Author's notes: I want to say thank you to everyone who reviewed and followed and fave'd this story, Your support is fantastic!
Cho keeps glancing over at Lisbon. She hasn't said a word since she got back in to the car. Bertram had told him about the incident, though he'd pretty much guessed what had happened. Bertram told him how sorry he was for their loss, and Cho was thankful that Lisbon hadn't endured hearing the cops sympathy line being used on her. As it was, Cho barely stopped himself from slinging the phone down. Instead he listened as Bertram offered more trite lines of the 'anything I can do' variety and when he told Cho that he must take care of Agent Lisbon, Cho interrupted by saying
"That's just what I intend to do"
and hung up the phone. He reached into the glove box for some napkins and handed them to Lisbon as she got back into the car. She took them with a grateful nod and then said her final words.
"We're going to the crime scene."
Lisbon is not sure how she managed to get herself through the airport and on the plane. She hasn't a single memory of the whole process. She's certain that she has Cho to thank for it. Her brain is frozen. It hasn't worked since the she got back in the car, after emptying the contents of her stomach. Her mind is overwhelmed with thoughts that are paralysing. Jane won't be coming back. She's failed. She's failed the team and she's failed Jane. She can't close her eyes as memories play out in the darkness. Flickers of time, of moments. Cups of tea, couches, ice cream, playful smiles, wicked smiles. Memories of dragging him out of a pond, cutting through cellophane, guns and knives, so many times that he's survived and now he's gone. Memories of determination, disappointment, pain and torment, of a conversation. Now he won't get his revenge, now she doesn't have to stop him. Gone is the worry, the irritation, the frustration, Jane.
She can't breathe, there's a lump in her chest that is putting too much pressure on her lungs and they can hardly move. They have to work too hard, too fast, she begins to feel dizzy, Cho shoves a bag up to her mouth and a steadying hand on her back. She bends forward concentrating on slowing her breathing, making her lungs work past the lump. The dizziness passes and she feels embarrassed. She straightens up to find everyone looking at her, a flight attendant asking if she needs a doctor. Cho answers that she's fine now. She hands him back the bag with a grateful nod. He takes it and puts it in the seat in front of him and then slips his hand gently in hers. It feels warm and comforting and she lets it stay.
Cho's pleased when the announcement of the plane's descent brings Lisbon out of her stupor. She gives his hand a slight squeeze and prepares herself for touch down. She has a job to do. she needs to get justice for Jane. Volker is not going to get away with this.
As the scenery become recognisable as her neighbourhood, Lisbon's body stiffens. She steels herself for what is to come. She wants to be strong, she needs to be strong, she has to do this for Jane. She's grateful that she's found something to grasp on to, that steadies her emotions and her heart rate. She's a cop and this is what she needs to do, this is what will keep her sane. These are the arguments she put forward to Bertram once she had landed and was in the car making her way to the crime scene. He wanted to take her off the case, which is understandable and, also, predictable so she had her arguments ready and was pleased with the steady way in which she was able to present her case. She was also determined and finally he'd given in, with the stipulation that, as long as Needham was agreeable.
The police tape is up ahead. She's aware of Cho taking his eyes from the road and glancing at her. She turns and looks at him, giving him a nod of reassurance. He pulls up to a stop and they exit the car. There is only a CSI van at the scene, there is only one cop on duty guarding the scene. They hold up their badges to him and he lifts up the tape and lets them through. She feels Cho move closer to her as they get nearer to the blast area. There is scorch marks on the side of the building and glass everywhere. They have to be careful where they step, avoiding as much of it as possible. They receive glances from the CSI techs still working the scene. They come to the alleyway that runs down the side of the store. It's obvious that the explosion took place half way down the alley. The scorch marks are bigger and deeper here. She receives a 'go ahead' nod from the one of the techs as they're finished working the area.
She walks with a determination she doesn't feel. Her limbs ache with the desire to take her out of this place. The evidence of the explosion hitting home the realty of the nightmare. Jane is dead. His life brought to an end by her enemy. The irony is not lost on her of the constant worry Jane bore that his nemesis would take her. She looks up to the heavens, taking hold of her cross with a prayer on her lips but words are impossibel. She closes her eyes as tears form but she is unable to stop them from falling on to her cheeks. There's so much she wants to say, and feel, but, it all seems inadequate, and impossible, maybe one day.