CHAPTER 1-3

JULY 1864

It was later that day that Hijikata called for me.

"Excuse me."

I had been relieved to find Okita and Heisuke had been summoned along with me. A private conversation with only myself and Hijikata would have been cause for a significant case of nerves.

"..."

I was still trying to puzzle out what to say when Hijikata began to speak, his voice cold as tempered steel.

"You can leave the compound."

"Really?!"

His announcement was so sudden that I found I couldn't contain my enthusiasm. Hijikata, however, retained his composure.

"You're going to be accompanying whoever's on duty. You jump when they say jump, and die when they say die. Are we clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

At last, I would be able to go outside!

I would finally be able to begin searching for my father!

My answers wouldn't show themselves immediately, I knew, but at least I was free to look for them!

Hijikata looked away from me to address the other two.

"Souji. Heisuke. You're on patrol today, right?"

"Oh, I get it now," said Heisuke, "That's why you pulled us in here right?"

The confusion that had been on his face since I'd entered lifted at last.

He gestured to Okita, "I think it's going to be Souji's turn this time, though." He turned to his fellow captain, "The 1st Division's doing rounds today, isn't it?"

Okita nodded and turned to Hijikata, "Yes, Heisuke and the 8th are going out tonight, so I think he has a point. She'll be safer during the afternoon."

He nodded at Heisuke and gave me a quick wink.

"Don't forget: If you run, I'll kill you. And if we get jumped by ronin, I'm not sticking around to pull your ass out of the fire, okay?"

He wasn't being serious, but Hijikata turned his cold glare on Okita and frowned.

"No, it's not okay, you idiot. Why the hell do you think I'm sending her with you?"

Okita's only response was a short snort of a laugh.

"I won't run."

I knew he wasn't being serious, but I couldn't stand to keep my mouth shut.

"When I came here, we made a deal. I promised. The Shinsengumi would help me find my father, and I would keep quiet and not run away."

And I still wanted to find him; just as much as I had the day I first met the Shinsengumi.

"I'll keep my promise." I looked to Okita, "So please, keep yours."

I gave him a short bow, never taking my eyes off his face.

The smirk that had been on his face when I'd begun had shrunk to something smaller and more than a little awkward.

"My apologies," he started, "I guess I underestimated you. You should realize, though, that there's no way to know what could happen out there. If you come with us, you're putting yourself in danger. If that's all right with you, then feel free to join us on our rounds."

Even I knew that Kyoto was...not safe.

But I didn't care. I had to find my father. At that moment, any possible dangers seemed immaterial.

"The Choshu have been acting up," started Hijikata grimly, "We don't know what they're up to, but chances are it's bad for us." He turned to me, "I'd rather not be sending you out."

He seemed to be almost talking to himself, but his tone was stern and thoughtful.

The soldiers of the Choshu Domain were part of the imperial nationalist party.

They had increasingly been turning to force in their pursuit of these goals.

The Shinsengumi, on the other hand, were loyal to the shogun.

Since their masters were at odds, the Shinsengumi and the Choshu Domain were enemies. It occurred to me that the increased activity of the Choshu Domain had likely made it difficult for the Shinsengumi to shoulder a burden such as me.

I gave Hijikata an inquisitive look, "What are you giving me permission to leave the compound at a time like this, then?"

Hijikata's face hardened, and he looked away.

"Kodo hasn't gone back to Edo, and we've heard that a couple people saw someone around Kyoto. It might not be him, but it matches his description."

For a moment he looked troubled, "Besides, I've kept you locked up for almost half a year. The Choshu are a threat, but if it wasn't them, it'd be something else. I have to let you out sometime, or you'll never find anything."

"..."

It wasn't what I'd expected to hear from him.

He was right that they'd postponed my search for my father for quite some time. What I hadn't expected was that he would give any thought to my feelings on the matter.

"Um... Thank you very much."

I bowed as I spoke, not sure what else I could do to express my gratitude. Hijikata only turned back to his work.

Heisuke turned to me with a bright smile, "Besides, plenty of our guys aren't feeling so hot these days. We aren't exactly in top condition, are we?"

Heisuke's joking didn't seem to appeal to Hijikata, who only frowned more deeply.

"We'll it has been awfully hot lately..."

And it certainly had been. Day after day, the sun burned down on Kyoto from a cloudless sky, and all of the rooms in the compound were so humid that I felt dizzy as soon as I stepped inside.

I had heard that the heat had been too much for some of the Shinsengumi's and they'd taken ill.

Hijikata spoke to me over his shoulder, a hint of internal struggle in his tone, "If you want to go, you can go. You have my permission."

"All right."

I sat there for a moment and considered my options.

There was something in his words and demeanor that told me he didn't want me to leave the compound.

Still, if I was with Okita or Heisuke, I had no doubt that I'd be safe and well-protected; on the other hand, my presence could easily be an undue burden to them.

What was I to do?

xxxxxx

In the end, I decided not to leave.

They had enough on their minds without having to worry about me.

"Still..."

I couldn't keep myself from feeling a little sad about it. I gave my head a shake.

"All right... What should I do today?"

For the past six months, I'd done little more than run inconsequential errands for the Shinsengumi.

I'd also helped clean the compound and prepare meals, and eventually I'd learned how best to help without getting in the way.

Most of my time was spent with the captains, but on the occasions where I'd bump into the rank-and-file soldiers, I'd gotten to a point where I could speak to them easily enough, probably because they thought I was just a page.

My desire to find my father had kept me from trying to run away.

"I think they've finally started to trust me... At least I hope they have."

Some of them still weren't terribly nice to me, like Okita, but by and large they'd begun to give me a little more freedom.

...

...It sure was hot...

...

"What should I do today..."

...

My mind was completely blank. It was too hot to think.

"Of course!"

I'd go to the central courtyard!

There was usually a breeze there, and if I stayed in the shade, it would probably be quite cool.

xxxxxx

"..."

My hopes and dreams of a comfortable afternoon were shattered.

I sighed in frustration, "There's no wind!"

The sun's heat was unrelenting.

Normally, a nice, cool breeze would have given me a chance to feel comfortable, but...

I had a feeling it was going to be a bad day.

Shade was the best I could hope for, it seemed. I sighed, and sat down in the deepest shade I could find.

As I watched the sun roast Kyoto, something occurred to me.

"Oh...right... My father's been here, hasn't he?"

They'd told me as much, but they hadn't told me why.

Had he been tending to the injured? Or perhaps educating the Shinsengumi on how to avoid illness?

"Hmmm..."

No, that didn't sound like him.

He'd visited only a few times, or so I'd been told. If he'd really been the Shinsengumi's doctor, then he would have visited far more often.

Which left me with the question...why?

...

It had already been made clear to me that the Shinsengumi had plenty of secrets that I wasn't meant to know. I had a feeling that whatever my father had been up to, it'd had something to do with those secrets.

"No...that can't be right...can it...?"

I shook my head again, trying my best to dispel the dark thoughts taking shape there.

"What 'can't be right'?"

"Ah!"

I spun around to find that Sanan had walked up behind me, utterly undetected and unannounced.

"Oh! Sanan! Is it...all right for you to be walking around...?"

He almost appeared hurt by my question, "Please. I'm no bedridden invalid. There is nothing wrong with me."

But when he spoke, there was a hint of coldness to his words.

"...Although I suppose my left hand is something of an invalid."

"..."

I couldn't bear to look at the sad, twisted smile he gave me.

His arm hadn't healed, and it seemed certain now that it never would.

The rest of the captains seemed sure that he would never be able to use his arm as he'd done before.

He gave me an inquisitive glance, "And what are you doing? Are you allowed out of your room? You haven't been given the run of our headquarters, I'm sure."

I blushed involuntarily, "Yes, I know... I'm sorry."

They usually let me walk around as I pleased, so long as I didn't go into anyone's room, but I knew that, technically, I was still confined to my quarters. Whatever freedom I had was out of kindness, nothing more.

In other words, Sanan was right. If he decided to chastise me for being in the courtyard, I had no reasonable response.

"There were some things I wanted to think about." I told him. "I had hoped the courtyard would be cooler than my room..."

The moment the words were out of my mouth, I realized they sounded far more like childish excuses than any sort of real explanation.

Sanan smirked at me, "When you sneak about without permission, it makes it seem as if you have something to hide."

I struggled not to look away, "I'm sorry..."

My explanation had been poor, certainly, but he could have at least pretended to acknowledge it...

Still, I was beginning to grow accustomed to the subtle cruelty that seemed to accompany each word out of Sanan's mouth.

"All right... I'm going back to my room, then," I said as I turned to walk away.

Sanan's unpleasantness had started after he'd been injured during his trip to Osaka. He spent most of his time locked in his room now, and he was quick to take out his frustration on other people.

I knew the loss of his arm had hurt him, probably more than I could understand, but... I wished that he could go back to being the warm, kind man he'd been when I'd met him.

"..."

I turned around to see him still standing there.

"Um..." I hesitated a moment, "It's really hot out today. You should try and stay out of the sun. And...please take care of yourself."

I gave him a nervous little laugh, and he responded with a chuckle of his own.

His smile didn't look forced.

"Thank you. Take care of yourself as well."

"Okay!"

Somewhere in there, the Sanan I'd first met was still there.

My spirits lifted, I ran back to my room.

xxxxxx

It was later that evening that the compound exploded with activity.

I was walking down the hall when I heard footsteps, and turned to see Nagakura coming toward me.

"Um...Nagakura?"

I glanced at the stuff clutched in his hands, "What's that for?"

He glanced down almost absently at his hands, which held a candle and an exceptionally long needle.

"One of the Choshu guys we picked up isn't talkin'." He cleared his throat, "The commander's gonna talk to him personally, but he said he didn't have the right, uh, tools, and sent me out to get these."

"I don't understand."

I got that they'd captured someone, but what were the needle and candle for?

"Hah! Look, kid, ignorance is bliss, all right? Don't think about it too much."

He gave me another bark of laughter, and then headed past me down the hall. I still didn't know what he'd meant.

xxxxxx

As the sun began to set, the activity in the compound reached a fever pitch.

"Heisuke!"

He shot past my door as I called out, then wheeled back around.

"What happened? All the men are running around..." I felt suddenly hopeful, "Did you get some information out of that Choshu man you captured?"

He nodded as a grin creased his excited features, "It looks like they're having a meeting right now. We're getting ready for a raid."

"Oh..."

Heisuke went on to explain that the Shinsengumi would be splitting into two groups and searching locations at opposite ends of the city.

Kondou would take ten men to the Ikeda Inn, and Hijikata would take twenty-four to the Shikoku Inn.

Heisuke's eyes were suddenly serious and a little irritated, "I heard that they're probably at Shikoku. Gotta say I'm kinda pissed the chief's sendin' me to the Ikeda..."

They'd send more men with Hijikata because they thought he'd probably be seeing action. Kondou and his men were just to make sure they covered all their bases.

"You mean there aren't even forty men ready to move...?"

I'd known that the heat and close quarters had made some of the men sick, but I hadn't known it was so many.

Heisuke sighed, clearly troubled by this, "We sent word to the Aizu and the Judiciary commissioner, but it's looking like they're just gonna sit on their hands..."

"It sounds like you've got your work cut out for you..."

Unfortunately, there wasn't much I could offer him apart from sympathy.

I had a feeling it was going to be a difficult night.

...

After all the men capable of fighting had left for their respective assignments, Sanan called for me.

xxxxxx

"I'm sure it was only out of courtesy, but the chief has asked me to protect the compound." He sighed sadly, "It's mostly empty, of course, but someone may try to attack us for that very reason. So I must ask you to stay where I can keep a close eye on you. I may need to give you orders, should the worst occur."

"Okay."

I hesitated a moment, then spoke, "Does that mean... You'll protect me?"

I wasn't sure why, but he laughed at that.

"Well, I should hope I'll be of more use than the men who've been confined to their beds, at least."

Was I supposed to be...happy?

His smile was so sad. I wasn't sure what I should say... It seemed to hurt him the most when the rest of the men were out fighting, and all he was able to do was wait.

The silence between us stretched out until suddenly the door to our room opened without a sound.

"Colonel Sanan. We've confirmed that the Choshu are meeting at Ikeda."

"The Ikeda Inn?!"

"Oh dear..." sighed Sanan, "That's less than desirable. I suppose the Shinsengumi has never been good with games of chance."

His tone was light, but his face was serious, and with good reason.

They'd been certain Shikoku was the right location and had sent only half the men to Ikeda.

Sanan turned to the man who was clearly a ninja and said, "Yamazaki, can you do me a favor?"

Yamazaki nodded curtly.

"First, go tell Hijikata that the enemy is meeting at Ikeda. He should still be on his was to Shikoku." He glanced at me and then back to Yamazaki, "And I'm sorry to trouble you with it, but I need you to take this child with you as well."

This child...?

"W-Wait..."

Was he talking about me?!

Yamazaki seemed just as surprised.

The ninja turned to Sanan, his eyes still wide, "I...don't mean to be rude, Colonel but if all you need is a message delivered, I think I can handle that by myself."

Yamazaki's cold eyes slid over to me for a moment as he spoke.

"There may be ronin out to intercept you," Sanan explained.

There was a chance Choshu had support, he continued. If Yamazaki encountered resistance, it would take longer for his message to reach Hijikata, perhaps too long. Assuming, of course, that it reached him at all.

Sanan finished with the soft smile I hadn't seen him use for weeks.

"Do you see what I'm trying to say...?"

Yamazaki nodded.

"If the worst should happen, I can hold off any Choshu ronin and give her the message."

"Oh..."

I gulped.

It sounded as if they were suggesting that if things went badly, Yamazaki would sacrifice himself.

Sanan nodded, "Yes. Of course, I doubt it will come to that." He glanced at me then back to Yamazaki, "We're short of men right now, which means there's more I need you to do. You'll need to notify the Aizu and Judiciary Commissioner as well."

That would have Yamazaki running all across Kyoto... I suppose it really drove home just how this the Shinsengumi was stretched.

Apart from Yamazaki and Sanan, the only other person able to carry messages was me.

The ninja turned to me, a stern look in his eyes, "You're Chizuru Yukimura, right? i've heard you know a little about how to protect yourself."

"Y-Yes, I do..."

He looked at me for a moment emotionless.

"Unfortunately, I can't guarantee your safety. If you can work with that, you're welcome to join me."

If I tried to run away while we were out, I had no doubt that he would kill me without hesitation.

He would see his mission as the priority, not my life.

Even so...

"I'll go!"

If I really could help, then I wanted to.

I'd lived with these men for almost half a year. They'd fed me, given me a roof over my head, and helped me look for my father.

"I can take care of myself. You don't need to worry about me."

Sanan gave me a small smile.

I knew he wanted to join the battle more than anyone, but we both knew that wasn't possible. The least I could do for him was carry out my mission.

Yamazaki turned to face Sanan, "Very well. I accept your request, Colonel."

He bowed, then turned to me. "Run with all your might," he whispered, and ran from the room.

I took after him, my legs working as hard as they could.

xxxxxx

Out into the street we ran.

I discovered quickly that half a year indoors had done little for my physique, and I was clearly out of shape.

After only a few blocks, I found myself gasping for breath.

Yamazaki glanced at me then looked forward again, "No matter what happens, follow this street. Don't look back."

I had neither the time nor the breath to respond.

When we'd left the compound, I'd already decided that I would trust Yamazaki completely.

So I didn't look back.

As I stepped into the next intersection, I saw a flash of metal out of the corner of my eye –

"Keep going!" shouted Yamazaki, "I'll catch up in a moment!"

"Right!"

I didn't look back. I kept running. I pretended i didn't hear the sounds of swords ringing against one another behind me, gritted my teeth, and ran.

My knees felt weak, and my legs shook, but I kept going. They'd have to collapse, or shake themselves to pieces, before I'd stop.

Even so, I felt so slow. I wanted to cry out, to scream at my body to go faster, faster—

xxxxxx

"Ah?!"

Light shone out of the darkness so suddenly that for a moment I was blinded.

My heart stopped. Was it Choshu soldiers? I froze.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I very nearly began to cry with relief as Hijikata stepped out from the shadows.

Instead, I simply collapsed as Harada reached out to grab me.

"Hey, you all right? If you left the headquarters without permission, Hijikata's gonna kill you."

I grabbed hold of Harada's hand and pulled my body to its feet.

What I wanted to tell him was that I'd had permission to leave, and explain to him that it was all right for me to be there, but I was breathing so hard I could barely speak.

Besides, I hadn't been sent to Hijikata to make excuses.

I took as deep of a breath as my shuddered lungs could manage, and spoke.

"Th-They're...they're meeting at Ikeda..."

Suddenly, Hijikata's expression changed.

"Then they are at Ikeda."

I nodded rapidly.

Saito placed a calming hand on my shoulder, "Are you sure?"

Hijikata gestured toward me.

"Sanan lost his arm, not his brain. The kid didn't run away. The colonel sent us this message."

Harada whistled.

"I'm pretty impressed you found us. I didn't really think you knew Kyoto that well, kid."

"Ya...Yamazaki..."

I'd finally got some of my breath back, and I did my best to tell them what had happened.

"What about the Aizu and the Judiciary Commissioner's men? Are they on their way to Ikeda?"

I just shook my head.

Hijikata thought for a moment, then spoke.

"Saito, Harada, you take our men to Ikeda. I need to go deal with something."

Harada and Saito nodded curtly, then turned to their business.

Saito turned back to me, "Kyoto will be dangerous for you alone. Stay with us, or go with Hijikata."

I still lacked the breath to respond properly, so I simply nodded.

We both knew they couldn't leave me here – I didn't know how to get to the compound – but who should I go with?

...

The prospect of being alone with him was rather frightening, but for reasons I still don't understand, I decided to go with Hijikata.

We were quiet for a while. I felt like I should say something, but I wasn't sure what.

"..."

Instead, I kept quiet. After a moment, he glanced down at me.

"Good job with that message," he said, a small smile playing at his features, "I think it might have given us the advantage we need."

...

I'd never thought Hijikata of all people would praise me for anything. My heart fluttered momentarily in my chest.

Still...what did he mean by an advantage? If the battle at the Ikeda Inn had already begun, it didn't seem like we had much of an advantage at all.

xxxxxx

We stepped out from the alley and onto the central avenue.

"Um...Hijikata?"

I glanced at him.

"Why are we out here on the street?"

"What kind of man tries to hide all the time?"

"Uh...?"

I blinked, not sure what to make of that, when—

Yamazaki appeared beside us without making a sound.

"Yamazaki! You're safe!"

He didn't seem to have been hurt at all, thank goodness.

Yamazaki's eyes slid to me for a moment, then back to Hijikata.

"You're already aware of the situation at Ikeda, I assume?"

Hijikata nodded.

"Colonel Sanan ordered me to notify the Aizu," the ninja continued, "and the Judiciary Commissioner, but..."

Hijikata simply nodded again.

"Yeah. I'll have new orders for you in a few minutes. Stick close for now."

He lifted his chin a fraction of an inch, and something in his voice changed, almost imperceptibly.

"Your commander needs to go have a word with a bunch of useless bastards."

Deep in his cold eyes, I saw a spark of anger.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth than they appeared: Line after line of government soldiers, marching toward us.

There were hundreds of them... Even marching abreast across the entire width of the street, they were several rows deep.

Now I understand why Hijikata had taken us out into the street; the government force would never have fit through the back alleys, and we would never have seen them.

There was something about their march, so seemly slow and unconcerned, that lit the fires of anger in my own eyes.

"But the rest of the men are still fighting at the inn..."

The Shinsengumi had only a few soldiers able to fight, but even so, they were risking their lives for the safety of Kyoto.

Didn't these government men have the same responsibility? Why weren't they rushing to help the Shinsengumi at the inn?

Perhaps my anger was more obvious than I realized, because Hijikata gave a snort of laughter.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure they don't screw us."

With that, he stepped forward into the very middle of the street, directly in front of the advancing soldiers.

He did nothing more than move a few feet and turn to face them, but there was such authority in his movements that he could have easily been at the head of an army.

"The Shinsengumi are currently conducting an official investigation of the Ikeda Inn!" His eyes narrowed, "You will not interfere. You will not enter the Ikeda Inn."

Even I could see that the government men were going to protest Hijikata's proclamation when Yamazaki leaned over and whispered something to me.

"If we let these men walk into the inn, then they'll take credit for subduing this Choshu threat."

"What?! How could they..."

After all the Shinsengumi had done... It just didn't seem fair.

"But... But it's the men of the Shinsengumi who are risking their lives!"

Yamazaki simply looked away.

"Then you see now how little respect they have for the Shinsengumi."

If we allowed them into the inn, Yamazaki told me, then they would undoubtedly play up their own role. In fact, they would likely entirely omit the fact that the Shinsengumi had been first on the scene.

That was why the commander was making sure to keep them out.

At last I understood what Hijikata had meant earlier when he spoke of an advantage.

"B-But we must..." One of the government officials stammered.

"You really think you can fit all these men in there?" started Hijikata, "The best you'll be able to do is surround it." His brows furrowed, "...Unless you really want to send them in there to die. There's a fight going on, you know. If you value the lives of your men, I suggest you stay put."

The Official glared, "Rrrggh..."

Hijikata's tone as much as his words left no room for argument.

Until the battle ended, he stood his ground, and not a single man challenged him.

...

...And then, the sun came up.

The raid itself had lasted only two hours...

But for me, at least, it had felt far longer.

There had been twenty imperial nationalists at the Ikeda Inn. The Shinsengumi had killed seven ronin, and injured four more.

I learned later that with the help of the Aizu Domain and the Kyoto Judiciary Commissioner they had arrested twenty-three people.

The owner of the Ikeda had also been arrested, for trying to help the Choshu rebels escape.

The Shinsengumi had won an incredible victory, fighting against superior numbers in enemy territory, but they had paid dearly for it.

Okita had taken a blow to the chest, and had lost consciousness. Heisuke had been cut on the forehead, and the bleeding refused to stop.

Nagakura had injured his left hand.

One of the Shinsengumi's soldiers had lost his life at the Inn's rear entrance, and two others had been severely injured there as well.

It didn't seem likely that they would survive.

The Kyoto Military and Judiciary Commissioners – run by the Aizu and Kuwana Domains, respectively – had also fought Choshu ronin.

With their successful resolution of the Battle of Ikeda Inn, the Shinsengumi had at last made a name for themselves.

It looked as though the peace in Kyoto had been protected. Never could I have imagined what the ultimate result of their victory at the Ikeda Inn would be...