The First Night and a question

Their wedding night was special. The Doctor picked her up at Stormcage on her first day imprisoned to take her on her first trip on the TARDIS with him. Well, the first proper trip. The one to Berlin didn't count. It was their first date together as husband and wife.

He had been thinking for a while about where to take her. Then he had decided to take her to Caulderin Beta, a boring Planet on 21th September 2360 where they could see more stars than anywhere else at any other time. He thought that would be appropriate for her first date with him.

He told her to use the tardis-blue book as a diary to write all their adventures down, so that they could compare where in time they were. While River went to dress, an unexpected person appeared. It was also River but from the future. She was chased across the galaxy by some Sontarans. When he heard her knock he opened the TARDIS door and she fell into his arms.

For a brief moment he was really worried when she laid motionless and flabbily in his arms. She wasn't breathing and the Doctor began to panic.

He wanted this to be a good night, just a nice trip together with his wife watching the stars. Well, a little adventure included would do no harm. However, a dead River wasn't part of the plan.

Then he noticed it wasn't the case anyway since her heart was beating and she was just holding her breath. He should have been very angry but he was just glad and got the hold of the situation back at once.

River noticed the dress he had brought for her younger self and she said that the last time they have been there, she had heard him talking to someone and shot off to look for whom he had brought it and who else was there.

"It's the same night!" the Doctor cried out in frustration.

The younger River came back, asking who he was talking to.

Why was it always so complicated with this woman? But it was also exciting and a whole new experience every time and he just loved it.

As if two suspicious Rivers haven't been enough, the door of the TARDIS opened and another River from the future burst in.

She was wondering about the dress the Doctor had brought for her younger self, too. It was the same one she was wearing right now. She thought again that he had brought someone else.

The Doctor was tired of explaining and sent her to check on the bulb.

There were to other versions of River in the TARDIS and it wouldn't be good if they would meet. So when the second River returned he sent her back to Stormcage via her vortex manipulator while she was complaining about what it always does to her hair.

The Doctor, who had already forgotten about her awful joke minutes ago, was amused and as soon as this River was disappeared the one who was outside checking on the light came back in and right after her an older version of himself in a black tuxedo and hat.

"Younger Version…" the future Doctor said when he saw the younger self of him.

"Two of you, my mind races," River said in excitement.

She probably knew that it was best when she would retire. This was a delicate situation.

"He is bringing me to the Singing Towers of Darrilium. He's promising me for ages."

And with that she swept through the door.

This was indeed delicate. The Singing Towers of Darrillium. He had heard her mention them before and it hurt remembering it.

"The first time we met her at the library, when she…"

"…died, yeah," the future Doctor finished his sentence.

"She said the last time she saw us was at Darrillium. Is that now?"

His other self replied with just one word: "Spoilers."

But the way he looked, the sadness in his eyes rather gave it away. It was his last night with her. The night before she died.

He felt a strange pain in his chest, closing in on his hearts.

The other Doctor wished him good luck.

"You, too," he replied and his future self went off after the future, soon dying River.

The Doctor had no time to recover properly from what he had just experienced as his River appeared again, still catching a glimpse of the just leaving future Doctor and gasped the same phrase of the other River before.

"Two of you, my mind races."

The Doctor felt very uncomfortable. He changed the subject.

"Right, come on, go and see the stars."

"But I haven't changed." River was still carrying a bunch of clothes in her arms.

"And you never will, River. Never ever."

He smiled a faked smile at her, trying not to give away any of his real feelings.

"What is the other you doing here?" River asked curiously, ignoring his attempt to distract her from the delicate subject.

"Sorry, can't say," he said seriously.

"What is the word you use?"

He laughed. That was his River.

"Spoilers."

"I like that word."

"I thought you might."

He had a very hard time keeping himself together and she didn't make it easy for him, quite the opposite was the case.

"Oh Doctor," she sighed. "You and your secrets, you will be the death of me."

When she left to go out to see the stars as he had said, he let go at last.

Her last sentence made his pain even stronger because it was true. She will die because she sacrificed herself for him. He hated the thought of losing her again. He had always hated to lose someone dear of course but River was special. She was his wife. He didn't want to lose her. They still have many nights together ahead, he focused on that and pulled himself together for her to make this a good first date.

"I point and laugh at archaeologists."

That's what he said to her when he first met her in The Library. He was so young back then and he knew so little. He knew nothing about a certain professor of archaeology. He hadn't the faintest clue about who she was and who she would be to him.

"Who are you?"

"I'm professor River Song University of…"

"To me. Who are you to me?"

"Again, spoilers."

But she knew his name therefore he had no choice but to trust her. Now that he looks back at this day he never had thought to meet someone who could compete with him and handle him like she does and being an archaeologist. After the events in the library, after he had literally saved her there, he had been wondering about her many times but couldn't figure out anything at all. He had been wondering how much she really knew about him and if he would really see her again what would acquire that she had said the truth about her being from his future. Actually it had to be since he couldn't find another explanation especially because she knew his name. This woman was a complete riddle to him. He couldn't even figure out much more when he at last met her again as the Byzantium crashed.

The only thing that he knew was that she knew his future and that scared him. A little. Well, actually not just a little. Sometimes it was really frustrating that she was so damn good in not giving away anything when he asked her about his future and she liked to tease him because she knew his curiosity.

Now that he knew who she was, that she was the daughter of his companions Amy and Rory, a child of the TARDIS with Time Lord DNA, the woman who killed the Doctor, now he was wondering about different things but still things concerning River Song and his timey-wimey relationship with her.

Just now he was sitting on the old stuffed seat in the control room of the TARDIS, absent-minded and pondering. It had been quite a while now since he last visited River and he hoped that she wouldn't be too angry with him but he wasn't ready yet. He had to think about something first.

His mind was always full with all of time and space and he could think of many different things at the same time. That could be useful if there wasn't much time to think. But it was more effective to put everything else aside and concentrate on just one problem at the same time. He didn't thought about his future so much before he knew River Song. There was one thing he kept wondering and he had asked River many times about it but she kept silent.

Major spoilers.

To be honest, there were actually two things that kept his big time lord mind occupied. One, concerning his future with River the other he didn't dared to think about too often, concerning him in personal, not only his future but also his present.

"River, you know my name. You whispered my name in my ear. There is only one way I would ever tell anyone my name. There is only one time I could…"

There could only be one time when he could tell her his name and ever since she'd whispered it into his hear he had wondered when this time will come. He had never thought it possible after he returned from the time war in which he had lost everything. He was the last of his kind and he would never consider a human. His vow was not to get involved in interpersonal relations more than friendship. It was pure self-protection to avoid getting his hearts broken.

So how could it possibly be that he had told River his name when the only time he could was when he married her.

"Are you married, River?" he had asked her on the day of the wedding of Amy and Rory.

"Yes," she had replied. Whatever this meant.

He didn't want to, he had told her that and he meant it. He didn't want to get involved with his hearts. Yes, they have married but this wedding took place in a reality that actually never existed and he didn't told her his name he just revealed the secret of his master plan to fake his death to her.

Therefore the real wedding was still to come and he fears that day because he has no idea why he would or should marry this mysterious woman who and that he was sure of would break his hearts one day. One day he would have to leave her. The day would come when he will meet her for the last time. He knew how painful it was to leave someone behind. He remembers vividly how it felt as he watched River sitting in that chair in The Library he should have sit in, the countdown to her death blinking cruel next to her and he could do nothing than watch her die. He didn't want that for her, he didn't want to hurt her but he knew he couldn't prevent it. However, he also knew that he already was involved too much so that he would suffer anyway. So the question that was bothering the most was the other one. The one about how involved he really was. The question if he will fall in love with a certain archaeologist or rather if he already was in love with River Song.

"Doctor?" A voice called him and the Doctor jumped up from his seat.

tbc~

Reviews please I need them badly! just one or two words are enough.

What else? This one of my fav chapters, it was the first I've written,the rest revolved around it.

Oh and you should remember or reread this part or at least the last sentence because in a later chapter will be revealed what happened next.

Next chapter is post-The Angels Take Manhattan with finally some new events ;)

btw, I posted some spoilers on my tumblr, sometimes I post some news about my fanfiction there, so feel free to follow me or visit my LiveJournal.

cu hopefully soon,

Rose