A/N: Here's the next one!
Jane practically fell into the hospital doors, luckily for him they automatically slid open. He was pulling at his shirt collar and clawing at his skin. His shirt had a vice-like grip around his neck, wringing all of the air out of it. A couple of buttons popped off and rolled onto the hard blacktop of the hospital parking lot. He bent over and gasped hoping for air to enter his lungs.
Lisbon was alive; he had to keep reminding himself of that fact. He was convinced that by leaving her, she would stay safe. Tears pricked his eyes. He was too involved with her. He let his heart guide him too often in the last year, instead of his brain. It had to stop. He had to put physical distance between them. It was time to walk away. He had the choice between hurting her or getting her killed. He would rather she hate him and live, compared to loving him and dying.
The team would make sure she was alright. Sure, she would be devastated, but she would be breathing. That's all he cared about. He loved her with his whole soul. He was willing to sacrifice everything for her. And he knew, that if given a choice between her life and Red John's death, he would choose her. That is why he had to run away. He wouldn't be able to enjoy her knowing that Red John was still lurking around. Red John wouldn't hesitate to take away the one thing he loved if Jane decided to stop playing his games.
He didn't deserve her. She was a saint and he had tried to corrupt her. She deserved a better life than this. It was over.
He caught a cab and entered it. "Nearest bar please", he told the driver.
He was broken. The only solution that he could come up with was to drink himself into oblivion.
-About 2 weeks later-
Lisbon was sitting at her desk with her head in her hands. Her head was pounding and her eyes were burning. She had the biggest headache of her entire life happening right now. She felt nauseous: everything made her sick, even coffee. She had been living off of water and crackers for the past week.
She didn't care anymore. VanPelt gave up forcing her to eat two weeks ago. That's how long Jane had been gone, two and a half weeks. He was technically missing, but Cho tracked him down after the first week. Cho had been acting like a big brother lately. He told her everything that happened at the house with Jane. Cho described how crazy Jane had acted. Now, Jane practically lived at the bar. Cho reported spotting Jane there every night, since he stormed out of her hospital room.
No one had confronted him or forced him to come back, under Lisbon's orders. She didn't want him coming back if she had to forcibly do so. He had made his choice. He chose chasing Red John over her. She knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she was. She thought he had changed. Especially after hearing VanPelt say that Jane loved her. But none of it mattered anymore. Red John was hunting her. He would probably get to her soon. The team had been keeping a watchful eye on her. She knew one of them had been staking out her apartment every night. It didn't matter. Jane didn't seem to care, so why should she.
Lisbon heard loud voices coming from somewhere in the bullpen. She peeked up from her desk to see VanPelt running towards her office door. Ugh what now.
"Boss", VanPelt started out of breathe, "he's here."
She became alarmed. "Who? Red John?" Lisbon glanced to the flowers on her desk and shuttered.
"No, sorry. Jane, Jane is here. He's coming in here. And he's drunk."
Lisbon's back stiffened and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She felt like crying and then screaming. He was such an ass hole. "It's okay VanPelt. Let him in. You know he will find some way if we don't", she said void of all emotion.
VanPelt nodded and walked out. This was just sad, even VanPelt felt sorry for her.
A minute later, the yelling voices died down and Lisbon looked wearily into the hallway. Then, she saw Jane accompanied by Cho. They both looked livid. She stood up and placed both hands on her desk, bracing herself.
Jane pushed the door open and stopped walking. He was waiting for Cho to leave.
Cho was glanced questioningly at Lisbon. She nodded her head, giving him the okay to leave her alone with Jane. He didn't look happy, but he listened to her none the less.
Lisbon continued to stare at the hallway outside her office, refusing to make eye contact with Jane.
"Let me see it", Jane commanded. He didn't seem drunk except for red eyes and a rough appearance.
She didn't respond, but knew exactly what he was referring to.
"This isn't a game. Show it to me", he moved threateningly towards her and grabbed her wrist.
Her eyes darted to his and she ripped her arm out of his grasp. "You don't have any right coming in here and telling me what to do!"
His eyes roamed her desk. He moved to pick up the potted red flower that was resting on the edge of it.
"Don't", she growled at him.
His movement faltered, but quickly resumed. He picked up the pot and examined it. Turning it around in his hands, looking for something. His fingers plucked the tiny white piece of paper that was nestled in the soil. He looked at it. "My dear Teresa, don't be so glum. I'll come to visit you again sometime soon. I didn't get the chance to properly explore you the last time", he read out loud.
She was angry. He had no right to come in here and see what he had missed. It was his own fault. She looked at Jane. He continued to stare at the paper. His jaw was clenching over and over again. His nostrils were flared and he was breathing heavily. She had never seen him look so enraged. Suddenly, he cocked his arm back and threw the pot against the wall forcefully. She flinched, his actions actually scared her. She had never seem him display physical violence, ever.
"You should've called me", his eyes looked into hers accusingly.
And that comment took her over the edge. "I should've called you?", she asked incredulously. "That's rich, coming from you Jane."
"You don't get to decide when to leave me out of this investigation. Especially when he personally threatened you."
"He personally threatened me when he attacked me and drew a smiley in blood on my own face! You didn't seem too concerned about that, so why would you care about a note."
"I didn't seem concerned? How the hell would you know?", he screamed at her. "You were drugged, face down on a bed, in a random house because you couldn't call me or anyone else. You couldn't be bothered to tell the team where you were. Who's the hypocrite now?"
"Oh so now it's my fault that a serial killer tried to kill me? It's you. This is all because of you, Jane! Red John wouldn't have personally targeted me if you weren't on the team."
He actually laughed at her. "Of course, that's what I've been saying for years. I'm glad the truth finally comes out. But I don't see Red John giving a shit about Cho, Rigsby, or VanPelt."
"That's because he knows they aren't stupid enough to be manipulated. I fall for it every time. I put my trust in you and you destroy it. Every. Single time. The only reason you're here is to manipulate me into giving you what you want. That's what everyone has tried to tell me. But no, I never listened because I thought that you cared. I thought we were friends. I was wrong." After the words left her mouth, she could see that something snapped in his eyes.
"This is about trust now? You. Teresa Lisbon. The one with daddy issues. You can't trust anyone anyway! What friends do you have outside the CBI? None! That's the answer. You lecture me on trust. You don't trust anyone. Anytime someone tries gets close to you. You push them away. Greg, Mashburn, Bosco, Me. You can't handle trust. You are better off alone. You're irreparably damaged. No one wants to be near you. Why would anyone want to be with someone like that? I certainly don't. This 'partnership' is a joke and I'm done with it", he spat every word at her.
Immediately after he finished she punched him. She punched him with all the strength she could muster. She was shocked that he just said all of those things to her. "Get out", she demanded.
His head reeled back because of the force from her punch. He grabbed his nose. He laughed again. "That's what I thought. Push me away. Just like you always do with everyone." He dropped the note from Red John and walked out of her office.
TBC, things are getting complicated for our favorite duo :) Please review and let me know what you think!