There was nothing but a world of shrill, eardrum-shattering, agonizing sound. A migraine of noise and burning pain that left all his other senses dead, that wiped out his world to exist only in this pain.
He dropped to his knees screaming, slamming his hands over his ears, desperate to shut out the infernal high-pitched noise, while at the same time trying to keep the contents of his roiling stomach. His senses overloaded by a blast of sound that left him nauseous, blind and deaf and whimpering, pleading with all he was worth for someone, anyone, to just make it stop, end the agonizing skull-splitting resonance.
Paul screwed his eyes shut and suppressed a groan.
What he had told Adam was nothing but the truth: the pain had been excruciating. The noise had been only in his head, drilling into his very soul. The flood of alien memories, information and thoughts had been impossible for his mind to process. He was a Mysteron product, but he wasn't one of them. He was alien, inhuman, but not like them. He was a hybrid and so much of his Mysteron side was unfathomable for him.
Like the information now buried deep within his mind, coming back in flashes at the most inopportune moments. Mostly just right before he woke from another dance with death.
Paul sat cross-legged on his bed, tablet balanced on his legs, trying to think of a way to get his thoughts into words. They weren't even his own thoughts.
Adam was sleeping. Deeply. Soundly. And he was alive and well and healed. Gold had been in an hour before, checking on the healed gunshot wound to the heart. Nothing but a red, slightly jagged scar had remained of the entry wound. Gold had removed he bullet.
Might not need to do that one day, a thought whispered through him. Because the connection would change Adam Svenson. It already had. The Mysteron energy was always there, at his disposal, and it would adapt to the fully human anchor. Scarlet's own body absorbed anything lodged within him. Gold hadn't had to do more than just keep him comfortable and safe within med bay ever since his change.
Now Adam.
Paul looked up and his eyes were drawn to the blond. He still felt like apologizing every hour of the day for what he had done to his partner and friend. It was a miracle that Adam hadn't run away screaming by now.
They had only grown closer.
Maybe because the attraction had always been there and now… neither could give a damn if it had them booted out of Spectrum or any other organization. Scarlet's life had ended on Mars. Blue's… Paul didn't want to think he had ended Adam's life, but in a way he had. His life, his career, everything. And the moment they got out, who knew what else he would end.
Everyone knew.
Paul growled in frustration and pushed those thoughts away. There was a mumble coming from Adam and he moved a little restlessly.
Sorry, he thought.
Their closeness was different from any form of relationship he could think of. He couldn't even call it sexual. There were moments of physical intimacy, the kisses and caresses, but it stopped there. It was enjoyable, but it wasn't the sole focus of their partnership. Then there was another kind of intimacy. The closeness that came from this alien connection, the hum he felt and heard in his body and soul. It was purely Adam, there only for him. It was just this one man, his whole world, his sanity and balance.
The touch was what completed him. The rest was icing on the cake.
Personally, they moved at a pace that would frustrate anyone, but it was their pace. He liked Adam's touch; it calmed him, evened him out.
Helped him through each rebirth.
It acquainted him with the man he would spend the rest of his, hopefully, very long life with. He had gotten to know him better and more thoroughly than anyone else before.
And it won't stop there, the memories whispered. You will grow even closer. He is what we could have been to you. You want to feel him with you. You should have chosen us.
No!
He pushed them away.
The memories were not like the voice of the Mysterons, but they were just as insistent. Sometimes dark, sometimes neutral, sometime filling him with hope. Right now, the darkness was there again, almost sinister.
Adam grumbled and rolled around, wincing a little in his sleep, and suddenly his eyes cracked open. Paul was mesmerized, looking into the blue that was darker than his own.
"Sorry," he whispered after a long moment of silence.
"Major ass-kicking," Blue threatened, voice sleep-rough.
He sat up, massaging his chest unconsciously. Without a word he crossed to Scarlet's bed and slid on it, close, letting his head fall on one muscular shoulder.
Paul smiled and willingly turned into the embrace, letting the other man pull him down, arms and legs and the two bodies arranging themselves to lie tangled together.
"That's more like it," Adam sighed happily.
The tablet was forgotten.
The memories rumbled between them, but they were drowned by the presence Paul felt envelop him.
"What they say this time?" Adam asked, voice muffled against his neck.
"Have you developed telepathy?"
"No, just a sixth sense when it comes to you." And it sounded only half-joking. "So?" Adam prodded.
"Running through the memories. It's a mess. Gives me a headache."
"Share?"
"I wish I could. Like I said, it makes no sense."
"Then tell me what does. Or let me help. I like jigsaw puzzles."
Paul closed his eyes as he tried to straighten out the tangled lines in his head.
"This… between us… we will get closer. Sensations. Transference. Awareness. Like the Mysteron joined minds."
"Telepathy?"
"No. Don't think so. They aren't telepathic. They are… not one… mind… whatever. There are different… factions." He fought to get the images and whispers into human terms. "Different opinions. A governing control. Politics rule. But above all is the sense of… another. Not everyone. Sometimes a few, sometimes just one."
"Me?"
"Yes. So close. When you're there, it's easier to bear."
Adam's hands ran over his back. It wasn't distracting. It was actually helpful. Like clearing the debris from his mind.
"Entwined lives. Shared. Touching every part of you. You everywhere." Paul's voice was soft, thoughtful, like he was translating a terribly difficult text. "This..."
"This," Adam confirmed. He sounded happy.
"I think it will get more… intense."
"How?"
"We're forever interwoven. It's a life cycle. Our lives running through each other, looping back again and again. There's no beginning, no end. Just life. No difference between us. The Mysterons, they're not physical. They don't have… this. It's their minds… energy… I can't… because I'm a hybrid."
"Not a Mysteron," the blond agreed. "Told you. Took you long enough."
Paul chuckled. "Slow learner."
"I'm persistent."
"That you are."
"So… more intense?"
"Your mind… and mine… we are that together and the anchor means sanity for me. Your place with me is a shield, Adam. If I understand it, the shield…" He stopped, shaking his head as if to dislodge the right words. "You'll know me."
"Know you?"
"Connect to me… to know about me."
There was silence. "You're right," the blond finally said with a trace of humor. "Doesn't make a lot of sense."
Paul sighed in defeat. "The best I can think of is that you'll know whether I'm okay or hurt. It sounds too crude, though. Not like what it really is."
"Then we'll just wait and see. Not much we can do about it anyway, right?"
"I guess."
"So, anything else?"
"I think that's enough, don't you?"
"Ask your mind. It keeps throwing curve balls at you."
He huffed a soft laugh. "I'll still have to write it down."
"Can wait."
He had to agree.
Adam slowly fell asleep, a warm, solid, real presence in his arms. Paul felt completely at ease.
No words were needed. Adam's simple presence was enough.
As they said, talking was highly overrated.
Something inside of him seemed to relax, even out, almost hum with contentment.
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They had forty-eight hours to themselves. Doctor Gold was a constant presence, though he gave them privacy. Colonel White came to inform them that the others had had to be briefed.
Inevitable, as Blue had stated.
Paul didn't know what to feel. He had come to accept his difference. Despite working with everyone, there was a distance. At the end of the day, when an op or a mission was over, when he came back from death or had healed his injuries, they knew he wasn't like them.
He knew he wasn't like them.
The gap would always he there, the suspicion as to what he was, what he might turn into. Would he stab them in the back or was he really free of Mysteron control?
Now Adam was part of that suspicion, too.
Paul hated it. He absolutely hated it and if there was one thing in his life he could change right now, it was that this particular cat was out of the bag. Before today he might have wished for the whole anchoring mess to be reversed, that it would never have happened.
"Paul?"
He blinked, pulling himself out of his thoughts, and found Adam watching him with a faint smile of amusement.
"You're there again. The point where you regret everything that ever happened, where you want it all undone?"
He chuckled. "Only one thing now."
Adam raised an eyebrow.
"That your involvement with me is common knowledge now."
"'Involvement'?" He grinned. "No one would bat an eye at any kind of involvement."
He grimaced. "You know what I mean. You think anyone can understand what happened between us? No one understands what happened to me on Mars in the first place, Adam! All they'll hear is that I bound you to me."
"Which is the truth and nothing but the truth, Paul."
Adam gently pushed the taller man back against the wall, claiming a soft kiss. Paul immediately wrapped his arms around him, answering the kiss with an intense one of his own.
"I've got your back. One hundred percent," the blond whispered against the moist lips. "Nothing they say or do can change what I am to you. Your friend. Your anchor. Your partner. Nothing."
Paul leaned into the next kiss, one that spoke of more emotions that he usually let on. Adam was only too happy to answer the quizzical nips.
A tremor passed through the taller man and Adam held him tightly.
"We got this," he promised.
Paul finally stepped back. His face held an unsure expression. "I… I don't know what this is for me, Adam," he said hesitantly.
"Hey, it's okay. I don't expect anything you can't give me, remember? I'm okay with what we have, Paul."
"I like you," was the soft answer. "I want this, but I can't tell you what 'this' is. What I feel… is not what I thought I felt for Destiny. It's not what I felt for whoever I was with before. You're not just that, Adam. You mean more to me. I want to spend my life with you because I can't think I could lead it without you."
Adam nodded. "You know I feel the same, Paul. I'm not going to sing love songs or tell you I love you. I know you can't tell me the same. I want this. No matter what we face on the other side of that door."
A look of trepidation crossed Paul's features and Adam smiled reassuringly.
"We can do this. Ready to face the music?"
"No. Got no choice, though."
Adam shrugged. "Had to come out one day. Worst way, but it happened." He kissed his partner's lips again, so incredibly relieved that they were both alive, healed, and getting better.
Paul rested his head against Adam's, visibly steeling himself.
It was time to face the world. Isolation as an excuse, a quarantine to make sure they were both okay, only ran so long.
Finally, Captain Scarlet pushed away, face sliding into the professional indifference, eyes hard and distant. Captain Blue smiled.
"Let's go."
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Colonel White had briefed his field agents and lieutenants, as well as the Angel pilots, on the new situation concerning Captains Scarlet and Blue before the two men were released from med bay. It didn't change the fact that Adam felt like a zoo animal the moment he walked in on the assembled men and women who were on Skybase and not running an op.
"Okay, now I know how you felt, Paul," he muttered.
Scarlet gave him a brief smile. "Oh, it was a lot worse for me. I'm an alien. You're human, Adam. You freak them out more."
"Thanks," was the growled answer.
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The Q&A was mostly as expected.
Was Blue a Mysteron? - No.
When had it happened? - Quite some time ago. Actually, the anchoring effect had come to life after Scarlet had torn free of Mysteron control.
Had Blue been aware of it? - No. Wouldn't even know it now if it hadn't been for the events surrounding Ragnarok, Russia.
So he was invincible? - No, still human, still very, very vulnerable compared to Paul's abilities.
But he could come back from death? - Kind of. Not that it made him as suicidal as Scarlet was sometimes.
That got Adam a slight grimace from the other captain. Of course Scarlet took more chances. He knew what he was, what he could do, and sometimes he thought of himself as expendable. He was the weapon. He did as ordered.
Why Captain Blue? - Because he… fit. It had been instinct, a choice made unconsciously, and it could have been anyone. The Mysteron had chosen Blue.
No, Adam thought. You did. Not your Mysteron side.
They really had to talk about that again. It would take longer than the few months of complete openness to drive it home in Paul that he wasn't the Mysteron. He was the hybrid, human and alien in one. He wasn't an enemy vessel, housing a human soul. Adam was intent on making him believe that. He had forever to get the job done.
So you're bound together? - Yes.
Forever? - Depends on your definition. But yes.
But you are human!
And I'm sharing Paul's life energies. He's immortal. Go figure.
Well, fuck.
That had been a very clear expression and Captain Ochre hadn't even looked apologetic when she had let it slip.
Adam chuckled. "I've had time enough to get used to it."
He knew this would take time to settle in for real. He knew to expect distrust and suspicion. All the fun things Paul had had to go through himself. Well, he was prepared.
He would stand by his partner every step of the way. This was their life together now. He was Captain Scarlet's anchor and whatever happened, he would be there.
Adam glanced at Paul and found the other man giving him a faint smile.
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"I'm sorry."
Destiny, Simone, smiled at him. She looked composed, almost relieved, and Paul felt some relief of his own. Coupled with guilt.
"There is nothing to be sorry for, Paul. We both knew. I like you. I'll always think of you as my friend. And I still love Conrad. The hope that he might be able to come back one day… it's there."
Paul opened his mouth to say something, but she stopped him.
"I know he died, just like you. I know he is a Mysteron replicant. But inside him… you said he has all of Conrad's memories of before."
He nodded.
"Then he remembers me."
"He does. And he loves you."
She smiled sadly. "So my hope runs on."
"Destiny…"
She shook her head and he didn't continue.
"Adam… You're lucky you found him."
"Yeah."
"He's your best friend. He trusts you. I think it had something to do with it."
Paul stared at his hands. "I don't know why I chose him."
She reached over, covering his clasped hands with her own. "You don't need a reason. He is what you need."
A lot more was left unsaid. Paul wasn't sure how much the others had interpreted into their new relationship, because neither man had ventured into how close they were off duty. From the way Destiny looked at him, she suspected.
"I'm happy for you," she said softly, then rose gracefully and left the room.
Scarlet watched her go.
Part of him felt guilty over it all; another part was immensely relived.
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Paul gazed out the huge windows. They were back up in the maintenance area again. It was dark outside, Skybase hovering over South Africa, and only the running lights shed a little illumination. Adam had found him there, wordlessly joining his partner at the safety rail. It was almost eerie how relaxed Paul felt when the other man was there.
They had talked about the revelation to the other Spectrum agents and the Angel squadron. It had gone better than expected, but then, all men and women hired by Spectrum had undergone a rigorous selection process. They had accepted aliens on Mars. They had accepted the new Captain Scarlet a human mind in an alien body. They had persevered against the very real danger of complete annihilation through the Mysterons.
That Captain Blue was now bound to their best weapon against the Mysterons, well, it would need getting used to, but it wasn't really that much of a shock. Paul's death and resurrection had left more of an impact.
"So you think Black might be able to break free one day, too?"
"I don't know, Adam. Whenever he managed to be himself for a moment or two, the Mysterons got him back right away."
"The offer still stands: I could throw him into a plasma conduit." He flashed a small grin. "Might help, one way or the other."
Paul chuckled. "Maybe. But maybe I had all the luck in the world that day. I survived, I broke free, I'm me."
"And don't you forget it."
"Never."
"Black's a lost cause then?"
"Even if he breaks free, if he comes back and is no longer in danger of reverting back, what would his life be like? He's a killer. He's an enemy agent. No one would trust him."
"I hear a 'like me', Paul, and you better forget about it. You're not him. You didn't kill anyone. He's a psychopath in their hands."
"And he would be tried and sentenced."
Adam nodded. "Not that I would feel sorry. No offense, but he's truly not the man he was, Paul."
"Neither was I when they had me."
"Would you forgive and forget?"
"I would make an effort."
"Could he live with that guilt?" Adam suddenly asked.
Paul's eyes were on the darkness outside. "I know I couldn't."
They were silent for a while, each pondering his thoughts.
"You think Destiny could be his anchor?" Adam wanted to now, voice soft.
"I think she would want to be."
"Could she be?"
A soft sigh. "Only Conrad would know. It's not a matter of wishing for it, hoping for the best. It's… compatibility. As long as he is under their control, we will never know. And should he ever break free… who knows?"
Because Paul wouldn't be able to live with the guilt of so many lives on his conscience. Conrad Lefkon was a different kind of man. He had a different mind-set. He might be able to lead a normal life, even remembering all the horrible things he had done under the Mysterons' control. And he might find his anchor. It might just be Destiny Angel.
Then again, all of that might never happen.
Adam was so close to him now, they weren't touching and still it was a physical sensation. He turned his head slightly and gave his partner a brief smile. Adam bumped their shoulders, grinning a little.
"Heading for the gym," he remarked, changing the topic away from the rather depressing one of Captain Black. "Coming?"
"Sure."
It might be good to just run a few dozen miles, let the repetitive motion take his mind off things. It might be what he needed.
Before Adam turned away, Paul pulled him close, the kiss tentative and almost shy. The blond smiled into it and deepened the contact.
"You good?"
"Very," Paul answered.
Adam petted his chest, still a smile on his lips. "Good."
tbc...