Sorry for the wait ^^;

CHAPTER 2-1

February 1865

After breakfast one day, I found myself on my way to the common room with a tray bearing tea.
"Tea's ready."
I made my way around the room, pouring a cup of tea for each person, making sure not to spill any.
It was a routine I'd begun to feel accustomed to.
"Oh, thank you, Yukimura."
Inoue gave me a warm smile as I handed him is tea.
"There is nothing quite so delicious as hot tea on a cold day."
"Thank you…"
I felt a flush of pride at his words, even though I knew quite well that serving tea was hardly anything impressive. Just the same, I felt as if I was helping out in a way, and that was a nice feeling.

…
It had been a year since I'd first come to Kyoto in search of my father.
Living with the Shinsengumi wasn't easy, but they'd helped me look for him
Even after a year of searching, however, I hadn't found anything. Sometimes I felt like it was hopeless; like I'd never find him, and that I should just give up.
But the men of the Shinsengumi never gave up. They were always there to cheer me on, and keep me going.
In a way, I suppose I'd grown to love living with them.
And I'd even been able to repay them for some of their kindness, by helping treat the wounded at the Battle of Ikeda Inn and during the Hamaguri Rebellion.
Little by little, I started to feel like I was accepted; as if perhaps I was beginning to fit in.
As strange as it might sound, I was beginning to feel as if I had found a place with the Shinsengumi.

…
Then Hijikata spoke, and his words brought me back to the present.
"The Yagi have been good to us so far, but this place is getting crowded."
Nagakura nodded, "True, it is getting a little small, especially with all the new guys coming in…"
"You're going to be getting even more soon, right?" I said.
Heisuke was currently in Edo, recruiting more men for the Shinsengumi's ranks.
It was always good to have more soldiers, but they were beginning to run out of space at the compound. The rank and file soldiers were being packed into smaller and smaller rooms.
Nagakura sighed heavily, "If we could move to a bigger place, that'd be great. The guys are starting to get a little grumpy about being packed together in those rooms every night."
I couldn't exactly offer to share it, but I was starting to feel guilty for having a room of my own.
"Easy for us to say," said Okita, folding his arms, "but it's gonna be hard to find someone else who's willing to let us stay at their place. You have something else in mind?"
Hijikata's smile was almost predatory.
"The Nishi Hongwanji temple."
"Ahahahaha! They aren't gonna like that very much." Okita laughed again. "You're thinking we'll just force our way in? Guess I wouldn't expect anything less for you, Hijikata."
"Um…"
I didn't leave the compound much, except to go on patrol with the men, so I still didn't know Kyoto very well, and I had no idea what sort of place this Nishi Hongwanji temple was.
"It is pretty big," said Harada, "I'll give you that, but I really don't think monks are going to take to a bunch of soldiers living in their temple." He paused and then added, "Still, the location's great. We'll be able to get out into the city a lot quicker than from out here in Mibu."
At the time, the Shinsengumi's headquarters was in the Mibu area, which was on the outskirts of Kyoto.
Harada was right in that the current location made it difficult for the Shinsengumi to reach some parts of Kyoto quickly, which reduced their effectiveness. Still…
"Will they really not want us there?" I asked.
Saito only shrugged.
"The Nishi Hongwanji temple has been cooperating with the Choshu. Some of their ronin have stayed there."
"Oh…"
If they supported the Choshu, then that would make them Shinsengumi their enemy. Little wonder, then, that they would hardly welcome us with open arms.

That meant a whole other level of difficulty. Asking for a place to stay was hard enough, but asking that from an enemy…?
I fell silent, and Saito continued as if I'd never spoken.
"No doubt they will be less than receptive to our overtures. On the other hand, if we should move into the Nishi Hongwanji temple, the Choshu will have one less place to hide their agents."
"Oh!"
Of course!
Not only was the location desirable, but taking the temple would make the enemy's movement more difficult. Whatever problems we had acquiring the temple would likely be worth it.
Sanan however didn't agree. His eyes narrowed in anger at all of us.
"You don't think it somewhat...uncouth to use force against men of the cloth?"
There was no hiding his distaste for the idea.
Hijikata's voice was level, but firm as steel.
"The Choshu have used the temple to hide their men, and they couldn't have done that without the help of the monks."
"I agree that the Choshu must be dealt with but this seems…"
His voice trailed off. Although he was still clearly upset, there was little more he could say or do.
Kondou cut in at this point, "I agree with Toshi, but I have to concede that Sanan has a point."
He nodded solemnly, apparently deep in thought.
"Impressive as always, Chief Kondou. Only a man with a truly open mind can be so considerate of both his enemies and his allies."
"Oh?" Kondou blushed, "Well it's very kind of you to say so, but I fear my behavior is simply imprudent, not open-minded."
He coughed at an attempt at nonchalance as Hijikata and Okita scowled in silence at the exchange.
The man who had just spoke was Kashitaro Itou, the new deputy commander. He had joined the Shinsengumi only recently.
Kondou had left Heisuke in Edo and returned early with Itou and some of his men who had come to join the Shinsengumi.
He was reputedly a master of the Hokushin Itto sword style, and ran a school of his own.
When Itou was introduced to the captains, none of them seemed particularly pleased with his addition to their ranks. No sooner had Itou and Kondou left the room than they began to talk amongst themselves.
"I've heard Itou is an imperial nationalist. Why would someone such as him join the Shinsengumi?" wondered Saito aloud.
"He's like the Choshu, then?" said Harada. "Huh. You really think someone like that can get along with us?"
Hijikata grunted and pursed his lips for a moment.
"Kondou's a national loyalist. They might not agree on the Shogun and the emperor, but they're both nationalists, through and through.
They might disagree about who should run the country, but neither of them wanted a foreign nation exerting its control over their country.
"Besides, Kondou's a loyalist without a doubt, but he has a few imperialist tendencies of his own."
Perhaps the different factions weren't quite so staunchly divided as they might appear.
Would Kondou and the Shinsengumi work for a future where the shogunate controlled the country, but the emperor was still treated with respect?
That seemed like a solution that could make everyone happy.
If that was the case...then Kondou's version of national loyalism was a wonderful thing.
"I figure the only one of us who'd be very happy about Itou showing up would be Sanan, right?" said Nagakura.
"True," said Harada, "They do both practice Itto, right?"
"He knows Itou too, doesn't he? And Sanan is a bit of a loyalist…"
I wouldn't have guessed that Sanan and Itou had so much in common.
His expression didn't suggest that he was particularly happy, though.
"Yes, I have met Itou. He is well-educated, and a skilled orator. We have such a gifted deputy commander, I suppose that the Shinsengumi has little need for a colonel."

Sanan's words hung in the air, heavy and awkward.
I didn't understand the ranks of the Shisengumi, but as far as I could tell, a deputy commander outranked a colonel.
"With Itou here, there is very little left for me to do."
I hadn't even thought of it that way… Sanan felt that Itou was a threat to his own position.
An awkward silence fell across the room.
Okita was the first to speak, "So? I don't like him."
"Yeah," agreed Harada a look of disgust in his eyes, "I know what you mean. There's something about the way he looks at you…"
Nagakura also nodded in agreement, "Exactly! I dunno how to put it...like he's sort of...uppity, you know? Like he's looking down on you or somethin…"
There was a good deal of nodding and agreeing among the three of them for a few moments while I sat and thought.
Truth be told, I didn't feel particularly comfortable around Deputy Commander Itou either. It wasn't that he was a bad person, per se, only that he was… How to say it… Off-putting?
Itou's thin smile had spread across his face when Sanan voiced his objection to Hijikata's plan, and now he turned and spoke.
"You always think of all the possibilities, Sanan. I'm impressed, but I fear you may be over-thinking this. It could be a problem, yes, but…"
His tone was deferential, but it didn't quite match his words.
"...Don't you think a slightly greater problem would be that your left arm is utterly useless?"
Whatever warmth had remained in the room was abruptly gone.
"Of course, you needn't be useless, even if you can no longer serve as a soldier," he smiled, "I'm sure that your wit and foresight will continue to be a great asset to the Shinsengumi and myself."
It was as if Itou had taken a knife and driven it into Sanan's heart. I saw his shoulders sag, almost as though he had been punched in the stomach, and all around the room, jaws were set and knuckles turned white.
"Perhaps I didn't hear you right, Itou."
Hijikata's voice was cold and sharp, like the sound of a blade sliding across a whetstone.
"Sanan's smart, like you said. But more than that, he's a swordsman of the Shinsengumi. He is not useless, and he is not replaceable!"
Hijikata's last words erupted from his mouth in a snarl, and there was no mistaking their meaning.
"But my arm is…"
Sanan couldn't even seem to bring himself to finish.
No matter how much they might need a swordsman of his skill, Sanan could no longer wield a blade.
They both knew his arm would never heal, and Hijikata's desperate defense of his friend had likely only made Sanan feel worse.
"Oh dear. That was terribly rude of me. Truly, there could be no better news than hearing that your arm has healed."
Itou's smile fooled no one, and Sanan fell silent.
"...Goddammit."
He only muttered it under his breath, but I was close enough to hear. Too late, Hijikata had realized his mistake.

This was the first time I'd seen Hijikata so worked up. he might have been harsh, but he almost always projected as air of control. Perhaps Sanan's injury worried him enough to allow the mask to slip.
"Ah...um...Itou."
Kondou was clearly choosing his words carefully, in a very nearly desperate attempt to change the subject.
"If...if you would care to, perhaps you might come and have a look at our training regimen?"
Itou's eyes narrowed and his mouth curled in a small smile.
"My...how thoughtful of you. Yes, of course, I would love to have a look! Ah, the training room! Air heavy with the sweat of men straining to better themselves… Truly a delight!"
"The sweat of men…? Yes, I suppose you do have a point. The training room has grown rather musty…"

Itou could be a very peculiar person…
The two men left the room, chatting together as if nothing was wrong, and all eyes turned toward Sanan.
"Sanan… Don't listen to that asshole, okay?"

Sanan said nothing in response to Nagakura's words.
"Um…"
He stood up silently and left the room.
Harada gave a heavy sigh, "Man, I feel bad for him… Even the men are avoiding him these days."
"What?!"
It was the first I'd heard of such a thing, but then again, I didn't normally see anyone but the captains.
"I had no idea…"
Nagakura shrugged, "Well, he's kinda been a jerk lately. I imagine that's why."
It wasn't hard for me to see why they would feel that way… Sanan had gotten even worse in the last several weeks.
"He wasn't always like that, you know," said Harada, "Back in the day, he was always acting like he was looking out for everybody."
Nagakura nodded, "Yeah. He was real nice, at least on the surface. Nothing left of that now…"

"Do you really mean that…?"
The way they spoke, it sounded as if any kindness Sanan had shown was always a facade.
Okita scowled at nothing in particular, "What the hell does Kondou see in that Itou guy?"
Okita and Hijikata had largely ignored Nagakura and Harada, but their faces were dark and stormy. It wasn't difficult to guess why.
Hijikata narrowed his eyes, "How the hell would I know? Probably just pull the wool over Kondou's eyes with some well-spoken bullshit."
Okita gave him an annoyed look, "Then why don't you go get rid of him, Hijikata? Tell him the Shinsengumi doesn't need him."

Hijikata let out a frustrated sigh, and pinched the bridge of his nose.
"No way Kondou'll go for that. He adores Itou. Besides, when he joined he brought a bunch of men with him. You think they won't make a stink if we kick him out?"
Hijikata was right. He didn't like it any more than Okita did, but they were in a tight spot.
"Well damn! Aren't you supposed to be the Demon? The commander from Hell? You're supposed to make the impossible happen!" snapped Okita angrily.
Hijikata seemed unfazed as he said, "Fine Souji, how about we make you commander. Then you can kick Itou and his guys out, right?"
"Ha! Hell no! That's way too much trouble." chuckled Okita.
He gave a grin as he laughed, but when he finished, he sighed and his face fell.

It looked like everyone was unhappy with Itou, but none of them knew quite what to do about him.
"Do you dislike Itou too, Saito?"
I'd noticed earlier that he'd kept quiet while the others commiserated, and I was curious what he thought.
He looked at me for a moment, then spoke.
"As an organization grows, it will expand to include people who have differing ideas and points of view."
Then...was he supporting Itou's appointment to Deputy Commander?
I was about to ask when he continued speaking.
"However, if one attempts to force this sort of diversity, then the organization will begin to rot from within."

His words hung in the air, a dark omen for the future of the Shinsengumi.
It was considerate of Itou to join, but his presence seemed to be a recipe for dissension, if not outright disaster.

…

The setting sun glowed through the windows with a warm, rich red, and we decided to move outside, in the hopes that it might raise our spirits…
"...It's cold…"
Despite the sun, it seemed that spring was still far away.

I wasn't too fond of Itou, but it was Sanan and his condition that truly worried me.
"I really wish his arm would just heal…"
That arm, or perhaps more accurately the lack of it, had been the source of his change in personality.
"Still…"
As nice as it would be for Sanan's arm to simply start working again, that seemed like the stuff of a child's fable, not real life.
That was when I remembered…

Flashback

Okita: If push comes to shove, he'll have to take it. I don't think Sanan's just going to give up.

Nagakura: Don't jinx him, Souji. It's gonna look bad if officers start joining the corps.

Flashback End

The Shinsengumi had some sort of...something.
I didn't know what it did, exactly, or even what sort of thing it was, but from the way they all talked about it, there was some manner of very unpleasant side effects.
"No, wait, I do remember something…"
Yes… from what I had heard, it seemed that it has the capacity to heal wounds, and had something to do with the "Corps".
"...And it's also something I'm not supposed to know about."
If they learned how much I'd picked up, or what I'd put together on my own, I had no doubt that I would be in serious trouble.
It was possible that they would even kill me.
Still… If I could figure any of it out, perhaps I could do something to help.
"I am the daughter of a well-educated doctor, after all!"
I liked to think that I had a little more knowledge of medicine than the average person.
The question remained, then, what should I do?
Perhaps it would be best to just return to my room. I didn't want to get in trouble for wandering around and I didn't want to find myself in anyone's way.
"I'll just stay here…"
It was rather dull, certainly, but better a dull evening than the alternative.

…
Just as the sun dipped below the horizon, the compound exploded with activity.
"Has something happened…?" I wondered aloud.
I waited for a few moments for the activity to settle down, but it did no such thing.

Something was wrong; I could feel it.
I struggled against it for as long as I could, but eventually my curiosity got the better of me.
"There must be someone in the common room… I can ask them."

…
"...To think that Sanan would have done this to himself…"
"Didn't I tell you not to let him out of your sight?! Was some part of that difficult to understand?"
Hijikata's voice echoed out from the common room, quietly furious.
"Um…"
I tried to get their attention, but instinct had driven me to the very corner of the room, and they neither saw nor heard.
Nagakura gave a heavy sigh, "I did see him leave his room, but… C'mon, how was I supposed to know he was going to do this?!" He narrowed his eyes, "He was in charge of the stuff, so he could've got it easy enough, sure, but he didn't look like he was carrying anything…"
Nagakura was angry, certainly, but it wasn't all directed outward.
"I guess we wouldn't have known if he'd taken any, huh…" Harada sighed, "I mean, I suppose there is a chance that the treatment would heal his arm, but… It didn't work, did it? Everybody who took it went crazy."
At last I began to understand.
Sanan had taken some of whatever treatment it was the Shinsengumi were so desperate to keep secret.
"I believe Colonel Sanan had been working on improving it." All eyes turned to Saito, "He hoped to repair his arm before it had deteriorated too far. Perhaps he felt he was finished, or at least close enough."
He gave a small shrug.
"Whatever the case, when he realized that he had failed, he ignored Souji's counsel and attempted suicide."
"Suicide?!"
The words were past my lips before I'd even thought them.
As one, all eyes in the room turned toward me.
Hijikata's flared with anger.
"Just what the hell are you doing here?"
It was an accusation, not a question.
"U-Uh...um…"
The longer his cold gaze kept me pinned, the tighter my throat became, until I could barely breath let alone speak.
The strange combination of anxiety, suspicion, and animosity that I felt, I had felt before: on the night I'd first come to the headquarters of the Shinsengumi.
Now, as then, I understood the meaning of that gaze…
They were deciding whether or not to kill me.
"Toshi, I think it's time you told her what's going on. She's Kodo's daughter, after all. She has a right to know."
I felt my eyes go wide at Kondou's mention of my father's name.
Hijikata's gaze slid to Kondou, and he looked as if he'd eaten something unpleasant.
After a moment, however, he gave a long, exasperated sigh and turned back to me.
"The Shinsengumi doesn't need you."
"Wh-Wha-?"
"There's a chance you'll help us find Kodo, but even without your help we'll find him eventually. A minor setback, at worst."
Although it wasn't their primary duty, the Shinsengumi had the Watch, for when a manhunt was necessary. Someone who knew the target, such as myself, would make their job easier, but…that was all.
I was no more than a means to an end, and one of questionable value, at that.
He was right. They didn't need me.
"You do anything weird, we'll kill you. I'm about to tell you what's going on here, but keep in mind that your life is in our hands."

I swallowed.
"Then...you aren't going to kill me?"
Hijikata narrowed his eyes.
"We aren't going to kill you yet, but don't think that means your in the clear."
"Oh…"
It was a sort of acceptance…

I was glad, I suppose, that I wasn't going to be killed, but I was still far from happy.
I'd been with the Shinsengumi for nearly a year, and my position with them hadn't changed. It shouldn't have surprised me, but for some reason that truth cut deep.
"We never told you, but Kodo was here because he was developing a...treatment," said Kondou.
"You mean…"
I chose my words carefully.
"The one that Sanan took?"
When Kondou nodded, it was as if there was a great weight resting on him.
"It was first brought to us by one of the Shogun's men."
He explained that the concoction was said to have come originally from the west. Apparently, the shogunate had ties to countries across the ocean.
"It was a foreign drug of sorts, that would tremendously augment a man's strength and ability to heal."
Moreover, Saito continued, it had the capability to increase a man's strength ten-fold, though the increased strength would make him slower. It also granted incredible healing powers, but piercing the heart or brain would still kill.
"...But all of this came at a cost: the mind of any man who drank the concoction."

It made sense, now that I thought about it… That must have been what they meant by "bloodlust."
"It was Kodo who experimented on the warriors of the Shinsengumi in an attempt to improve the drug. By diluting it, he was able to reduce the madness it brought to a more manageable level."
"My father was experimenting on people…?"
I'd suspected that my father had been involved in whatever the Shinsengumi had been hiding from me, but to discover that he had been experimenting on people… Making them go mad…
It was almost too much to bear.
"Then that night in the alley…?"
Harada nodded.
"We keep the guys who've taken it in the Maekawa house. So long as they don't get any blood, they stay pretty calm."
If they were powerful, but lacked any skill or technique, then it was a simple thing for the captains to deal with those who got out of line.
"The shogun's man told us we were supposed to keep all this under wraps."
In the Yagi house, we lived side by side with the Yagi family, which meant the rank-and-file soldiers weren't allowed to live there as well.
The Maekawa family, by contrast, had fled their house as soon as the Shinsengumi had arrived, making it the perfect place to conceal the soldiers who'd gone mad.
"All right, we've told her enough. We need to think about Sanan."
Hijikata's words made it clear that my education was at an end.
"He managed to refine it after Kodo left, so there's a chance he won't lose it."
Nagakura seemed troubled, "Well, yeah, but… I mean, look at him. He's practically dead…"
That's right… Hadn't Sanan tried to kill himself?
Hijikata spoke through clenched teeth, "Well, if that crap actually does what it's supposed to, then that cut isn't going to kill him."
His voice was low; almost a growl.
Even from across the room, I felt like I could hear his teeth grinding.
"Kondou. Can you keep an eye on him? Tonight's gonna tell if he lives of dies. ...Or goes crazy."
Kondou nodded, "Very well. Souji is with him, right?"
He nodded toward Hijikata as he stood, and made his way to Sanan's room.
"Don't let anyone near Sana's room. Especially Itou's men."
Itou and his men weren't terribly fond of the shogun, so it stood to reason that Hijikata wouldn't want them finding out about the shogun's secret experiments.
Even apart from that, however, it was clear that Hijikata and the other captains trusted Itou about as far as they could throw him.
"Shinpachi, go check on the Maekawa house."
"Got it."
As he passed, Nagakura's eyes met mine for an instant, and I saw in them the same hostility I'd felt the night I'd arrived.
"Saito, I want you in the inner courtyard. If Itou and his guys show up, keep them occupied."
Before waiting for Saito's response Hijikata turned to Harada, "Sanosuke, go keep an eye on the rest of the men."
Saito and Harada nodded. At last, he turned to look at me.
"You. Go with one of the captains. I don't care who."
"All right…"
In other words, he wanted to make sure I was supervised. Reasonable, I suppose, given the situation, but...who did I want to go with?
Harada glanced at me as he neared the door, "Stay out of the Maekawa house, Chizuru. They get kinda rowdy at night."
Nagakura was on his way to the Maekawa house, where the men who'd taken the shogun's concoction were kept…

It didn't really sound like somewhere I wanted to go.
"Um…"
That left the inner courtyard, with Saito, or the outside, with Harada. Hijikata hadn't said differently, so I assumed he would remain in the common room.
After a moment's thought, I'd made up my mind.
Saito and Harada had already left.

The common room grew more and more uncomfortable the longer I sat-much more so than I'd anticipated.
Not that I bore him any particular ill will; more that I simply didn't know what to do.

His face was stern as always, but the thin lines across his forehead and about his eyes betrayed a greater unrest.
"You."
In the awkward silence of the room, his voice was like a gunshot.
I jumped.
"...You never really knew Sanan before he...uh, before he got like this. He's a smart man, and he's talented."
"Well...I did notice he was very, um, sharp."
Hijikata gave me a short bark of laughter.
"He was like a brother to me, even before we were part of the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata had never spoken to me about himself-or indeed about anything-at length. I didn't know why he'd chosen this moment to chance that policy, but I was happy he had.
Perhaps, I thought, he didn't see me as such an outsider after all.
"The only reason I didn't throw that crap away was because I thought he might be able to use it to heal his arm. We knew it was dangerous, but we thought that maybe we could...improve it somehow. We need Sanan. We can't lose him."

Hijikata looked tired and drawn-moreso than I'd ever seen him before. His face was tight with strain, and he moved with the labored speed of a man who has pushed himself beyond his limits.
Always before, as commander, he had been calm and level-headed. Never before had he looked so utterly spent.
"...It'll be okay."
I struggled for some words to reassure him, and regretted the ones I'd chosen as soon as I said them.
How could I stay quiet, when he was in so much pain?
"I'm...I'm sure Sanan will be all right."
The lines in his face softened, but only slightly.
"He's got a strong spirit. I just hope it's strong enough."

…
At long last morning came.
One by one, the captains returned to the common room, tired and bleary-eyed from their long night.
It was Inoue's entrance that broke the silence.
"He seems to have made it through the hardest part."
The room breathed a silent sigh of relief.
"He's still asleep. Looks pretty peaceful…"
Nagakura only relaxed a little before saying, "So has Sanan gone crazy?"
Inoue simply shook his head.
"We won't know for sure until he wakes up, but he looks just like he always has."
That was when the door slid open.
"Good morning everyone."
The tension that had relaxed at Inoue's entrance pulled tight as a drum at the sound of Itou's voice.
At least, I thought, they don't do this when I just walk into a room.
Then I realized I was comparing myself to Itou, and wondered why on Earth I would do something like that.
"My my… You all look rather glum. Something to do with last night's excitement, I presume?"
Itou's position wasn't just the result of politics, then. There would be no simply ignoring the incident, it appeared.
"Uh… No, um…"
Desperately, Kondou's eyes flew around the room, looking for someone who might give him a story.
Nagakura folded his arms and turned to his close friend, "Sano! Make something up!"
"What?! Me?! Uh, well...you see, yesterday-"
"You're a miserable actor. Stay out of this."
Okita's smile was bitter and thin.
They sat back down.
"How about you leave the explanation to someone who can string two words together, hm?"
Okita looked at Saito expectantly, and the other man nodded once.
"As you suspect, Deputy Commander Itou, there was an incident yesterday here at our headquarters."
Furthermore, he continued, the situation was grim. Saito then proceeded to outline as much of the truth as he could, his eyes never wavering from Itou's face.
"We did not wish to trouble you with such matters just yet, Deputy Commander."
By way of apology, he made a short bow.
"If you wish, I would be happy to provide you with a more detailed report this afternoon."
"Oh my…"
Itou's eyes narrowed and he looked slowly around the hall, a mischievous smile playing about his lips.
"Very well. I comprehend your situation. I shall look forward to receiving the details this evening."
With another strange smile, Itou stood, nodded slightly, and left the room.
"Feels like he let it slide this time…" Okita said, "Maybe he just liked how Saito handled it."
"What…?"
Yes, Saito had been respectful and - at least on the surface - forthcoming, both of which had likely pleased Itou, but…
What had he meant about letting it "slide"?
"We shouldn't have let him see all of us together."
I looked at Hijikata, confused.
"The only man missing was Sanan. It won't take Itou long to realize something's happened to him."
"Oh…"
Then Itou had likely guessed at what had taken place, but decided not to press the issue. I was beginning to see what Kondou saw in him… There was certainly no doubt that he was clever and observant.
"Ah!"
I had looked up just in time to see Sanan shuffle through the door. His face was pale, but apart from that he looked much like he always had.
"Sanan! ...Are you sure you should be up and about?" questioned Inoue.
Sanan's only response was a small, sad smile.
"I'm only a little tired. A side effect of my new condition, I suppose."
His smile faded.
"Those who've taken the draught often find that working during the daylight hours is especially taxing."
In other words, it was working.
Sanan was already transformed.
"I am no longer human."
He smiled.
"Who cares what you are-you're alive! That's good enough for me!"
I could see the beginnings of tears well up in Kondou's eyes, but the rest of the men were more reserved.
They were happy to see their friend alive, but what had his resurrection cost him?
Okita folded his arms his eyes flicked to Sanan's arm, "So...your arm's better, I'm guessing?"
"I haven't fully recovered yet, so I would withhold any final judgement, but…"
He lifted his left arm, the arm that the day before had hung limp at his side, and flexed his hand.
"...It seems to have been healed. At the very least, it is no longer a hindrance."
Thank goodness.
If he had gone through all of that, just to find his arm still lame and useless…
Harada seemed to finally find his voice, "You can't go out in the sun though, right? Will you still be able to fight with us?"
If daylight drained one's energy, then living a normal life would be difficult enough, never mind fighting alongside the Shinsengumi.
"Best you simply say I died."
Sanan's voice was calm, almost careless.
"From now on, I will serve in the Corps, to remind them, and us, that success is possible."
Nagakura clearly disliked this plan, "What? Have you lost your mind?! Do you know what you're saying?!"
"Of course I do. Do you, Nagakura? The shogun had ordered us to keep this thing a secret."
Nagakura fell silent.
"If I, ah, die, the shogun's secret remains so."
Leaving no room for argument, he continued.
"Besides, if the side effects can be managed, or even removed, then what reason do we have not to use it.?"
To a man, they were against his idea, though none of them said anything. Who would want to consign a friend to a life of secrecy, lived in the shadows?
"We were given this task by the shogun himself…" muttered Kondou.
Sanan's suggestion might not have been pleasant, but it was logical. The drug was dangerous, yes, but if it could be refined; the side effects removed…
It would be a powerful tool.
A powerful weapon.
Kondou closed his eyes, "...I suppose this is our only choice."
And with his word, it was decided.
"Well," said Okita, "this is what you asked for, Sanan. Make sure you don't screw it up."
It wasn't exactly a vote of confidence, but Sanan simply responded with a smile.
"This means moving to a new location isn't something we can put off any longer," said Hijikata. "If we're going to hide Sanan from Itou and his men, then we need more space. This place won't cut it."
Saito nodded.
"If we intended to begin research again, then a move is even more urgent."
Sanan's fate decided, they turned to a discussion of where they might make their new headquarters.

Whatever my status was, it did not extend to being included in that discussion.
Living with the Shinsengumi for the past year had been quite an experience. Lately, I'd felt that perhaps it wasn't so bad, and my life had become almost...fun.
But the truth I couldn't escape was that I was only valuable to them because of my connection to my father; a truth they had made painfully clear to me.
These men had lived with one another for years. My own time with them amounted to little more than a drop in the bucket. They had no reason to treat me as anything more than a casual prisoner, or at best a serving girl.
I'd reminded myself of that countless times, but it only served to deepen my sense of loneliness.