PART FIVE: More.

January 2012

He was good for her. She knew that. He was too good. She felt safe in his embrace, he was her saving grace. It was no longer just her and an empty house. Every now and then there was someone beside her making the bed feel warmer. But she felt broken. She was the damage. She was never the kind for longterm relationships. Her heart had been broken and cheated on too many times before. The only common element: her old self. He was good. He wanted to know more, know the real her. But each and every time he did she'd push him away. Maybe she should have talked more. Maybe she shouldn't have just closed the door. Because he wanted them to be more than just two people screwing each other in bed. He wanted them to be a real "us". He wanted to share a house, bills and a life. She was too used to being on her own so she pushed him away. The truth though, the truth was that she was scared. Scared that one day he'd realize she was no good for him and he'd just get up one morning and leave. Leave. Scared that one day he'd realize she was no good for him and he'd go look for a 20 year version of her. And then he'd leave. He would end up leaving her. So in her mind she made herself believe he deserved more. He deserved someone who wanted more than just screwing around in bed. He deserved someone who wouldn't want play hide and seek. Someone who he could kiss wherever and whenever he wanted to. Someone who wouldn't be afraid to held his hands while thousand people watch them. He deserved someone who could share a house, bills and a life with him. He deserved someone who wouldn't be afraid to fight. Someone who would have the guts to stick around when things went south. In her pretty little mind she didn't want all that and she wasn't all that. In her pretty little mind, Louis Vartann deserved someone better than Catherine Willows.

"You deserved more, Lou." Her voice still echoed inside his head. How could she ever say something so low. In his eyes, she was perfect. Yes, she had her flaws. But she was perfect for him. He didn't want to push her but he ended up doing it. Their relationship had come to a point where he didn't know what she wanted anymore. He was sure of what he wanted. He wanted her in his life. He wanted her in his life for good. He wanted to be able to come home and have the smell of her perfume spread around the house. He wanted to come and have her there. He wanted to go home and wait for her. He wanted to have her in his arms. He wanted her to fall asleep peacefully and safely in his embrace. He wanted to see her face first thing in the morning. He wanted to be able to wake up with her in his embrace each and every day. He wanted more than just someone to share a house and bills. He wanted to share his life with hers. He wanted her to share her life with him. Share. That was the problem, share. Share wasn't a thing she wouldn't do very often. She hadn't told him about her part on the casino. She hadn't told him about the time she thought she had been raped. She just hadn't told him. But despite all her flaws (and her lack of her share) she was all he had asked for. In his heart there was no one better than Catherine Willows.

A very intrigued, infuriated, and angry, Grace Willows come running into the house screaming for her mother but the only thing she found was her mother's co-workers.

"Sara! Nick! Why is there a cop in front of my house? And why are you here? What happened? And where is my mom?"

"Gracie calm down!"

"Calm down, Nicky?! There's a cop in front my house! There're two CSI's in my living room! A pool of blood in the carpet! A bullet hole in one of the frames. And my mom is nowhere to be seen! And you tell me to calm down?!"

Nick Stokes knew better than trying to call down Grace Willows in a situation like this. Her surprise visit had turned into a nightmare. And he knew what kind of thoughts were going through her mind because they were exactly like the same ones he was trying to block in his head. But both knew that the odds weren't in their favor.

"We don't know where she is. All we know is that both your mom and D.B are missing. And well..." he took a look around the living room "someone tried to kill her."

As soon she heard those words come out from Nick's mouth her entire world dropped at her feet. Someone tried to kill her. A million thoughts crossed her mind but none of them ended up with a pretty picture. She was too much her mother's daughter - the only thing that could keep her mind clear was work. "What can I do?" that was all she could say.

As soon as Vartann heard the news he regretted not following his instincts. He regretted the moment he decided not to go back to her house. He regretted it. But mostly he was angry. Angry at whoever had put the hit on his girl. Angry at himself for not being there. Angry for not protecting even though she had told him to leave. He was angry. He had tried to reach her cell phone in the hopes she'd pick it up and tell him it was all just a misunderstood. Hope. It was all he could hold onto at the moment. He went to police department looking for Brass hoping he'd have better news by then. But no such luck. The only thing he had to hold onto was hope.