I DO NOT OWN SON
Music in This Chapter:
Afraid – The Neighbourhood
All You Did Was Save My Life – Our Lady Peace
By Now - Mariana's Trench
Chapter 12
Spencer POV
I pulled into my driveway and shut of the engine, I left the keys in the ignition and sat there staring at my house. It was a small brick house; it even had a porch with a porch swing attached to it. I grabbed the card from my pocket and looked at it, wondering what I should do. I know kyla came here for a reason, my parents being that reason. I wish I could say that my life is perfect, that after Ashley I found love and settled down, had some kids with my amazing husband. I wish I could say that I have the perfect job that my career took off right after college. Well I can't, and I don't think I can ever say that to anyone.
I open the glove box and pulled out the C.D that hunted me for months; it was Davies first C.D she ever made. When she made it big I wasn't surprise, I was actually thrilled for her. Then I read the song list and I knew I wouldn't be able to listen to the C.D.
After she got out of Rehab, kyla and her moved to New York. I never did speak to Ashley or Kyla after they left; the day at school was the last time I spoke to Kyla. I guess you could say after they left, I became someone new. My parents didn't really approve of my new attitude towards life, that's why I spent most of my nights at the clubs downtown L.A.
College was a total blur, except more my boyfriend now Husband Matt. We eloped one night after a drunken ways, we usually just settle for boyfriend and girlfriend title. My parents never found out that we were married before we got out of college, I just couldn't tell them.
I reached into my purse and pulled out my smokes, I lit one up and inhaled the cancer stick. I started smoking in college, Matt never liked when I smoke but he doesn't need to know what he doesn't see. I played with the C.D in my hand and decided to slip it in and listen to it finally. I turned it over and looked at the first track it was called "Afraid"
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
Make that money, fake that bunny, ache my tummy
On the fence, all the time
Paint young honey, face so sunny, ain't that funny
All my friends always lie to me
I know they're thinking
You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won't fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place [x3]
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
Keep on dreaming, don't stop giving, fight those demons
Sell your soul, not your whole self
If they see you when you're sleeping, make them leave it
And I can't even see if it's all there anymore so
You're too mean, I don't like you, fuck you anyway
You make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs
It hurts but I won't fight you
You suck anyway
You make me wanna die, right when I
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place [x3]
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
Being me and only me
Feeling scared to breathe
If you leave me then I'll be afraid of everything
That makes me anxious, gives me patience, calms me down
Lets me face this, let me sleep, and when I wake up
Let me breathe
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might take my place
When I wake up I'm afraid, somebody else might end up being me
I started to shake my head at the song, it didn't really sound like something she would write. Knowing Ashley she did write it, she never likes singing other peoples songs. She says you're not a singer unless you actually sing from your heart. I think that song came from her Ass. I looked down at the next song I smiled, the was called "All You Did Was Save My Life"
You, looked at me as you walked in the room
Like the red sea, you split me open
Somehow I knew these wings were stolen
All you did was save my life
Tried to run but I couldnt move
Well I paid for these concreat shoes
Like a singer that sings the blues
You saw hope in the hopeless
I'm not dying
All you did was save my life
Pulled me out of that flat line
Put the heartbeat back inside
I'm not dying
All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you
Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life
Save my life
I'm not for sale but I've been sold
The more I hear the less I know
The lies are swallowed whole
In there insignificance
The storys been told a million times, but it's different when it's your life
I won the lottery tonight, the lottery tonight
I'm not dying
All you did was save my life
Pulled me out of that flat line
Put the heartbeat back inside
I'm not dying
All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you
Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life
Save my life
I started to come around, the dogs are backing down
I'm not afriad to see, the devil's gone underground
This tightropes been cut down, and I can finally breathe
You, looked at me as I walked in the room
Like the red sea you split me open
Somehow I knew these wings were stolen
I'm not dying
All you did was save my life
Pulled me out of that flat line, put the heart beat back inside
I'm not dying
All you did was get me through, I owe every breathe to you
Heart and soul unparalyzed, all you did was save my life
All you did was save my life
Put the heart beat back inside
All you did was save my life
Put the heart beat back inside
All you did was save my life
There was a time that I use to be the one to save Ashley's life, but I guess I wasn't good enough for her to stay with me. I thought after Rehab she might have come back to me and we would start over, but she never did. Ashley didn't even try to contact me after she moved away, made me feel like I was nothing but part of her past. When you love someone you are suppose to come back to them, fight for the love that you had. I guess Ashley never did love me; I was just a high school fling to her.
I inhaled some more of my cancer smoke and grabbed the C.D case once again to check what the next song was. It was in fine print, you could barely read it. I looked closer and I knew this song was going to hurt; the song was "By Now" I closed my eyes, and flicked my Cancer stick out the window. Knowing this was going to kill me, weather I like it or not.
How've you been? Can I come in?
Just came to get my things and then I guess I'm leaving
If I could say what you'd like to hear
I'd whisper in your ear it's only temporary
But I've been taking you for granted
And I thought you'd feel the same as me
It's time that I come clean, but
But for now can we just both pretend to sleep
Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need
What goes around don't come around
You should know me by now
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
I should know you as well
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than,
You should know me by now
Our talk is small, I'm seven inches tall
And you should keep the apartment
So here's my keys, changed all the bills
We're only built to spill and wonder where the heart went
And you've been taking me for granted.
And I thought you'd feel the same as me
It's time that I come clean, but
But for now can we just both pretend to sleep
Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need
What goes around don't come around
You should know me by now
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
I should know you as well
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than,
You should know me by now
I know that I remember you
I think that you remember me too
How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's lost
I know you've got to feel the change
It just stays worse when it stays the same
How can one of us still feel blessed when the other one's so lost
By now
Sometimes the one you want is not the one you need
What goes around don't come around
Don't you know me by now?
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than,
I should know you as well
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than, better than, better than
You should know me
Better than,
You should know me by now
I finally turned off the stereo and through the C.D in the back seat, I didn't wanna hear anymore of it. I looked down at her card and ripped it up, she was never there and she wasn't going to start now. I grabbed my purse and open my door, after I closed my car door my phone rang. The number came up as an Unknown; I rolled my eyes and answered the phone.
"What do you want now Glen"
"Spencer, we were just worried…"
"Stop I'm fine it was just a small…wait how did…Paula" I rolled my eyes as I unlocked my front door to my house, as I stepped in I put my keys in the bowl by the door.
"When are you going to drop the Name, she your mother" I laughed, as I sat down on my couch and grabbed the mail on the coffee table. As I went through it I noticed an envelope address to me, with no return address.
"I'll drop it when she becomes my mother again"
"She never stopped Spencer; we all have been trying to help …"
"Gotta go bye" I hung up the phone and opened the envelope, it was a letter.
Spencer,
Please come by my office soon as possible, we need to talk.
Aiden
A/N: R&R Please