"SHELDOR, THE GREAT AND MIGHTY HERO! I HAVE HEARD TELL OF YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND FEEL I SHOULD MAKE YOU PROVE YOUR WORTH! IF YOU PASS MY TEST, YOUR PRINCESS WILL REMAIN SAFE…FOR NOW…"
Sheldon's initial disapproving frown from the destruction around his domain dissolved almost instantly. In its place, a grimace, normally reserved for those who try to convince him of being jealous of those beneath him, those who blatantly refuse to acknowledge his ornithophobia as a true disability and mock him for suggesting covering the building with a net, or those grammar school bullies who tortured him mercilessly, appeared.
He hadn't been expecting this.
"What is this madness?" he moaned loudly. He was supposed to go to Raj's office. He really couldn't afford to dillydally here, not while Amy was being held against her will anyway! He nee-wanted her to spend the day with him! Oh and he needed his ring too, not that he had given his collectible LOTR memorabilia much thought which was strange for him. Usually he would obsess over losing something so special to him and yet, in that moment, it felt so small.
Just as he was about to step out of the hallway the voice spoke again. Booming throughout the tiny apartment.
"WHAT'S THE MATTER SHELDOR? IS THE BIG POWERFUL SUPER HERO TOO AFRAID TO RESCUE THE PRINCESS? SOME CONQUEROR YOU ARE. I ALWAYS KNEW YOU WERE NOTHING BUT A COWARD."
After the voice had stopped Sheldon winced a little, the stranger's last words had struck him hard in the ego. Sure the evidence may have once supported that claim when he, Sheldon Lee Cooper, was slightly too afraid to hurt his girlfriend's feelings and admit that he didn't want her to move in with him and then he may or may not have correctly or incorrectly blamed Penny for his conundrum BUT that did not mean he was cowardice now!
"Where is that voice coming from?" he pondered momentarily after calming down slightly. Stopping for a moment he realized that the odd intruder's mechanic voice has a nearly incalculable origin and, if there's one thing our Sheldon can't stand its incalculable things. Especially after the failed experiment he and Amy had worked on dealing with his desperate need for closure. He felt that everything needed to be explained and organized.
Sheldon deduced immediately that the voice was mechanically scrambled, a clever trick to ensure he couldn't distinguish the villainous figure. Anyone could be the speaker, and that alone made it ten times harder to identify who was testing him.
"Just who is this mysterious figure" he wondered as he peered down the hallway, making sure he was very much alone.
"Whoever he is, he is quite cunning however he can't be anywhere near my caliber" he thought.
Taking a few steps closer, his phone when off and he saw the DM had contacted him.
"he's a little late" he snorted as he opened the message.
To: Sheldon Cooper
From: 671-269-0711
Time: 6:30
SHELDOR! AN EVIL BLACK ORC HAS HEARD OF YOUR QUEST AND WISHES TO STOP, EVEN KILL, YOU SO HE CAN TAKE THE RING AND THE PRINCESS FOR HIS EVIL BEING MASTER! As you know black orcs are significantly cleverer than those of average orcs and it seems this one has devised a test designed to kill you, the good-hearted knight Sheldor. Your base has been transported into his evil lair – under a volcano in the Gorgoroth region of Mordor – and you now must maneuver over, under, and sometimes even through each obstacle. REMEMBER SHELDOR–this is a battle of wits and each object in the lair represents a different element. Some elements are safe while others will cause you to fall down to the bottom of the volcano and others still may give off radioactive waves that will significantly lower your health bar. I will guide you through part of the way but cell service in Mordor is less than desired. Once you have completed this "unforeseeable" hardship you will be transported back to 4a and I can help you fully again. Now Sheldor, do you have any questions?
A million questions ran through his head at once, overflowing his mind with several different worries and thoughts.
"My nemesis has a black orc?", "Orcs, Orcs are extremely dull but violent, will I have enough strength to beat him?", "Him, he, who is my mysterious nemesis?", "Nemesis, my nemesis has Amy!", "Amy, my Amy, I hope she isn't dulled too much by being unable to be in my presence during this (as she would undoubtedly call it) mess." "Mess, MY APARTMENT IS A MESS; I can't even see the floor!" The thoughts, the emotions, the ideas just kept piling on, three at a time, seven at a time, twelve at a time, until finally they were flooding his mind. His head started to spin and he felt so overwhelmed. All his body wanted to sit, rest, stop the overflow, but he couldn't move.
Wouldn't move.
Stood.
On a normal day this sudden influx of emotions and thoughts would have short circuited our beloved hero and in his semi-callus Sheldon way, he would have flat out refused to continue. However, today, dizzy as he was, confused as he was, and as much as his brain was telling him to stop playing he simply stared at the message, his mouth hung open very comically.
When he would normally be haughty and standoffish, crazed and obsessive, he was dumbfounded and pleased, confused and impressed, over the bare fact that one (or more) of his friends had taken the time to designed such an elaborate facet to the birthday D&D game.
Nope, there was no denying it; today was no ordinary day in Sheldon Cooper's world. Nope, it was better than that. It was perfect. (Well as perfect as it could be, knowing your evil nemesis had a powerful black orc you were expected to beat)
"Whoever it is must have an extensive background in comic LOTR," he said after a second, trying to clear his mind, temporarily pushing the negative thoughts away.
"But where do I start? I can't fall to my death in the first try!" he said, inspecting the pillows that were resting innocently in front of him. One wrong move and he'd be out of the game.
As he had learnt from Koothrappali, charging in without any plan of action other than screaming "ATTACKKK" could lead to having a cannibal jump up, eat his face off, and have him be out of the game, an undesirable occurrence to say the least.
Quickly he texted the DM.
To: 671-269-0711
From: Sheldon Cooper
Time: 6:32 a.m.
To the DM of this fascinating game,
Though I am a superior being in most respects and am doubtlessly destined to defeat this rapscallion and his Orc servant and I am, of course, confident in my ability to navigate through this treacherous maze of foreboding obstacles, I must inquire as to how to start. Any other questions shall be considered null and void for the time being.
Regards,
Sheldor the Conquer,
"There," he thought, "plain, straightforward and totally in character, not a bad text if I do say so myself."
The faintest outline of a smile of pride began to appear on Sheldon's lips when he got his return text from the DM
To: Sheldon Cooper
From: 671-269-0711
Time: 6:33 a.m.
If you roll a seven or better on the standard d10 dice you will turn left approximately 89 degrees and take the bonus weapon and text back, if you roll a six or below you will take your chances and hope you jump on the right element.
Sheldon gulped nervously. Despite having an extensive knowledge over virtually everything (since physics did entail everything) he couldn't help but be on edge at the moment knowing that not even he could control chance. He knew that of the approximately thirty pillows within his immediate jumping distance only a handful could be correct elements and, assuming he did choose correctly, was the probability of him being able to pick properly again and again high? No, he had done the math in his head and, jumping in all willy-nilly would either cause for immediate elimination or for a sudden catastrophic event. Either way, the odds were against him.
His only hope rode the chance that a seven (or higher) was rolled. Such a slim chance it seemed. A 2/5 chance,
"…Such a slim chance…" he said out loud, his hand shaking around his phone.
Dare he text to ask what was rolled? Would the DM simply text back? Were they waiting for feedback? Had he rolled a 3? A 2? Was he going to fail on the first mission? What were the consequences of him losing?
After a few more seconds of sweating profusely, (after all it was hot under all those metallic layers) and staring at his phone while the merciless Black Orc taunted in the background (who, to his discourteous credit, was insulting our nervous hero about everything from his masculinity to the possibility of him having an alleged Oedipus Rex complex) Sheldon's phone rang, loud and clear.
Clearing his throat, Sheldon, the logical and pragmatic being that he is, began preparing for Armageddon-esque worst case scenarios as he opened the phone.
He nearly fainted then and there.