Chapter 6: Let's Make a Deal

By Japanese Teeth

With all the safety precautions we are taking, check this, check that, you have to stand back and say: Damn! I'm lightin' salamis man! I'm making a rocket out of meat!

- Adam Savage

Negi attempted to swallow the lump in his throat, and failed miserably. There were perhaps only two people on the Mahora campus who could ever cause him to experience the kind of terror that he was experiencing. The first of those was Chizuru. Sure, she was kind, and gentle, and good with children; but that gleam she got in her eyes when she had a leek in her hand...even Jack Rakan's blood would run cold at the mere sight of that.

Maybe he should have brought her along for backup. Set his two great fears against each other. Maybe then his request would actually be granted. Why on earth had ever proposed this idea in the first place? He took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Good morning, Negi-sensei." One of Eva's robot maids poked her head out of the door. "What brings you to our cottage today?"

"I...uh...I have a request to make of Master...perhaps you could help me convince her. It concerns Project X...and her potential...habitation..."

"Oh, I see." The maid stared blankly as she waved Negi through the doorway. "Please take a seat. Would you like some tea?"

"S-sure."

"I'll let Mistress know that you're here." She disappeared into the basement.

Negi made a vain effort to stop his hands from shaking as he sipped the tea. He had made requests of Evangeline before, but nothing that would inconvenience her quite this much. He should have just pulled rank and stuck Project X in Chisame's room. She'd get used to it. Eventually.

"What is it, boya?" Eva stomped out of the basement, dressed in an excessively fluffy pink bathrobe and in the process of wrapping her hair in an enormous towel. "I was in the middle of a bubble bath." Negi slouched a bit as she glared at him. "Couldn't you have called ahead or something?"

"Apologies, Master." He bobbed his head in supplication. "I have something to request of you..."

"So let me get this straight: Hakase and Chao created an anatomically correct teenage girl robot, stuffed the thing full of as many weapons as they could get their hands on, but it turns out that it has the intelligence of an infant."

Negi nodded.

"And now you want it to live in my resort."

He nodded again.

"Despite the fact that I was completely unrelated to this whole mess in any way?"

Nod.

"And the reason you want her here is because it's potentially too destructive to keep anywhere else."

Nod.

"So you want to keep it here."

Nod.

"You had better have some damn good reasons for this."

"W-well..." he stuttered, "There are so many weapons that it would be dangerous to keep her in the dorms. And your resort gets blown up every time we have a training session, so it won't be that much of a problem. And this way she'll be with her family. Kind of. I guess."

"Family?" Eva raised an eyebrow.

"Well, Haruna says that since you, Hakase and Chao are sort of Chachamaru's mommies, then that would make Project X Chachamaru's sister. And you would be some sort of aunt."

"Are you crazy!-?" She put a hand to her forehead. "Why on earth would I want to be involved in any of this? You people meddle in my life enough without making me babysit a weapon of mass destruction!"

"Mistress..." Chachamaru put a hand on Evangeline's shoulder. "Negi is right. As far as we can tell, Project X is as much of a person as I am, and she ought to have some sort of a family."

"Okay, fine." She stood up and strutted over to the sofa. "I'll make you a deal, boya." She slumped down on the couch. "You do something for me, and I'll let the robot live here."

"Thank you, Master!" Negi jumped to his feet and bowed deeply. "I'll do whatever I can."

"Fine, then." Eva grinned. "Come here." She slowly drew back the bottom of her robe, exposing her leg as she extended it in Negi's direction. "You can start by sucking on my toes, and we'll go from there."

"LIKE HELL YOU WILL!" There was a crash as Eva's door flew open, revealing Asuna standing on the threshold.

"Why are you here?" Eva groaned. "And why did you have to do that to the door? Couldn't you just knock?"

"I heard Negi was coming to see you and figured that I should keep an eye on him." She glared daggers at the girl on the couch. "Especially since you try to pull crap like this every time you're alone with him."

"Asuna, she's not going to let Project X stay here if you keep doing things like that!" He pointed at the door, which now hung by a single hinge. He turned back to Eva. "I'm sorry about that. I'll still do anything that you-"

"Oh shut up." Eva held up a hand. "I'll still let the robot live here. But you still have to do something for me. First..." She pointed at Asuna. "She pays for a new door. Then I have another task for you."

"What is it?" Asuna narrowed her eyes.

"Relax. I just want you to pick up a book for me from Library Island. Albireo heard that I wanted it for something and went and hid it, the bastard." She sighed. "You bring me the book I want, and the robot gets to move in. Deal?" She held out a hand.

"Deal." Negi gave her hand a shake. "Now what book is it that you want?"

Eva grinned as she scribbled something onto a post it note before offering it to Negi.

"Have fun."