PART TWENTY: Damn You
"I just want you to share your life with. I want to be part of your life." His words were presented on her mind during the entire day. During arrest, even when she kicked his butt to the ground. During interrogation, when she nailed him against the wall. He had always been there. His words echoing on her mind, aching her heart.
She was now sitting in the break room with a cup of coffee in there hands. And his words in her head. I want to be part of your life. She asked herself if that was such a hard thing to do. Others did it. So, why couldn't she? Yes, she had been burned by love. Yes, she had been cheated on. Yes, her heart had been left on the floor. But he hadn't been the one who had betrayed. He hadn't been the one who had cheated on her. He hadn't been the one who had shattered her heart agains the floor. No, he had been the one who had made her feel loved. No, he had been the one who only asked her to allow him to be part of her life.
She was so lost in her own thoughts she didn't hear someone else entering the break room. She was only aware when she heard his voice.
"I didn't know you were here." he said.
She jumped on her seat.
"Sorry didn't mean to scare you, Catherine."
"It's okay, Nick. And yeah, the case turned out to be a little more complicated. But we've wrapped it today."
"Are you okay, Cath?" he had noticed the worry in her face.
"Yes, why do you ask Nick?" this time she showed him a smile. A weak, small smile that didn't go unnoticed by him.
"You seem a little strange. Like you're not here. Is everything okay? You can talk to me, Catherine."
"Yeah. But what about you and Grace?" she asked in a change of changing subject.
"We, hmm, we are good. I guess Sara told you about the kiss."
"No, actually it was my daughter's happiness that gave it away."
Nick was about to ask her in which foot they stood now that he was her daughter's boyfriend. But just then the man who had been in Catherine's mind all day showed up at the break room and broke Nick's chain of thought.
The looks exchanged between the two other people in the room didn't go unnoticed by Nick. And suddenly he felt as an extra in the room.
"I have to go meet Hodges." he got up from his seat. "And Cath, if you need anything… "
"Thanks, Nicki."
As soon as Nick Stokes was out of the room, Lou Vartann took his place next to Catherine. An awkward silence stood between the two.
"Look" they both said at the same time.
"You go first" he said.
"Last night… I …" but when she was about to talk his cell phone ring.
"Vartann. Okay. I'll be right there" he said to whoever it was on the phone while she kept her eyes on him.
"Sara's got some news. We'll talk later."
And just like he was gone. And once again she had kept it all to herself.
He got home to find that the couch, that had been his bed for the previous, looking like a couch. There was take out in the dinning table. He went to his room, the room that for the last couple of nights had been their room. Their room. He liked the sound of that. But mostly he liked to fall asleep with her in his arms. He got to his room only to find a suitcase and a redhead packing her belongings.
"Where are you going?" he asked
"Back to DC. We've closed the case."
"You're leaving tonight?"
"No, I've got a flight tomorrow morning. I'm just making sure everything's ready."
"Cath… about last night. I'm sorry… I just…"
"You've made it very clear last night."
"Catherine…!"
"I can't change! Not from day to night! I mean, do you think it could actually work between us two? With me in DC and you here in Vegas? I really care about you, Lou. But there are just …"
"Just what, Catherine?! I'm not asking you to change! I'm just asking you to let me be part of your life. Like the way you're part of mine. Or do you think I go around and tell everyone in town about my drinking problem? Or what a mess of marriage I had? Or how in the middle of all that I lost my son?"
She sat down in bed with tears forming in her eyes. She knew. She knew that all he had said it was true.
"And you know what? We could work! Because I'm willing to risk anything! If that means moving to DC then be it!"
She looked up to meet his gaze. His eyes saying words you couldn't let out. Words she was probably afraid to hear because then everything would be real.
"Would you actually leave Vegas? Leave everything behind? Just for a chance for something that could not work out?"
"Yeah I would! Damn it, Catherine! I love you!"
She had overslept. She had missed her flight back to Washington, DC. But she hadn't missed the most important thing. This time she didn't let it go. This time she did what her heart told her to. This time she didn't listen to her head.
And this time she woke up naked with her head on his chest. This time she wasn't afraid to try. Because the night before last, they had fought. He had put the cards on the table. It was taken or leave it. This time she took it. And, last night she gave him what he most desired. Not her heart cause he had got that a long time ago. But a key to her life. Damn it, Catherine! I love you! It brought her back to reality. The fact that someone could be able to love despite all her flaws and pushes away surprised her. But the fact that at the moment the words I love you too came out of her mouth without a second thought made her realize that this was where she belonged. In his arms. Her safe place. What made her feel cold at night wasn't the chilly of the DC night it was the absence of two strong arms holding her in her sleep. For the first time in months, she slept peacefully. She slept in peace. For the first time she wasn't afraid that she would ended up her life alone in bed. Because she knew, he was not just going let her go. Because she was sure, she was never going to let him go. Not now. Not when they had found their place back in each other lifes.
Catherine Willows was stuck on Louis Vartann. And he wasn't going to let her go so easy. Not again.
Next chapter will be the epilogue.