It was raining over the Bering Sea. Dark clouds churned underneath Skybase. They had risen higher above the rain clouds, the winds howling around them, and underneath the cloud cover, the sea was churning, the wall of rain was beating down.
Captain Scarlet had spent most of the day in the rec room and the gym, running miles upon miles, pushing weights, doing sit-ups, crunches, and generally trying to exhaust himself. With his metabolism it was almost an impossible task.
No one had disturbed his run so far. He had chosen the treadmill because of the monotony of each move, because he could let his thoughts run freely, and because it gave him a chance to just… be himself.
Just running.
Nothing else but running.
He wasn't really out of breath and while he felt the muscle movement, there was no real strain. Fifty kilometers and counting.
He wasn't anymore. He had stopped looking at the display. He knew his heartbeat and pulse remained steady, that his lungs were not even at their limit, that he could go another sixty.
Below, the clouds grew even darker.
It had been two days since his talk with Adam, telling him everything. Well, close to everything. There was still so much more.
And they had the time to share.
Because Adam had accepted… this. Him. All of it.
It had floored Paul, the easy acceptance. Adam would be sharing his life, his eternity, and he… hadn't really looked all too shocked or had protested.
Could it be this easy?
Would it last?
That was the most painful of his many thoughts. What might happen in ten years down the road. Twenty. More. Adam was stuck with him. Like him, he wouldn't age. Like him, he would always look his thirty-two years.
No family. No children.
Freak. Monster. Aberration.
He almost stumbled and quickly found his rhythm again.
"Thinking," a soft voice had him stumble again.
He had missed the sound of the door to the gym opening. He had missed the approach of the man he had been thinking about. Adam walked over, leaning against the curving metal beam next to the treadmill, arms crossed in front of his chest, an easy smile on his lips. He looked a bit pale, fine lines of the past stress and pain of the recovery still there.
"Couldn't sleep. Feels like I've slept forever. And I keep thinking."
Scarlet slowed down and finally stopped the treadmill. Dread rose inside him.
His fellow captain gave him another easy smile. "I'm still in. Give me some time to digest it, okay? I'm not going to pull out of something that big. Not like I can, right? You're stuck with me, Paul, like it or not."
Paul stepped down and grabbed a towel, shaking his head. "This isn't about what I like or not."
"It kinda is. Like I told you, you're my best friend. And you know we had something before Mars."
Yes, there had been an undercurrent between them. Neither man had pursued it. Attraction was a common thing. Attraction could lead further or it would fade one day. Adam had come to Spectrum as a highly decorated US Army officer. Captain Scarlet had been with the US Airforce and in Special Forces. Both men had become fast friends and the low vibes between them had gone no further.
Just like Paul's friendship with Destiny Angel had never taken another step forward. Relationships amongst co-workers were a difficult topic. Emotions got in the way.
Now… now it was something else that connected them and the emotions were secondary, but they were there, the low-key hum, the still steady attraction. Scarlet knew that he could give in, but he wasn't who had gone to Mars. He had no idea what the Mysteron body would make of this.
"Paul?"
He was jerked out of his thoughts and Adam's grin was almost infectious.
"You said I'm not interchangeable with anyone else, right?"
He nodded wordlessly.
"And I kinda doubt you'd anchor yourself to someone you don't like. Or who doesn't like you. So this is what we work with, okay? We both had to learn to live with it. I told you I'm okay with it. I know we need time, talk, get to know this thing… even you don't know all about yourself. And I want to know what your Mysteron side flings at you, understood? Flashes, memory jolts, everything. I'm in and I deserve to know everything."
Captain Scarlet swallowed, then nodded. "You do," he said, mouth a little dry. His mind was in uproar.
"I'm also stuck in my own personal rehab hell. That means you get to suffer with me. I'm grounded and I don't intend to sit in my quarters all day. I think we can spend that downtime getting me up to speed on Mysteron anchor bonds."
Paul nodded again. Inside, he was drawn between happiness and terror. Absolute terror.
Adam leaned forward, holding his gaze with his own. "No lies, no obfuscation, no silence, Paul. Everything. Good, bad and absolutely ugly."
"Understood."
Below them, the clouds kept churning, now and then a flash of lightning danced through the murkiness.
"Good. Get some sleep, Paul. We'll start tomorrow."
And then Adam was gone. Moving a little stiffly, which was to be expected, but on his own two feet and so very much alive.
Scarlet sat down on the treadmill, running his fingers through his tousled hair.
No more lies. The truth about himself, about everything he experienced and had never told anyone else but Doctor Gold before.
He could do it.
This was Adam.
x X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx Xx X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx Xx X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx Xx X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx X
They talked a lot.
More than they ever had before, about more than just family and their lives before Spectrum.
For the first time, Adam Svenson understood what had happened to his friend, what had happened to Captain Scarlet, to Paul Metcalfe. He listened, he asked questions, he filed away everything to memory. He heard of the pain, the loss, the agony of death and regeneration.
"I didn't know," he said.
"No one does. The doc, yes. No one else understood."
"You never mentioned it."
Paul gave him a hollow laugh. "What would you want me to say? It hurts like hell every time? That dying is slow and agonizing, that my nerve endings scream when a bullets tears into me, that I feel life leave me? What would it change? I am what I am, Adam."
"You're human, Paul. You feel. You are afraid of death, like all of us."
"I'm… the only chance we have sometimes."
Adam lightly nudged his leg with his own. They sat comfortably on the ground, up on the service platform, where aside from them, no one came.
"You're entitled to be terrified. We all are. No one would think less of you. You run into deadly situations with no regard for your own life, your pain. That's why no one asks. Some think you don't feel pain anymore."
"Because I'm a Mysteron."
Adam took one pale, cold hand and squeezed it. "No. They look at the other replicants and see their detachment. They see you and see… emotions. It was hard to understand in the beginning. You know I had doubts, too. No one could be sure you were completely free of their control. And then you would give your life again and again."
"Sometimes I wonder how free I really am, too."
"They no longer control you," Adam stated.
"I can still hear them. Once I thought I felt their minds, trying to get back into mine, erase the human part. It was like a constant thrum against my mind. I fight them, every single time, and every single time I'm afraid I might lose."
The blond shook his head. "They won't get you back."
Paul smiled thinly. "Not anymore, now that you're there. Completely."
"Would you ever have told me? If this had remained a partial anchor?"
He shrugged. Adam frowned at him, but he let it drop.
"What about Destiny?"
The pale blue eyes widened briefly. "What about her?" Paul asked, trepidation in his voice.
"You and her. Something's there. Don't deny it." Adam shrugged. "You… bonded."
"Over the loss of a good friend. Over the loss of a lover. She and I… We're friends and that's it."
"Not even a partial anchor?"
"There can only ever be one, Adam."
"But you thought it might be her?"
Paul shook his head. "Never thought it, never hoped it. With the memory flashes I knew it was you."
"You never hoped it was her?" Adam prodded gently. "Because you two would have been great."
It got him a thin, brittle smile. "No. Never hoped. And we wouldn't have worked out. She loves Conrad; still does, always will. I got glimpses of what they could have become and it was… beautiful. The two of us, Destiny and me, it was desperation on my part, to have a friend, to feel human. She made me feel human. There were emotions, even jumbled ones, and it was nice for a while.
She care for me. I know she still does. That kiss we shared… it was nice. It wasn't us, though. She wanted and needed a friend, to connect to something of Conrad's. Someone who might understand that while he's dead, he's still there somehow."
Adam was silent, still holding his hand, still anchoring him in so many ways. His thumb brushed over Paul's skin, a calming, repetitive motion.
"You got me," he finally murmured. "I'm not saying I'll jump into a firefight without an ounce of survival instinct, but I'll always be at your side."
It got Adam a fine smile. "You were at my side before you knew about this."
"Hm, think about it, Metcalfe."
Paul rested their interlaced hands on his thigh.
Adam let him do his processing.
One step at a time.
"I feel this way because I'm no longer under their control," Paul broke the silence. "Puppets experience no pain. Black… he dies, he recovers, he goes on. That's why he has an advantage over me."
"I believe emotions are always an advantage over being an automaton."
Scarlet shrugged.
"They are," Adam insisted. "We beat them because you're not like them!"
"A human psyche in a Mysteron body," he said softly. "Neither of one species, nor another."
"Very much human."
It got Adam a small smile.
x X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx X
"This isn't… exclusive," Paul said one late night over a bowl of crisps and some damn good beer.
Adam was simply happy he was allowed to drink something other than water or tea by now. Gold had been adamant. Since he was off duty – and Scarlet metabolized alcohol like water – both had chosen beers.
"Come again?"
"You are my partner, Adam, my anchor now, too, but you're not attached to me by the hip."
"Huh. Could've fooled me."
"I meant off duty."
"Yep." He popped the 'p' a little.
Paul rolled his eyes. "What I mean is…"
"I know what you mean, buddy. And you know I've made my decision."
"What do you want from me, Adam?"
"Whatever you have to give."
"No! Don't… Don't give me that crap! I'm not using you! I never will! You're not a tool for me!"
"Paul…"
"I said don't!" Scarlet snapped furiously. "What. Do. You. Want? You, Adam!"
Adam studied the angry man, took in the hardness in the pale blue eyes, the set to his jaw. "I want you," he said calmly. "I want to be your friend. I want to be your field partner. And I want to see what can happen outside that."
"And if it doesn't work out?"
"Then it doesn't. I like you, Paul. No matter what happens between us, it can't destroy what we already have."
"You're making all the compromises," Paul said softly. "Sacrifices."
"No. We both lost and won. You lost the most, but you stayed on. You fight for everything you are and want to be, Paul. So will I. With you."
"I'm not sure I can be that person for you."
"What person?" Adam prodded, taking a swallow.
Paul grimaced. He saw the amused light in the blue eyes, the flicker of mischief.
"Symphony. Serena."
"You're confusing me with Magenta. He's the charmer, the ladies man and womanizer. Well, he thinks he is. Must be the Italian roots." Adam smirked.
"You could have a relationship."
Pale blond eyebrows rose.
"With a woman. Have a family."
"You think I'm that kind of bastard?"
"What?" Paul blurted.
"I'm ageless now, right? Thirty-two. Stuck. Sure, it might become awkward in ten years. In twenty it would be unbearable. Paul, I'm not looking for the white picket fence and the kids and the dog. I chose a military career. We all did. Serena is a career officer, White's executive officer. She turned down a promotion to Captain for that. And Symphony's a passionate, born pilot, like all the Angels." He met the pale blue eyes seriously. "I'm not looking for any of that. You got me. Whatever you need, I'm here."
Paul was silent.
"And you know I like who I like. Man or woman. I wouldn't do it to either. It's my choice and I made it."
The blue eyes darkened a little and Paul looked away.
"I'm not someone to start a fling, get my rocks off, Paul. I'm not a player. I'm not playing with you, either."
"I know," as the soft reply.
"Then listen to me for once. Just this once."
It got him a faint smile. "I listen to you."
"Not enough, it seems. And never when it's important. Like now. So listen."
Paul huffed a laugh, shaking his head. He finally looked into the blue eyes.
"I haven't felt like this since… my death. No urges. I'm a Mysteron, Adam. They aren't physical."
"You're part-Mysteron, a hybrid. You have a body, they apparently don't. They need a mental connection, but you react physically, and don't you deny it."
"Not in a way that is human."
Adam gave a huff of annoyance. "You really think I'm making this about a roll in the hay? Think again, Scarlet." Adam's brows lowered into a frown, eyes narrowing. "Relationships aren't solely for the good time fuck, okay? I'm not saying I'm asexual, but this is about so much more, Paul."
"So you don't expect me to jump your bones?"
"I expect you to follow whatever you feel is right. I'm not expecting you to feel anything, Paul."
"You sound like a martyr. Just taking it. No complaints, no anger, no fear, nothing." The blue eyes appeared almost inhumanly pale now. "You're not a tool for me, Adam. You can rant, you can be furious. You also don't have to comply to whatever I want."
Adam leaned in closer. "I'm not. I like you, Paul. And I told you, I did so already before everything went to hell in a handbasket. I know you were attracted to me back then and the guy you are now is the same guy you were back then. You want to act on what you feel? You don't want to act on it? Your choice. Think about it. It's your decision, not mine."
"What if me acting on it isn't what you think it would be?"
"I'm not going to run."
"I'm not so sure."
"You said having a friend is what you need. The anchor. Everything else is just add-on pleasure." Adam smiled gently. "I am your friend. Nothing can change that. Just think about the rest."
"Isn't that short-changing you?"
"No."
So simple. Such an easy answer.
Silence fell.
Adam simply let him think.
They had time to work on this. Work it out. Make it work.
X X X
They spent the rest of the evening watching sports, rooting for opposite teams, and Paul relaxed against him.
Adam smiled, letting himself doze off. It felt good. And he had told Paul the truth: this was about so much more than just a physical aspect. It was about trust, about companionship, about keeping Captain Scarlet balanced and sane. They were slowly finding back to what had been in the making four years ago.
And they had all the time in the world.
x X XX xx X XX xxx x X XX xx X XX x X XX xx X
"So… those memory flashes…" Adam raised an eyebrow.
They were on the maintenance platform again, the sky underneath clear and sunny. Skybase was currently hovering over Tasmania.
Paul, knees pulled up and lower arms resting on them, shrugged. "Yes?"
"You ever got any intel on the Mysterons through them?"
He laughed softly. "I wish. It's nothing like this. Even though the Colonel hoped I might get something that could give us an advantage. I'm still the only advantage we have. Doctor Gold's riding me to write everything down."
Adam nodded. He had noticed that in the past. Scarlet was sometimes working with a tablet, brows furrowed, deep in thought, typing away. He had never asked what he did; now he knew.
"What I get is mostly concerning me. In the beginning it was complete gibberish. Then it got clearer and clearer. It drove me insane sometimes, waking up with this mess of alien things in my head. It was like I had had a life before my own or while I was living my own." Paul folded his hands, gazing at the azure sky outside and below. "It took me a few weeks to work out that what most of it meant was that I needed someone. A companion, an anchor. Doctor Gold figured that a replicant doesn't feel the same need I do because they are created for a purpose and then are… discarded of. I lived on."
Adam silently watched the pale, tense features, noticing that tension creeping through Paul's whole body. He leaned a little closer, almost in physical contact but still with a tiny gap between them. He let one knee bump against his friend's.
Paul started to relax a little.
"I'm the exception to the rule. I regained my old memories. I became myself again, but this body and the energy it created aren't human. Mysterons aren't physical, but I am both. I'm a hybrid and that started his mess. I began to understand that I needed someone with me and then I understood that apparently the Mysteron had chosen you."
"And you ignored your instincts."
Paul glanced at him, a rueful smile on his lips. "Yes."
"And you started to hang out with Destiny, helping her with her pain, and thought it would help yours?"
A shrug. "It was a distraction. Until Ragnarok."
Adam let himself lean lightly against the other man. Paul didn't move away, just tensed for a moment, then relaxed again.
"Drastic measures," the blond remarked.
"It was a catalyst in so many ways," Paul agreed, closing his eyes.
Adam didn't prod any further. He enjoyed the silence that fell between them, smiling softly.
tbc...