound pathetic and needy and probably crazy because of our conversation earlier. But you can help me with this better than he can. And he's over thirty minutes away and you're right around the corner. Please."

There was something different in the way Logan was asking for me to come over. He wasn't really asking, he was begging me to come. As much as I wanted to, as much as I wanted to hang up the phone and pretend he never asked, I couldn't.

"Hold on, I'll ask madre."

"Thank you Los. Thank you." I placed the phone on my pillow gently before getting up out of bed.

I put on a pair of shorts before exiting my room and going down the hall to my madre's room. I knocked lightly and heard her tell me I could come in. I walked in and she was in her bed reading a book. She looked over the cover of the book as I sat on the edge of her bed and fiddled with my hands nervously.

"What is it niño?" She put her bookmark between the pages and sat her book on the bed while waiting on my response.

"Logan called, he um wants to know if I can come stay at his house again? I guess his parents aren't there and he's lonely. He said he needed his friend."

"What did you tell him Carlos?" my mom's brows were pushed together empathetically.

"That I would ask you..."

My madre sighed loudly before looking over at the place where my father used to sleep. "Do you promise to be on time for school in the morning?" I nodded my head. "Then you can go, but call me as soon as you step foot in his house so that I know you got there safely." I stood up and started walking to the door, "Niño?" My mother called out I turned and faced her again, "Please be careful. Both physically and with your heart. Remember where he's told you he stands."

I nodded my head and made my way back to my bedroom, gently shutting the door before I picked my phone up again, "Lo?"

Logan released a breath he was holding, and I suddenly wondered if he had been holding that breath the entire time I was gone, "Yeah?" he breathed.

"She said yes, I'll be over in the next thirty minutes."

"Thank you Los. Really."

"Whatever will make you happy Lo."

Logan sighed into the phone before hanging up again and I did the same. I sat on the edge of my bed for a few minutes before packing a small bag and grabbing my backpack. I went back down the hallway to tell my madre goodnight and stopped in Tomas' room along the way to say the same. A few minutes later, I was out the door and on my way to Logan's house.

The trees rustled in the night wind, the breeze kissed the side of my face, and I breathed deeply. "Thank you for the support Papi." I whispered as strolled onward to meet the boy who held my heart.

Fifteen minutes later I was walking in the front door of Logan's house. As I hung up the phone from calling my madre to let her know I had arrived safely i took I took in a deep breath as Lo lead me to the kitchen where he had been eating his "dinner." That is, if you call a peanut butter and jelly sandwich dinner. He took his place at the island in the kitchen, doing a little jump to get on the taller chair. I stood on the other side of the island watching him quietly.

Logan took small bites and chewed them carefully. After his last bite he wiped his mouth with the napkin he had near his plate and looked up at me with sad eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time today. "Thanks again for coming Los."

I shrugged as I shifted on my feet awkwardly, "No problem."

Logan sighed and shook his head but said nothing. He stood up and put his plate in the sink. He came around to where I was standing and grabbed my hand. Soon I felt myself being pulled to the living room where Logan pulled me down onto the couch next to him. He flicked the tv on and put it on some channel I had never seen before. I honestly wasn't paying attention to the show because I couldn't help but take glances at Logan from the corner of my eye.

Logan looked over at me and gave me a weak smile, "I'm lucky to have you."

I gave him a weak smile back, "Whatever will make you happy Lo."

At this he frowned and reached out for my hand, "You keep saying that Los...don't be so worried about me. What do you want?"

I shut my eyes tight and squeezed Logan's hand, "This." I opened my eyes slowly to see that Logan looked deep in thought before pulling his hand away.

"Did you mean it when you said you'd wait for me?" I nodded my head as I stared at the sudden emptiness between my fingers. "Then please wait Los. I know that is so much to ask of you. I know it may be hard to see me happy with James. I know it may be hard to see me happy with anyone else. But wait for me."

I nodded my head but shut my eyes again. I squeezed them even tighter than before but soon I felt arms wrapped around me squeezing me even tighter. "I need a friend, you're the best friend I've ever had."

I nodded into his shoulder as I let a few tears fall, "I know Lo. I''m trying."

Lo pulled away and smiled at me before pulling me off the couch and up to his room. "Let's get some sleep, or your mom and my mom will kill me."

I nodded again as Logan went to go change into his pajamas. I changed quickly in his room and suddenly I didn't know where to go. Was I supposed to get in Logan's bed again? Or should I sleep on the floor tonight? All those thoughts were taken from and my answer became clear when Logan playfully shoved me on the bed.

He gave me a sideways smirk as he jumped onto the bed with me and tackled me down, "You're not sleeping on the floor. No friend of mine sleeps on the floor!" I chuckled as I pushed him off me and rolled over on my side.

"Promise it won't be weird?" I felt silly for asking, but if we woke up in a similar fashion to the last time we shared a bed, I needed to know.

Lo rolled over on his side to face me and reached over to pull us closer together. "It's only weird if you make it weird."

Our faces were only a few inches apart and I had to close my eyes again to continue asking questions. "He won't mind?"

Logan reached over and put a hand on my hip, "He's not my boyfriend Los. But yeah I'm sure he would mind to know we were sleeping in the same bed. But it's not like we're going to do anything right?" Logan sighed, "Los open your eyes please. Look at me..."

I opened my eyes slowly and took in a harsh breath as Logan put his lips to mine, "I promise this is the last time." he said when the kiss ended. "I can't keep kissing you and pretending like it isn't affecting you. From now on, just friends, okay?" Lo gave me a sideways smirk again and I groaned internally.

"Whatever will make you happy Lo.'" At this Logan frowned and pulled me down on the bed. I laid on my back and Logan curled up into my chest.

We laid like that for a while and I focused on the quiet sounds of cars passing by and crickets chirping outside of Logan's window. I leaned over into Logan's hair and took a deep breath. My body relaxed as I felt Logan's breathing become gradual, drawn out breaths. I kissed the top of his head and whispered to him as well to myself, "Whatever will make you happy Lo."

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