Yay! The end of Chapter Three!

CHAPTER 3-4

December 1867

Scarcely a month had passed since Aburano Koji. Saito and Heisuke had returned, but the Shinsengumi was hardly back to normal. A dark, tense atmosphere pervaded the compound.
Many men had lost their lives in Kazama's attacks. Even more had been injured during the attack at Aburano Koji. Among them was Heisuke.
Several of the rank-and-file soldiers had seen him mortally wounded. He had looked as if he would not survive.
For that reason, Heisuke was declared officially dead, and made a member of the Fury Corps.
Saito hadn't been wounded, but many among the common soldiers began to call him a coward. To them, he had left the Shinsengumi to join Itou, then betrayed his new master when he sensed a change in fortunes.
I saw no reason why he shouldn't set them straight, and say that he had never truly left the Shinsengumi, but he claimed he would rather stay silent than tarnish the honor of the commander and chief who had ordered his actions.
As such, it was decided that Saito would leave the compound until tempers had been allowed to cool.
He was sent to stay at Tenma in order to protect Kyutaro Miura, an official of the Kishu Domain.

…
The night of the battle at Aburano Koji was a turning point for the Shinsengumi.
For the men who didn't know the details, it was simply a battle against their former comrades, the Guardians of the Imperial Tomb.
Those better informed knew that the situation with the Satsuma of Ryoma Sakamoto had been part of a much larger plan.
Only the heads of the Shinsengumi knew the whole story: The activities of the demons, and Heisuke's transformation into a fury.
Such an important battle had stirred up the atmosphere in the compound, and for several days there were excited men everywhere, shouting and talking. Moments of silence were few and far between.
I felt I would only be in the way if I was wandering around the grounds, so I did my best to stay in my room by myself.
When had everything gone so wrong? Why had all of this happened?
I turned those questions over and over in my mind, but found no answers.
My door suddenly slid open and someone walked in.
"Ah, thank goodness, you're here. If you'd gone out, I wouldn't have been able to look for you."
"Sanan?! But…it's daytime! Are you sure you're all right?!"
His smile almost seemed real.
"Yes, yes. I've just had a revelation. I can't possibly stay in bed."
His eyes glittered with…something, and even though he was smiling, I could feel the fingers of dread begin to poke at the base of my spine.
"Well? Will you listen to my idea?"
It didn't really seem like a question, but I nodded anyway.
"You're a demon…"
The words were sudden and unexpected.
"And as a demon, you are stronger, faster, and more resilient than a human. Demonic superiority was displayed quite clearly by those demons who attacked us just the other night."
"What are you trying to say?"
"A demon possesses immense power. It follows that the blood which flows through demon veins should be similarly powerful. Perhaps it is even potent enough to completely counteract the madness of the furies."
I didn't know how the Water of Life worked, but Sanan's explanation seemed logical, even if it was a bit…manic.
"How can you know that for sure?"
"Since before I became a fury, I've been researching how the Water of Life works. I know more about it than anyone else here. How could I be wrong, then? In any event, I believe it's worth testing."
He turned to me with another smile, this one more creepy.
"If I am correct… Oh, it would be wonderful! Your very existence could save the Fury Corps! ...No, the entire Shinsengumi!"
"Wait…"
Sanan's eyes had grown painfully sharp, and I almost thought I could hear the barest edge of madness to his voice.
"Now…"
Calmly and purposefully, he drew his sword from its scabbard. There was no madness or bloodlust to his movements, and that only made them all the more terrifying.
"Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. I'm not going to kill you or anything. I just want a small sample of your blood. That's all…"
I took a step back…two…
Sanan and his sword came closer.
He lifted it, and the steel blade shimmered in the light. I closed my eyes.
Suddenly the door slid open again.
"What is this, Sanan?"
"Oh, Hijikata. Excellent timing. Please, give me a hand here."
"Hi-Hijikata…"
Hijikata walked slowly toward us, his hand drifting near the hilt of his sword.
With cam purpose, he stepped between Sanan and I.
"What are you doing? This could be a great breakthrough for the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him.
"This is the last time, Sanan. What are you doing?"
"I'm searching for a way to treat the madness of the furies. For the good of the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata glanced at me then turned back to his friend.
"And that means you have to cut her?"
"I'm not going to kill her. I only need a little of her blood."
The room was thick with tension, but I sensed no hatred from either Sanan or Hijikata.
"…We've lost so many of the furies. Many of our human soldiers have fallen as well. If we are to effectively utilize the furies we have left, as well as the ones we are about to create, then we must find a way to temper their madness. If we abandon the furies and what they offer, then future battles will only become more difficult. More of our men will die. Everything I do, I do for the Shinsengumi. I know you for an intelligent man, Hijikata. Surely you understand. And yet you won't allow Yukimura to share her blood?"
"That's not what I mean."
Sanan blinked at him.
"Oh?"
Hijikata narrowed his eyes at him.
"Sanan, you are a colonel of the Shinsengumi. Are you really ready to break the Code? The Code says we don't fight each other, for any reason. You haven't forgotten, have you?"
"Ah, of course."
Sanan glanced at me.
"However, Yukimura is not, technically, a member of the Shinsengumi."
Hijikata just about growled at him.
"Maybe not, but she's been here long enough. She might as well be."
Sanan put away his sword and sighed.
"…Then I have no choice."
Hijikata watched him closely, his own hand still near his sword.
Sanan smiled again.
"I'll leave for now, then, but please consider what I've said."
Hijikata's expression softened a bit.
"Sure, but it won't change anything. Why should we cut her open and take her blood? Besides, even if I change my mind, Knodou will never let you do it."
Sanan sighed and his shoulders slumped.
"It's an easy decision for you and Kondou to make. You don't have the same…investment in this. Heisuke's a fury now too, though. This will effect him as well. So I encourage you to consider what's best for your friends when you make your decision."
Those final words cut like a knife, deeper than anything he'd said before.
Hijikata narrowed his eyes again.
"Can I say something?"
His voice was strained, as if he were pulling it up from somewhere deep within his soul.
"Of course."
"Your reasoning is correct. I always has been. But… Sanan, tell me you aren't doing this because the bloodlust has taken your mind. Tell me that some sick desire to taste her blood isn't what's driving you to this. Can I trust you?"
Sanan gave a kind smile.
"…Of course. My only concern is for the Shinsengumi."
He turned to me.
"Goodbye then, Yukimura. We'll talk again…"
He then ducked out of the room.
"*Sigh*"
Only after I'd heard his footsteps fade away down the hall did I begin to breath again.
Hijikata turned to me with a more gentle look on his face.
"Hrm. …You okay?"
I saw him relax, almost imperceptibly. The bowstring-tight tension of a moment before was gone.
…Or at least mostly gone.
He gave me a sad smile.
"Sorry about that."
"No, thank you for helping me."
"Nothing to thank me for."
"But…"
There was something I wanted to say to him; a question that had been on my mind for a while. For a moment, I thought perhaps now was the time to ask, but…
No. I shut my mouth.
Hijikata gave me a puzzled look.
"What?"
"Uh, um…"
Perhaps I was simply afraid of what his answer would be.
Perhaps after hearing my question, he would no longer allow me to stay with the Shinsengumi…
No, I couldn't stay with them forever. Nothing good would come of avoiding the issue. Best I simply face it.
Still, I was afraid to ask.
"I don't have all day. If you have something to say, say it."
I'd already drawn his attention, and apparently his ire. There was no point to backing out now.
"Um, why do you keep…protecting me like this?"
"Weren't you listening? That wasn't about you. It was about Sanan, and the Code. Besides, it's not like he was actually trying to kill you. At worst, I saved you from a scratch."
"No, I don't mean just now… I mean all the other times. When Kazama attacked us, everyone in the Shinsengumi put their lives on the line, for me! All he wanted was me. You could have just given me up, and he would have left you alone."
He turned to me, though he didn't appear to be angry.
"Kazama works for our enemies. That makes him our enemy. What sort of warrior doesn't fight his enemies?"
I had to admit, that did seem…reasonable.
He then gave me one of his you're-being-silly smiles.
"Besides, you're Kodo's kid. If we want to find him, we need you. Didn't we talk about this when you go here?"
"Yes, but that was a long time ago. Things have changed. I don't think finding my father is going to be enough to resolve this situation anymore."
Now he was giving me his just-be-quiet look.
"Look, we said we'd protect you, so we will. A samurai doesn't go back on his word. A man who breaks a promise just because something's changed isn't a man."
Even I knew that he was only using my father as an excuse, but I had a feeling that if I pointed that out directly he'd get angry.
Still, that he would make excuses like this, and let me stay, and keep me safe… It could only mean that Hijikata and the Shinsengumi had finally accepted me.
That thought was like a ray of light, pushing away the doubt I'd felt only moments before.
...But I needed to be careful not to get carried away.

"All right, why'd you go quiet?"
If they had accepted me, then I wanted to help. I wanted to do…something.
Then again, what could I possibly do? I couldn't fight, I didn't have any special knowledge, aside from a little second-hand medicine…
I was more of a burden than an asset, if I was honest with myself.
What was I going to do?
"Um…"
He turned to me impatiently.
"What? Is there something else?"
"I want to help. Please, if there's anything, anything at all I can do…"
Now he looked angry.
"Help?"
I gulped.
"Um…"
Oh no. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. He really didn't look very happy.
"Um, because, ah…"
Was he really mad…?
I was starting to very much regret speaking up, so much so that I began to wish Sanan would come back, just to give Hijikata someone else to glare at.
…No, that would have been bad, too.
But what was I going to do? Give up?
No, I'd come to far. If I backed down, then nothing would change. I couldn't be one of them if I just let them protect me all the time.
"Please. I just want to be useful. I'll do anything."
Hijikata sighed in irritation.

"…"
The silence stretched out so long I thought I was going to scream.
"…I suppose you would be more discreet than one of our boys."
He spoke to himself, barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Hijikata…?"
"Brush and paper."
"Huh?"
He scowled at me.
"Bring me a brush and some paper. You do have that in here, don't you? Hurry."
Y-Yes! Right away!"
I scrambled across the room, grabbed a brush and paper, and handed them to Hijikata.
He took them silently, still scowling and quickly began to draw.
…A map?
"What is that?"
He ignored me, and continued drawing.
"…You know Saito is at Tenma guarding Miura, right?"
"Yes."
"I want you to take him something. Will you do that?"
"Do you think I can?"
He smiled.
"Yes. One of our boys would stand out too much. You're the best option I've got right now. Can I trust you with this?"
"Yes! Of course! ...Uh, sir!"
I was thrilled to help of course, but I was even more ecstatic to be given a task specially suited to me.
"There. I drew you a map. Keep to this and you shouldn't get lost."
"Right. Thank you!"
The map was pretty straightforward, but I still barely knew my way around Kyoto. Without it, I likely would have gotten lost.
"All right, I'm going!"
I turned to leave, and only a concerted effort kept me from skipping to the door.
"Hold on, genius. Hard to deliver a message if you don't have one."
"O-Oh…"
Hijikata sighed.
"You're making me nervous, kid. You sure you can do this?"
"Y-Yes! Of course! I'll do a great job!"
"…Here's a letter for Saito. Make sure you don't drop it, or…lose it somehow."
"Yes, I'll be very careful. Is there anything you want me to tell him?"
"Everything I have to say is in that letter."
"Understood. Then I'm off!"
This time I wasn't able to fully subdue the urge to skip.
"…And there she goes… Hey! Yamazaki! Shimada!"
"Yes, sir."
"Did you call?"
"I sent Chizuru to take Saito a letter. keep an eye on her, but don't let her see you. If anything happens, make sure she's okay."
"Understood."
"Hopefully if something does happen it'll just be some idiots trying to get to Miura or something… There's some pretty dangerous guys after her, though. if the demons show up, just get her back here immediately. I don't care if you have to carry her like a sack of rice. Just make sure all three of you come back."
"Yes, sir. We're off."
"Yeah, get going."

…
I stuffed the letter into my shirt, double-checked to make sure it wouldn't fall out, and then opened up the map.
"This is my chance. I have to do a good job!"
I looked down at the map and started moving forward.
"According to this map… It looks like I have a ways to go. I'd better hurry, or it's going to be evening by the time I get there. I should run!"
Even without the desire to arrive before evening, I likely would have run anyway: I was far too excited to walk!

…
Thanks to Hijikata's map, I found my way to Tenma without incident, although evening had come by the time I arrived.
I'd been told earlier that Saito had taken a room under the name "Yamaguchi".
After a short wait, the receptionist directed me to his room.
"Um, Sai-...Yamaguchi. Sorry to bother you."
His eyes widened upon seeing me.
"Oh. You."
One of his eyebrows shifted up fractionally in response to my presence.
Although he'd likely been expecting the letter, I was somewhat less predictable, having only been assigned the task earlier that day.
"I'm sorry you got someone as inexperienced as me."
His expression softened immediately.
"No, you misunderstand. I was only surprised. I expected to receive new orders soon, but I didn't think you'd be the one to deliver them."
"R-Right. Well, I asked if there was anything I could do to help, and… This was it."
He smiled and closed his eyes.
"Hm. Well, I can see his thinking. It's a good plan. One of our regulars would have drawn undue attention to this location."
He opened his eyes and held my gaze again.
"The captains are too recognizable and too valuable. New members might not be noticed, but how can we know where their true loyalties lie?"
He smiled again.
"You, on the other hand, can move unnoticed, and your loyalty is beyond question. Hijikata made an excellent choice."
"O-Oh… Thank you."
There was something very pleasant about being told I was trustworthy.
"The letter."
I blinked.
"Oh, of course…"
I pulled out the letter and handed it over.
He tore it open and read it over quickly, then lit it on a nearby lantern and watched patiently until it was nothing more than ash.
"Um...Saito?"
"Yamaguchi."
"R-Right. Um…are you sure it was okay to…burn it?"
"I've read it. I know what it says. Why should I leave it intact to be intercepted?"
"Oh. Of course…"
He smiled at me a third time.
"Thank you for delivering this letter. Good work."
"Oh, well, just doing my job! No need for thanks."
I clearly hadn't done anything very impressive-anyone could have done it-but it did feel nice to be thanked.
After all, I had done just what was asked of me, and I hadn't messed anything up. I was rather proud of myself.
Now that the job was done, though, I wasn't sure what I should do next…
It occurred to me that Hijikata had hardly been in a sunny mood when he'd given me the letter. If I dawdled after delivering it, that mood was extremely unlikely to improve.
"All right, I'm heading back. This took a bit longer than I'd expected, so I need to hurry."
"Of course. Be careful."
He looked so lonely though that I almost changed my mind and stayed.

…
"*Pant* *Pant* *Pant*"
I went back the same way I'd come, but by the time I returned to the Shinsengumi compound, the sun had set completely.
I hoped I wasn't too late.
Hopefully Hijikata wouldn't be too mad…
"I'm back."
"Oh… come in."
"Right…"
The moment I stepped through the door, I could tell he was in a foul mood. The very air was heavy with it.
"Um, sorry…"
He whipped around and glared at me.
"What, did you lose the letter? Or did you not even make it there? You got lost…I knew it."
"No, of course not! I got there just fine, and I gave Saito the letter."
He pursed his lips clearly trying to hid that he felt bad for the accusations.
"Good. Then why did you apologize just now?"
"Oh… Well, you looked really upset. I thought you were mad that I'd taken so long."
"*Sigh*"
As he sighed, I saw the tension in his shoulders ease just a little bit.
"No, I'm not mad at you."
"Oh. Really?"
"It may surprise you to learn that I have many other things to think about besides you."
I blushed slightly.
"Yes. Right. Did…something bad happen?"
"Yeah. A lot of bad things. You know we've been having some trouble within the Shinsengumi, but things are starting to get dicey with the people up above us, too. You're practically one of us, so I might as well tell you. There're rumblings that something might happen to the shogunate. If the shogunate's position changes, then so does Aizu's position in Kyoto…and eventually that trickles down to us."
"What's going to happen?"
He gave me a sad smile.
"Well, unfortunately we won't know until it does. Course, it's not like me worrying about it is going to do anyone any good. I can make some educated guesses, and prepare the Shinsengumi for some things, but…"
Perhaps it was because he'd never been so open with me before, but I'd never thought about just how much Hijikata did for the Shinsengumi.
The Shinsengumi's fate was his fate, and his decisions could steer it to glory or destruction.
It was an unimaginably heavy burden to someone like me.
"Um… Is there anything else I can do to help?"
"What, running off to Tenma wasn't enough for you?"
"If you-no, if the Shinsengumi is in a rough spot, then… Please, I just want to help! I want to be useful!"
His scowl deepened, but he said nothing.
"Please, Hijikata."
I bowed down until all I could see was the floor.
"Please, I'm begging you…"
I bent down as far as I could. He had to.
"*Sigh* Damn."
I heard him move, and felt something touch my chin.
I opened my eyes to see his fingers under my chin, warm and dry. He lifted my face up until I was looking strait into his eyes.
He was so close that I could feel his breath.
"You say you want to help."
"Yes."
"Do you think it's wrong for you to think that?"
"…No."
"Do you want this for selfish reasons?"
"No… I mean, it's not like I want to make a name for myself, or something like that. You've all risked your lives to protect me, over and over. I just want to give you something back…"
"…Then don't bow so easily. You believe you're right. Why should you bow if you think you're right?"
"Y-Yes…"
"If you believe something, then don't ever bow or yield. Hold your head high and walk tall. You won't win if you don't keep your eyes on the prize."
"Yes."
I looked back at him with all the composure I could muster.
"I want to help. If there's anything I can do, please, let me do it."
"Fine."
He gave me a quick smile, and returned to where he'd been sitting when I came in.
"If you want to help so much, go make me some tea."
"Yes!"
He smiled slyly.
"The fate of the Shinsengumi rests on this tea. Don't screw it up."
"Yes, sir! Leave it to me!"
Unable to hide my smile, I leapt up and bounded out of the room.
Just before I was out of earshot, I heard Hijikata mumble to himself…
"What's going to happen to us now…"

…
The Shinsengumi, once solid, now wavered.
What would happen to them? What would happen to the Fury Corps?
Men were forced to watch as their friends became the undead monsters known as furies… Was it any wonder that they found themselves conflicted, or that tempers began to rise?
Several days later, the order was given to begin the Imperial Restoration.
The emperor would be restored to power, and his court would once again rule the nation.
The position of the shogun would be abolished, and Kyoto's military and Judiciary Commissioner positions would be eliminated.
All that the Shinsengumi had fought for and believed in was falling to pieces.