Warning
This story contains extreme and graphic violence, drug use/abuse, and graphic sex not appropriate for anyone under the legal age of 18.
All publicly recognizable characters, settings, song lyrics etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 4: 10/27/2013
Jasper's Pov
"I'll read next." I said softly as I took the book from my loves hands.
"You're sure?" Alice asked quietly.
I gave her a smile and pulled her closer towards me as I cleared my throat and began to read.
10/27/2013
"Hey that's a day after the last entry." Emmett said in bewilderment. "I wonder what's so important that she wrote the next day."
"I don't know. I'll guess we'll find out." I chuckled
Have you ever stumbled upon an object or a place that held a memory from a passed you'd like to forget?
As I walked the dense forest of this small gloomy town at the top of Washington, I came across an opening. This field was wide and circular with tall grass that reached my knees and sad dying flowers bent in odd shapes. The darkening sky illuminated this deserted meadow, making the space look almost mysteriously beautiful.
A gasp sounded from across the room. Looking up I saw Edwards run his hand through his hair.
"It's our meadow." He whispered, I could feel the pain and regret flowing off of him.
Sighing I started to read again.
I recognized this landscape.
Something in the back of my mind was pushing me to find the answer to why it looked so damn familiar to me; a sharp pain in my heart calling out for a distant memory that involved this grassy field.
"She doesn't remember?" Alice asked
"Maybe it's a copping mechanism. She has been tortured for the past couple of years." Carlisle said, sadness flowing from every direction.
Taking in a deep breath to think past the sadness I mumbled quietly. "Vampires can lose memories of their human life when they're changed. Maybe we were one of those lost memories. Like Carlisle said, it would make since for her body to try and protect itself by getting rid of painful memories."
"But she knows about the clearing. So maybe her memories aren't lost completely. Right?" Edward asked.
"I don't know." Carlisle and I said at the same time.
Looking down I started to read again, hoping that maybe Edward was right.
I couldn't stop feeling that if he is though that it would be a bad thing instead of good.
I walked about, running my hands over the blades of grass, trying to recall a memory of this clearing. When I reached the other side, I stopped when I came upon a tree. This tree looked old with its chipped bark, mossy overlay and hunched over posture. But the age of this tree is not what caught my eye. It was missing a branch. Broken jagged edges suggest someone or something ripped the thing right off.
"Why would that catch her attention?" Emmett asked confused.
Guilt rolled off of Edward in waves as he raked his fingers through his untidy hair again.
"When I first took her to that meadow I kind of ripped the branch off in front of her." Edward whispered in shame.
"What! Edward you know better than to do something like that. You probably scared the poor girl, if you two just started to hang out." Esme scolded him, disappointment sparking to life in her.
"I know… I felt bad about it right afterwards. I apologized." Edward mumbled.
Esme sighed, shaking her head. I had to agree with mom, that was a stupid move.
Letting mom take care of it, I started to read again.
I suddenly saw images in my head.
A handsome man with bronze hair and angry golden eyes flashed across my mind's eye like a shooting star across the sky. And with that image, other images overtook me.
A lady with pixie cut hair and an annoyingly chirpy personality in her smile, a woman with bright blond hair and fierce cold eyes. A man who also had blond hair, but his eyes were kind, almost fatherly. A woman with Carmel hair and motherly eyes with a loving smile. A big burly man with a playful smirk. A man with curly blond hair and hauntingly serious eyes.
The Cullen's, I suddenly remembered.
I had to chuckle as I saw Alice's face scrunch up.
"I'm not that annoying am I?" Alice asked? Hurt.
"Sometimes…" Rose said, looking at her nails. Her emotions full if amusement and playfulness.
Alice stuck her tongue out at her. "At least I don't have fierce cold bitchy eyes." She quipped angrily.
"Hey, she never said anything about bitchy! And even if she had, I'd rather be bitchy than annoying." Rosalie snapped. Anger rolling off of her.
"Girls..." Carlisle warned
Being smart I decided to keep my mouth shut and started to read again.
I recalled everything. The first time I met Edward. The first time he introduced me to his family, and the baseball game that got fucked up when James and his bitch posy interfered. The first time I met to she-devil. Running back to Arizona and barely making it out alive. The summer after the incident where I spent more time at their house and got to know his family better. The birthday Alice planned that went horribly wrong. The last time I ever saw the Cullen family again. Edwards's goodbye in the woods. I remembered it all…
I needed out of that field… Without realizing it, I took off running. Praying I was headed away from all those memories.
I heard sighs from all around.
"She doesn't want to remember." Emmett mumbled sadly.
"Can you blame her?" I asked. "We all deserted her and let Victoria get to her. If I had never snapped that night it would have never happened…" I trailed off, my own emotions chocking me up.
"It wasn't your entire fault sweetie. We all had our own parts that each one of us messed up on. Don't blame yourself." Alice whispered.
Looking her in the eyes, I leaned my head against hers and kissed her cheek gently. I knew she was right, but as I listened to every entry I can't help but feel that it is mostly my fault.
"We all hurt her. It's all of our faults she doesn't want to remember." Rosalie spoke up.
I heard a sigh all around as I continued to read.
Luck wasn't on my side that day either. I quickly realized my body and my mind were on two separate paths as I stumbled upon a beautiful white house.
"She's at our house?" I said surprised.
"Wonder what she's doing there…" Emmett pondered.
I quickly read again.
I felt like I couldn't breathe again… Like I was drowning as I looked at the house. Their house!
I clutched my hair as I tried to think clearly and get my breathing under control.
Counting to ten, I was finally able to breathe. But I don't think I was ever actually thinking clearly that day. If I was I would have turned around and walked away. I wouldn't have broken into their fucking house. But that's exactly what I did.
"She broke into our house?" Esme whispered, shocked and amused. I also felt an underlying emotion of understanding as she shook her head.
"Do you think?" Emmett trailed off, shocked "I mean this is around the time it could have happened."
"I don't think she would do…" I trailed off, thinking of all the things she's been through and her new personality because of it. "Maybe…" I corrected myself.
I heard Edward gasp as he read Emmett's and my mind.
"You have to honestly say that didn't pop into your head at least once. She's at the old house bro." Emmett commented, hearing Edwards intake of breath.
"Wait are you guys talking about what happened at the old place?" Rose asked.
"Just read." Edwards demanded, ignoring Rosalie.
Looking down I quickly read.
I walked right up those front steps and broke the glass on the doors window when I found it locked. Unlocking the door, I stepped in. The smell of a vacant house and dust particles lay heavy in the air.
I walked further inside, stirring more of the dust around. There were sheets on everything. The couch, the piano, the coffee table, the TV… Everything.
Walking up to the piano, I yanked the cover off. I don't know why, but the beautiful cleanness of the black grand pissed me off.
I saw red…
I picked up the seat and threw it, watching it slam into the TV…
"It was her…" Carlisle whispered shocked and saddened as I heard everyone gasp.
And make it fall forward, shattering the screen. I kicked the piano, breaking the thing in half. I threw the coffee table, knocking over the couch along with it. I broke family pictures and antique vases. Shattered some of the glass on the open wall, I broke some of the plaster off the walls and cracked the flooring. I demolished the room. When I was done, I stood there breathing heavily; my hands shaking.
Getting my breathing under control I turned away from my angry outburst and sprinted up the stairs.
The first door I came to was Carlisle's office. There were some books still on the shelf and as I took a closer look, I saw one of my old favorite books "Wuthering Heights" lying lonely and dusty on the top shelf. Picking it up, I wiped the dust off and stood in shock when I realized it was a first edition.
A first edition! I was so excited; I couldn't believe I was actually holding a first edition! For the first time in years I actually felt my lips turn upwards without a force.
In as screwed up a situation that this is, I couldn't help but smile at her happiness.
Looking around I think the other members of my family felt the same.
Looking around even though I knew nobody was there I gently put it into my bag as I continued my brows of his bookshelf. I grabbed three more books before I moved on.
"At least I know where my books went." Carlisle mumbled.
The next room I entered wasn't a room I've been in before. The entire room had a sports theme though and a huge bed, so I'm guessing it was Emmett's. Not bothering to go any further I closed the door and entered the next room.
I heard Emmett chuckle at that. Amusement rolling off of him in waves.
One by one I went into room after room until I came to a closet room? At least I'm guessing it was a closet. This room was filled with clothing, both men and women, of all sizes.
I remember Alice saying she didn't like people wearing one outfit more than once. Was this their discarded clothing room? It sure looked like it.
Alice laughed at that, shaking her head. "No Bella, that used to be my clothing design room." Alice chuckled.
Looking down at my dirty scraps of clothing, I entered the room. If they only where outfits once, they won't miss some clothing right?
With that thought in mind I spent what felt like hours in that room trying on clothing and shoving them in my bag if they fit. Only after I was satisfied I threw my dirty clothing out and ran out of the house.
"At least we could have helped her somewhat…" Esme said sadly.
"Wish she didn't break our living room and my TV though." Emmett said.
"I kind of understand her reasons for what she did." Rose said. "I mean if I was her and had a family I cared for put me through all that. I would be pissed as well."
"I wonder why the cleanness of Edwards's piano was what set her off though." Carlisle pondered.
"Maybe it was all the times we spent together there." Edward mumbled.
"No she said it was the cleanness of it." Alice said matter of fact. "Though maybe you two spending time together there did have something to do with it."
"I personally feel like there was a lot that went on inside of her that she didn't mention in that particular part of this entry." I put my thoughts in. "Maybe after everything she just snapped and the house just so happened to be her outlet." I commented.
"That could be part of it, but I think there is something more here. Something were not seeing correctly." Rose thought out loud.
"Maybe…" I said as I read the last bit of the entry.
I didn't want to look back as I sprinted into the forest, but as I was about to jump over the lake, I couldn't help but look at the house once full of love, now deserted.
I still felt angry and sad, and as I looked upon the house, I couldn't help but wish that someday I would be like that house.
Deserted without a memory of the once loving people we both knew.
"That's so sad…" Esme gasped.
"She wants to forget us." Edward whispered, yet again raking his hands through his hair.
"We haven't been the best people to her, so I can kind of see why." Rose said in an obviously tone of voice.
"Who's next?" I asked trying to change the subject and lighten the moods around me.
(A/N)
I hope you have a wonderful Holiday and a Happy New Year!
Who's next indeed? Can you guess who? It starts with an E…
I'm sorry if this chapter is a little shorter than the rest, I tried to make it a bit longer by putting more of the Cullen's into it.
The next Chapter is in the works and officially starts the rest of Bella's diary story; or a major part of her stories.
Did I have the Cullen's reactions alright? What do you think about Bella's actions? Why do you think she got angry when she saw Edwards piano?
I would like to thank for reviewing to last chapter:
Tushkabeau, Mireads, brikaspoms, TexasTwilight77, JT, dottya89
REVIEW!
PS. please ignore any grammar or spelling mistakes. No matter how hard I try I'm just not that good with that stuff.
Thank you for reading!
~Bluefire-33~