Disclaimer: I don't own Saint Seiya characters!

Èkto epeisódio:

Live, my dear Milo!

'You are alone…' the familiar voice echoed in the deep darkness.

He tried to see something inside these black shadows, he tried to move his body or just answer to that echoing voice. But he couldn't. He couldn't do anything.

'You are alone… forever, Milo…'

"I don't wanna to be alone." The Scorpio managed to whisper barely, but his words were kind of dead. There was no human tone in them.

The dead words in the darkness.

'You have no choice…'

Something really bright blinded him for a while, and when he was able to see again, he realized that there was no darkness anymore. Everything was white.

It took a long time for him to understand where he really was. But he remembered these whiteness, that coldness and the petals of the snow around him. Siberia. It was Siberia, and he could see the wooden hut a few meters away him. He knew that hut; he knew this door and these windows. His hut.

Milo moved in that direction, but after a few steps, he stopped. On the white, pure snow could be seen a few red stains.

"It's red. The snow is red…" he whispered to himself.

'No. The snow is white.'

"It is red. I can see it. The snow is red there."

'No, Milo. The snow is white. Red is the blood… Red is the color of my blood, Milo…'

Red… Snow… White… Blood…

"Camus."

Milo woke up with the name of his friend on his lips. His right hand was stretched out toward the ceiling, like the blue-haired man tried to reach something. Yes, he could remember, he tried to reach something in his dream, but what was that?

The man stood up from his bed, ignoring the headache that was accompanying him every morning since a few days. Since that day, when his best friend died in the Eleventh Temple. He felt used like some old toy, used mentally and physically. Milo tried to remember what happened last night, but he couldn't, everything was misty. His limbs had their own will, and it was them that led him to his bathroom, while his thoughts were dead. Their legs were doing it every morning, walking by their own, when he was waking up, not able to think and not able to exist by his own. For a very few, first seconds he was just like a plant, without mind, without thoughts, without his own will. Only his legs knew what to do, like a plant's stem knew that it must turn to the sun.

"Oh, Goddess, it's getting worse day by day…" whispered Milo to his reflection in the mirror.

His face was paler than yesterday; it seemed to be much more tired than usual. The purple shadows under his eyes were darker and deeper, like the Saint had another sleepless night. In some way it was true, these dreams he had were really exhausting. His blue curls were tangled like never before. His friend would howled in the despair over his hair, usually full of the brightness but now matte, in a real mess.

Milo sighed over his pitiful presence, and walked into the shower. He allowed icy water to run down his body in order to got fully awaken and regain his usual vigor.

After a few minutes he returned to his bedroom, covered by thick towel and shivering in the cold. But this icy water helped him. Now he was able to thing clearly. He could survive the next day in his hopeless life.

The Scorpio dried his blue curls carefully, at the same time trying to untangle all the tangles on his head. It was hardworking activity that caused him some pain a bit, but after he finished it, his hair regained some of their usual brightness. Then he got dressed and hurried to the Pope Temple, to help with repairing it.

The Leo Aiolia, the Aries Mu and a few others men from the Sanctuary were working hard already, when Milo went inside the Pope Temple with springy step and smile on his handsome face. He greeted them cheerfully just like nothing happened at all, but he didn't stop to exchange even a few words with his Golden fellows. He walked away to the farthest corner of the Temple, and started to work with cleaning all debris and avoiding the curious looks of his brother-in-arms.

Mu sighed quietly.

"He looks worse with every day," he said to his companion, Aiolia. "I'm worried about him."

"Yeah, he looks like a ghost, even if he is trying to be as always, cheerful, and smiling."

The two Saints were observing his fellow carefully. Milo was working quietly, with his thought far, far away from the Sanctuary.

"Can we do something for him?" asked Mu with sigh of worry.

"I don't think so, Mu. After all, he lost his best friend."

"Yes, but we all lost our friends."

"Mu, I don't think, he want to be pitied of that. He knows that all of us lost precious persons as well because of the whole betrayal of Saga. But don't you think that he seemed to be dependent of Camus in some way. Dependent much more than any of us are able to be with anyone?"

"Indeed, it looks like that. Like Camus was the source of Milo's life and cheerfulness. I'm not sure when it even started…"

Mu shook his head. Aiolia was right; Milo was really dependent of his friend. Even if Camus was far away from the Sanctuary, then just awareness of Camus life was enough for Milo to keep being cheerful. But when the Aquarius died a few days ago Milo turned into a doll. 'Yes, I'm smiling, because I know I should to that. Yes, I'm talking with you, because it is needed. Yes, I'm trying to be like always when I'm with all of you, because I don't want to worry you. I'm walking, I'm talking, and I'm breathing. But alone I can't be alive.'

That's the way Milo was since Camus died.

"Leave it be for now, Mu. We can't do anything right now. He has to handle it by his own," said Aiolia with resignation in his voice.

The day was really exhausting; Milo was busy all the time since he entered the Pope Temple, didn't even have the time to think about his friend, Camus. He talked a few times with his fellows, Mu and Aiolia, and he even managed to laugh like he always did. Once he joked, but it was joke without his usual spirit; a joke made just for deceiving the two Gold Saints that were looking at him carefully. Oh, he was aware, that they were observing him all the time, but his play should deceive them enough.

After he finished his work in the Pope Temple, Milo stood in the front of Goddess Athena, trying to look as cheerful as he was able in his depressed state.

"Lady Athena," he said with the respect. Even now Milo was afraid, that their Goddess would punish all of them painfully for trying to kill her. After all, they almost did it, believing for thirteen years in the fake Pope's words.

"What's wrong, Milo of the Scorpio?" asked Athena with her usual kindness in her voice. She loved all of her Saints, they were so full of life, and she really didn't care, that nine of the most powerful warriors turned against her. They weren't evil, right? They were just like the lost children that are ready to believe in any words from their parents.

"I want to ask for permission to leave the Sanctuary this evening, Lady Athena."

Her eyes saddened.

"Oh, Milo, what are you searching all the time?" she whispered to him. Even if Saori was in the Sanctuary so short time, just for a few days, she knew already the all bonds between her Saints. And it was painful for her to watch, that one of her sacred warriors was so sad. "Can't you find it here, in the Sanctuary? Among your brothers-in-arms?"

"I am very sorry, Lady Athena, but I cannot find anything in the Sanctuary that could be useful for me."

Saori sighed.

"Go, my Golden Knight. But are you sure, you can find the peace outside the Sanctuary, Milo?"

The Scorpio hesitated.

"At the end… no," he answered, not looking at his Goddess, and left in the silence.

The first place, when he stopped for a while, in the orange light of the setting sun was the sepulcher, when all Gold Saints of the Sanctuary had their graves. He didn't care about the all old graves around him, even if he could feel some kind of energy, radiating from them. He was interested in one thing. Just one. Among the five new tombs there was just one grave Milo wanted to see. The grave of Camus.

He couldn't hold himself for doing that. Coming day by day, just to see it. To see Camus' name engraved on the stone. To touch the letters with his fingers. To apologize for not being able to save him. To sit a few long minutes in the darkness and cry quietly. That's why he was coming here every day.

But after all these things sorrowful Milo left, not only the sepulcher but also the Sanctuary. As day before, and as two and three days ago he went to the city allowing his legs to lead him where they wanted. Usually it ended in some bar, where the Gold Saint was trying to forget about the past with a few glasses of alcohol. And today it ended the same way. The sun had set behind the horizon already when Milo entered one of many bars in the city. Barman smiled to him; after all Milo was here not the first time.

And it started like before; the Scorpio ordered the two bottles of alcohol and sat down away frm other guests. For a few hours no one was disturbing him, he could think alone and drink alone without anybody beside him. Oh, there were really calm hours, when he was cursing himself for his own weakness, then laughing to himself and next almost crying with depressed expression on his face. But when these few hours passed away, some alone woman was sitting at the same table. Milo was really handsome man, no wonder that many women wanted to talk with him, and cheer him up. And as day before, they talked for a while, Milo sponsored her a few drinks and then they were leaving. Together.

The Gold Saint of the Scorpio didn't know by himself, why he was doing that every night. But he gave up with resisting. He just left that bar with another woman, walked with her down the street to no one knew where and talking about many stupid things. She was drunk already, maybe not as much as him, but he had to help her with walking. But… it was easy to see, she was just like him; even if he had difficulties with standing, all his thoughts was clear. He could talk clearly, he could think clearly and he could listen to her with the appropriate interest.

And Milo knew very well how it would end. It was like day ago. Like two days ago, and like many days ago. They drunk another bottle of alcohol in their way; she was laughing at his forced jokes, and he was trying to focus his entire mind on her voice, face, eyes and hair. And after their walk, they ended in her house. Of course, they did. Why this night should be different from the many previous?

It couldn't. That's why Milo allowed her to kiss him deeply in her dark bedroom. All happened really quickly. First they were completely dressed and the next moment Milo was literally, tearing apart her clothes, at the same time, trying to get rid of his own.

He could see it clearly – she was smiling to him with lust in her eyes. He was prepared for that and he kissed her greedily, touching her skin and playing with her already naked breaths. She was moaning loudly with pleasure under his touch; her hands headed down his body, closing around his hot, sensitive part of his body. Milo enjoyed it, groaning into her mouth.

The whole act was rush, sharp and rapid. He entered her hard and deep, making her almost scream with the pleasure. His hips were moving really fast, like he wanted to pierce her small body. Oh, it was nice making her to feel good, and trying to forget his voice, whispering with the disapproval inside his own head. But even her loud moans weren't enough to make him not hearing it. He gave up, allowing her to switch their places, allowing her to ride him, and seeing him instead of that woman's fragile and pretty face.

It ended quickly with her scream and his quiet moan. She collapsed beside him, pressing her naked body against him, and saying something. But he couldn't hear these words. He was too pensive. Camus' face was still inside his mind, he could see it clearly, like the Aquarius was there, trying to scold him for doing such a stupid thing.

Heh, it was stupid, getting drunk day by day, and ending with stranger in the one bed every night. But he wanted to forget, to find peace for his mind. But it didn't work as well as it should. More, it was getting worse every day. It was the first time when he saw Camus' face while making love. Why? Why he wasn't able to forget?

Milo sighed, turning away his head, when woman tried to kiss him again. She looked at him with surprise, but he just got up from her bed and dress up quickly.

"I think, that we will never see each other again," said Milo without looking at her. "Good luck in your life."

And he left her.

He passed through the ten Temples, trying to not wake up his four sleeping fellows. He didn't know, how he managed to do that, his steps was loud and heavy, but no one went outside. Probably if they heard something, they sensed his cosmo, so why should they come out just for him? So after a few minutes he went inside the Aquarius Temple without thinking, why he didn't stay in his own Temple.

Camus' bedroom was still the same like when he was alive. The bed, huge enough for two men, was placed in the middle of one of the walls with small, round table on its right side. Another table was standing in the corner of the room; Milo remembered, that Camus loved to read at this table every evening. The chair was brought from the library; the Aquarius liked this chair, its complicated structure and that old fashion.

Milo sighed with despair looking at all these things that not long ago belonged to his best friend. He sat down on the floor, resting his back on Camus' bed, and looking at the stony wall with the empty eyes. He could still see the Aquarius' face in front of his eyes.

'Oh, Milo, look at you…'

He twitched, turning around his head, hoping that the voice of his friend wasn't just an illusion, and he is still alive, sitting on his bed and stroking his blue curls. He could feel it, his warm hand on his blue hair! He could!

Milo looked behind and saw… nothing. He chuckled with the disappointment.

"Yeah, Camus. I look pitifully."

'How could youbring yourselftothis state, dear Milo?'

Milo laughed hysterically.

"Yeah, good question, my friend. How?"

Milo waited for a while, but this time no one answered him.

"Heh, I even don't know, what I'm doing here, Camus. Why I'm sitting here, completely drunk, and why I'm talking to my own imagination."

He laughed again. Then, he looked at the bed behind him, stroking a red blanket slowly. His eyes were filled with the hot tears.

"You had no idea… You had no idea how much I wanted to get under that red blanket someday. And play with your body. Sometimes I was close to do that, and rape you if it would be necessary… I'm so stupid, don't you think, Camus?"

He cringed in his sitting position and encircled his legs with his arms.

"You had no idea…" Milo repeated with the broken voice.

Then someone touched his shoulder gently. It was cold, and strong hand, that could be only his.

'I have, Milo…'

The Scorpio raised his head, but there was no one in this room beside him.

"Are you still here?" he asked, with the tears falling down his cheek. "Just go away already…"

Silence. Milo rested his head on his arm again, still crying.

"No… Don't go away. I don't want to be alone…"

The Scorpio felt like someone's cold hand was stroking his curls, but of course it was only his imagination. The blue-haired man sobbed loudly, digging his nails into his own body and making the deep wounds on his muscular arms. He even didn't felt pain; the red drops of blood felt down on the stony floor.

'Milo. You will not be alone. Remember? We are friends forever. And now just live.'

Milo cried loudly into his arms, digging his nails deeper into his body.

'Just live, my dear Milo.'

"I think he is in the Camus' Temple, Aiolia," said Mu, when they didn't find Milo in his own bed.

"Are you sure? Maybe he is still somewhere…"

"He isn't. We searched his whole Temple. I'm sure he passed through my own Temple a few minutes ago. And if he isn't here, then he should be there."

"Then let's go, if you still have that disturbing feeling."

They left the Scorpio Temple behind them and run to the Temple of the Aquarius.

It wasn't too difficult to find Milo of the Scorpio. The man was sitting on the floor in Camus' bedroom, completely drunk and huddled next to the bed. He was crying with his arms covered by the red blood.

"Milo!" screamed Mu, and the next moment he was kneeling beside his fellow. "Milo, what's wrong?"

The Scorpio raised his head, and looked at Mu. He blinked a few times, being not sure, from where these two Saints appeared.

"You are bleeding. What happened?"

Then Milo took a look at his arms.

"It's nothing; I just clenched my hand too tightly."

After a while The Aries Mu saw that one of Milo's nails was longer and peaked. The Scarlet Needle.

"What you were trying to do with that, Milo? Answer me?!" the lavender-haired man shook his friend's shoulders.

Milo looked at his nail, as if he was seeing it the first time in his whole life.

"You didn't try to hurt yourself with that, right, Milo?" asked Aiolia, approaching them, and kneeling down. He touched Milo's shoulder friendly.

"No, I… Oh, I don't know. Just leave me alone." He hid his face in his arms clenching his hands again. A few fresh, red drops fell down. "Why are you still here?"

"Milo. Don't do that. Don't fall into despair, please," Mu whispered with the calm, and gently voice. "We need you as a friend and as a brother on the fighting field. You have your duty as the Athena's Gold Saint."

Milo chuckled repulsively.

"Screw that. Just go away."

It would be better if Milo tried to scream at them, cursing their lives. But no, his voice was calm, almost emotionless. Mu sighed with resignation.

"Milo, we are always by your side. Then, don't die," said Mu and stood up. "Come, Aiolia. I think we can't do anything right now."

The Leo Saint sighed. He also stood up and headed to the exit.

'Live, Milo,' he heard just before Mu stood up. 'Please, live. Don't give up, my dear friend.'

The Aries Saint took his first step away from Milo, heading to the exit, like Aiolia. At the same moment an incredible fear filled Scorpio's heart. He quickly caught his fellow's hand.

"Mu… I think… I changed my mind. Could you stay, one of you? Please."

Mu looked at him with the surprise, but after a while he smiled with the relief, kneeling back. Aiolia nodded his head, and left with the silence.

"Of course I can stay," said the Aries, sitting on the floor beside his friend. "As long as you need."

'Live a happy life, Milo.'