Disclaimer: Still not mine. Mine don't even have names yet!
A/N Thanks for the Beta Diana. And thanks for being you Sarah
When Moving On Means Something Different Chapter 5
Richard Alexander Rodgers sits at his daughter's graduation wondering again, how everything went so wrong so fast . He looks up to hear Alexis give her Valedictory speech.
"There's a universal truth that we have to face, whether we want to or not. Everything eventually ends. As much as I've looked forward to this day, I've always disliked endings."
"The end of summer, the final chapter of a great book, parting ways with a close friend. But endings are inevitable."
"Today is one of those days for us. Today we say goodbye to everything that was familiar."
"Everything that was comfortable. We're moving on. But just because we're leaving, and that hurts, there are some people who are so much a part of us they'll be with us no matter what. They are our solid ground."
"Our north star. And the small clear voices in our hearts that will be with us. Always."
"Richard?" says Martha, "Are you sure you're ok? You look like you're in the depths of despair. Like you've lost your best fr…"
"I have mother, I have lost my best friend. It's over. There is nothing more I can do and as Alexis just said in her speech, It's time to move on."
"Oh Richard, I'm so very sorry. I didn't mean to be so insensitive" Martha says as she reaches up lovingly placing her hands on either side of his face. "I saw what you went through when Roy Montgomery died, when Kate never called. Richard I know this year has been so hard on you. I never understood how you did it all, and now this. Grief takes time my boy. I'm here for you."
Castle leans over and wraps his arms gently around his mother. "I'll get through it mother. Right now I don't know how. but I will."
"I do love you Richard, you're a wonderful son and father, Life will get better for you, I know it"
"Enjoy yourself in the Hamptons mother. Alexis had her overnight bag with her at graduation today. She is already with her friends"
"Richard, listen to me. You will be ok. You can move on." with that Martha Picked up her bag and went to meet the car service.
After Rick is finished talking to Martha, he speaks to Alexis assuring her he will be fine. He places Alexis' graduation tassel over the lamp in his office, when the phone rings. As he picks up his phone he see's that it's Kate calling. All he can think, is that she's calling because she want's his help on her mother's case. Help he's no longer prepared to give. So, he ignores the call. He gives a quick thought to shutting the phone off completely. He thinks he won't though, although it's morbid so it will be easier for the guys to get a hold of him, if or actually when the inevitable happens.
As it is, Rick realizes that there is no point to putting it off any longer .He turns, picking up the smart board remote. His thoughts swirl through his mind. 'We were so close, so close Kate. We would have been terrific.' The happy memories of Alexis' graduation faded, rapidly being replaced by the intense feelings of loss that come slamming back to his memory. Rick continues thinking of all that could have been and all that will not be as he slides Kate's file into the trash bin, thinking he has no choice but to move on now. He clicks the board off, taking a deep pained sigh, as he hears a sharp rap on the door.
Kate stands in the damp cold of the cemetery in front of her mother's grave thinking of a conversation she had had with her dad.
"Your mom had been getting threats Katie, they told her to back down or else."
'She didn't back down and neither will I.' As she thinks to herself, the tears come running hot down her face while she holds Johanna Beckett's ring in her hand. 'I've got to get to the end of this. Something has to come out of this. I've lost so much. Mom, Dad for a while, Roy.' The next image in her mind is of she and Castle pulling their hands apart in the precinct two days ago. She doesn't want to think of Castle, she's still so angry. But thoughts are all she has left.
Later, much later, as Kate sits in the pouring May rain, thinking of the last time she was here with Castle, she remembers how she thought he understood. She thought he knew she wanted to have a relationship with him. How she needed to solve her mother's murder first.
The rain is cold, it feels good on her sore body after what happened at the hotel. It helps her to clear her head, and to set her mind to what she's got to do now; She has to go to him.
And so she walks, the footfalls settling her determination. She is finally heading in the right direction. As Kate arrives at Rick's building she takes out her phone, and dials him. The phone rings twice and then goes to voice mail. He must be ignoring her, and why wouldn't he?
And now she climbs. Climbing two stairs at a time. Each stair step strengthens her resolve. There is only one thing to do. It's time to beg his forgiveness and finally let him know.
When Richard Castle finally opens the door, she mouths under her breath "Oh thank God"
Kate's fingers slide off Castle's jaw as she gentles the searing and almost frantic kissing that went on after he accepted her apologies and shoved her against his door, showing her how much he wants her. Kate's hand slides down Rick's wrist and into his palm, turning them toward his room. As she gives Rick the smile he's always dreamed of seeing, the realization hits him..
Richard Castle stands in the dark of his bedroom, alone with the woman of his dreams, eyes locked steadfastly upon each other. He slides his fingers into Kate's hair, feeling the silkiness of it. He cradles her head in his palm, bringing her mouth against his, tongues swirling about in a sensual and beautiful dance. For all of the things Rick has been a part of in his life, nothing can compare to this. Nothing can compare to having Kate Beckett in his arms, kissing him with such passion and fervor.
He continues opening the buttons on Kate's blouse, exposing not only the scar over her heart, but the long scar on her side from her surgery. Another clap of thunder sounds as he places his hand against the scar down her side, stopping for a moment to breathe in all that's happening. He reaches up to slide Kate's shirt down off her shoulders. As he does, one of the bra straps slides off her shoulder making her appear nude in the dim light of the bedroom. Taking her back into his arms, he shudders when they embrace, she feels so precious in his arms. He never wants to let go.
He begins to move them directly over the bed angling them down onto the cool covers. Kate pulls him to her, lips and foreheads lingering upon one another. She is so grateful this is happening. When she thinks about what could have happened she realises she has to make this right. For him.
Just as the thoughts of what it will feel like to finally be one with him settle in her mind, she feels his body stiffen as if something has changed. She looks up into his eyes seeing that he has been thinking too hard. What she sees, looks not so much like love, as much as fear mixed with anger.
"You want me Kate?"
Kate looks up into Rick's eyes, wide and focused as her nerves start to get the best of her, but she nods her head and whispers "Yes, yes Cas... Rick. More than anything."
"Yesterday you were clear what you wanted, and it wasn't me". He stares deeply into Kate's eyes taking a glance at the column of her neck, then sweeping in for a devastating kiss. Deep, almost painful, yet full of love. As he breaks the kiss, a tear escapes his eye and Kate moves her hands from his shoulders to bracket his face. Rick continues, saying, "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to walk away yesterday? I wanted to die when I walked away. Because that's what I thought was going to happen to you. I thought the next time I heard about you, would be because you had died. And you almost did, you said so." His hand glances gently against her bruised rib cage causing Kate to take a sharp breath inwards
"Esposito and I caught up with the sniper at the Residency Hotel. You know the old Rosslynn? He got the drop on us and knocked Javi out, I chased him up to the roof of the hotel and took him on, but he got the best of me. He was too strong . All my training meant nothing, I punched and kicked, even tried to choke him out and he wouldn't budge. He threw me off him like I was a gnat."
Rick leans in and kisses Kate's ribs gently, raising back up to see Kate and she continues, "After he had me by the throat was when I realised I wasn't gonna make it off the roof. No back up was coming, and I asked him to just tell me who is behind all this. He told me I had no idea who I was up against and when I and told him he didn't realize who he was up against, he rolled me so hard I slipped off the roof. I barely managed to hang on and he just left me there. That's when It finally hit me just how awful a thing I had done. What I had done to you."
"Oh god Rick, I'm so sorry for all the pain I've caused you. Kate slides her hand under Rick's eye, catching the tears that are pooling there. She rises up and kisses the underside of his other eye, kissing away those tears. As they once again look intently into each others eyes, Kate begins to slide her hands down along Rick's neck and towards his shirt, continuing what she started against his door. As she unfastens each button, she begins to see and feel the strength of his chest.
Rick looks down at Kate's fingers as she releases the buttons and helps her as she finally slides the shirt off his shoulders. She gently kisses his sternum, causing him to gasp as her lips caress his chest.
"How long where you hanging of the roof Kate?" Rick says, a mixture of fear and anger bubbling up in his voice.
"It wasn't very long Castle, maybe a minute, I was holding on by both hands, but I wasn't strong enough and one hand slipped. Rick gently lifts Kates hands, kissing them all over and telling her, he is grateful she made it through.
"I thought is was the end Rick, I was hanging there by one hand and I was so scared."
"I must have started hallucinating."
Rick looks at Kate with so many questions, but leans in again for a long slow kiss, exploring her mouth and bracing himself for the rest of the story Beck-Kate has to tell.
"I was hallucinating because I heard your voice telling me to hang on, but it wasn't you Rick, it wasn't you."
By this time Kate is nearly sobbing, all Rick knows to do is tell her. "I'm here now Kate, don't be afraid."
Kate takes a deep, cleansing breath, willing her breathing to slow, and tracing the line of Rick's shoulder with the pads of her fingers, causing Rick to close his eyes and push down the very real image of Kate hanging there alone.
"Just as my last fingers slipped off, I heard my name again and four hands caught my wrist before it was too late. It was Ryan, and one of the SWAT cops, I was still calling your name as they were hauling me up, but you weren't there."
The realization of what nearly happened on the roof, sets in as Rick lays his forehead back against Kate's. He opens his mouth to tell her he should have been there, but the only thing that escapes is a deep, ragged breath.
"Shhh, shhh Rick. You shouldn't have been there. Not after what I did. I really don't deserve you."
Rick begins to feel a resurgence of anger building up within him, when he comes down off his arms and rolls them on their sides, gently cradling her head and shoulders
"You still, don't understand how much I love you, do you?" Rick grits out as his tone becomes more stressed.
"Oh Rick, but I do understand now. In that one moment, the realization of everything you've tried to do for so long came crashing down around me like a ton of bricks. It was my walls coming down around me."
"As I looked up all I saw was Gates, she got us seen to by the paramedics, and then hauled Esposito and I back downtown, She was so angry, she suspended both of us, and demanded our badges, and guns."
"Espo laid his badge and gun down and I just stood there holding mine when Gates demanded it again. It was then I remembered the fight you and I had the night before Roy was shot"
Kate brushes her fingers against Rick's jaw,caressing his jaw with her lips.
Now is the time, she has to tell him now.
"You told me I was hiding in nowhere relationships with men I don't love. When Gates suspended me, as I held my badge in my hand, I realized I had done the same thing with my job. So I quit. I was just hiding. I was allowing my job and those relationships to hold me back."
"From what Kate? Me?" Rick lays his head on his pillow and closing his eyes in frustration.
"I've lost so much, my mom, and nearly my dad and I just couldn't take the chance of losing you. It was protection from losing you."
"I just want you, I love you, I need you Richard Castle, you...
With his heart pounding in his chest and tears pooling in his eyes Rick rises back up over Kate launching a deep, devastatingly hungry kiss on Kate's mouth, exploring and letting her know how much her statement has affected him.
As he kisses her, Rick realises that he's never really been in love. But he knows now, what it means to love someone so much you're willing to be hurt again, and again in hopes the one you love will come around, and now she has.
Kate wraps her arms around Rick, trying to clutch him as close as possible when he breaks the kiss, planting a trail of warm kisses down her neck, ending there. Supporting her as she reaches behind herself to unfasten her bra. When she slides the bra off, Rick leans once more to kiss the bullet scar that changed their lives. He sweeps his hand over her breasts taking a nipple in hand rolling it between his fingers, causing her to gasp in pleasure. Then he lowers his mouth to the other breast kissing, and worshiping at it.
He slides up into a kneeling position finding the buckle to Kate's pants. He unzips them and slides the damp fabric down Kate's hips and off her legs, taking her black lace panties along with the jeans , he stops, his fingers exploring at her entrance, feeling with pleasure how ready she is for him. He backs off the bed, sliding her boots and jeans off.
Rick looks at her with wonder, remembering how insane the last 72 hours have turned out to be and now this, Kate is here in his bed waiting for him. Her beautiful green eyes swimming with desire, not anger or tears.
He unbuckles his belt, steps out of his shoes and lets his slacks fall down his long, powerfully built legs. Kate's rises up on her elbows, inhaling deeply at the sight of Richard Castle, the man she has loved for so long, ready, so beautiful, as he crawls back up on the bed, toward her.
"God Kate, you're so beautiful and I've wanted you for so long. You love me." The smile that breaks across his face is breathtaking.
Now naked and laying underneath Rick, Kate brings her legs up around his backside and says "No more waiting and playing around. I need you, I want to feel you now"
Rick moves against her, entering slowly, resting his head in the crook of her neck and laving his against her collarbone, until he realises that's not good enough, he want's to see her. He want's to savor this moment, committing to memory when his dreams finally have become reality. Kate's senses come alive as she feels him at her entrance. She gasps as he makes the connection, looking up into his eyes, telling him again and again. "I love you,"
After, as they lay wrapped around each other, Rick looks deeply into Kate's eyes and tells her. "I almost did it, I was almost stupid enough to try to move on without you. It would never have worked Kate. I love you too much."
"You came to me Kate.I'll never forget that you came to me. I Love you"
With that Kate, reaches up tracing her hand against the scruff along his jaw, kissing him slowly and deeply, looking into his beautiful eyes.
"I love you too Rick, I love you too."
FIN