Sorry about updating later than promised. It takes me a long time to write. The funeral took me four hours, and overall, I think the story took me six or seven. My muse comes and goes, and as I wrote most of this right now, I'm a bit tired of reading it, so it isn't really proofread.
Honestly, I know reviews don't really matter, but I'd really appreciate it if more of you did. Last chapter got 2 reviews, my lowest count for this story, and I'd really appreciate some feedback! Thank you to Jeremy Shane and Invader Johnny for reviewing! :)
I am really hoping this story can get 100 reviews but I need you guys to help!
Disclaimer: I don't own Victorious or Ke$ha's song Let it Go.
x.
"You can't just do that." Tori said in a high-pitched voice, scrambling away from André. He looked at her, confused and hurt. "Can you leave? Now?"
André, embarrassed, left quickly, and Tori was left alone with her racing heart. She wasn't confused, because Trina's tape had told her he liked her, or surprised, because she'd known something like this would happen. She was just sad.
She liked André, maybe as more than a friend, but these days all she was was TrinaTrinaTrina. She hadn't even known about his grandma, and she blamed herself for not being there for him or the rest of the gang. While she had been off crying and not sleeping, they'd needed her too. She just wasn't ready for a relationship then, or even for a few months, and especially not with André. He was too much of a reminder of everything, and she didn't think she could bear it.
With a heavy heart, Tori took her mind off of André and went to finalize the plans for the funeral that would be held the next day. She'd gotten a nice coffin, as well as rented a room at some center where the viewing would be. Then, after about an hour, they'd bury her casket and then have a little reception at Nozu. Mrs. Lee had actually suggested it, surprising Tori. A few people had said they'd speak, which Tori was curious about. After sending emails to all who hadn't RSVP'd or declined the invitation, she set to work - on her homework this time.
xx.
Saturday morning dawned bright and sunny. Tori was up at seven, getting ready for the funeral. She assumed her mother would be there, and her father had checked in on her the night before promising he'd come. He'd finally seemed to understand that Trina wasn't pulling a huge stunt.
Cat had promised to pick her up, since she still didn't have a car to use, so Tori was waiting outside for several minutes. Originally, she'd planned to go with André, but didn't think he'd even show up, now.
"Get in!" Cat shouted as she rode up in her older brother's beat up red car. The top still seemed to be broken, Tori concluded, before wondering if there were any more fake feet in the trunk. Sam was with Cat, surprisingly, and they were both in dark colors, although Sam was in jeans and a blouse. She couldn't really blame her, though, she hadn't really known Trina and, according to Cat, Sam wasn't a dress kind of girl.
Tori had dug out Trina's blue and white dress to put in the coffin, and was wearing the polka-dotted black and red dress she'd worn for the play with Beck years ago. Every time she saw it she thought of Cat and Trina getting her the glue remover, and knew that it would be perfect for the funeral.
Walking outside, she climbed in.
"Are you ready?" Cat asked solemnly.
"As ready as I'll ever be," Tori said truthfully.
They drove off.
When they got to the viewing, only a handful of people were there, mainly older relatives that wouldn't be able to go to the reception happening later.
There were a lot of seats, and a huge picture of Trina smiling next to the closed casket. Tori gulped, before putting on a smile. Cat squeezed her hand.
"It'll be okay," She comforted her weakly, looking a little pale herself. Tori wondered who she was trying to convince, before squeezing back and walking away.
Her grandmother was sitting on one of the benches, dabbing at her eyes with a handkerchief.
"Oh Tori," She said tiredly. "She - she asked me if she would be in my will. I thought she was just being greedy, I didn't…. I didn't know she wanted c-confirmation that she'd still be alive then."
Tori hugged her grandmother gently. "I know, I know." She said repeatedly, kissing her forehead. She wondered vaguely when she'd become the strong one in all of this. "You couldn't have done anything to help. Don't make yourself feel bad about it."
As time went by, more people trickled into the hall, until most of the benches were occupied by a few people. She saw teenagers from school, relatives, as well as people from Trina's reasons. A few were uninvited, but not unwelcome as sad smiles were exchanged. After about ten minutes, her Dad arrived, and they greeted guests together. Eventually, her mother came too, mumbling about keeping up the image. She was wearing a red blouse and jeans. Tori didn't know who she was trying to fool.
Mr. Busey came inside a minute before the hour was up, scowling. Tori had invited him, but he had no pressure on him to show up. Honestly, she would've been happier without the creep here, she thought, before pasting on a smile.
Sam approached her right before they were to head out for the ceremony, smiling awkwardly. "Look, I don't really know you, but Cat talks a lot about you, and even Trina. I have a sister. I don't really get along with her, but I still love her. I know how bad it can be. I haven't seen her for half my life." Sam had a faraway look in her eye as she talked. "But it will get better." She walked away quickly, not giving Tori time to respond to the thoughtful statement. Sam would be good for Cat.
When they walked out to where Trina would be buried, Tori frowned. André hadn't come. Neither had Beck, although Jade had called her briefly to let her know that he was out of rehab for a few hours. She was confused, until she saw André holding a microphone next to the coffin. Beck was holding a guitar with Jade next to him with another microphone. There was a battery operated boombox next to him.
"This was one of Trina's favorite songs, I hope you enjoy." André spoke, before Jade and he started to sing.
"Night is falling, we come undone," As Jade sang Let Me Go by Ke$ha, Tori couldn't help the tears that sprang to her eyes. She remembered her sister humming this song constantly, but she hadn't heard of the song then and she never asked what it was for fear of Trina trying to sing it to her. She assumed that either Jade or André had had a similar experience and learned the song to play for the funeral. While Jade let her eyes wander around the forty or so people who had showed up, André kept his eyes on her, and it warmed her like nothing else.
When the song ended, Jade announced that "the usual boring as hell" funeral songs would be played softly from her iPod during the ceremony.
Tori was honored by the gesture, rudely delivered as it was. She could see a mother covering her child's ears and glaring at Jade, who gave an obscene gesture back. Tori rolled her eyes at them before going to stand near the coffin to pay her last respects.
"I love you." She whispered, before letting everybody else do the same.
Trina was buried by a lake, next to other gravestones. When her coffin was lowered into the ground there were many teary eyes, including hers. André, who was standing next to her, nudged her, and she remembered what she had to do. Catching everyone's attention, she made an announcement.
"Hello everyone! Thank you for coming. I know a few people asked to speak, so who would like to be first?"
Surprisingly, Robbie made his way up to her.
"I admired Trina from the first time I saw her. She was pretty and smiley and nice. She didn't tell you meaningless things you wanted to hear, but was a rare kind of truthful that was mixed in with subtle compliments and insults you needed to hear. I admit, I had a silly crush on her. She was my first kiss. And although I didn't know her that well, never asked her how she was doing and didn't support her like I should've as a friend, and I regret that. But now, she's in a better place, and I like to think that she's getting all of the attention she deserves there."
His speech was short, but sweet, and Tori appreciated him speaking. She never really talked to him outside of school individually, especially now, he supported her in his own way.
A few more people from school made short speeches, saying how Trina was a great dancer and choreographer, how she had the funniest jokes, as well as other things. Tori smiled at them. Even if Trina had felt ridiculed by everyone, a few had liked her.
Her mom spoke too, as expected, although she mainly talked about how her and Trina used to go shopping together, which Tori knew was a lie, and how Trina had been helpful in the kitchen and a great older sister. Tori started tuning out as her mother waxed poetic about her great job raising her children. Her dad had a short speech too, but it was more heartfelt and contained moments about Trina's childhood.
Lindsay wanted to speak last, and Tori allowed her. She wasn't planning to make a speech, because she felt like she didn't deserve to make one, although her mother had pushed her to prepare something.
"I just wanted to say how suicide is such a problem these days. I mean, if someone as stuck up and flat out annoying as Trina could do it, so could anyone here. I mean, come on, suicide is a cop out and everybody knows it. Trina's going to hell and -" Tori raced up and forcibly grabbed the microphone from her.
"Trina was one of the strongest people I know. She was smart and kind and had amazing fashion sense. She stood up to bullies and never let anyone bring her down. She taught me to be humble and grab every opportunity I could. It's because of her I even got into Hollywood Arts, and never say that about her again." Tori almost stomped off, before remembering the reception. "Please be at the reception in a half hour."
"Where is Nozu?" Lindsay snapped at her after she'd handed the microphone off.
"Why do you want to know? I know you don't want to come." Tori snapped back.
"Free food is free food. Besides, I have to come."
"What?" Tori asked, annoyed. By now the only people left in the graveyard was Andre, who was picking up the boombox and microphone.
"Everyone who had a reason…. They got messages that told us we had to come, especially to the reception." Lindsay lowered her voice, looking around. "I thought you sent it."
"...No, I have no idea what that's about. But thank you for telling me? I guess we'll find out soon enough." Tori replied, making to walk away.
It's crazy, but sometimes, sometimes I think that she's alive, laughing at all of us, you know?" Lindsay whispered desperately, grabbing her arm.
"I feel it too." Tori replied, taking pity on the frazzled bitch. "But she isn't." She pulled away and left, walking quickly after Andre.
"Are you sure about that?" She heard Lindsay shout. She didn't look back.
xxx.
The reception was relatively quiet and uneventful, until the very end. Only seventeen people were left in Nozu when Sinjin's brother entered.
"Hello. I am Scott, and I was working the night that Trina handed me an envelope containing 18 tapes. She had instructions, text messages to send, and she knew things that chilled me to the bone. I never became close to her, but she was a person, who had feelings and cared. She was somebody who didn't deserve to be treated like this, by people who claimed to care about her… and people who didn't. I may have added some things, and I watched you all with my little bro Sinjin's cameras. I must say, you are all very interesting people." He wiggled his eyebrows. "But now isn't the time for that. Trina has one last video for you guys."
He pulled out a laptop, pushed a disk inside, and pressed play. Somehow he projected it onto a wall of Nozu, and the video began.
"This is my last video, I promise." Trina laughed lightly, smiling. She seemed happy, and it jarred Tori a little bit. She hadn't seen her this happy in months, even before she'd killed herself. "The last reason, the person who should go to hell, really, is me. Do I hate some of you? Yes. Did I try to stand up for myself and make friends, only to be shot down? Heck yes. Did I deserve any of this? No. But that's life. Life isn't fair, and I shouldn't have ever expected it to be. When I was little, I dreamed of a world with people who always wanted to be friends. My dreams were shot down the second I stepped into kindergarten and a girl laughed at me because I had my name tag on upside down. I kept on dreaming, but life consistently failed my lowering expectations. I ended up sinking lower, and while some people may call me a dreamer, I much rather would have been a realist. In theory, I am responsible for my own life and how it turns out, so this decision? Yes, all of you were contributing factors, but I had choices. I could've changed drastically, making you all see how cool I had become. Or maybe befriended a totally different group that appreciated me for who I was, baffling you. I could've run away, or transferred schools, or confronted my parents. But this isn't one of those stories. This story is about a fragile girl named Trina Vega who kept breaking, until she finally couldn't man up and fix herself. This is the story about me, a person, who has been bullied and discriminated against and objectified. But I've also been mean and hurtful and jealous. I haven't made the best choices, I'll admit. In fact, if I could redo my life, I would. But this is my last choice, sending all of you these reasons, messages telling you how terrible and unfair you've been to me. And it isn't just to make you feel bad for poor Trina. It's to let you learn from your mistakes and fix them." Trina's eyes pierced the screen, seeming to look at each one of them sternly.
"In my tapes, I kept asking you, remember? And this is my last wish, to be carried out by you all. Remember me. Remember my voice, my laugh. My smile. Remember how I was materialistic. Self centered. Mean. Rude. Ignorant. Angry. Because I was, am, all of these things. But also, remember how I was caring. Kind. Helpful. Silly. Fun. Strong. Sweet. Adoring. Happy. I am all of these things too. Tori, remember how I helped you with your homework and listened to you ramble on about your day every day. Remember how we got in fights and you got so mad at me you wanted to hit me. Jade, remember how I was pathetic and clingy. Remember how I stood up for myself and never cried in front of you not matter how harsh you were. All of you have memories of me, some good, some bad. Some of you, mainly bad." She chuckled a little, smiling. "I want you to reach inside of yourself and do the same to you. Fix yourself until you can see more good than bad, and then accept yourself. A little self confidence goes a long way. Look at me." Trina smiled again, before shifting. "If you do, maybe I won't see you in hell." Trina blew a kiss to the camera, winking, before she moved, presumably to turn the camera off, and the screen went dark.
Tori smiled. She thought they all did. Trina was finally free.
The epilogue will hopefully be up Monday, assuming my muse works with me.
What did you think of Trina's last reason?