Gain and loss

A/N:Hi again dear people! Today I finished Dragon Age 2 again for about the fifth time. I still love the game, love the drama, romance, rivalry and everything in between. But when I thought about all of this, the whole game and the friendships Hawke makes, I got the idea of a new chapter. I even got an idea for another story, but still working on that.

Read and review please!

As Cillie was sitting against a three in a forest far away from Kirkwall and all the chaos there, she began to remember everything she had done in the years she had lived there.

All the memories of her gains and of her losses came back to her.

The first friend she made along the way was Aveline. She never thought she and Aveline would ever get along, but as she looked at the sky, she couldn't help but smile as she thought of her friend.

Aveline was strong and was serious most of the time. Rules were rules, no way around them, and Aveline would make sure Kirkwall kept to them. Or at least, that's what she wanted people to think. The missions Cillie Hawke took Aveline on were sometimes crossing the rules Aveline was so keen to keep. Even when Hawke defied the Templars and supported the mages in their grand fight, Aveline stayed at her side. Her loyalty was never-ending and she loved her friend for that.

Then Cillie came across Varric after meeting his wonderful brother. Now Varric was a character. His humor was what always got Hawke smiling. He always had a story to tell but could also sit in silence with her when she just needed company. The games they used to play were always a blast, even though Hawke always lost them. He didn't ask questions, but trusted her decision and joined her.

Bethany was there with her first two friends. Her lovely sister was so much like her sometimes, it was scary. Even though Bethany was a mage and Cillie a rogue, their minds were alike. They were both against blood magic, both against slavers and no one was alike. Bethany always tried to help people see the right and do the right thing. She even joined Cillie in running away, for as far as possible.

A sigh escaped Cillie's lips as she thought of her next friend.

Isabela… She was a good friend, or at least that's what Cillie had thought. She had her own humor, much like Varric's but more perverse. She was always flirting with her teammates, she even thought Isabela and Fenris had a thing, but that soon was cleared. Isabela was loyal to her own standards. Do her wrong and she will do you wrong in return. Give her coin and she is your friend. As soon as Isabela got the relic, she left and never returned. Even though the letter she wrote made it clear she was worried, Cillie could've used her help against all the battles. She felt so betrayed, so vulnerable.

Then…Merrill, she was heading the wrong way with her choice of magic. The blood magic everyone despised. It was horrible to see and no matter how many comments she made on that, nothing would change, not until the final battle with her own clan. Not until the final battle against the Templars. Even after all that Merril and Cillie were more rivals than friends.

And that was fine, at least she helped her on her missions and in battles.

Hawke felt the tears fall from her face as she remembered them. Her enemies, her friends…. But more and more people joined.

Anders, she met him through Varric. 'Blondie' as he called him. Anders had a total different view on the world than she had and that led him to lying to her about his real intentions. His view on the world led him to kill the grand cleric. And that led her to kill him for his deeds.

Cillie put her head in her hands as she tried to clear the image of her own dagger in the neck of her friend.

He was always trying to get with her, flirting with her and trying to make others look bad, but it never came to that.

She didn't see Anders like that, simply cause their ideas were so different, and because she didn't find him attractive. He was a friend in her eyes, but nothing more. Still, she lost him. One more friend she had lost.

But she had one person who, no matter what, would always love her and protect her, one more person who, like Aveline and Bethany, always had her back.

One more person had surprised her with supporting her decision of siding with the mages, although not without complaining and making some remarks.

Fenris.

Fenris came to her through Meeran as a 'mission'. It was a funny way to meet indeed now that she thinks about it. A laugh escaped her lips. The flirtations started from day one from her side, but he was keeping his distance since she had mages in her team. He didn't know what kind of woman she was and so she shared her stories with him and he shared his stories with her. He was always a mystery to her, and maybe that is what attracted her to him, that and his deep voice and green eyes that seemed to lure her in.

Their first night together was interesting to say the least, the years that followed were a nightmare to her, especially since during that period she felt betrayed by Isabela as well with her leave, but she could see that Fenris was struggling as well. It was after the death of Danarius that he explained his side of the story, that he apologized and since then, he never left her side.

Now here she is, in a forest, going nowhere in particular, but making sure not to stay in one place too long. For different reasons, most of her companions left her side, it was needed. All left, except one.

"You are quiet." His deep voice pointed out while his arms wrapped themselves around her body as he sat beside her, pulling her body into his lap. She gladly complied and smiled a bitter sweet smile to him.

"You were thinking about them." It was not a question, he knew her well enough by now.

"Will they remember me as I remember them? All of them?" She asked him.

"I'm sure the stories Varric will tell will make sure that no one forgets who fought against the Templars and helped the mages." He said, still a slice of disbelief was heard in his voice as he said the last part.

"What about Isabela and Merril? Isabela ran away and Merril simply hated me for being against blood magic and demons."

"Isabela will remember who saved her back with that relic, and Merril will always be Merril. But she will be thankful for what you have done for her." He kissed her head and she sighed.

"Will we ever see them again? All of them?" It was a plea.

"When things have calmed down, Varric will probably be the first on his way to us to drag us back in for more fun." That made her laugh and she knew that that was true.

Her companions, even those who were not completely her friend, would always remember her. Some would remember her for what she achieved, some would remember her for her help or the lack there of, but she was sure most would remember the loss and gains she had during the years in Kirkwall and for the person that she is today.