...Hi? God, I am so sorry! I thought I had updated sometime in December, but it was near the end of November, so I haven't updated for a month and a half! I really do apologize, i was starting to hate this chapter because it wouldn't come out, and I'm trying to lead up to Tori's eventual epiphany slash breakdown slash whatever it is, which may either happen next chapter ( Tori's reason ) or the chapter after ( the funeral and reason 18 ).

It will probably happen in the chapter after because I am just that good at putting things off, but I also don't want to pile everything into the last chapter too, so I'm conflicted.

I want to thank all of the reviewers and favoriters and alerters, you make my world go round.

But before the chapter begins, here is an outtake of what was originally possibly going to be in this chapter, even though it's crude and written at 1 am.

"Fuck, Jade." Andre shouted. "I've called and texted and went over to her house a hundred times, with no answer. What if something's wrong?"

Jade, driving, stared at her nails for a second before looking at the road, not even looking at him. "I'm sure she'll be in school. Calm down. You're scarring Beck. Have you ever even cursed? God, it's like you're on a kids show."

Andre was thrown. "...What?"

"Exactly, Captain Obvious. There's nothing to worry about. Cat told me." Jade replied, focusing her attention on the road. They were taking some obscure desert path, and the shovel in the backseat next to a slumbering Beck was scaring Andre just a little bit. "Woah, was that a raccoon on the road? Cool."

"What are you going to do with a raccoon?" Andre asked, before remembering something far more important from their conversation. "Cat told you?"

"Yes, dumbass." Jade said more insistently. "God, it's like this conversation is going nowhere. I made up with Cat at some indeterminate time between Monday and today and then we kissed and had lady sex. Happy?"

"Lady sex?" Beck asked, jolting awake. "And you didn't invite me?"

"Kidding, god." Jade scowled, rolling her eyes. "Andre, close your mouth. You'll catch scissors."

Andre closed his mouth abruptly, looking down as a blush filled his cheeks. At least Cat had been in contact with Tori, he reminded himself. That was what was important.

He couldn't help but think, though, that he would've been much better than Cat at helping Tori.

end of outtake

x.

It took Tori longer than it should have to get over her fever. All of the days where she'd think about Trina and cry or scheme to get her back had made her malnourished and a bit manic. Her doctor had recommended antidepressants, but Tori had left before he finished speaking. The days had blurred and she wasn't even sure when she'd gotten sick, but now it was almost the end of the week… she thought.

Cat had been sleeping over the past few nights, comforting her after nightmares and making her hot cocoa, but Tori had been nearly delirious during the time because of all of the medication she'd needed. After waking up at 5 a.m. and not being able to go back to sleep, she decided today would be the day she went back to school.

She got up, getting ready hurriedly and avoiding her phone, scared of what was most likely on it. Besides the doctor's appointment, she hadn't been out of the house since Monday, and hadn't exactly been in a state to see if any of her friends had texted or called. She was sure they'd be furious, and that terrified her. Throughout most of their friendship, they'd never had a fight, besides Cat and Danny and, well, all of Jade's interactions with her.

She was ready by 5:40, though, and sat facing the tv eating a PopTart when Cat finally ran downstairs. Literally ran downstairs. It was frightening how peppy Cat was in the mornings.

"Oh, you're coming to school today?" Cat asked, grabbing her own breakfast. "We'll have to leave now, though, because my brother's outside and he hates waiting."

"That's fine." Tori replied, grabbing her bag and phone, walking outside.

Cat's brother and his large orange truck awaited her.

xx.

Andre stood outside the apartment doors in silence. He could hear his grandma screaming and couldn't do anything about it. The doctors had told him that, like a sleepwalker, it wasn't wise to wake her up, and he just needed to wait it out.

He wanted to tell them that this had been happening since he was little, that he could remember crawling next to her, back when she could still sleep still in bed without pills, and singing to her, hugging her with all of his might.

He wanted to ignore their empty eyes and instructions and take his grandma far away from this nursing home, but they knew better than he and he wasn't even a legal adult yet and he couldn't leave Tori - her screams shattered his thoughts into pieces as his grandma continued wailing. Sighing heavily, he went to the lobby with a heavy heart. There would be no sleep today, he concluded as he looked at the time. 5 o' clock. He sighed, before settling down in one of the armchairs that smelled of old lady perfume. It would be another hour until he had to get ready, after all.

xxx.

"Come oonnn." Cat whined as she tugged Tori towards the entrance of HollyWood Arts. "We're going to be late."

"I don't wanna." Tori pouted, ignoring how much of a child she was acting like. And how her heart was beating too quickly. It was probably just a side effect of the fever...

"Fine, then. Don't." Cat replied, walking away quickly.

"Wait up, I'm coming!" Tori shouted back, cursing Cat's knowledge that she wouldn't want to be alone.

A few seconds later she found herself ready for the day and sipping some coffee that Cat's brother had given her. It had a...unique taste, almost like strawberries, but Tori ignored it and leaned against her locker, relishing the quiet.

Suddenly, she opened her eyes. It was too quiet.

And enraged Andre Harris stood before her, practically towering over her.

"Hey…" She said sheepishly. "How's it going?" She winced as Andre's eyes met her, before he enveloped her in a hug.

"I thought you might be dead on some wild goose chase, trying to hunt Trina down. God," he hugged her tighter, "I missed you." He only gave her a second to hug back, her coffee still in one hand, before pulling back and tugging her into the janitor's closet. Tori's legs started trembling, and she leaned on him for support.

"You have five minutes to tell me what's wrong with you."

To his surprise, Tori burst into tears. And pushed him away when he tried to wrap his arms around her.

"Go away." She whined, cursing how her voice cracked. "I don't want you to be late for first period."

Tori didn't hear movement, so she opened one eye cautiously. Andre was just looking at her, with intense eyes and his mouth set in a firm line.

"You don't want me to be late for first period? Or you don't want me to know?" Andre asked.

"Look, Jade told me about how your grandma's getting worse. I'm being inconsiderate. Your parents are gone and your sick grandma is all you have left. I don't want to bother you with my problems."

She blinked again, and rough hands were brushing away her tears.

"Don't say that, Tori. Never say that. Jade's full of bullshit. You matter just as much to me as anybody ever has. You are special, and your sister is dead, so I have a right to be concerned."

She smiled then, because even though his eyes were bloodshot and he looked terrible, she looked the same. They could stand to miss one class, she thought, and let herself sob in Andre's arms.

The janitor came by an hour later to find two kids asleep in the janitor's closet, holding each other close. He recognized one as the sweet girl who's sister died, and the other as the son of the flighty woman he went to school with. He left them alone.

xxxx.

They woke up just in time for lunch, and although their exit of the janitor's closet and wrinkled clothes did not go unnoticed, nobody commented, and they sat down next to Jade and Cat halfway through the period.

"Where's Beck?" Tori asked quietly. The sudden loud noise was giving her a headache, but she had had the best nap in weeks.

"Rehab." Jade said curtly, before getting up and walking away. Cat frowned at her back, before perking up again.

"Beck turned himself into rehab yesterday." Andre clarified, smiling faintly. " He said that he didn't care if his father was mad at him, that he needed to get better for Jade and for himself. Had quite a speech planned. But Jade got mad, so there's that."

"Beck was doing drugs?" Tori asked, confused. She'd never been informed of Beck's condition, although even Cat, sitting right next to her, hadn't batted an eye.

"He always did seem a bit drugged up." Cat commented, and Tori just tried to ignore that startling piece of information. She'd think about it after the funeral.

xxxxx.

When the school day was over, Tori had a big stack of assignments to complete, although most teachers had given her some leeway in terms of deadlines.

She had just finished piling them into her bag when Andre approached her, holding up a black CD, with white tape across the middle, saying 'Reason #16'.

'Of course,' Tori thought, before following him to his car.

"We'll watch it at your house." He said, looking straight ahead, probably wondering what Trina would be saying.

Tori thought about it too, what Andre's was, and what hers was as well. This was reason 16, she was 17, but what about 18?

She pondered it for a minute, before turning the radio on instead. Who knew? It was probably some obscure person from Trina's past.

When they finally got back to the house, Tori was solemn. They sat in silence for a minute, before going inside.

xxxxxx.

"The first day I met you, Andre, I was intrigued. You were a freshman back then, long before we worked together on Make It Shine. You were at your piano locker and played the most beautiful tune effortlessly, next to who I later found out was Cat. You opened your locker, Cat giggling nonsensically, and got out, not only your books. but a French horn case and a guitar. You looked up, like you could feel my gaze, and smiled for a second, before closing your locker and heading off to whatever your next class was. I'm only admitting this because I'm never going to see you again after you get this, but I was somewhat obsessed with you after that day. I found out who you were, how talented you were, and more importantly, what a good person you were. You were kind and strong and helpful. You could've been my knight in shining armor, if you'd ever seen me as a princess. As you may know, my love life was filled with creepy losers, and I thought you broke those bounds. It didn't last long, though, after I saw you getting closer to some girl, I can't remember her name now, and when I accidentally saw you kiss her, I gave up. I didn't deserve someone like you, and everyone but me knew it.

So, for a year, I forgot about you. Until we were paired up for the Full Moon Jam. That was when I fell for you all over again. You'd already written Make It Shine, and some other girl was supposed to perform it until she dropped out for some reason, and I was happy to take her place. Now it seems like fate, though, the journey to Tori getting into HA. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I practiced the song for days before we met up, hoping you wouldn't cringe at my voice. You didn't, although you did seem to get annoyed, and I revelled in that. Your piano playing enchanted me the way it did the first time I saw you, and I finally decided to bring you home to practice, hoping you'd be impressed by the baby grand piano. I was hoping you'd ask if I played, which I did, before Tori came along. Perfect little Tori, with her pretty hair and eyes and mold. It was hard not to feel jealous that you were bonding over your frustration at me, even though that wasn't the only thing you had in common. I decided to up the flirting, calling you Andrew and Andy and others, trying to play hard to get. I failed. Miserably. Well, no one ever told me I was good at flirting. It seems like I either acted too disinterested, or desperate, now that I think about it. But I stayed in denial about you and Tori until the day she performed for me. I saw the adoration in your eyes as you looked at her the same way you looked at sheets of music, and that day, I cried. I'd lost you yet again, and this time to my younger sister. And back then, neither of you knew it.

Fast forward a few months, and I became hopeful again. You and Tori seemed to just be good friends, and I saw you much more often now. I was beginning to consider us almost friends after the whole fish slash foot cleaning thing anyway, until the day after. We were in the hospital, me being the most severe case, and you were cursing my existence. Well, you probably weren't that harsh, but it sure felt like it that day when you said you wished you'd never met me, perfectly aware that I was in the same freaking room as you. That saddens me to this day, because you were supposed to be my superhero, until you weren't, and you became just as bad as everyone else that ever talked to me. But I still admired you and your songs, and jumped at the chance to talk to you, tried to show off for you, and you never took any notice, your eyes firmly on Tori, who always seemed to shine so much brighter than me.

I admit, I don't blame you. I probably annoyed you, and disrupted you, and frustrated. I tend to drive people away with my personality, and I know that maybe you didn't like me at all. It didn't stop me from trying, though, until I realized, yet again, that it was hopeless. I didn't see you as often anymore either, which helped too.

But that doesn't mean I am, or was, really, completely over you. Even after pretending to be in love with me and blatantly insulting me. After all, everybody has faults. Don't worry, I don't blame you, especially not after hearing about how your grandma got admitted to a nursing home now. You were always so strong, and you will forever be my knight in shining armor.

The only reason you're on my list is that you never thought I could (wanted to) be your princess."

Did you like it? Was it (kind of) worth the wait? I am a bit anxious that I won't get any reviews, so please tell me what you think! Who is Reason #18? And should I include Tori's breakdown in the next chapter along with her reason?

Hope you enjoyed!