The Banana Slug: So, I recently watched Trash Humpers…

…and it is horrid trash. It is just so goddamn disturbing and is shocking how it is presented as art. I can kinda get that it is a look in the decadence of the social underground, but it is like a crappy internet video with ten-ton-fuckery up the anus of a pig, Vase de Noces style.

But fuck that shit! It's Vampires in Seattle! …Not like that! Not like that!

Hellsing's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

By The Banana Slug

CHAPTER 6: Sleepless in Seattle

Seattle Coast

Early August, 2009

The dreaded kraken known by the named Nautilus floated deep underneath the ocean floor, unbeknownst the Seattle public. In it, Nehal sat in her own personal deck, sitting on a large black lounge chair as she looked at the blue abyss that she considered her true home, with the unknown swimming around her and the dark depths the limits. Her arms crossed and her legs folded, wearing a blue bathrobe with her black hair draping down with the wet hair sticking to her as her shark-like stare dug deep into the ocean waters.

"…Nice view."

The sudden noise caused her to wince in surprise, her eyes glared as the Invisible Man kept talking to her. "…but quite borin', when's Alucard and the others 'spose to be here?"

"I'm giving them some time to relax," said Nehal calmly, "I think that they deserve that right." She got no response, causing her to shift a bit and wonder if this being was already gone, rudely leaving her alone.

"…Griffin?" she asked with a bit of hesitation, "Was the fear of death the only reason you joined this League?"

"Yeah," he answered quickly, then letting out a grunted explanation, "I was caught, I was never caught before, never knew it could happen. So, in order to save me own invisible skin, I decided to take the offer when presented. No honor. No compassion."

"Just you," she finished, looking up in annoyance.

He then said, "So, if ya don't mind, mind if I ask why a blood-thirsty terrorist that hates the Western world decided to help the Empire?"

Nehal closed her eyes, sighing as she rubbed her temple. "…You may as well know the original Captain Nemo, yes?" she questioned rhetorically, continuing with an explanation of her situation, "He lived great adventures, great travels…I only wish to follow his footsteps. I want to be like him so much. Sometimes I wonder if he looks up from Hell, fighting demons and making Satan run for the hills, I wonder if he is proud of me."

"Feh…if I had yer naiveté, I'd be consortin' with any Martian, Venusian, and Moonanite that crossed me way," scoffed Griffin, "I may be a self-servin' invisible dick, but I know that livin' up to expectations gets ya nuthin' in life."

"Funny, so I guess becoming the most feared woman in the seas is nothing, hm?" she scoffed, raising a brow as she continued to gaze in the sea. She was given no straight answer, but only a changed subject.

"So…why do ya think he joined?" he asked, with Nemo looking to her side and seeing the terrible giant Jason staring at the waters from the right window, just staring as she did but with a longing that cannot be seen through his eyes, the only thing that can be seen from his mask.

Nehal shrugged, simply saying, "Fear, most likely." She elaborated as she stood up from her seat, "Fear of that man in red, the man who was suppose to be invincible. The reason why Millennium is to be feared, especially if they almost succeeded in making him mortal."

Griffin scoffed, with Nehal hearing his footsteps get fainter as she was left alone with the man in the mask. She made sure the juggernaut was still there, looking to find him glancing over at her, before breathing in and out and continuing to be lost in the ocean depths as he would follow any fish that swam by.

"I doubt fear is all, eh?" she stated to him, not expecting an answer, "…Respect is a factor, is it not?"

She was surprised to get a response from him, a simple yet slight nod as it was hardly noticeable if not the most certain sign of a mentality but killing.

Seattle, Washington

Early August

In this rainy city, with twilight hitting this city from the blue clouds, with the many buildings stabbing at the sky with the people walking down the streets calmly with the lights already shining through the windows. It was beautiful, with the space needle in the distance among the artistic buildings around it. Skyscrapers hit the clouds as the water shimmered from lights of the windows.

One of those windows belonged to a hotel room currently inhabited by the four League members with Quatermain laying on the bed watching the television as Conan sat on a lounge chair reading a novel of his most respected hero, "The Hound of the Baskervilles." Quatermain's coat hung from the open bathroom door as he showed his tattooed arms off like badges

As the noises of the television blared up, Conan glared from the book to watch what the hunter was watching, a B-movie involving stripper vampires and criminals. "Mind turning that down?" he asked in forced politeness.

"It's already pretty quiet, boy," he snarled, "if I turn it down anymore I couldn't hear a damn thing."

Conan pouted and placed the book down on the side table and leapt off the chair, walking over to the bathroom and saying, "I can't believe you'd watch junk like that." Quatermain grimaced and was ready to give him the finger, only for the door to open and reveal Seras walking in quite flustered.

"Problem?" asked Conan curiously.

"Yes," she barked, "Master said he'd take me to see the Seattle Center, but he decided to go off drinking, saying it was to congratulate my capture of Test! I did not want to go drinkin', some heated words were said, and he just left, smiling and waving!" She sits on the bed, with Quatermain kicking his legs away from her, with her face scrunched up and her arms intertwined.

Seras simply glared at the television, watching a scene of vampiric strippers killing patrons in gory and overdone ways. "…What is this tripe?"

"From Dusk till Dawn," calmly replied Quatermain, turning his head to see the television, "I think it is a bloody good show." After he said that, she grabbed the remote and turned off the television, causing a sour expression on Leonard's face as Seras continued to grimace.

"Um…we'd love to accompany you!" called out Conan, trying to break the tension. Then, Seras turned her head and smiled, saying, "Thank you Conan, at least some men have manners, hm?"

As she got up to the door, Quatermain gave the deepest of death glares while Conan simply shrugged and walked past him. The two walked out of the door pleasantly, and from the hallway, Seras called out, "Coming, Quatermain?"

He groaned and got up, wiping his runny nose and storming out after them with a high degree of reluctance and overall crotchetiness.

Alucard, whistling a happy tune, entered a small-time bar where there were at least three people, excluding the bartender, drinking their troubles away. Alucard didn't take note, walking over to the bar with the old grizzled bartender looking at him with tired eyes as country music filled the airways. His hair was large and messy, standing out along with his red nose and furry mustache.

"What do you want to drink, sir?" he asked, his body shaking from his age and disease, looking half-asleep at Alucard.

"Might sound bizarre, but…mind if I have a glass of pig's blood?" asked Alucard with a grin.

"Hm, a vampire?" he asked with a half-grin, "Or another person pretending to be one?"

"Real as possible," laughed Alucard, amused by either this man's bravery or senility, then asking, "and I am shocked that one like you is not-"

"Shocked? Let's just say I have history," finished the old man, walking to a pantry and rummaging about, "After that fiasco that happened a few years ago, I decided to stock up in case those things wanted something to drink. Always plan ahead, yes, always plan ahead."

"Indeed, old man," he chuckled, "but I wouldn't really consider those things true vampires. My name is Alucard, old man."

"Call me Abronsius," corrected the old man, "Old man makes me feel, well, old." He chuckled and reached into the pantry, all the while as Alucard watched him with confusion and interest.

However, his inspection of this old man was deterred by a slight jab to his back, a finger of all things. He tapped his fingers as he waited for the person to speak.

"Nosferatu…vampire…demon…" spoke the voice in a strong yet very effeminate tone, "…you walk this world, causing pain and death to all who walk in your way. All you do is cause rot and pain. Fuck anyone who begs you to-"

"Now, now," laughed Alucard, "knock it off or I'll slice your head right clean off."

"You think you can threaten me, devil-spawn?" said the voice, "I am not afraid of you, monster. I have God on my side, for I shall smite thee in his-"

"Orlando," scoffed Alucard, twirling around and facing his taunter with an amused grin, "…when have you ever gave a damn about God, hm?"

In front of him stood a tall thin figure, an androgynous human standing in front of him with no fear and a soft smile looking straight at Alucard. The figure wore a long blue duster with a black t-shirt with grey stripes diagonally going down, along with blue jeans held up by a black belt with a heart-shaped buckle underneath with black sneakers at the end.

The androgynous person was pale, with weary brown eyes with a depth of kindness hidden underneath, a tuft of short messy brown hair, and sported a smile that looked full yet felt empty.

"Alucard, you old so-and-so," laughed Orlando, "still the enslaved yes-man to the Hellsing Organization?"

"Not today, it seems," sighed Alucard, turning away back to his drink, "I am now the lap-dog of MI6, a stooge for the latest Bond. Still not sure for this whole 'honor' system for such a controversial figure."

"The British Empire has always encountered difficulty in distinguishing between its heroes and its monsters, Alucard," quoted Orlando, taking a seat next to Alucard.

"Tell me something I don't know, Orlando," sighed Alucard, looking to see his glass of blood on the table. As he took a sip, he looked over and asked, "By the way, Orlando, what are you this time? Boy? Girl? Or did you finally hit the hermaphrodite stage."

Orlando's eyes rolled and responded with a shaking head, "Sorry, I haven't gotten to it…yet. All you will find in my pants is a very large member."

"That hasn't deterred me before, Orlando," chuckled Alucard, "as long as I look at the back of your head, I am fine."

"Fuck off!" laughed Orlando, looking to see the bartender placing a glass of bourbon in front of him. He took a sip and said with a switch of tone, frowning and giving a dark tone as he stated, "…So, what do you want? I know you wouldn't just pop in for a bit of nostalgia, so what answers do you think I will give you?"

"…Millennium," he answered, "it's back, and I need answers. Specifically, locations, members, and Schrödinger, especially Schrödinger."

"I doubt Schrödinger is working with this New Millennium, so I think you are in the clear, scaredy-cat," answered Orlando with a joke, then continuing seriously, "As for location, that is an easy answer." He took another sip and breathed out, saying, "Noble's Island, located in the south-eastern coast of South America near Peru, there is a base but I doubt it is their main one."

"And the Cavorite?" he questioned.

Orlando looked at him with a raised brow, "So, that's what they are after? Damn…its worse than I thought…" He rubbed his fingers in his hair and said with a grim tone, "Alucard, I don't think I need to tell you how stupid this is. Last time-"

"Orlando, don't start," grunted Alucard, "Now any news on the members?"

Orlando sighed and shook his head in annoyance, "Alucard, I may know a lot but not bloody everything. All I know is that they have a base on Noble's Island, that's it."

"That's it," repeated Alucard, taking a deep drink and slamming the glass on the bar, loudly burping causing Abronsius to give him a disgusted glance.

"Beautiful," hissed Orlando, getting up and saying, "I need to piss, save my bloody seat." Alucard let him go to the bathroom, sitting there and looking at the bottles of alcohol with a disappointed scowl and taking a deep breath before letting out a loud exhale.

The fountain at the Center spouted out the water as the beautiful neon lights in the distance as the three looked at the water as it danced before them. Seras and Conan looked with amazement and happiness, while Leonard simply stared at it with a deep boredom.

"Oh Quatermain!" laughed Seras, nudging him, "Stop being so grumpy, wasn't the Science Museum fun?"

"Hm, nothing new since I last visited the museum," coughed Quatermain.

"Leonard, are you still going through withdrawal or do you have a deep long stick up that ass?" teased Conan Edogawa. Leonard snarled and barred his teeth at him in annoyance at him.

"Conan, why don't you get us some hot dogs," ushered Seras, giving him some dollars with Conan taking them and smiling at her. She watched him walk away to a nearby stand.

Seras sighed as Leonard stood there, watching the water. She looked over at him and said, "You really need to lighten up, Quatermain. This sour attitude is really quite annoying."

Leonard sighed and pulled out a cigarette, "My head feels like someone keeps hitting it with a crowbar, it's hard to feel any pleasure when you are still going through withdrawal."

"I don't think that is all of it," replied Seras with a tiny frown, "but I just don't understand why you'd do that to yourself in the first place."

"Addiction and hunting runs in the family," he growled out, "I am no different. I think it is because I have hunted and killed the greatest of beasts that I…I don't have anything worth calling a hunt anymore. I hope that…this will bring me my moxy back."

"Moxy?" wondered Seras, looking at Leonard as he lit his cigarette and took a deep puff.

"Yes…" he sighed in annoyance, "I think that this adventure will keep my blood running enough to keep my interest away from addiction."

"What? This isn't about protecting the world from an evil organization bent on causing endless war?" she questioned in slight offense.

Leonard shook his head lightly and said, "I have given up on being a hero, Seras. I am not the…Quatermain my great-grandfather was made into. I don't think I can ever be."

"What are you bloody talking about?" asked Seras with a raised brow.

"…Let me tell you a story, five years back," he said in a grim and morose misery, "…I was in Brooklyn, and when I still had a lot of money to spend on meth. After a bunch of false-friends convinced me, I decided to watch a sex show." He leaned his arms against the railing, glaring depressingly at the water as he said, "Two women…ass to ass…one was just like me."

"Like you?" she asked him in defensive curiosity.

"Yes…addicted, a slave to drugs," said Leonard, "like me." He turned to her and said, "I wasn't aroused by the display. I was disgusted. I was disgusted by the predicament she was in, forced to do evil things just to feed her habit, just to keep her pain from hurting her already fragile body. I was so disgusted, and I wanted to rescue her from her hell, I wanted to be the hero and save her…" He turned away, looking away from her and the water, revealing, "…but I didn't. All I could do is sit there and watch…watch like a frightened child…"

"Why?" was all Seras could ask from him.

Leonard glanced over at her, sniffing loudly and answering with a series of questions, "What would I do next? Keep her in my closet? Take her through the border to Mexico? Use my barely there funds to help her keep her from hurting herself? And how would I rescue her? Start shooting willy-nilly? Just pluck her from the other girl's ass and run away like a madman? Would she even want me to save her? Would she scream? Kick? Scratch? Bite?"

He spat out his cigarette and let it hit the water as he continued, "There was nothing I can do. I'm not a vampire. I'm not an invisible man. I am not even a sea captain. I'm just a hunter, a good one, but still just a hunter."

Seras looked at him with a deep melancholy in her blue eyes, opening her mouth but not sure what to say to him. "…You felt…helpless, right?"

Leonard nodded. "I doubt you'd understand, seeing that you are such a powerful vampire," he added without thought.

"Old man…" she breathed out, "…I could tell you stories. I was human, you know..." She then turned around, looking to see Conan standing there holding three hotdogs, looking at the depressed Quatermain with deep concern, then looking at Seras with equal concern.

The silence was broken with the ringing of a cellphone, with Seras looking at her waist and reaching into her pockets. She flipped her phone up and quickly answered it, "Hello?"

"Seras, it's me," said Alucard from the other side, "We're heading off, get our stuff from the hotel and meet me at the entrance."

"But I thought we were going tomorrow," Seras barked in pure annoyance.

"What? We're leaving now?" groaned Conan, shaking his head in irritation as Leonard stamped his foot and walked a little bit away as he rubbed his temple.

"Things have changed," stated Alucard, "a close companion of mine has told me of the location of one of the New Millennium bases."

"Does that mean we are not going to Dimmsdale?" she questioned with a slightly heavy brow.

"No, we still need notes on the Cavorite," reminded Alucard, "I'm sure Bond will be able to work out more of the kinks for us. See you soon."

"Wait! I-" she let out, only to be instantly cut off from her master as she stood in the cold night with Conan staring at her with a tilted head of worry, Leonard Quatermain dazed in thought as he looked over at the two half-heartedly.

Conan did his best to smile, stating loudly and with tempo, "Cheer up! Could be worse…"

And, as if God Himself was laughing at them, rain began to drop down on them as the despair that follows it gripped them. It hit Leonard, most of all, forced to remember the story of the girl he couldn't save and the final hunt with the man that will never return to him.

The bar door opened with Alucard holding his hand up with a deep grimace, looking at Orlando with an annoyingly cocky smirk as he opened his umbrella.

"Bloody weather," he growled, "does it ALWAYS rain like this?"

"It's called Rain City for a reason, count," he stated, "besides, rain isn't so bad. Rain always reminds me of the open seas and Sinbad and all the buggering we did."

"Thanks for reminding me why I don't talk to you anymore," groaned Alucard, "always talking about the past."

"I know, I know, we both have different…feelings about our pasts," added Orlando, almost not wanting to go on, "Where I talk non-stop about it while you…"

"Best forget it," finished Alucard grimly. The two stood there, with Alucard letting the rain hit him as Orlando kept the umbrella over him as he rested his gaze on the street.

"…I am a different man now, Orlando," he stated, "I have…some regrets of my life, not many, but one hits me the worst. Mina. Mina Harker."

"It wasn't all that bad," breathed Orlando in a bush of lies.

"Oh? Was ruining her in the eyes of the public not all that bad? Was destroying her marriage to the one other person who loved her not all that bad?" scoffed Alucard, taking slight offense as he continued to rant, "I may have done horrible things I feel no remorse for. I killed, I mutilated, I conquered, I butchered. But…I destroyed her, Orlando. I destroyed the woman I loved."

The sound of rain was constant as they stood like frozen corpses, with Orlando swallowing any words he wanted to say before walking away. He would have let his old friend and lover to his thoughts if it weren't for what he said next.

"Orlando?" he called out, holding his hand out, "Was it…truly Mina? The Source? The one they used for Millennium's dogs?"

"…No, thank God," he replied, not facing him as he stood in the sidewalk, "they only thought it was. It was actually one of your old brides that they excavated."

A deep freeze was in Alucard's spine as he let his hand drop, both in a deep-hearted relief and a hopped-up concern. "…Was it Elizabeth?"

Orlando bit his lip. "Sadly…it wasn't." Alucard grimaced in annoyance and let out a deep growl.

As he walked closer to him, he asked, "Orlando, I heard things about her…that is why I asked. I heard she still walks around with-"

"Don't," he stated, turning around and giving him a cold yet thoughtful look, "You are not ready, you may never be ready, I doubt she is ready either. But I hope…that that time is soon."

Alucard looked at him through his burning red glasses, a deep frown as the rain kept pounding at them both. He then gave a tip of his hat to him and was on his way, with Orlando looking on as the vampire disappeared into the rain as he placed his umbrella down and let the rain wash his body along with it.

"Sooner than I think," he muttered out.

He walked all the way back, seeing the three members look over at him with disgust and annoyance, giving him glares at him that could freeze fire. This would usually send someone deeper into a current depression, but it only gave him a smile on his face.

"You don't seem too happy to see me," he chuckled.

"It's 9 o'clock, you rat bastard!" snarled Quatermain, "I am tired, tired and wasted, and after lugging your child around looking at exhibits about Gremlin Reproduction and other things I cared NOT to relearn, I have to return to the bloody ship with that vile terrorist? Along with that mongoloid and invisible maniac?"

"Stuff it," scoffed Seras with a smile, "I knew you enjoyed it." Leonard growled and walked past Alucard as he walked to Conan and his familiar.

"Noble's Island," he stated, "that is where the Millennium base is in. I doubt it is the main base, but it should help with combating them."

"Noble's Island?" she questioned, scratching her head as Leonard stopped and turned to the group as they still stood there, grumbling to himself and pulling out his eighth cigarette this night.

"Yes, we'll head there after going to Dimmsdale," he finished, turning around and walking past Quatermain as he snatched his cigarette after just lighting it, causing a deep homicidal growl escape from his elongated scowl.

"Conan, you know anything about Dimmsdale?" she asked him as they too walked past Leonard, with the man standing there in anger as he pulled out a ninth cigarette.

"It's a ghost town with a strange history, with all its citizens spontaneously bursting into flames but the buildings being completely unharmed," explained Conan, "some reports claim to see a little boy and strange colors flashing in the dead city."

"Ghosts?" she asked him in wonder as Leonard walked with a lighter constantly clicking in his hand.

Conan laughed and shook his head, saying, "Well, a few years a go? I'd say no. But after all the crazy things I have been forced to be a part of…maybe."

The Banana Slug: Okay, I know I promised some Jason Voorhees character time…but the guys a fucking mute, it is hard to work with.

Besides, the story I thought of had a few more gaps than can be fixed. Apparently he would be looking around town and 'casually' bump into Seras and the others.

Also he met the Trash Humpers, so yeah, hard to work with. Wasn't sure if the Trash Humpers would be murdered or just shriek and run away from him like coyotes from a bear.