Hi, everyone!
This has been such an amazing week hasn't it? The Glee spoilers are really interesting. I, for one, sincerely hope Shane is done with by Valentine's day. Also: Human Nature is beautiful. Amber and Chord should just have all the duets. All of them.
This is a special chapter, but it's shorter than the other ones. Sorry about that. I hope you all enjoy it. There's some closure for Shane and Mercedes, and some for Sam and Mercedes. However, this is not the last chapter!
Thanks for all the great reviews, you all make me smile!
-Sara
Disclaimer: Not my songs or characters, sadly. Glee doesn't belong to me.
The Enemy
"Honesty does not always bring a response of love, but it is absolutely essential to it."
- Ray Blanton
.
.
"We've watched The Notebook and A Walk To Remember, times up." said Quinn stretching. They sat in Mercedes' living room. "We need to talk."
"I rather not." came Mercedes' reply.
"Mercedes," Quinn gripped her hand and squeezed. She didn't have to speak, but she sure as hell would listen. "I know your upset. You have a right to be. What happened today was insane. Shane just... joining and Sam singing that song. But I know you love Sam. Don't stay mad at him forever. He's probably beating himself up about this. I thought you wanted to be with him."
"That's exactly the problem. I was going to break up with Shane today, before everything happened. I already made my decision. Then they did that and... Ugh, I can't explain it." said Mercedes.
"I get it. You wanted to deal with everything quietly, and it blew up in your face." Quinn nodded, understanding. "But don't you have questions?"
"I have thousands of them," muttered Mercedes. She had questions for Sam especially.
"Then ask."
"What do you mean 'ask'?" frowned Mercedes.
"Okay, you have two choices. You can stay here, with me and watch a few other depressing romance movies during which we'll cry a few times or, you can turn that anger into determination and go after those answers." Quinn picked up the remote and closed the television. "All you're doing is postponing this anyway. You'll have to talk to them."
"I don't know what to say." said Mercedes. "I'm not angry anymore. I'm just tired. I'm a cruel person. A cruel horrible person."
"Why?" asked Quinn. "You never cheated on Shane. You did your best in a sticky situation."
"I hurt them."
"Mercedes, someone was going to be hurt no matter what you chose to do. Stop beating yourself up for something that could have gone much worse." Quinn sighed and wrapped an arm around her friend's shoulders, pulling her close. "Loving Sam doesn't make you a bad person, but not doing anything about it does make you sort of an idiot. You'd be crazy to toss love aside for a lame relationship, and trust me, I'm an expert in crazy."
"Maybe-" Mercedes was interrupted by a loud knock at the front door. The girls glanced at each other before scrambling to their feet and rushing to the door.
"Chicks eat ice-cream when they're upset, right?" Puck thrust a large ice-cream container in Quinn's arms and enveloped Mercedes in a hug. "You feeling better?" he asked as he eased back.
"I feel fine. Why are you here, Puck?" she asked wearily.
"Checking up on you for my pal, and I thought maybe Quinn might need a ride home." he admitted.
"That's really nice of you but I can't just leave Mercedes-" started Quinn.
"Yeah, you can. There are places I need to be anyway." interrupted Mercedes, making up her mind. Quinn was right. It was time to stop running away from the problem and start facing it, even if it meant asking questions she was not sure would have pleasing answers.
"You're going to talk to them?" asked Puck.
"Yep." said Mercedes while grabbing her coat from the closet. "Here you go," she said, tossing Quinn hers.
"What about the ice-cream?" Puck glanced at the container that Quinn was still holding.
"Eat it." laughed Mercedes. "But thanks, you're a sweetheart."
"Start with Shane, Mercedes. Get that out of the way," advised Quinn as she and Puck made their way to his truck.
She start with him alright.
SMSMSMSMSMS
The walk from her car to Shane's front door suddenly seemed like a long one. Just a few minutes ago, she had had thousands of questions, thousands of thoughts, but now she had only one: 'I'm sorry'. There was nothing else to say. There was no way she could justify making breaking his heart. Every step she took brought her closer to the ultimate moment where she would have to finally find a way to make him understand that this wasn't his fault. That their relationship had been deteriorating since Sam's return. Not because Sam was better than Shane, not because Shane wasn't a good person. No, it was because like a fool, she never took the time to really deal with Sam's departure. That responsibility lay solely on her shoulders, not on Shane's or Sam's. Mercedes did not expect the kindness in Shane's eyes when he had opened the door, nor had she expected the unspoken understanding.
"I'm sorry," he said as he shut the door behind him. "I know we're over, but I'm sorry."
"So am I."
"You never stopped loving him. He was always there, somewhere inside you. Wasn't he?"
Mercedes nodded and sat on the stone steps. "I really did like you." she whispered as he sat beside her. "Everything I said, I meant. When we made plans, I really thought they were going go happen. I believed they were, my future. You made me happy."
"But not happy like Sam." finished Shane sadly. "I get it."
"Do you? Because I don't."
"You can love more than one person, Mercedes. That doesn't make you a bad person. We could have graduated and gotten married. We would have a probably been happy for a long time." he said. "But it wouldn't have been perfect. That wouldn't have been what people talk about, when they say 'true love'. We don't have those fireworks."
"Do you hate me?" she asked quietly.
"No. Evans isn't exactly my favorite person, but thinking about it, I can't really blame him for going after you." he smiled. "If you found a flower blooming in a field in the middle of winter, and someone stole it from you, would you try to get it back?"
"Yes, but I don't understand."
"How many flowers do you see blooming in the middle of winter?" he asked. "If you found one, it would be one of a kind. You'd want to treasure it, keep it safe. If anyone would try to take that flower away, you'd fight for it. No one wants to loose a miracle. He and I both wanted the same thing."
"You don't deserve this." whispered Mercedes, touched by his words.
"Don't deserve what? To have the chance to find a girl that looks at me the way you look at Evans? Gee, thanks." he mocked and rolled his eyes. "I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hurt right now, because I am. But do you really think you would have given me a second look if he had never left? Be honest."
"No." she said without hesitation, and hated herself for it.
"Well, if it makes you feel better, I wouldn't have looked at you either. I wouldn't have wasted my time running after a girl who saw heaven when she looked at her boyfriend. I would have envied Evans, but you would have been one of those untouchable women. The ones you look at from a distance because you know you could never have them." he said slowly.
"Shane, you never even saw us when were dating. How would you know?" she asked, rolling her eyes.
"Because that's how you look at him now. It's how you've looked at him ever since he walked back into Lima. You never looked at me that way." he said. "I was so upset, we were supposed to be perfect together."
"We were it just wasn't..."
"Enough." finished Shane. "I get it. Sometimes a person holds what's precious in their hands so tightly, that it slips through the fingers, destroyed. I held you too tightly, and I'm sorry. Walking into Glee club today was stupid. I just didn't want to let you go."
"I know and I'm sorry too. I made you feel unloved and threatened. I never meant to hurt you."
"That's why I can't hate you." he murmured. "You were faithful. You tried, not many people would have. You have a good heart."
"So do you." she gripped his hand and squeezed. "I guess this is goodbye."
"I guess it is." he agreed. "Don't be too mad at Sam. I went up to him before practice and… I wasn't very nice."
Mercedes was silent as she thought through the whole fiasco. Puck had told her she didn't know the whole story, and to be completely honest, she had not expected Shane to be the one to admit his faults. She had fully expected the subject to turn into a blame game, something she had not been looking forward to. But she was reminded, in this instance, why she had fallen for Shane in the first place.
"Thank you telling me." she whispered. "I never hated you, you know. Not even after the Breadstix thing. I'm sorry I made you waste a few months of your life."
"Waste?" laughed Shane as he pushed to his feet and helped her up. "I think we made a few good memories together. Just because things don't work out, doesn't mean it was all bad. I wouldn't take those months back, even if I could."
This brought a smile to Mercedes' lips. He was right. They had had good times, they had smiled and she had loved him. Perhaps, she was even better for having met him. All experiences were lessons and she hoped she had passed this one. But her smile faded as she realized her tour wasn't finished yet. She still had to see Sam. Seeing her worried eyes, Shane smiled and nudged her.
"Be off now, I'm sure there are other people you need to talk to. Good luck." and after a brief hesitation, he hugged her. "Thank you."
"For what?" asked Mercedes, against hist chest.
"For finally being honest with yourself."
Mercedes didn't know what had brought the sudden change in his attitude, but looking into his eyes, she saw that he had meant every word. Her heart should not have broken into a million piece, but it did.
SMSMSMSMSMS
"This is ridiculous Sam." said Kurt disapprovingly. "How many times are you going to make Finn play that drum set before you tire yourself out and sleep off the pain like everyone else?"
"Finn doesn't have to stay." muttered Sam.
"Finn doesn't want to go." said Finn impatiently. "If Sam needs me around I don't mind. Plus, I like this song. It makes me think of Rachel and we get to practice our instruments." The boys were in the Hummel-Hudson basement; Finn at his drum set, Sam standing near him with his guitar in hand and Kurt sitting on the edge of Sam's bed.
"Why can't you just talk through your feelings-"
"We're not chicks, Kurt." said Finn rolling his eyes. "Anyways, Sam, again?" Sam nodded in response and began playing his guitar.
We might have met as children
Maybe it's been a couple weeks
I don't even know anymore
You have that affect on me
Despite disapproving of Sam's coping methods, Kurt had to admit the song was pretty and this was perhaps one of his best numbers. Mercedes had been right, the best music comes from a place of pain. Sam may not have written the song, but he sure as hell felt everything he sang. Kurt was touched to see someone finally appreciate his friend.
And now I'm feeling like forever
Just showed up at my door
I've got a little piece of heaven
It's all mine to hold onto
Kurt heard the doorbell ring and quietly made his way up the stairs and to the front. He wasn't as surprised as he should be to see Mercedes standing at the doorstep.
"Well, hi there." he said smoothly.
"Uh, what's going on?" asked Mercedes peeking inside. The sound of Sam's voice and the instruments were loud and clear.
"Sam is trying to cope. I assume you're here to talk to him?" said Kurt smugly. Thank God she was here. As much as he liked hearing the boys play, enough was enough. "Follow me. Mercedes," he said. "do me a favor and let them finish the song. They've been playing it for the last two hour. I think you'll want to hear it."
"Sure," said Mercedes, her eyes not revealing just how curious and nervous she was. Kurt tugged her inside and closed the door behind her before leading her downstairs. When Sam saw her, his eyes narrowed but he gave no indication of wanting to stop. Instead, he locked eyes with her.
And I wonder what you're thinking
Whenever you're not around
Any secret I was keepin'
I wanna tell you right now
Kurt nudged her towards the bed and the two sat down, Mercedes' gaze never leaving Sam's.
And when I dream about tomorrow
I've got you on my mind
I am hopelessly devoted
Just want you in my life
What I'm trying to say
In my own simple way
Is I want you to be my last first kiss
I want you to be my last first kiss
Mercedes glanced at Kurt who nodded. She smiled sadly as she focused her gaze on Sam once more. She had never imagined a guy like Sam would ever look at her like that, much less sing about her in such a soulful way.
I promise you nothing new
Is gonna come around
Making me change my mind
Nothing new, only you on my mind
God, what was he trying to do to her? If tears were what Kurt was after, he'd have them. She would be lying if she said the lyrics didn't make her heart swell and knees weaken.
What I'm trying to say
In my own simple way
Is I want you to be my last first kiss
I want you to be my last first kiss
I want you to be my last first kiss
My heart, yes it's finally found
My heart, yes it's finally found
Someone I can't live without
As soon as they finished, Finn was off his stool and on his way upstairs with Kurt, muttering something about homework and television. Once they were alone, Sam set his guitar back in it's case and he sat beside Mercedes, sighing.
"That was a beautiful song." whispered Mercedes.
"It was for a beautiful woman." his voice was filled with intensity.
"We need to talk." she said bluntly. No, she wasn't going to let him distract her with pretty words that made her feel like she was in heaven, or hell because there was no way those feelings weren't sinful. "I have questions."
"Ask away." he said, bracing himself.
"Why didn't you want to stay in a relationship with me?" she asked quietly. "Was I that easy to leave?"
He sighed, then stood and began pacing the room. "I knew you were going to ask about that."
"Well then I hope you have an answer ready because I need one. I should have asked you the moment you grabbed my hand in the hallway."
He raked a hand through his hair nervously. "You have to see things from my point of view." he said, pleading. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met."
"Sam-"
"No, you are." he insisted. "Inside and out. Do you know how lucky I felt to have you look at me like I was special? I was a poor, na'vi speaking comic book lover who sucked at school and didn't even have a house. But for some twisted reason, you liked me. All of me. You keep saying that I'm awesome and handsome and whatever, but I can't see it. Have you ever stopped to think that I look at you the way you look at me? In my world, you're the girl a guy like me rarely finds. You're the dream girl."
Mercedes couldn't speak.
"When you told me, that night, that it didn't mean it had to be the end of us, I had to say no. Mercedes, I could barely give you what you deserved when I was here. All I had was myself. In Kentucky, what was I supposed to give you? Hugs weren't even an option. You deserved better Mercedes. You always did." he sighed and she gaped.
"Excuse me?" Mercedes stood, rage consuming her. "How dare you."
"What?" startled, Sam took a step back.
"How dare you stand there and say I deserved better? Men are always making decisions for us, as though we're a bunch of damsels in distress. Well, I'm no Bella! You don't need to protect me. Don't you think I thought about that? Don't you think that when you told me you were leaving, I thought about all the times I wouldn't be able to touch you? It didn't matter, Sam. I just needed to know that we were still together. The sound of your voice would have been enough to keep me going."
"Well, it mattered to me!" he snapped. "I needed you, Mercedes. Not a computer or a phone call. I needed you beside me and I couldn't have that. I couldn't be who I wanted to be for you. So I did the next best thing and gave you the chance to find someone who could be everything you deserved."
"Sam-" she started, softening, and resumed her seat on the bed.
"Don't." he muttered. "Remember you sang that song for me? About how you felt when I left? It's my turn now." he mumbled as he went to get his guitar. "I used to sing this every time you crossed my mind, which was often." he sat beside her, and began playing. His voice was soft, but as Mercedes watched, she realized he was singing more to himself than her, replaying the memories in his mind.
Give me hope in silence
It's easier, it's kinder
Tell me not of heartbreak
It plagues my soul, it plagues my soul
Sam had known, despite the distance, what she was thinking. He knew of her heartbreak, of her anger. Even if they had never spoken of it directly, he knew her well enough to know exactly what she was thinking. After he left, he was constantly reminded of it by her ghost, who would visit him in his sleep. There was no forgetting the last moments they had spent together. They haunted him, just like her tear filled eyes did. But he had wished, during those nights she occupied his dreams, that she would have been a silent comfort instead of a painful memory.
And bury me beside you
I have no hope in solitude
And the world will follow
To the earth down below
When he left her, he had buried a part of himself with her memory. Without her, he had no hope, no purpose. At least that's what it had felt like at the time. Despite his family's good luck, he had never been the same again. There a sense of duty that kept him from giving up all together, but he had been empty. His nights were considerably darker without his moon.
But I came and I was nothing
Time will give us nothing
So why did you choose to lean on
A man you knew was falling?
But somehow, amidst all his anger, this had become her fault. When he came to Lima he had been nothing. He was teased for his lips, everyone thought he was gay... then, for a brief period of time he had become someone, thanks to Quinn. But it had not been long before he was firmly put back in his place. Then, because of the recession, he had lost everything. He had been a lost cause from the beginning and yet Mercedes had still chosen to be with him. Sam couldn't understand why. She had known he was failing. So why did she choose to stay with a guy who was and had nothing? They had set each other up for heartbreak, and he had spent the summer firmly believing that.
"Sam," she whispered when he finished. He saw her eyes were filled with tears, showing that she had understood the meaning behind what he sang. "I chose to lean on a man I knew was falling because I loved him."
He was silent as he set his guitar back in it's case. He sensed a 'but' coming and was not looking forward to it. When he turned to face her again, he saw that she now stood behind him.
"But," she said clearing her throat. "I'm not leaning on a falling man anymore. Those days are over."
He drew a sharp breath, and shut his eyes to keep the tears from filling. Mercedes touched his cheek gently. "The man I choose to lean on is strong, and I know he'll make it. But if he falls, we'll fall together, because I love him. Because I love you, Sam."
"Don't lie to me, 'Cedes." he asked, his voice barely more that a whisper. "Don't say it if you don't mean it."
"Look at me." she said and he opened his eyes. "I love you."
He smiled and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her close. "And I love you. I've missed this so much." but Mercedes pulled away from him, worry filling her dark eyes.
"I need time, Sam. I want to be with you, but..." she sighed. "I really did like Shane. I just need time to deal with the breakup. I don't want to drag that sadness in our relationship."
"I can understand that." he said slowly. "I'm sorry about the song, by the way. That was wrong and rude. I was being an ass."
"Yeah, you were. but Shane told me he verbally attacked you in the hallway just before."
"Doesn't matter." said Sam shaking his head. "It shouldn't have happened. I knew better and it upset both of you. Two wrongs don't make a right, right?"
"Right." Mercedes smiled. "But um, it's getting late and I should head out. Before I leave, promise me something."
"Sure," said Sam automatically.
"Never call yourself nothing ever again. You're everything to me." she said before quickly leaving. She didn't realize, until she had reached her car, that she was humming his song under her breath.
Songs
Last First Kiss - Ron Pope [Sung by Sam] - I REALLY want him to sing it on the show.
The Enemy – Mumford and Sons [Sung by Sam]
Eh, what do you guys think? Did this chapter answer a few questions? Was it good? Ah, just saying: The last song Sam sings is amazing. Can't stop listening to it.
I didn't have them kiss yet, I'm just waiting for the perfect moment. I guess they could have kissed in this chapter, but I want it to be a Sam/Mercedes moment only, no lingering Shane!thoughts.
Also, if anyone was wondering who the chapter title refers to: I know I usually name my chapters after one of the songs featured, but this chapter title does have a meaning. The Enemy in this chapter is not Shane, it's the lack of communication. By finally talking to both Shane and Sam, she defeats 'The Enemy'.
BTW, I was listening to a song and this great character idea popped into my brain. Now I wish I wrote for Glee.
Anyway, please review!