Thanks to Susan who proofed this chapter, all remaining mistakes are mine. :)

Chapter 8

After her unwarranted outburst, they had decided to call Ricardo senior, Carlos, for the same reason he told her he changed it. Having two Ricardo's was confusing, and Carlos was accustomed to that name now. They had talked some more about Ricky, and her reasons to marry Hawk and why she lived with her grandmother and uncle when she had met him. She had not given him Morelli's name; she felt no need to dreg up that sordid detail yet. As he had told her parts of how his life had been, she now knew he had had his share of sorrow. At last, she concluded, she had been in Carlos's office for far too long. She needed to get going but was lost in a sea of uncertainty. Her life had been neat, defined, and organized for so long, that she felt overwhelmed and confused with all the happenings of that day.

Her mind and emotions were in overdrive making her feel queasy. Contemplation and time was what she desperately required now. This situation with Carlos was too uncanny to comprehend; she had known the man for an evening and one conversation, this whole situation was insane and surreal, still she was willing to throw herself at his mercy without a thought. She kept forgetting she was not alone in this, Ricky and Hawk had been the most important men in her life for the last ten years, and she had to put their needs and comforts before Carlos's or hers.

When she married Hawk, she had made a conscious decision to stay faithful to him, Hawk was a proud man, and even as he gave her leave to have a discrete sexual relationship with another man, she could not do it. It would have hurt his reputation if word would get out, and it would; there is no privacy in their world. Whom was she kidding, in the world at large, there is no privacy anymore, and she loved and respected her husband too much to humiliate him in the eyes of his friends and society like that. She had been compensating any intimacy, with caring for Rick, work, and exercise so far, and now she was at a loss at how to proceed. Her attraction to Carlos was clouding her mind and overheating her body and she needed to get out of there to get composed and make decisions on how to handle all this shit.

She observed the man she had unconsciously and for no apparent reason loved for as long as she had known him for a long moment, before she said. "I have to go Carlos, I need to do many things, and I need some quiet to think about what has happened today. I meant what I said that I want us in a relationship, but this is going way to fast, to soon. I need to regroup and talk to Rick and Hawk. I know Hawk will be happy for us, but I need to reassure him of his place in our family as we have discussed. Hawk will need to file for divorce, before we can come out with our relationship. I will not humiliate him in front of his acquaintances by cheating on him, as they would surely think if I was seen with you alone in social situations. Besides Uncle Luca and my Grandmother, everybody thinks I have an authentic marriage with Hawk. I don't know how Rick will react to the news that I have found you, his father, he will either be thrilled or worried, and this is yet another change in his world. I have to handle this with care, before I introduce Rick to you. Can you understand that Carlos?"

He smiled and spoke reassuringly. He really was the handsomest man she had ever seen, and as far as she could perceive, he shared many traits with Hawk, which was a good thing in her book. "Of course Babe, this is extremely important, though it will be difficult for me to act as if I have no feelings for you, but being a business acquaintance. I will have to act as always and can't show my feelings, which means I will be donning my facade and I know my family hates it if I do that, and I will hate that I can't touch you. Can you understand that, Babe?" He said that last sentence in a playfully manner.

She had to laugh at that. "Your point is that you will be wearing your badass blank face, I understand, Uncle Luca and Hawk do it all the time. I have talked about Hawk, but I haven't told you that from the age of sixteen have had quite an education from him and my Uncle Luca. You know Hawk was a mindfucker in the army by profession, do you?" a small nod indicated yes. "The consequences if misused can be terrible, as you know. One of the reasons he taught me, was to protect me against people that do just that. I know you have had that training as a Ranger, but the fun thing is nobody who sees me, expects me to have that knowledge and I love to play with people, in a fun and considerate way that is. You really should ask Tank what happened yesterday. I think I will go now and pick up Rick myself and head to Newark to see my family and tell them about you." Ignoring the no touch thing, although she would love to have him naked and at her mercy. After all this time, she was practically a virgin again and now her urges had returned vigorously just so it can cloud her mind again. Will she ever learn?

His eyes widened when she told him she had had that kind of an education from Hawk, she knew for sure she could have tricked him if things had gone as usual. With them meeting again, nothing would ever be the same that much she knew. She would have loved the opportunity to play with Carlos, although no mind games. Ranger the boss was the one she would want to play silly mind games with.

When he spoke, there was astonishment in his eyes. "He taught you all that shit? Babe! What more did they teach you?"

"You will find out in time Carlos. I really have to go now; I need time to organize some things before schools out. I will see you later when you have decided about when you can accommodate me for my tutoring in apprehension and a distraction, right? Here's my card with my cell number." She smiled wickedly, and with that, she turned to leave but she had not gotten far before he grabbed her hand and turned her to him.

He grinned roguishly, "Haven't you forgotten something here Babe?" He voiced seductively.

Her expression was innocent, "Why Mr. Mañoso what can you mean? Your card, so I can call you?" She knew he wanted a kiss, but in no way would that happen now. She was afraid she would spontaneously combust if he touched more skin, the hand he was holding, already wanted more, and she would burn to ashes if they dare kiss. She really would have to get out of there to survive in one piece.

"Uh uh," he pulled a card out of his breast pocket, "You can have this of course, but I want a kiss to seal our deal." His eyes got dark and drew her in. Her resolve wavered when he covered her face with soft little kisses, all the while whispering how much he wanted her and other words of endearment and passion, in Spanish no less. Now she was glad she had taken Spanish as mandatory language in college. Her legs started trembling, when he took hold of her waist and pulled her flush against him, one hand went to her neck, his mouth sought hers, and she was a goner.

Fifteen minutes later, he walked her to her car and she was still unsteady. So much for her resolves to stay clear from Carlos for the time being. She had had the clarity of mind to say goodbye and apologize to Tank for not having lunch together though, before she had left RangeMan.

In her car, she called Connie to say she would not return to the office, but she would pick up Rick, and would proceed to Newark afterwards. Next was Carla, to tell her the same, so she would not need to pick up Rick and could do her own thing. Then she drove to Ricky's school to wait for him to come out. That would be in half an hour so she had more time to contemplate. She needed to talk to somebody and that somebody had to be her grandmother, who had always been more of a mother to her, then her own.

"Hi Granny, it's me." She said as Edna answered, and then blurted. "I've found him."

"You've found who?" Edna replied confused.

"Rick's father." Steph, gushed happily.

She could hear her grandmother's shocked gasp, "Really? Where? When? Did he remember you?"

"Yes." Stephanie replied. "We met at RangeMan the company who handles our skips, he is the owner. Just a few hours ago and yes, he recognized me immediately. I've never been this happy and confused combined Granny, he wants to get to know Ricky and have a relationship with me. Could he have been right when he said we would meet again, if we were meant for each other? And I have seen your daughter today, but that story I will tell you later. This whole situation is crazy don't you think, my God how am I going to tell Rick and Hawk, how are they going to react."

"Isn't this a pip, who would have thought? I am so happy for you sweetheart, he might have the right of it, only time will tell. I bet this is confusing, but don't get crazy over it sweetheart, all will be well. It always does. Please dear, don't worry about it too much, Hawk and Ricky will be fine too. These things happen in life. Yes, it is an unusual situation, but we are used to them aren't we, there is nothing conventional in our little family. And I have no need to hear about Helen. So what is your plan?"

"To talk to Ricky and Hawk in Newark, as soon as I pick up Rick."

"Hawk is in Washington for the day and will only return tomorrow, this trip came up unexpectedly."

"Shit, I think I should call him now then. He needs to know that I have found Rick's father, before he hears it from somebody else, will you inform Uncle Luca? Thanks Granny, love you!"

"I will, Love you too." And she disconnected.

/

"Hi Hawk, can you talk?" Is what she asked hurriedly, when he answered his mobile phone.

"Hello Sweetheart, what a nice surprise. I can talk for a minute, to what do I owe the honor of you calling me?" Hawk replied with a smile in his voice.

"I have found him, Hawk." She blurted again, seemingly unable to communicate this in a rational manner.

Nothing but silence for a few seconds, "enlighten me please? Who is him?" he asked gently. Hawk, hated to be confounded and it was something unique to surprise him, and today of all days she succeeded and could not enjoy it.

As determined as she was to get this over with, she still felt reluctant to convey her discovery when she realized again, that this would change not only her, but his world also. He was the best man she had ever known, and hated to hurt him in any way, consciously or not. She spoke hesitantly. "Ricky's biological father."

"You did?" Hawk voice boomed. "Where?"

"It is RangeMan's CEO, Ricardo Carlos Mañoso. Now I think about it, you must have met him while negotiating with them." She was surprised he had not seen the resemblance between Ricky and Carlos.

"No, we never did, we did that with Tank, and your man was in the wind. We have spoken by phone before he left and Tank handled the rest. We could have met him long before, I have asked Mañoso multiple times to do some work for us, but he preferred the government. God Steph, are you sure?"

"No doubt about it, when we saw each other, we recognized each other immediately. He says he has been looking for me since we last met."

"I can only say that Mañoso is a smart man. Are you happy with your discovery?" She could hear the concern for her in his voice.

"Oh, yes I am," she breathed, "though confused and rattled, and afraid what this will mean for our little family, but for you and Ricky the most."

Hawk responded by stating firmly, "There is no need to agonize about me, I am a grown man and have anticipated this for a long time now. I love you as a daughter or even a friend, and as I love Rick as a son, I know he will be just as loved as a grandchild. Sweetheart don't put your life on hold any longer, before you know it it's over. We have seen too many people, you know two intimately yourself," he grinned sadly, "who have wasted their love life with postponing and waiting for the right moment, or be too scared to love again. Live life to the max is what I advise you my dear, and no worries over me."

"I can't help but do that Hawk, but I will take your advice and make the best of it, you have never steered me wrong. Rick will be out from school in a second and I will have to tell him too. I was planning to come to Newark to talk to you but Grandma told me you were out of state, which is why I told you over the phone, I hope you can forgive me for that."

"Oh, sweetheart you and Rick have given me so much love, happiness and fulfillment, there is nothing to forgive, you did what you had to do. I love you and hope Rick will take this well."

"Me too, we love you and talk to you later, Okay?"

"Okay, see you later Steph, hang on tight."

/

She got out of her car and leaned against its front so she could spot Ricky easier. Yep, there he was, walking and talking with a few friends. He really was his father's image. When he spotted her, he smiled wide in pleasure to see her here again, as he was expecting Carla.

"Mom, is Carla still sick?" He asked when he came near.

"No, she's not. I'm here to take you home just because I wanted too." Steph, answered while thinking how to tell him she had found his father.

Her little man was very perceptive, because he asked next. "Is something wrong?"

"Why would you ask that?" She asked slightly taken aback, while pulling him in for a hug, which he hated almost as much as when she kissed him in sight of his school friends. Today she needed to feel him just for a moment though.

She felt him shrug, "don't know, I just thought something was wrong."

He struggled to get free of her arms, which made her chuckle. Looking him in his eyes, she smiled and said. "Nothing is wrong. However, I do have something to tell you when we get home. Come, get in the car." Being an immensely curious woman herself and that being one of the traits he had inherited from her, she wondered how long he would wait to begin nagging her to tell him straight away. She did not have to wait long. When she got into the car also, and buckled up, he started.

"Can't you tell me now? Why do I have to wait until we get home? Is it important?"

She giggled, "Yes it is important, that is the reason why we will have to wait. I need to concentrate on driving this car."

"But you can stop the car and you can tell me then." He had given the solution to her problem, so the nagging could continue.

She replied, while chuckling again. "I could do that, but I want to wait and tell you at home. We can have some milk and cookies while talking there."

"But I don't want milk and cookies; I want to know what you want to tell me. Did we get a dog?" He added excitedly. That would be his biggest wish.

"No we did not. We are out of the house most of the day and you cannot leave a dog alone that long, the dog will feel lonely."

"But Ana is always home, he would not be alone."

"You would give Ana more work? We have talked about this before buster, a dog needs to be walked a few times a day, and fed, and groomed, and played with, and that would not be fair to her. And besides, when Ana is her caretaker the dog than will think that Ana is her owner."

"Oh." He sighed. However, he recovered soon. "If it's not a dog, what is so important?"

"That is what we are going to talk about at home, and we are almost there." She replied and he looked at her in faux despair, throwing his arms up in the air as a good Italian before he cried. "Why do you always have to win?"

Here she laughed aloud; he did have something more from her. "Because, I am your mother." When she said that, recollection struck and she flinched, thinking of her own mother. I am not like her!

"Then you would have to let me win sometimes mom, you always tell me I have to let somebody else win sometimes, otherwise it is no fun for the other person." Luckily, they had arrived home so she could dodge that one, children always use your own words against you, no fair. Parking her car in the garage, they got out and entered the house.

"When are you going to tell me?" Ricky asked the moment they entered.

"Come with me sweetheart, we will get something to drink and fruit for you. Then we will talk in the living room." And so they did. She led him to the couch and sat down beside him. She took a deep breath and asked her precious son. "Rick, what do you remember of what I told you about your biological father?"

His eyes went wide, looked at her for a few seconds in silence, and then exclaimed. "Did you find him?"

Seeing no reason to withhold that information before they talked she said. "Yes I did."

"Does dad know?" He asked further, anxiously.

"Yes he does, I told him this afternoon."

"Was he angry?"

Now she understood his anxiousness. "No, of course not. Why would he be angry? Hawk knows what happened before you were born and he knows that it was not your doing. Therefore, he has no reason to be upset with you, he loves you, and you know that. We only want the best for you, Rick. There will be no angry people over finding your father."

"Oh," he uttered and he looked a little forlorn before he spoke again. "What is he like mom? Do you think he wants to meet me soon?"

"Well in appearance you look a lot like him, and his behaviour is a lot like Hawk. He told me he wants to meet you very much."

His face brightened considerably, "He does?" he squeaked.

"Of course he does, who would not want to meet you?" she said while smiling encouragingly.

"I look like him? Does he have long hair like mine and Hawk's?"

"No he does not; his hair is short but is the same color as yours."

"Oh." Another silence, "When do I get to meet him?" he asked timidly, behaving so unlike his usual exuberance, and she felt remorse for having placed him in this confusing situation. He might think he is a big boy already, but he was still a child of nine.

"Whenever you want sweetheart, we can make an appointment with him and meet him wherever you feel most comfortable." She tried to comfort him.

"Do you think he would meet me now, I have been longing to meet him for so long?" He admitted softly.

Now she could cry. Why didn't she know he was longing for his biological father? Was she as bad a mother as her own? Thoughts for later. "Do you want to see him now this minute… should we not wait for a more convenient time?" Guilt overflowed her conscience, for his pain.

His eyes filled with unshed tears, "Okay." He murmured.

"No, no, we can call him; he doesn't live to far away. I am sure that when he has the time he could be here soon." She hastily conceded, feeling like a first class bitch. What happened to taking your time, she thought absentmindedly. All her resolutions were falling apart.

His little face brightened considerably after hearing that. God, he was courageous, she imagined being in his shoes, and failed miserably in the courage department even as it was imagined. Although it was a trait of hers to want to know everything and rather today then, tomorrow, this situation was different, this was personal. "Can we do it now, please?"

"Yes we can and I will call him now, eat your fruit, and drink your milk, I will be back in a minute, Okay?" She walked over to her study, when she felt an anxiety taking hold of her, as she had never known. What if he refuses to come? What if he has changed his mind? Steady breaths, Stephanie, all will be well. She reached into her purse and took his business card out with trembling hands, and dialed his number on her landline.

"Mañoso." He barked in her ear.

"Hi, uhm, uh, this is Stephanie Taylor." She murmured. Shit, this was difficult.

His tone changed immediately to soft and inviting. "Babe?" Hearing his voice created shivers down her spine.

"Hi, uh, I have talked to Ricky and he gladly wants to meet you." Fuck still murmuring, come on Stephanie grow a backbone.

"When?" He asked eagerly.

"Now, if you have the time. He says he has been longing to meet you, I didn't know." She admitted guiltily.

"I will be over in no time Babe, and you have done nothing to feel guilty about." How did he know she was feeling guilty? She heard him closing a door, and then he tells somebody he did not know when he would be back, before he spoke to her again, "How did Rick react when you told him?" She heard him on stairs before he opened a door, and realized he was walking to his car and was planning to keep talking to her while he drove over. That's when she told him about the talk and what transpired with Ricky during it, which was good because then maybe Carlos would know how to put Rick at ease. Before she knew it, she saw Carlos coming up the drive in a big black truck. As she had situated herself on the porch while talking to him, she walked over to his car.

"Babe, is everything all right?" He asked concerned, when he eased himself out of his truck.

"I hope so Carlos, I really do. Come with me and let's get this hard part over with." She stated with more courage then she felt, leading the father of her son to him. Even as Carlos tried to hide it, she could sense he was as nervous as they were. She opened the door to the living room, to witness a disconcerted Rick. He stood there stock-still, eyes the size of saucers glued to the man beside her. "Are you my dad?" Rick uttered softly, his eyes never leaving Carlos's face.

"Yes I am. Although I didn't know it until today. If I would have known, I would have come to you long ago." Her attention shifted from one to the other, and saw selfsame eyes fill with tears. Then, to her utter amazement, Ricky launched himself at Carlos, into his open arms.

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