Author: Still alive. Here's a preview of what I have planned next.

Glorious

Tori's secret is exposed and Jade has her by the balls.

Chapter Four Preview - Strategy and Tactics

I don't think there's such a thing as 'evil' or 'pure evil'. I don't harass, threaten, lie, or cheat in service to some dark lord or a malevolent, cosmic spirit. Extortion is just a means to an end. I know I say I hate people, but people are just obstacles. Some people are slightly less annoying obstacles. Some obstacles are annoying, horny, jealous, whiny, dimply teenage girls that need to be put in their place.

I tell Beck to come find me at my locker after homeroom. He sends a text back saying 'alright' and I head off to class merrily. Can't you see the smile on my face?

Mr. Nichols is very attractive if you ask the other girls. If you ask me, he's average. I already did some digging on him and found out that he's some highschool dropout who shanghaied a job at Hollywood Arts. He got the job because of some woman named Megan who recommended him. He's too hare-brained to be a serial killer. He's intelligent enough to be the unwitting star of his little sister's web show, "Doing Things To Drake While He Sleeps" dot com.

He's a music teacher because he used to play in a band with his stepbrother as his manager. I watched School of Rock when I was a kid, so I already know where this is headed. There's even a girl in our class named 'Summer. I hate her. Her parents should have named her 'Winter.

But ignoring Mr. Nichols for thirty minutes is easy enough when you spend that thirty minutes playing Angry Birds Texas Chainsaw Massacre on my Pearpad. In this version, you launch birds around a giant version of Leatherface swinging his chainsaw, while trying to knock over the poorly-constructed fort of the villainous green pigs. I fling one and miss awfully, and the bird is dashed into chicken cutlets. I fling again, and miss terribly, and the second bird meets the same fate. I fling again, and terribly, that little birdie goes to heaven.

I hear my name, once Mr. Nichols starts the daily role call. "Jade West?" he calls.

"Here," I shout.

And yes, my hand is still very warm and moist. Before I meet with Beck, I need to wash my hands.

Homeroom passes and the bell screams at us to leave the room. I head to the bathroom as planned, washing my hands so thoroughly that I can practically see the dead skin cells lifting up like little praying ghosts, and I'm not at all surprised to not see Vega here, or there, or anywhere in the halls. With just a slight grin, I can picture her missing homeroom, pumping herself, up and down, still slumped in that janitor's closet with her pants down.

I leave the bathroom to where my familiar bloody locker of mine awaits. I lean on it, subtly slashing my tongue under my lip.

Beck saunters over to my locker at a speed that tells me he only has twenty seconds. What I have to say to him will only take five seconds. Go ahead, count: "So I just found out that..."

I stop cold. I can't tell Beck so suddenly. Beck's too noble; he'd stop me from having any fun with this. On the plus side though, it'd keep him from giving Tori those once-overs he thinks I don't know about every time she wears her tank-tops.

But wouldn't it be better if I let Tori think that nobody else knows about her little condition except for me and Cat?

Come to think of it, if Cat knows, it won't be long until everybody on theSlap knows. I need to curb this now. If anybody's going to reveal Tori Vega's gender confusion to the world, it's going to be me, and it's going to be on Twitter or Stumblr, I haven't decided which.

"Hey beautiful," Beck says. I lean up and we kiss. "So what'd you want to talk about?"

"I just wanted to," I lie through my teeth, "let you know my mom's going to be out of town this weekend so we can go to that smash party at the Munsons."

"I didn't know your mom being home stopped you from going out."

He has a point.