Part 2

Post "Day of the moon" - River

River Song had a hard time lying behind her. She sat in her cell in Stormcage Containment Facility and had a rewind of what she just had gone through.

She got an invitation from her Doctor to come to Utah in the USA. There she and Amy and Rory watched the Doctor die. An impossible astronaut shot him dead and then they burned his body. Amy was so sad and River felt guilty but she couldn't say anything to calm her.

Then a younger version of the Doctor showed up again and she took the opportunity to let the anger out and slapped him. How could he invite his friends to his own death? It was cruel even though she knew that all this was his plan to escape. But she couldn't tell her friends that she knew what all of this was about. That she was going through it for the second time. Though it still broke her heart to see herself killing the love of her life. He didn't actually die but it didn't matter. Everything was still hard enough for her.

She leant back against the cool wall of her cell and closed her eyes. It hurt. She was pretty sure of the state of their relationship but it still hurt her when the Doctor looked at her and had no idea who she was. Who she was to him.

"Who are you? Why are you in prison? Who did you kill? I like a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously?"

She wouldn't show it. She never showed her feelings easily but it had hurt her. Maybe it would be easier if she could talk to someone but there was nobody she could tell about it.

She couldn't talk to the Doctor about her feelings because it would reveal too much of his future and she didn't want to appear as weak to him. She wanted to hold up her image of the cool, fearless, emancipated adventurer.

Sometimes she spoke to Amy or Rory. Her parents were the only ones she could talk to.

"I don't fear the death of the Doctor or mine. There is a far worse day for me to come."

She had said to Amy.

Then she told Rory her feelings.

"The day would come that I look into this man's eyes- my doctor- and he won't have the slightest idea who I am. And I think it's going to kill me."

Yes, she knew that it would kill her. She couldn't say what was worse, to know that he one day would not know her at all or that she had to kill him.

She almost just died as the Doctor brought her back to Stormcage after their adventure in 1969. He said goodbye and was about to leave her with that. She thought it was his usual banter with her when he asked if he had forgotten something. She smiled, pulled him closer and kissed him. Their usual goodbye kiss. For her.

"What's wrong? You're acting like we have never done that before."

"We haven't."

She had to swallow hard when she realized that this was a very young version of her Doctor. This was the first time for him. She won't ever do this again. It was her last time. The last time she would kiss him. From now on he won't know anymore who she is and what they had and it has already begun to kill her. Her eyes were watering but this time she didn't bother to let her feelings show through in front of the Doctor.

tbc~