"Never Let You Go"
Of all the difficult challenges I had ever faced, of the vicious battles I've fought and the powerful foes I had conquered, I had never faced one as difficult as the one presented before me now. It was nothing like I had ever dealt with before, pushed into the back of my processor to never been thought of as something needed to be done. It was something more unfamiliar to me than anything, so out of character I began to doubt who I was anymore. However strange, I knew was what needed to be done in order to get this closure my spark needed. I had to make everything right, make amends to the pain I had cast on others. As I went I told myself, I am Megatron no matter what happens, I needed to change for the better. This was a transformation that could only begin with mending what I had broken, and no one was more broken than Starscream.
I left Optimus's quarters, the soldier posted outside the door clearly startled at my emergence. The thought dawned on me suddenly: where had he been when Starscream was here? The seeker was not known for his stealth or compromising abilities, and my drones did not disobey command. I gave the soldier a glare, repeating my already spoken orders. "No one gets in this room but the medic." I hissed and jabbed at his chassis. He nodded shakily and I added, "You are not to leave this post unless ordered to by me! Do I make myself clear?" I growled with my usual harsh tone. The fear that spread across his frame caused me to remember my resolution. I let my anger fade and left without another word. This would be much harder than I thought, I realized as I walked.
The seeker I was sure had not left the ship. I knew he had nowhere else to go and no reason to leave. Wherever he had been hiding, he must have left for some reason. He had stated he wanted to return, and I had not declined him the offer nor given him the beating I would have normally greeted him with. I frowned at that thought, the years of suppressing my second command filling me with more regret. I was certain it was my doing that had turned Starscream into the traitor he was known for being. Rethinking it, who would not wish to overthrow a leader who treated him the way I had? He had just reasons for doing so, ones that I now understood. And that was exactly why I had to find him now.
As I journeyed through the halls I heard the chatter of vehicons become more hushed and frantic. This was something I had not paid attention to before, not noticing until recent. I found it amusing, the way they had become almost sentient it seemed. Shockwave could not have counted on this to happen just as I hadn't. They scurried from my path, getting out of the way of their tyrannical lord I knew they feared. I let them slip my mind, ignoring them as I usually had, and refocused on my thoughts concerning Starscream. His quarters was not far from mine, something that had been useful in previous situations. Passing my own room first though, I had noticed the door open. Curious, I altered my course and entered. There was no reason for anyone being in here, and I hadn't touched the room in over a week. Upon entering I glanced around, my attention immediately being drawn to the window.
His slim figure stood there, wings cocked back as he glared outward into the sky. I stopped and swallowed, unsure of what I was to exactly say. As good as I was with words there was no easy way of beginning the conversation I had intended. He turned to face me, quickly realizing my presence. "Starscream." I said softly, still unsure. His gaze remained cold. "Finally come to your senses, master?" He scoffed. I could see the pain in his optics, hidden beneath the malicious exterior he had created, I had created. "Yes." I replied. "It is about time that I have come to my senses actually." I spoke truthfully, taking a step further towards him. He cowered and faltered backwards, years of punishment compelling him so. "Starscream." I said again with more intent. "I am not here to hurt you, as improbable as that may seem. Relax and listen… you have nothing to fear of me any longer." He looked shocked, completely confused and doubtful. "What are you talking about?" He questioned with a sharp glossa. "You? Lord Megatron? The merciless and spark-less ruler of the Decepticons, not to be feared?" He cackled sarcastically. I only stared and waited for his cynical laughter to cease. Clearly I had miscalculated the damage I had caused him. When he finally did stop with a final giddy gasp, all emotion left his face plate. He took a moment to decide his next actions, staring me down with decisive cold optics. "You… you can't be serious?" He questioned disbelievingly. My response was only a curt nod as he continued to stare uncertainly. It occurred to me then that this may have been too difficult for the seeker to understand, especially given my actions towards him the previous night. Primus, it was something that I didn't entirely understand either. This was not just a year or decade of hatred I was attempting to make up for, it was an entire lifetime of dark history forged between us. It was nearly as far back as my history with Orion, though twice as violent. Another pang of regret hit me at that. I was aware now that my own second in command had taken more of a beating from me than even my enemies, which was precisely why this was so difficult.
I reached out to him and placed a servo on his shoulder. He flinched but did not attempt to remove himself from my grasp. "There is nothing I can do, I know, to ever compensate for what I put you through." I stated, all the while staring firmly into his optics. He stared back in silence, his own optics shivering with the despair that cultivated within them. I saw the fear, the pain, but mostly the hatred that shown through. It was obvious the seeker hated me, he had made that clear to everyone. Before he could react or shout at me again I leaned in close to him and whispered, "I'm sorry."
Those words I could still not believe, even as I heard them slip from my vocal processor, that they had come from me. The recipient of those words however, with an unyielding expression, could clearly not believe them either. He roughly pulled away from my grasp, staring up at me with hurt optics. I could compare his appearance relevantly to that of a beaten and frightened animal, which was not far off. "D-don't play games with me!" He spat backing away. I grumbled and my servos rose to my face exasperatingly. My temper rose as he continued to ignore what I was saying and I tried to restrain myself.
"Listen to me you fool!" I shouted, losing control. "I am attempting to apologize to you! To express the regret I now feel for what I put you through!" I continued, my vocalizer getting louder. He shook his helm, avoiding my words still and shouted back. "No no no! I will not be tricked by you, LORD. And even if you were being honest, I hope you're not expecting me to forgive you. You call me a fool, but I'm not that stupid!" He huffed, wings flaring.
"Of course I don't! I don't want you to forgive me, but to know that yes, I truthfully am sorry! If you would just listen for once, then maybe you would get that!" I blurted angrily.
He stared aghast for a moment before retorting. "You should realize by now that I don't want to listen to you anymore." His anger faded, but still remained. "I'm done."
I raised an optic ridge. What did he mean by that? "I know very well that you don't simply give up on things, Starscream." I stated. "You're far too persistent in getting what you want."
"I'm tired of this." He replied. "You are only half right, master. I am not giving up anything. What I want right now more than anything is nothing." He hissed.
"Nothing?" I repeated. "Why do I find that hard to believe?" I inquired.
"As difficult to believe as you apologizing to me, my liege?" He countered smugly, regaining a bit of his chalice, but I knew he was hiding something.
His quick dismissal had me suspicious, his previous answer to my questioning even more so. "Certainly it seems we are both changing as of recent." I replied. "You though, could not possibly want nothing." I said pointing a finger at him.
He looked offended, but regained his ground swiftly. "And since when do you know anything about what I want?" Again he counted with a question, reigniting my aggravation.
"That's right, I don't know." I responded. "And that is exactly why I am asking" I stated, giving him no room for more of his ridiculous counter questioning.
His wings twitched and I knew I had him cornered now. They only did that when he was nervous, when he was trying to think his way out of trouble as he had done so many times before. "You don't care!" He abruptly spat, wings pinning straight back and arms crossing protectively. "This is none of your concern!"
"And if I did?" I pried. "What if I did care?" I asked, further attempting to oust what the seeker had been holding back.
"I-I…" He began, but we were interrupted. The sound of quirky pedes entering the room had us both flicking our glances to the red mech who entered. I was torn away from my predicament with the seeker then as my full attention was taken by the medic, who surely bore news of Optimus's condition.
"Knockout." I stated. "This had better be important." My anger was still evident in my voice, though I tried to hide it. The medic appeared lost, maybe confused at Starscream's presence, but shook it off and begun with his report.
"My liege, Optimus has begun to show regular processor activity. We think he may be coming to." He stated enthusiastically. My optics lit up at the news, but was followed by a subtle twinge of anxiety. I begun to follow the medic back to Optimus's quarters, turning back once to glance at Starscream. The seeker, with wings flat against his back struts, had returned his gaze to the window. I would have to deal with him later, I thought solemnly. Our discussion would have to postponed, but we certainly were not finished just yet.
AH! So sorry for another long wait for an update! With college, work, and other things its hard to find time to write these days... This is kinda a short chapter too, so I apologize for that as well, hopefully the content makes up for that. I will try and have the next one out soon!
Starscream: that fragger... leaves me as soon as his precious Optimus comes back online.
Sanity: *gives Screamer tissues* there there, I know how you feel... just let it all out.
Starscream: thank you... *wipes energon tears*
Sanity: *sniffle* we can get through this together!
Starscream+Sanity: *binge on energon goodies in the corner*
Knockout: Uhhh... please review! *watches Starsceam and Sanity* Awkward...
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