A/N So, life has gotten busy, but the story is not over. By the way the Characters still don't belong to me. And after what happened on Twitter yesterday?... Well I don't know about that. However, if the characters were mine, the lighting might be a little brighter. Maybe.

Thanks again to Dmarx for being my Beta. You rock!

Chapter 2

"Alright then, Dad, Grams is upstairs getting ready for dinner" says Alexis

"Dinner?" says Rick, with a touch of panic in his eyes. His stomach begins to churn at the mere thought of dinner, but what happened earlier with Kate doesn't matter now. What matters now is having a great evening with Alexis, Martha, and 'Oh god,' whomever else they may have invited.

"Yeah Dad, the caterers will be here soon."

If Rick had known that today was the day everything was going to go to hell, he would have never planned on dinner here at the loft. He doesn't think he can make it through this.

"Don't forget dad, we're eating light, just an antipasto platter and fresh greens. Grams ordered enough for the three of us."

Rick relaxes just slightly at the knowledge that it would only be his mother, Alexis and himself.

And then Alexis says something that makes him freeze.

"Dad, I did order extra in case you might want to invite Detective Beckett "

"No Alexis, I don't."

"Why not?"

"Detective Beckett is very busy right now. Working on a case that's going to keep her busy for a while," Rick says, not wanting to say any more than he has to. "Right now, Alexis, I'm spending this time with you. I'm so proud of you. I would have never dreamed of being valedictorian at my school."

"He's got that right, Kiddo," says Martha Rodgers as she makes a somewhat unwelcome entrance into the loft.

"Always a laugh a minute, Mother," says Rick sarcastically.

"Oh tosh, tosh Richard!

"You're lucky you didn't get kicked out of that school. Not to mention the fact that they still let youe receive your diploma after the little stunt you pulled at graduation."

"What did you do Dad?" says Alexis, her attention piqued.

"He went to graduation wearing…."

"That's enough Mother, the caterer is here.

"Why don't you show them where to set the food?"

"Of course, Richard."

As Martha and Alexis show the caterer to the kitchen, Rick walks to his study, slumps into his desk chair, turns and stares at his darkened murder board. He never meant to hurt Kate. He knew that if she ever found out what he'd done she wouldn't take it well. Rick was just always hoping the timing would be right, and he would be able to tell her in a way that she could handle. He knows he needs to turn on the board and dump what information he had on Kate's case into the trash bin, but he just doesn't want to face it yet.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Kate has spent the better part of the evening staring at her murder board and thinking of the blurry image of her shooter that she saw earlier today, and the look on Castle's face when he left her apartment.

Then she spends some time on the phone with Esposito, making plans for how they are going to handle things tomorrow.

"Kate, you sound quiet, what's going on?" Questions Detective Javier Esposito

"Nothing," answers Kate. "I'm fine."

"You don't sound fine to me," says Javi.

"Well, I am, and you need to drop it, we need to get ready for tomorrow. I'm getting the bastard that shot me, and I'm going to find the man who had my mom murdered."

With that, Beckett and Esposito end their conversation and Kate walks from her murder board toward her bedroom. Once alone in her bedroom it finally dawns on her just how alone she really is. Finally, she picks up the glass off her bedside table and sends it careening toward her wall.

"Richard Castle, you arrogant bastard!

I was changing, healing for you!

Doing this for us!

You just had to put your fucking nose where it doesn't belong!"

She continues screaming, her rant getting the best of her voice. She walks toward her dresser, eyeing the upper right hand drawer. The one she's always imagined would one day hold some of his belongings. She grabs out underwear and shorts and heads for the shower. As she turns to walk toward the shower, Kate twists around so fast she her ankle rolls, and she drops to the floor, pain shooting up her leg.

And the tears come. Jagged, breath-robbing tears. She didn't think this would happen, didn't think anything could hurt as bad as knowing she just lost the love of her life. And Castle never even knew how she felt. She was too pig-headed to just be honest and tell him.

But he's the one who blew all of it when he took it upon himself to cut a deal with a complete stranger. What the fucking hell was he thinking?

Kate is not about to take all the blame for this . She waited to tell him she loved him because she needed time. She told him last fall on the swings that she needed time, and he led her to believe he understood.

"Maybe that's what he's been doing all along," she says aloud to herself in the emptiness of her room.

"Just leading me to believe he understood.

"Just letting me think he really loves me." At least by now, Kate is just talking to herself and not screaming at the bed that would likely be empty for a long time to come.

"He couldn't really love me if he ever thought I'd even begin to be OK with this."

The pain in Kate's ankle has ebbed, and she stands and gingerly puts her full weight on her foot. The pain is really very light. The adrenalin flowing through her system because of her anger must be staving off any real pain. The real pain begins in her heart as she glances at her bed once more. It's too much to even process.

TBC