So college has slowly taken over my life and now that I'm on break I will finally update all of my stories and maybe get one of them finished. I can't apologise enough and thank you so much for sticking with me. I love you guys so much! Here's the chapter :)

Song - A Thousand Years - Christina Perri

I have died everyday waiting for you,

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you,

For a thousand years,

I'll love you for a thousand more

I loved him. I actually told him I loved him. A small laughter erupted from my throat causing my two best friends to gaze at me curiously, their curls whipping in the air as their faces turned around to face me. This wasn't a humorous matter, far from it actually because the man I loved was currently still breathing, still alive but was still unconscious. The smile from my words were still on his face and his hand was still in mine but we were no longer on the step outside the Lake House we were currently in my bed, well he was I was simply sat next to him whilst Bonnie and Caroline were sat on arm chairs in the corner of the room, both of them looking rather sceptical at Damon's sleeping figure in the bed.

As soon as Damon had passed out and I couldn't get him awake I called Bonnie and Caroline, who conveniently for me, were both together and they came rushing to me. Caroline had detected the reminder of the splinters inside of his chest and Bonnie had managed to do a spell that had kept him alive just long enough for her to do it. Caroline had insisted that I give him some of my blood because that's what he needed to wake up now so I ran inside, my body still high on adrenaline; I cut my wrist and forced it into his mouth. To me blood sharing had always been something sacred between two people and I knew Damon would be furious when he woke that he hadn't been able to remember the moment. I smiled; he was going to wake up.

"What did he say to you other than his declaration of love?" Bonnie asked from the corner of the room. "Didn't he try to compel you to remember? You know, it could have been his last moments and he didn't even try to make you remember? I thought that was the whole point of this."

"He was dying, Bonnie." I told her for what felt like the millionth time because right now I didn't care that I still didn't remember because all I cared about was that he would come back, that Damon would live because I just couldn't lose him. "He told me that he loved me and that he was willing to do whatever he could to make it right but I could see the light going out of his eyes. I could see him struggling to stay alive. He didn't have the energy to compel me. Besides I don't want to remember if he isn't here."

It was right, I didn't want to remember if he wasn't here to help me and share it with me. Why would I want to remember something that would only make losing him that much worse than before? Why would I want to put myself through all that again? Because losing him now would be bad enough, losing him now would cause me so much pain that I didn't think I could bear. We had always had a connection and maybe my heart had never stopped loving him and I just didn't realise but I did realise that I loved him now. I couldn't lose him not now, not ever.

"Elena…" Caroline whispered sympathetically, giving a Bonnie a look from the corner eye causing Bonnie to apologise.

"He was going to let me remember. " I said, talking once more because the silence was deafening. "We were talking about it just before Stefan came in and he was going to let me. I was going to remember."

"And you will." Caroline said, nodding slowly. "He's going to wake up, Elena. He isn't dead, okay? He is okay. Damon is okay."

Tears were slowly flowing down my cheeks as I crushed Damon's hand with my own. I just needed him to wake up because until he did Caroline's words were not comforting. Even if Caroline was a vampire and could hear his vampire heart beating I didn't trust her judgement after all she hadn't even been a vampire that long herself. My hand was sweaty and clammy but I refused to let go of Damon ever since we had managed to carry him upstairs on the bed because I moved or let his hand go I felt like I was one step closer into losing him forever. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose him when he had been so close into finally being together, for me to finally feel whole again. I would not lose him.

There was a moment of silence in the room once again and I could feel their worried stares on my skin, waiting for me to react to Damon just lying in a bed with blood still on his shirt from where Stefan had tried to kill him. The memory flashed in my mind, I had seen Stefan coming towards me with a hungry predator look in his eyes and the stake held in his hands. My eyes had closed because I didn't want that to be the last memory I had before I died instead memories of the last two days had entered my mind; Damon and I kissing, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed together and waking up together, his smile. Yes, his smile was the last thing that I had pictured before I heard a soft groan from Damon's lips.

Wait?

Did Damon just groan?

My eyes opened wider and my hands clutched his tighter threatening to break the bones in his hand. I tilted my head to the side just as Damon seemed to mirror the action another groan escaping his lips. Somewhere in the background I heard Caroline jump up from her seat and shriek 'he's awake' but she seemed too far away for me to even make a comment. All I could concentrate on was the man lying in the bed in front of me, droplets of sweat flowing down his body and forehead with the odd splashes of blood on his clothing and skin. Even though Damon looked like he had just escaped a bloody battle, well he kind of did, he was still gorgeous but most importantly he was still alive.

Alive.

Damon was alive.

"Elena…" He breathed so softly that I almost didn't hear it.

"I'm here." I whispered back, my hands running up and down his arms whilst the tears escaped me. "I'm right here, Damon."

"Elena." He coughed but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips, and I was vaguely aware of Caroline and Bonnie leaving the room and closing the door behind them.

"Damon." I breathed for what felt like the first time all night. He was alive. Damon was alive and that was all that mattered to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked hurriedly, his blue eyes that held a thousand secrets searching over my body. "Stefan, he-"

"He's gone. He left right after he…right after he staked you." The words felt like a lie because there was no way Stefan could be capable of something like that but my perception of him had been wrong. He was completely capable of staking his brother whilst threatening his ex-girlfriend before running for the hills.

"He left?" Damon asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion and pushing himself up against the headboard. He shook his head when I leaned into rearrange the pillows for him but I ignored him and tilted the pillows against the headboard so they were more comfortable for him.

"He left." I confirmed. "He vanished."

There was a moment of silence between us because neither of us knew what to talk about next. Did we talk more about Stefan? Did we talk more about my memories? Did we talk about what he wanted to tell me before he slipped into unconsciousness? Or there was the final option; did we talk about how I had told him I loved him? There were a million things to stay to each other but as I looked into his blue eyes I found myself thinking that whatever we needed to talk about could wait because he was alive. Damon was here with me, staring back at me like I was the most prized possession of the planet. And right now, that was enough.

"He's hurt." Damon sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back into the pillow. "I betrayed him. I fell in love with his girl."

I shook my head, gripping his hand tighter in mine. I could feel my heart racing in my chest. Ever since I had found out about mine and Damon's past he done all the great speeches that declared his feelings for me over and over again. Sure, I had done a few but that had been when I was unsure and unaware that even with Damon being a vampire we never really knew how much time we had left together. Now, I was sure of what I felt for the man that loved me with all his heart, the one that had almost gave his life to save mine.

"Damon, I'm not his girl." I whispered. "I've never been Stefan's girl, why can't you see that? Why can't you see that I have always been yours? He has never ever been you. Damon, I'm yours. I don't belong with Stefan, I belong with you. I am yours."

"Mine." Damon mumbled, as if he was chewing over the fact of me actually being with him and what I was saying. He smiled lazily, his blue eyes staring into mine and I smiled back at him because it was true I had never been with Stefan, not really. Something had always pulled me towards Damon, something was always there telling me I was missing someone and it was him. It had been Damon all this time.

"I don't know if you remember what I said to you before you blacked out. You were lying in my arms and you were trying to tell me something but I told you something that I should have said before now. I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you this because you deserved to know. It probably should have been done in more romantic epic setting where we could kiss and not done with you dying –"

"Elena?" Damon whispered, squeezing my hand softly.

"Yeah?"

"You're rambling…" He smiled sweetly and a wave of blush swept over my cheeks.

"What I am trying to say is that I love you." I whispered softly, a small laugh escaping my lips in disbelief. Had it really taking me this long to stay it?

"Elena-" Damon said, his smile now turning into a frown and I just knew that he was going to tell him me that I wasn't sure and that I didn't remember. I sighed, didn't he understand? I loved him. I always loved him.

"No, Damon I need to say this and you need to hear it so do not try and stop me. I love you, I am so in love with you. You have been the missing part of me and I don't care that I don't remember because that's the past, this is the future. This is us, here and now. I know that I will remember someday so I'm not going to spend time worrying that my feelings will change because of that, this is real. I love you, I need you to know that I love you." I let out a breath that I felt I had been holding for over a year. It was like someone had thrown the load off my shoulders and was letting me breathe for the first time, letting me fully understand everything that was in front of me.

Damon's lips turned into a grin, the wrinkles forming around his eyes as they sparkled immensely. His dark blue eyes pierced mine, the blue lights swimming around his pupils and the light shining with happiness. Seeing his smiling appearance in front of me just made me mirror his smile, my teeth shining in between my lips. I felt his hand curl harder around mine as he squeezed my hand causing my heart to jump a little in my chest. It was strange how much a simple touch from him could cause my heart to flutter in my chest. It was truly remarkable the effect that he had on me and I knew that no one else would ever make me feel this way. No one could make me feel like this, no one.

"I love you too." He said quietly and it was like someone had flicked a switch in the room and everything had suddenly turned very tense between us. I could feel his eyes drifting to my lips and I knew that subconsciously I was doing the same, staring at his lips and picturing how they would taste against my own. I swallowed thickly in my throat, leaning slowly towards Damon who was still sat up against the pillow, his eyes focused on me. My tongue swept across my bottom lip and Damon's spare hand moved to rest on my arm, my flesh tingling underneath it. His hand slowly brushed up my arm, the other still holding my own. His tender hand came to rest on my next causing everything inside me to burn with need and want. Ever so slowly Damon leaned in towards me, our lips inches apart now. His eyes were searching mine now wondering whether or not I was going to pull back.

"Damon," I practically begged. "Please."

That was all he needed, the confirmation to finally crash our lips together in desperation and love. His hands soon became tangled up in my hair, forcing my lips on his whilst my hand rested on his hip and the other crawling underneath his shirt. This wasn't just love and lust, it was everything mixed into one big indescribable emotion. It was loving him, it was the fear of almost losing him and the relief of him waking up again. It was me missing him all this time and remembering all the love that I had ever felt. It was everything about him and the effect that he had on me. It was Damon Salvatore.

"Elena," Damon mumbled against my lips. "Elena, we-"

I silenced him by kissing him again not wanting to stop and not caring that this was probably not the best time to be kissing him and touching him in a way that felt familiar but still so brand new. Damon ignored my attempts to continue kissing him and by demonstrating his self-control placed on his hands on my shoulders and very gently pushed me away. I felt the blush creep on my cheeks as I slowly opened my eyes to meet his and our breathing slowly returned to its normal pace. The spell had hit us again, demanding me succumb to the desire we were feeling towards each other but I slowly gripped the sheets. No, I couldn't. We couldn't.

"Wow," Damon breathed. "Oh, that was…"

"Amazing?"

"Yeah."

We both stared at each other, smirking as we looked each other and knowing the effect that we both had on one another. It was so powerful and consuming that neither of us had control over what we felt for each other. It was completely surreal but I knew that I wouldn't change a single thing about the time we had spent together. Damon slowly slid his hand across the bed, wrapped his hand around my own and nodded slowly as though he could tell what I was thinking. I smiled back at him, wondering how I had managed all this time without him by side and I knew the desire and love would only grow when I had remembered the time we had spent together.

"Elena, we can't." He smiled, his other hand softly stroking my leg. "We can't as much as I want to, we can't do this yet. As much as I want you and love you I want you to remember what we had first, I need you to know before anything else can happen between us. I know you say you love me but I just want to make sure because I can't go all the way with you right now just in case you change your mind. I couldn't deal with that, Elena. I can't deal with having you again just to lose you."

"Damon-"

"Elena," He smiled but his eyes shone with determination. "It's my turn to talk, okay? I just I love you so much and last night when I thought I was dying I was trying to tell you something. I had always hoped and prayed that if somehow I would tell you that we had been together before you and Stefan then I wanted it to have been me. I didn't want you to find out from someone else but knowing that I have very few friends and three times as much enemies I wrote down something that could help you remember. You know you always keep a diary? Well, you did when we were together and you had your own photos that once again I took from you, to protect you but still it was done in the wrong way, I was going to tell you where they were. In the diary, there is a page on the back cover where I left a message for you just in case that something had happened to me and I couldn't tell you. So, I made sure that you knew after she became a vampire that Caroline could inform you and take the compulsion away if you really wanted to remember."

All of it was hard to process and I could feel the lines on my forehead forming, my lips turning from a smile into a confused and puzzled frown. I felt him squeeze my hand softly as he gazed upon me with those blue eyes that were filled with love, hope and doubt. He had actually planned this? Had he really planned all this? He had actually thought through all of this so even death he would try and find a way to let me know that at some point I had loved him more than anything else in the world. I shook my head, it was a lot to take in but I didn't want to focus on the past all I wanted to focus on was here and now. All I wanted was to be with him.

"Where is this diary now?" I asked. "Because I would really like to read it before you compel me."

Damon nodded thoughtfully before answering. "It's in the Boarding House, in my room, it was in the drawer just underneath from where you found the necklace."

"Okay."

I didn't know what else to say, I didn't know what else to do but the thought of having a diary with all these memories in with me and Damon comforted me slightly. Of course it would be like reading a book but hopefully it would spark some sort of recognition within me that would help when I actually remembered. At least I wouldn't be going into this blind anymore. I could read every single memory before actually remembering. I smiled, the excitement flowing around my body.

"I need to get it." I simply said, staring at Damon with a small smile on my face.

"No. You can't. What if Stefan is there? I can't let you go alone." He said, staring at me with that mad look in eyes that suggested I shouldn't cross him. "I'll go."

Before I could say anything else, the bedroom door swung open and I almost forget that Caroline and Bonnie were still here. Caroline stood in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest as she glanced at me and Damon. She smiled as she gazed down at our hands but Bonnie look as though she had just witnessed two people doing inappropriate things in a public place.

"I'll go." Caroline said. "Bonnie can come with me. Stefan won't stand a chance against us plus Damon you're not well enough to go anywhere."

By the time, Caroline and Bonnie had come back they had returned with the diary and had informed us that Stefan had not been at the house but all of his things had been cleared out of his room and that he left a letter addressed to me and Damon downstairs. They had handed me the letter whilst Damon had gone back to sleep and suggested that whilst he rested I should read the dairy because it would be unfair to read Stefan's letter without him. They both hugged me before leaving the Lake House and going back home to where they would no doubt be waiting to hear from me.

I clutched the diary tight in my hands, the soft black leather case brushing against the palms of my hand, the piece of ribbon hanging from the halfway point in the book. There was something about this diary that felt familiar in my hands but there it was like something I had just bought from one of the stores in town. For me, right now it held no specific memory or anything else that I could place in my head. All I had was that feeling that I had around Damon that there was something there, something nagging in the back of my head drawing me to the book inside my hand.

My body fell into the nearest chair by the fireplace, the flames seducing me with their warmth as I curled my legs up by the side of me. The diary was still in my hands and still waiting for me to open it and bury myself in the memories of my past, my actual past. My fingertips slowly slide down the cover of the diary and my heart started beating faster in my chest. What would be like to read this? Would it spark any recognition in me or would just be like reading one of your favourite novels where you have some sort of connection to the main character? I didn't know but it could only help with me remembering everything that Damon and I had shared and it would make the process of compelling me to remember less overwhelming than what it should be. My fingers tucked into the hard cover and flipped it over, a page of my handwriting now capturing my eye.

"Time to fall into wonderland, Alice." I muttered, smiling at my literature reference and at how much I had started to become like Damon with his comments.

Time stands still,

Beauty in all she is,

I will be brave,

I will not let anything take away,

What's standing in front of me,

Every breath,

Every hour has come to this,

One step closer

So we're on step closer to Elena finally remembering! There's not much left to this story but Damon didn't die! I couldn't kill him, I think the story works better with them both alive because they have already had a hard time. Anyway there's only like 3/4 chapters left! I really hoped you liked it. Please review!

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lauren :)