VI

Being a flier is not as glamorous or endearing as all those bridal-runaway stories ad movies make it out to be. There's this gnawing sense of turmoil and fear that fills you for days on end, until you become so numb to it all that you actually feel like a real-life zombie. You would think I'm just over-exaggerating because 1) my emotions were so out of whack my brain couldn't think straight and 2) I'm usually that kind of person when I get worked up, but no, I really wasn't. It felt like for the first time, I had experienced some emotion I had only wrote about for stories on end, but now, had given up a real-life opportunity to feel it all for myself.

The look in Mori's eyes from that fate-less meeting haunted my daydreams anytime I happened to weight the risks and close my eyes, twisting my stomach and heart into a knot so deep even a boy scout couldn't undo it. There were so many times when I replayed that one moment in my head- from when he grabbed my arm to the instant I bolted- and soon found myself wishing there was some way to do erase it all. But as I ignored call after call, text after text, from both him and Hani, I knew that I had pretty much shot myself in the foot for having that option available anymore. There were so many times that I made excuses for myself and all of the decisions I continued to make in regards to my dark-eyed crush: he had so much going for him in a world of rich people and martial arts that I had intruded into a friendship with him and his cheery cousin that Aki had warned wouldn't last long. Why would a gorgeous, smart, hardworking guy like him who was constantly surrounded by girls from influential families who were actually going somewhere with their lives want to slide into a happy-go-lucky romance with a rambling roxie like me? Yeah, I couldn't think of a realistic answer to that conundrum either.

As days turned into weeks, and my last high-school level winter break was steadily approaching I found myself too busy to waste anymore time thinking about the love- and most likely, friendship- I had thwarted from growing between me and Mori. There were things to do around the house before dad had to leave for work, scholarships and study abroad opportunities to apply and be interviewed for in my meager attempt to fight for a spot in a worthwhile college, and end-of-the-year school work to be completed that had no care for my pitiful, heartbroken problems. There was still a future and a present to still fight for, even If it meant accepting that Mori and Hani wouldn't be there to cheer me on along the way. I felt torn between trying to find a way to do all my work and fix all my errors, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got and ended up spending all my time with my nose to the grindstone with a fiery gusto that could scare even the wicked witch out of her eerie green skin all the way in Oz. Mitty and Aki seemed to notice my snappy, almost to-do list nature as the weeks wore on, and did their best to either avoid my hell-bent path of activity like the plague or appease me into doing something that would give me a rare chance to forget my idiocy and smile or laugh like my old self.

Which was exactly why Mitty had planned for the two of us to go to the pet store one Thursday afternoon in an attempt to scrounge up some new toys for Mohi. The little gray puffball was now too big comfortably to fit into both of my palms like he had for the majority of the time I had owned him, weighing in at a healthy few pounds for what I was assuming to six or seven months into his life. He was about as complacent as they got in the feline realm, and was my steady and furry companion from the minute I arrived home each day. Without him, I probably would have been more depressed than the current me actually was, and all in all, the little guy really could use something as thanks for doing just that when my best friend and brother were a little lacking in that department.

The two of us were chatting idly as we exited the school into the chilly November air, when I swore to light I saw a familiar figure propped up against one of the maple trees just outside the gate. When I did a double take, my stomach lurched as the pair of bright blue eyes I had not been imagining locked with mine. Oh, dear light was all I could think of as a sweet, but predator like grin pulled at his lips when he knew I knew he was there. Mitty stopped as she noticed my blanched features and terrified expression, but Hani was soon on us before I could even ask her to get me out of there.

"Shi-chan!" Hani greeted warmly, waving at me as he broke through the murmuring girls staring at his Ouran uniform to stand less than an inch to my right. They broke to stare at me, laughing scathingly as they realized who I was and went off on their merry way as if this wasn't a spectacle their gossipy little behinds needed to stay around to finish for a good diss on my behalf.

"H-Hani." I sputtered, clenching my hands into tight fists against the side of my winter coat. This was not happening. He shouldn't be talking to me like nothing was wrong, unless I had suddenly found myself in a weird parallel universe where running like a coward had no repercussions. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to treat you to some crepes!" He chimed, patting at his belly with a childlike giggle. "How about it?"

"Hold on." Mitty put in, pushing me away just enough so she could stare at the blonde. Her dark eyes scrutinized his features for a moment, before looking up at me with a raised eyebrow. "I thought those rich guys weren't talking to you anymore. What's he doing here?"

"Like I said," Hani butted in before I could explain that I had absolutely no idea what he was doing here, let alone talking to me like nothing had happened. His eyes darted quickly from Mitty's fervent glare- one that had and probably would continue to freeze Satan's butt-cheeks together with its zealous rage- to mine, still wide in shock, with a look that made it clear as daylight that he was concerned and not angry. "Shi-chan should come and get some crepes with me. Are you ready to go?"

I looked from him to Mitty for a second, my mind whirling in the avalanche of thoughts cascading as the seconds wore on. Although I was tempted for a moment to say no, I couldn't deny that I had a very strong urge to know why Hani had come all this way, just to supposedly have crepes with me. I laid my hand on Mitty's shoulder, who was still looking more than ticked at the blonde's audacity, and gave a quick sigh to her in lieu of my decision. "Looks like you should go on without me. I'm feeling some crepes right about now, so we'll postpone the pet store trip for next week, alright?"

Her eyes narrowed, but unlike usual kept her blunt comments to herself. "If you say so. I'll kick your ass to the moon and back if not."

Twenty minutes later, I was sitting down at a french bistro on the other side of town. Hani was murmuring excitedly as the waitress brought the three plates of crepes he had ordered to the table, steaming and fresh from the the open air kitchen on the other end of the restaurant. I, on the other hand, had only ordered a cup of hot chocolate, seeing as my stomach was on its own roller-coatser ride and really didn't need the extra task of trying to digest anything. I couldn't even drink, so I just sat idly, watching Hani chomp down on one plate after the other as if there was a five minute time-limit to devour them all. Neither of us had said a word since getting into his car, though I was happy and anxious that both of us had remained silent that long. Maybe, he would just give up and leave me alone, and I could go back home, forgetting this strange rendezvous ever happened.

Like usual, Hani had other ideas. "Hey, Shi-chan," He questioned as he set his fork down on his third and final empty plate. "Who was that girl?"

All I could do was laugh for a solid minute straight like a prisoner who had just successfully escaped through a spoon-carved tunnel to freedom. Out of all the things he could have been interrogating me about now, he chose to ask about my crazy companion. "Who, Mitty? She's my best friend, and as you can tell, get's pretty worked up about things for no good reason."

"That makes sense!" He nodded enthusiastically. "It looks like you two seem to get along really well."

My smile diminished slightly. "We do. She's the only one who's stuck around to defend me, so I'm happy that at least one person's stuck around."

"What do you mean?"

His question, although kind, was really not something I wanted to relive again. But then again, I'd told myself there was no point in lying, so I may as well just spill the beans and get it over with. "There was a girl I used to be really close to my last year in junior high and first year in high school. She started doing things that were concerning me, and I said something about it to her when I couldn't stand her getting hurt so deep in the game, but word got around that I'd call her names or said some really harsh things about her when I hadn't. People got the wrong impression of me thanks to that, and Mitty was the only person to this day who defended me and saw that I had just voiced my concern and nothing else."

"That's horrible!" Hani exclaimed, his blue eyes wide in shock. "Everyone knows you're a good person Shi-chan. You're nice, sweet, and really smart."

I could barely contain the scathing laugh bubbling in my throat. "How do you know?"

"I just do." His expression turned a little more serious. "What are you going to do after you finish high school?"

"Huh?" I paused as I tried to process his random question. What I wanted to do really didn't matter. There was reality, and then there was extremely hopeful wishing that usually involved some kind of magic for it to come true. Sighing sadly, I began to trace the rim of the porcelain cup as I gave him my honest answer. "I really don't know. Sad, isn't it, when we have only a few months left before graduation? The reality is that my family will need me to stick around, so they'll have me working and maybe going to prep school. If I save up enough money and make sure everything's running smoothly at home, then maybe I'll go to university in a year or two."

"But is that what you want?"

My eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"You keep saying 'my family this' and 'my family that.' It makes it seem like you have no right to choose your own future. Forget about them for just a second, okay? What do you want to do, Shi-chan?"

The words were tumbling out of my mouth before I could even stop myself. "I really want to go to university and study either journalism or medicine. I couldn't stand being left behind while everyone else goes off to get their degrees, and I know that somehow, I could get a scholarship or work in between to pay it off and not have to wait. I just want to stand on my own two feet for the first time in my life."

Hani chuckled as I settled uncomfortably into my seat after my confession. "See? That's what you really want. Shi-chan, you really need to stop thinking about other people and how they might feel and do what you think is right."

I was pretty sure we were no longer talking about my plans for the future. What did he want to hear from me? That I was head over heels for his cousin, but I could never have him because I understood that there were things that obviously held more importance to him than being in a relationship with me? Heck, I didn't even know if Mori felt anything more than friendly concern towards me. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to fit all the pieces in when I didn't even know if we were both playing within the same puzzle.

Hani spoke up again as he noted my reserved silence. "You ran away and stopped talking to us because you realized like Takashi, didn't you?"

I jumped, my back slamming into the hard wooden chair with a thud as he hit the proverbial nail right on its fat, screaming head. Asking yourself that same question in the safety of your mind versus someone else putting out into the open elicited two very different responses. The mortification settled in as I tried to figure out how he had known. Was I really that obvious? If so, did Mori know as well?

I dropped my gaze. "It doesn't really matter."

"Of course it does." He quipped back gently, prodding me with that unnerving resilience that seemed lace in every fiber of his adorable but martial arts machine of a body.

"No," I spat back, hating that all the feelings I had let festered over the past few weeks were bubbling to the surface again. "It doesn't. You and I both know that there are other things more important to Mori than having to deal my inability to contain my wishful feelings. He doesn't need this kind of.. interference."

Hani sighed. "You did it again, Shi-chan. There wasn't a single thing about what you desired in that sentence. If you like him, and that's what you want, then go for it. There's no point in giving up if that's what you really feel."

I hung my head, hating that he was right. "You wouldn't want us to start dating, anyway."

"If I didn't, then why am I here?"

I jerked my head up to meet his kindhearted expression. His tiny smile grew as our eyes met, nodding in answer to my questionable gaze. Out of all the people his cousin could possibly be with, he was accepting me as a suitable choice? Holy rice cakes and tea. Someone pinch me right now. I ended up doing it myself after another second of stunned silence, only to have him laugh as he watched me wince like an idiot.

"You're so funny." He managed between giggles, and I ended up breaking into my first smile since we entered the bistro. "But I'm only going to give you one piece of advice. If you don't have confidence in pursuing what you think you deserve, then it's never going to work out. You have to believe in yourself first, or how else are you ever going to have the moxie to get someone else to do it for you?"

"I didn't really think that far in advance." I admitted, chuckling nervously at how deep this adorable guy could get when he wanted to. "Though I'm really just so sorry for making so much trouble. You guys must have been really worried, and all for my inability to face my own feelings."

He shrugged lightly. "We knew that you had to come to grips with something, and that whenever you got around to facing it, you'd come talk to us. If not, we had a back-up plan ready. Real friends don't just walk away from other friends without answers, but you already knew that huh?"

I couldn't help but grin at how quickly he had come to grips concerning my past with Mitty. "Yes."

Before too long, we left the bistro and headed all the way to the other side of the city to drop me off at home. As happy – well, more like drunk on glee- I was to have Hani's approval and support to chase after his wondrous cousin, I could help but feel this sickening feeling of fear creeping just behind it. He was right about so many things that I couldn't even see myself. Was I really someone who put herself last? I never did any of that intentionally, honestly; it was just the way my brain was programmed. But if that was the case, could I really fight for something like a relationship with Mori and allow myself to be so selfish? How would I approach it? Would he even give me the opportunity?

The car suddenly came to a rolling stop, and I glanced out the window to see my quaint house only feet from where I sat. My fiists clenched into tight balls as I raced to get my thoughts in order, knowing this was a rare opportunity I had to be alone with Hani to pick his brain for a solid path to steer my idiotic self on. I turned my head slowly to look at him, and he slowed his legs from rocking back and forth in the space between him and the seat in front of him to smirk at me, probably reading my thoughts like the adorable psychic I was starting to believe he really was.

"Everything's going to work out." He gave me two enthusiastic thumbs up. "But you have to remember what I already said, Shi-chan. Will you do that?"

I nodded, and before I knew it, my door was opened and I stepped outside to watch the car roll away before I could even do anything else. Before long I smiled, knowing that as much as I wanted to ask Hani anything, he had already done more than his share on helping me out in this strange, unfolding situation. So from here on out, it was up to me to strike up the courage to finally break my silence with Mori and once and for all, come to grips with this unquenchable feeling building up in my soul.

AN: I'm sorry for a slightly late review! This week has been very hectic. Thank you to all who reviewed on the last chapter. It really means a lot to see everyone chipping in their opinions. Please do so again on this chapter and like usual, I hope you enjoyed! ~E.F.