OUT OF CONTROL!
Chapitre XXII: In Which No One Stops To Think It Is A Bad Idea To Leave The Revive To SCM…
Disclaimer: Negima is not ours.
…
"Shotacon Punch!"
Ayaka jerked awake, her fist raised upwards. She blinked blearily upwards at the ceiling.
"Wow," she muttered, sitting up from where she'd taken her nap. "That was a weird dream. Why was Haruna in it? The Mahora Derby isn't until next week."
…
"Okay," Ameko said. "Since we didn't appear last chapter, we need to make up for lost time. Spotlight Stealing Squad, assemble! Roll call!"
"Narutaki 1, Fuuka!" Fuuka cried, spinning around in a short breakdancing number. "Decadent incestous older twin! Chagrin!"
"Narutaki 2, Fumika!" Fumika said, twerking. "Decadent incestous younger twin! Chagrin!"
"Slime girl red, Ameko!" Ameko cried, pulling out her cellphone. "Commander and the leader! Chagrin!"
"Slime girl blue, Purin," Purin said, taking out a card. "I am the joy and the laughter. Chagrin!"
"Slime girl green, Suramui!" Suramui cried, flailing around with a paintbrush. "I'm the toughest fighter! Chagrin!"
"Slime girls steal the day!" they chorused. "Chagrin!"
"The earth calls, the heavens call, the people call, the man of the shining pompadour!" Kaoru cried, going through the classic Kamen Rider Black movements. "Gokutuji Kaoru, is here! Chagrin!
Zazie gestured in sign language. Everyone gasped.
"Wow Zazie, that was an awesome speech!" Fumika said. "You're getting into TvTropes for that, that's for sure! Chagrin!"
"That was undoubtedly awesome!" Ameko said. "Chagrin!"
"By the way, why do we keep saying 'chagrin'?" Fuuka said. "It doesn't even make sense to say it."
"Well, it worked for Meyer..." Purin said.
"But we're not even using it right!" Fuuka said.
"So? Neither did Meyer," Suramui said.
"All right!" Kaoru said. "What next ?"
"We recruit catgirl waitress-san!" Ameko said.
"…" Kaoru said. "I have no idea who that is."
"Kaoru-kun!" Fuuka declared, pointing dramatically at him. "Don't be limited by in-narrative thinking and knowledge! As 4th wall-breaking spotlight stealers, we have access to knowledge we're not supposed to know about in canon!"
Fumika paled. "Oneechan! You're not supposed to say that out loud!"
"Why not? It's totally obvious from the narrative. I mean,we talk about the readers, for crying out loud! It's a bit late to be so prudish."
"But we're not supposed to admit it!" Fumika wailed.
"I think we should…" Purin said. "There may be advantages…"
"Like what?"Ameko asked.
"Well, I've noticed a trend where characters who regularly break the fourthwall in-story are very popular," Ameko said. "If we are really going to steal attention to ourselves, then such a dark and forbidden technique would be of great use! We're supposed to mention little yellow boxes and make Ryan Reynolds jokes too, though I've never understood that one. "
"Still… to ignore the fourth wall…" Fumika said.
Zazie looked at everyone and gave a thumbs up. Everyone gasped.
"You're right Zazie!" Fumika said. "That's totally right! I can't believe we didn't realize that sooner!"
"Truly, Zazie has awesome reasoning skills, able to decisively get to the heart of any philosophical conundrum," Purin said.
"Hey, I thought your name was 'Pudding'?" Kaoru said.
"Eh, it depends on the translator."
…
Chao brushed her hands together. They weren't really dusty, but it was the sort of thing you did after throwing the nut who thought he was married to you into a time portal to get rid of him. "Well," she said cheerfully. "That's that! All is well in Mahora."
"Chao Hamish Lingshen!"
"That's not my middle name!" Chao said, exasperated. And honestly, she had to stop this habit of using her family name in her own internal narration. What was she, 19th century British? "Honestly, who do people keep thinking I have a middle name?"
"But it's fun to try and guess!" Haruna said, grinning as she came into the lab.
Chao sighed, but smiled in welcome. "What can I do for the most wanted manga artist in Mundus Magicus?"
"Chao, you know I'm not very patient person," Haruna said. "I mean, I don't have much impulse control, I subscribe to a self-centered morality that only barely acknowledges social mores, and I'm a nosey busybody."
Chao nodded. "All true, all true. This conversation is taking a very ominous turn, by the way. Is that your Artifact in your hands, or were you reading something?"
"I've been very patient, Chao-chan," Haruna said. "I mean, I've held it in for several days now. I haven't even mentioned it."
"Adding '-chan' to my name is sort of spoiled by it being my family-name you're using, you know," Chao noted, eyes flicking sideways.
Haruna snapped her fingers. Harunas in suits and sunglasses began walking in through the door behind her, the door to the test bunker, and in through the windows. One, for some reason, was naked and looked armed with a Witchblade. Chao looked at it quizzically.
"Oh, I had a horrible nightmare during my afternoon nap," Haruna explained, shivering slightly and muttering, "My preciiiious…". "Anyway, I've been pretty patient up to now, Chao-chan. But my patience is wearing thin. You have something I want, and I'm going to have it."
Chao narrowed her eyes. "You know, of all the people doing this, you were the last person I expected."
"Really? Most people would say I'm on top of the list," Haruna said brightly.
Chao shook her head, falling into a combat-ready stance. "You'll never get any of my scientific secrets from me, Haruna!" she said.
Haruna blinked, then burst out laughing. "Oh, Chao Patrick Lingshen–"
"THAT'S NOT MY FULL NAME!"
"Do you really think this is about something so tawdry as scientific secrets?" Haruna smirked as her Agent Smith ripoffs and one Witchblade fell into their own fighting stances. "No, I'm after something much more important."
Chao's eyes widened. "You don't mean…!"
"Chao Mycroft Lingshen–!"
"THAT'S NOT MY FULL NAME!"
"– who does Negi-sensei marry?-!" Haruna boomed.
Chao stared at her, then mumbled something.
"Whazzat?" Haruna asked, leaning forward despite herserlf.
"Cassandra Cain," Chao said, smiling. "Negi-sensei had a child with Cassandra Cain."
Then she attacked.