CHAPTER 5.

Stephanie slowly opened her eyes and squinted at the sunlight pouring in through the gap in her bedroom curtains. For one wonderful moment she thought it had all been just a terrible nightmare, but that glimmer of hope faded almost immediately as reality hit and she remembered that it was all true. An uncontrollable sob rose up from deep down inside her.

"It's alright." Fraser's voice caught her by surprise and she rolled over to see him sitting in the old chair next to her bed.

"Hey," she choked out. Now it was coming back to her; he'd been there with her all night. She remembered drifting in and out of sleep and he'd held her as she cried herself back to sleep. "Thank you for staying," she said.

Fraser smiled and wrapped her hand in his. "I think you had a good two hours of unbroken sleep that time," he said. She'd been waking every twenty minutes or so during the night, so Fraser hoped that the last two hours had done her some good. He'd been quite worried about her and there was no way he would have left her alone, not after everything that had happened.

Grief had completely overwhelmed her and Fraser had had to work hard to keep her focussed. Between the sobbing and screaming she'd been talking a lot about her Dad and Fraser realised that, while she was devastated by the loss of Porthos, the events had acted as a catalyst for her to release all of the emotions she'd been holding onto following her father's death.

"Mia will be awake soon, I should make her breakfast," said Stephanie, stifling a yawn.

"She's fine. She awoke over an hour ago," replied Fraser. "I fed and changed her and she's sleeping again."

"Really? Thanks," said Stephanie, wondering why Mia had woken up so early. "What time is it?" she asked.

"Nine fifteen," replied Fraser.

"What?" exclaimed Stephanie, sitting bolt upright. "Benton, you should have woken me; I've got so much to do. I need to call someone about…about Porthos…"

"I've already taken care of that," replied Fraser. "Don't worry."

"Well I have to get dressed; the Fire Department are coming to do their investigation," continued Stephanie, flinging back the covers.

"They're already here; the investigator suggested it wouldn't take too long," explained Fraser.

"You have to go to work," she continued. "I don't want you to get in trouble with that Inspector of yours on my account."

"Not today," smiled Fraser. "I spoke to Turnbull and told him that I would not be reporting for duty. The Inspector is unwell this morning so she will be unaware of my absence."

"What about your partner?" she asked. "Shouldn't you be working with him today?"

"Actually Ray will be here shortly," he answered. "You'll need to make a Police statement regarding the fire; it's purely a formality, but a necessary one as we have to rule out the possibility of foul play."

Stephanie nodded and sighed. "Well I guess you've taken care of everything," she replied curtly. She realised he was trying to help and she was grateful really, but part of her felt like she should have been the one to deal with all of these things. She looked at him and realised that she had to stop trying to do it all. It was OK to let him help; she knew that, but it wasn't easy for her. "Thank you…for everything," she smiled. "I'm so sorry about…" she trailed off and her face fell. "I'm sorry about what you had to do last night for Porthos."

Fraser nodded solemnly. Of course it hadn't been easy for him; it wasn't the first time he'd had to assist the passing of an animal suffering in that way and it never got any easier, but Fraser knew he'd done the right thing. Porthos had been in so much pain and distress that there had been no other choice, although the tragedy of that moment would stay with him forever.

"I…I wanted to stay," Stephanie began, getting out of bed and crossing to the window. "But…I couldn't bear to watch."

Fraser walked over to her and stood behind her as she opened the curtains and looked out onto the outside world. "I would have insisted you left anyway; there was no need to stay," he said, enveloping her in a hug from behind. "And Bessie needed you."

Stephanie closed her eyes as tears began to fall again. She leaned into the warmth of Fraser's body and it sent tingles up and down her spine. She spun around in his arms and laid her head against his chest. She wondered what else life was going to throw at her. What had she ever done to deserve all of this?

Fraser felt her start to shake as she broke down again. He knew it was going to take time for her to heal and he suspected there would be many more moments like this. He stroked her hair and talked to her gently until she'd calmed down again.

Stephanie swallowed hard. "I can't do this anymore," she whispered. It felt like someone had reached inside her and pulled out her insides and she wanted to disappear somewhere where no one would ever find her.

"It'll be alright," Fraser tried to reassure her. "Just take things one day at a time."

Stephanie nodded and looked up into his blue eyes. Maybe I will be alright after all…if you're here to hold me together. She let that thought hang and suddenly kissed him with intensity and passion.

Fraser staggered back a step, surprised by the spontaneity of her actions. His first thought was to turn away, but he couldn't; instead he took her face in his hands and responded with the same level of fervour.

Stephanie forced him to stumble another few steps until she had him exactly where she wanted him and then she pushed him backwards onto the bed.

Fraser fell back, bouncing on the soft springy mattress and Stephanie climbed on top of him, pinning him down. She was wearing nothing but a pair of short, silk pyjamas that left little to the imagination and Fraser was in awe of her beauty. Stephanie ran her hands through his hair and pressed her lips against his again. She wanted him to take away her pain. She wanted him to make her feel like a woman again; it had been so long since anyone had done that.

"Stephanie," breathed Fraser, but he wasn't sure what he was going to say; he was becoming lost in the moment. He closed his eyes and let her take the lead.

She sat back on her haunches, squeezing her thighs against his hips and lifted her silk top over her head, tossing it onto the pillow. Now she was half naked and Fraser's body lurched in anticipation, but then he saw the tears were pouring down her face and he suddenly realised that this was not the right time. If they did this now it would just be empty, desperate sex and that wasn't what either of them wanted. "Stop," he said, gently.

Stephanie gasped and froze. What was he doing? She didn't want to stop.

Fraser grabbed her pyjama top and thrust it into her hands. "Not now," he said.

Stephanie climbed off the bed, threw her top back over her head and broke down. "Why do you keep pushing me away?" she sobbed. "Why?"

Fraser lay back on the bed and covered his face with his hand. Maybe I should have just given into my desires? At least I would have made her happy, if only for a short time. But he knew it would have been wrong.

Fraser climbed off the bed and walked over to her. "I want it to be right," he whispered.

She didn't turn around; she couldn't bear to face him. Her arms were folded tightly across her chest and she was breathing deeply, desperately fighting for control.

"Our first time should not be like this," he tried to explain, wincing as the words left his lips; it hadn't come out quite how he intended at all.

"Our first time?" Stephanie finally spun round to face him. "For god's sake Ben, we're not teenagers!"

He hung his head and let her yell at him, hoping that releasing some more emotion would be good for her.

"What do you want?" she continued, her voice cracking with emotion. "Scented candles? Barry White on the radio? Maybe I should scatter some rose petals on the bed?" She threw her hands up in the air and let out a growl of frustration. "Just go, will you," she sighed.

Fraser tried to touch her shoulder, but she shrugged him off. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'll be…with the horses."

xXxXx

Fraser busied himself with Bessie. Her burns were starting to heal and he was glad to see there was no sign of infection. The Fire Investigators talked to him briefly before they left and confirmed their initial suspicions that a fault in the electrical wiring in the stable had caused the fire. There was nothing salvageable from the fire; the wooden buildings had been completely destroyed.

Bessie, Romeo and King all seemed perfectly contented, seemingly oblivious to the drama and tragedy of the night before. Fraser heard a familiar barking noise and looked up to see Diefenbaker walking towards him. He smiled and crouched down to greet his panting wolf who had walked all the way from the Consulate. "Did Constable Turnbull explain why I had to leave in such a hurry?" he asked and Dief yapped an affirmation. Fraser spent a few minutes making a fuss of Dief, making sure he had a huge dish of water to drink, before he heard footsteps.

"Hey, Ben." It was Stephanie and she had Mia with her. Stephanie's voice was calm and soft and Fraser noticed that she had done her hair and make-up.

He looked up at her. "Stephanie, I'm sorry," he began.

"No, I'm sorry," she interrupted him. "You were right," she added quietly.

"You don't have to apologise," replied Fraser. He walked over and took Mia from her arms, smiling as he was rewarded with a giggle from the baby.

Stephanie nodded and smiled. She couldn't think straight right now; they would have to talk about it later. "Heidi is late," she said, deliberately changing the subject. "I don't know if I should call her or not? I've just seen Mia's diaper rash; I know you mentioned it last night, but I didn't really pay any attention. She's never had it that badly before."

"It is looking a lot better this morning," replied Fraser.

"If she can't even change diapers properly then I don't think I want her looking after my daughter anymore," sighed Stephanie.

"I'm sure Francesca Vecchio would be happy to look after Mia today," suggested Fraser. "Would you like me to call her?"

Stephanie shrugged. She'd met Francesca once before, but she'd seemed far too ditzy to be capable of being responsible for a baby. "I don't know," she said. "I don't really want to leave her with a stranger."

Fraser understood. "Mia's no trouble, I'm sure we can keep her amused today," he smiled.

They went back to the house and Stephanie tried to keep busy with some cleaning. Ray arrived a short while later and took Stephanie's statement. She held herself together as she relived the events of the previous night.

"Sorry ya had to do that," Ray apologised as she signed the paperwork. "The Fire Department is pretty certain it was an accident though, so, er, this'll just get filed with their report."

"Thank you," replied Stephanie. "Would you like coffee?"

"Sure," grinned Ray and Stephanie went into the kitchen.

"I'd like to remain here for the rest of the day," said Fraser when she was out of earshot.

"No problem," replied Ray. "Looks like she could do with a friend today."

"Indeed," agreed Fraser.

"So, er, you OK?" Ray asked.

"Me? Of course," nodded Fraser. "I am concerned about Stephanie's wellbeing, but other than that I'm fine. Thank you for asking."

"Fraser, ya had to shoot a horse," Ray pointed out. "Er, I freaked out when my dog got run over, remember?"

"Yes, I remember you telling me that story," nodded Fraser. "However, I have been in similar situations before, Ray. Unfortunately it is all too common in areas of wilderness. It was the right thing to do; the kindest thing under the circumstances. I am at peace with the situation."

Ray knew Fraser wasn't being completely straight with him; he could tell that the incident had affected his buddy more than he was letting on, but if that's the way Fraser wanted to play it then that was his choice. Ray would be there for him if and when he needed to talk about it.

Stephanie returned with Ray's coffee and the three of them talked for a while. They took it in turns to play on the floor with Mia. Fraser smiled as he saw how natural Ray was with her; he knew Ray had always wanted children with Stella and he hoped his friend would get a chance at parenthood one day soon.

"OK," said Ray, eventually. "I'd better get this report filed. Welsh is on my back about some, er, some crap or other so I should go deal with it. Call me if ya need anythin'."

Fraser walked Ray to the door, but he was surprised to find Heidi waiting on the doorstep when he opened it. "Good afternoon," he greeted her.

"I am late," she said. "There is a problem for me this morning. I'm truly sorry. I may take Mia now for Miss Cabot."

"Um, well I'm not sure that…" began Fraser, but Stephanie had heard her voice and came out into the hall.

"What time do you call this?" she demanded.

"I'm sorry," replied Heidi looking at the floor. "It will not happen again."

"You're right about that," agreed Stephanie. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to let you go. I'm not happy about the state Mia was in when you brought her home yesterday."

"I don't understand?" replied Heidi.

"Why don't we go and sit down to discuss this?" suggested Fraser, eager to diffuse the situation.

"I need this job," Heidi sounded desperate. "I have to get money to send to my father."

Stephanie sighed. "I'm not a charity," she replied. She glanced at Fraser before continuing. "Yesterday, you hadn't changed Mia's diaper for hours. It's unacceptable. I'm paying you to take good care of my daughter for me."

"But you don't pay me!" exclaimed Heidi.

"Oh, so that makes it OK for you to neglect her basic needs?" replied Stephanie, incredulously.

"No, no, I did not mean to say that," Heidi shook her head as she spoke; she did appear genuinely sorry. "Sometimes I say a wrong thing. I have some trouble at the moment; it makes my brain confused."

"What kind of trouble?" Fraser asked, glancing at Ray. "My friend and I are police officers; is there anything we can do to help?"

The colour drained from Heidi's face. "No! I do not need Police," she insisted.

Ray looked at Fraser with his eyebrows raised. His Detective instincts were tingling. "Er, are ya sure about that?" he asked.

"Yes, yes," reiterated Heidi. "Please, I'm sorry about the diaper; it won't happen again. I take good care of babies. I made mistake yesterday, but today I look after Mia well for you."

Stephanie sighed. She felt sorry for Heidi; she seemed like a nice girl and she had been doing a good job up until yesterday. "Alright," she said. She really wanted some time alone with Fraser this afternoon. "If you could take Mia for a few hours I'd be very grateful, but you're on probation, do you understand?"

Heidi nodded and smiled. "Thank you, thank you."

"And of course I'll pay you," smiled Stephanie and she beckoned Heidi to follow her into the other room to collect Mia.

"Hmm," Fraser pondered when they were out of earshot.

"Yeah; hmm is right, buddy," agreed Ray. "Somethin' ain't right with her."

"I agree," nodded Fraser. "There's little we can do at this juncture. I'll give her one of your business cards; she can call if she needs help."

Ray moved to get out his wallet, but Fraser held up a hand to stop it. "No need," he announced. "I have a supply in my hat."

Ray grinned. "Course ya do," he said. "Look, I've really gotta go. If anyone asks where y'are I'll cover for ya. Call me if ya need anythin'."

xXxXx

Stephanie and Fraser spent the afternoon getting the old stable block into a habitable condition for the remaining horses. Fraser checked all the wiring and made some emergency repairs to prevent another disaster, while Stephanie prepared the stalls. She laid fresh straw on the floor and made sure the horses had everything they needed.

Diefenbaker spent the time apparently chatting with Romeo, the young pony. Fraser was pleased to see him making friends.

Eventually Stephanie was satisfied with everything and she sat on an upturned bucket. "Everything was destroyed in there," she sighed, looking over her shoulder at the burnt out remains of the other stable block. "All the saddles and the tack…I won't be able to ride until I can afford to replace it all."

"Have you ever ridden bareback?" asked Fraser, packing away the tools he'd been using.

"Only once when I was a kid," Stephanie replied. "I didn't like it; I didn't feel very secure."

"I could teach you," offered Fraser. "The technique is quite simple to master and the rewards can be very satisfying. Do you have any rope? About…so big." Fraser indicated the size he wanted by making a circle with his thumb and forefinger.

"Yes, there's a big coil of it in the corner," Stephanie answered, pointing.

Fraser fetched the rope and started cutting it into various lengths with his penknife. Then, as Stephanie watched in amazement, he proceeded to fashion it at lightning speed into an adjustable bridle and reins.

"Shall we try this now?" he asked with a smile. "Bessie can't be ridden until her injuries have healed, but I think King is eager to get out.

Stephanie ran over and excitedly flung her arms around Fraser, before going to get King from his stall. Fraser fitted the rope harness over the horse's head and adjusted it until it was a perfect fit. King was very well behaved; he didn't mind Fraser fussing over him at all.

"Jump on," said Fraser and he crouched and locked his hands together to give Stephanie a leg up. "That's good, now just relax and find your balance," he encouraged as she tried to get comfortable.

King was a powerful animal; she'd only ridden him a few times before so Stephanie couldn't help but be a little nervous and she grasped the reins tightly.

"It's alright," smiled Fraser encouragingly, showing her the leading rein in his hand. "I've got him. Now, try to sit forward a little."

"I'm fine, Benton," replied Stephanie with a shrug, adjusting her position again. "OK, so now what do I do?"

"He's going to be very responsive," Fraser explained, "so he just needs little movements from you. He'll know what you want him to do."

"OK," Stephanie nodded confidently and set off at a slow walk towards the paddock. It only took a few minutes for her to realise that Fraser had been right about how rewarding it was to ride bareback. The reactions she got from King were amazing and she had never felt so close to a horse before; it was as if they were as one. The smile on her face said it all as they picked up speed to a trot.

"You're doing well," Fraser smiled. "I'm going to let go and you can take him, but don't go too fast too quickly." He detached the rein he was holding and watched Stephanie take King for a canter around the paddock. He couldn't help feeling envious; he'd had so few opportunities to ride horses at all since he'd left his home in the Yukon, let alone ride bareback and he missed it.

Dief walked up to him and sat at his heels. He was hungry, but he could tell that Fraser wasn't interested in food at the moment; the Mountie was staring at Stephanie with his eyes wide and his lips slightly parted. It was a look that Dief had rarely, if ever, seen on his face and the meaning was obvious, even to a wolf.

Eventually Stephanie brought King to a standstill. Fraser jogged over to her to help her dismount. "Wow! That was one of the most wonderful things I've ever done!" she exclaimed as she swung her leg over King's back.

Fraser gripped her waist and she held onto him tightly around his neck as he lifted her to the ground. "I knew you'd like it," he said.

"I loved it, it was so exhilarating," she replied, refusing to release her grasp. "I'm never going to ride any other way."

Fraser chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Well sometimes a saddle is essential, for example on areas of rough terrain you wouldn't be safe riding bareback." He pointed out, hugging her closely. He was delighted that he had been able to bring so much joy to her after the pain of the last twenty four hours. "We should take King back to the stable," he said eventually, realising that they couldn't stay in the yard with their arms around each other forever, as much as he wanted to.

"Yes," agreed Stephanie, finally breaking her hold. "Poor boy probably needs a drink. I may have pushed him too hard in this heat."

Fraser stroked King on the muzzle and the animal responded with a contented whinny. "I don't think he minded at all," he smiled.

They took King back inside and Stephanie groomed him while Fraser found him some water and fresh hay. Fraser bolted the gate as they left and Dief barked and ran off towards the house.

"Oh dear," sighed Fraser. "Now he's jealous of a horse." He rolled his eyes disapprovingly and Stephanie laughed. "I'd better feed him now too," Fraser continued. "But if he thinks he's getting a doughnut he has another thing coming."

Stephanie wrapped her arms around Fraser's waist as they walked and he draped his arm over her shoulder. He was trying not to get too carried away with the moment, but right now he felt happier than he ever had in his life before…and that scared him to death.