Chapter 19: In Which the Pains of Coming Up with Seven or More Servants to Include in this Story are Avoided
By OverMaster, also known as Napoleon De Cheese, That Guy Over There, The One who Gave Darkenning the Idea for Decadent Habits, and Ala Iridia's sole Happy Tree Friends Fan.
"Good evening, what can I do for you?" the male voice asked from inside the confessional.
"We come for spiritual and practical guidance on the subject of a Holy Grail War," Konoemon answered.
The priest's voice sighed. "Oh, everyone always comes asking about Grail Wars. Why can't you all be a bit more curious about our actual faith?"
"We aren't Catholic," Konoka explained.
"Well, then why aren't you asking the local Shinto shrine?"
"Mana-chan only told us to stop playing so many Visual Novels when we asked," Konoka explained again.
"Good advice. Then, what did you get? Caster, Rider, Berserker, Lancer, Assassin, Archer, Vigilante, Saber or Avenger?" the figure hidden by the convenient shadows of the church asked again.
"Vigilante?" Konoemon echoed.
"Errr, sorry, my mind slipped there. Anyway, who or what is your Servant?"
"I have no Servant yet. Only these markings, " Konoka held her hand up.
Shiny eyes looked at her from within the shadows. "Oh, I see. Then, in that case, you must get ready to be attacked on your way back by a merciless enemy Servant. After he mortally wounds you, you'll find out who's supposed to be your Servant. Everything will be explained from there, but be warned- There will be eventual Hentai scenes that won't be edited out until the all ages re-release. You aren't engaged into any sort of decadence, are you?"
The two of them looked at each other for a moment before answering at once, "No."
Elsewhere, Setsuna felt a jolt of ice running up her spine.
After deciding (s)he hadn't liked that pause at all, the priest continued, "Well, that's all I can share. I'm asked to be cryptically misleading about these things, you know. It's, uh... a Dogma of ours."
"I'm not sure I like these rules," said Konoka. "Especially the one about lethal wounds."
"Don't worry, people never dies when they're killed here," the priest shared. "Even if you are, you'll be back for the much less famous sequel. Just be glad you aren't a Puella Magi. So, anything else you want to ask or confess? Are you sure you aren't into decadence at all?"
"No," Konoka rasped. "I mean, I'm sure I'm not into it! However, I want to know, is it a sin to have romantic feelings for another girl?"
Misora looked down at the dark haired girl kneeling between her legs and said, "No. Would that stop you anyway?"
"Not at all. Just asking, " Konoka replied with a simple sincere smile. Her grandfather sighed. "What about ten year olds?"
"Boy, or girl?"
"Boy."
"Foreigner?"
"Yes."
"From Wales?"
"Exactly."
"Is he a teacher?"
"He is, yeah."
"Negi-sensei?"
Konoka gasped. "How'd you guess?"
"Female Intu— I mean, the Holy Spirit," the Father replied. "Just pray two Hail Marys each night and be extra-nice to your cute classmate Misora, and that sin will be overlooked. Now if you excuse me, I should be treating actual Christian matter with actual Christian devouts now..."
"Okay, we get the clue," said Konoemon.
"By the way, Grandpa, why did we come here for guidance?" Konoka asked as they left the church. "Aren't you one of the wisest Magi in this world?"
"Yes, but I never could ever finish Unlimited Blade Works or get the Heavens' Feel route," the old man admitted. "I never could figure out how to level up enough to beat the final boss..."
Konoka sweatdropped. "I'm not sure you understood the full gist of playing a Visual Novel, Grandpa. How did you even make it that far...?"
Then, while walking across Sakura Lane, they ran into a lost young man with short dark brown hair and glasses. "Um, good evening, I'm looking for my wife's younger half sister, who studies here. Her name's Mei Sak—"
"ENEMY SERVANT! I'LL PROTECT YOU, KONOKA-CHAN!" the old man jumped to defend his granddaughter.
"AAAIIIEEEEE!"
And that's why that's all we'll see of that young man in this fanfic.
At the Church, inside of the confessional, Misora smiled to herself. "Hm, hm, hm. Painting that fake Command Seal on Konoka-chan's hand while she slept made for the greatest prank ever..."
"Setsuna will kill you if she ever learns..." Cocone whispered.
Misora grabbed Cocone's head and pressed it back against there to keep her quiet...
. "Very well, tell us your name and what do you do," Suramui yawned cutely. Pudding, Ameko, Fuuka and Fumika sat around her, all of them wearing glasses and looking ready to take anotations in their respective notebooks. Zazie only juggled several balls and two bowling pins.
The tall guy standing before them smiled cockily and posed. "My name's Gokutuji Kaoru, champion of Mahora Street Fighting! The undefeated titan of the underground circuits! Let me in your group, and I'll rock your world, girls!"
"Who is this clown?" Fuuka grumbled.
"No idea..." Pudding said.
"I think he's one of the guys Negi-kun beat in the preliminaries for the tournament," Fumika said.
"Hey, then you aren't undefeated at all!" Fuuka told the guy.
"I said it clearly; undefeated IN THE UNDERGROUND CIRCUITS!" he pointed out.
"You sure Takahata-san hasn't kicked your butt there?" Fuuka asked him.
"No! I always split away when I see him coming!"
The twins facefaulted. "Next candidate," Fumika asked.
"Actually, he's the only one who showed up," Suramui said. "Men in Mahora aren't very take-charge, are they?"
"What do you think is the real reason we keep chasing a ten year old boy?" Fumika asked back.
"Why couldn't we at least get Johnny-san? Johnny-san is cool, or so I've heard..." Fuuka sighed. "Okay then, Kaoru-kun, you're in for the time being! But you'll be under probation until we decide if you're good enough for the job!"
He pumped a fist up. "YEAH! My big break! Oh, if Mom could see me now...!"
"You have a phallic hairdo..." Ameko told him.
"Yeah, I hear that lot. What does 'phallic' mean, anyway?"
"It means you're most likely overcompensating," Fuuka replied. "Now tell me, how do you feel about Yaoi...?"
"Eh?-!"
"Nee-chan!" Fumika gasped.
"What? We gotta keep every corner of Fanservice covered! I want female readers, too!"