Ten-Faced

Chapter 12 – Which One Am I?

Disclaimer: I solemnly swear I don't own any of it; I'm just in it for the Romerica ;)

Warning: MPD/DID!Lovi, male x male pairings, harsh language, and AU.

I felt kinda bad about leaving you all hanging last time, so I tried to update this quickly (two updates in one weekend, how's that for quickly?). It also helped that I'm stuck at home with strep throat and waaaaay too much free time on my hands. Last chapter focused a lot more on how Lovino was perceiving the world through his different Faces, so here we get to see a little more of the other characters points of view.

Remember, that Lovino's Faces are separate entities with their own way of seeing things. This means they can be right or wrong about things as well as hold ideals that conflict with one another.

Here's a list of all the Faces: 1 – Lovi, 2 – Shy, 3 - Charisma, 4 - Tsundere, 5 - Charmer, 6 - Tactician, 7 – Fighter, 8 - Adult, 9 – Sweet, 10 – Broken

oOo

After his psychiatric interview with Lovino on Saturday (and observations he made leading up to it), Kiku spent all of Sunday as well as Monday afternoon looking over the results and researching how to best help his friend. A lot of the signs were pointing towards Lovino having Dissociative Identity Disorder. It was painful enough for him to discover and he knew it would be even more painful for him to share with the others. He packed up his bag and started walking to Ludwig's house. This was going to be a long meeting…

"Dissociative what now?" Gilbert asked, getting a little tongue-tied.

"Is it the same thing as Multiple Personality Disorder?" frowned Ludwig.

Feli could only watch on, hands clutched tightly together as Kiku explained the difference.

"Yes, they are the same. It was just renamed because MPD wasn't a fitting name for the disorder."

"So, tell us more about what you think fratello has…" Feli spoke up.

"Well, to dissociate with something means to disconnect with something that is usually associated with each other, such as one's sense of identity." Kiku began giving them an overview. "There are four different types of dissociative disorders – Dissociative Amnesia, Dissociative Fugue, Depersonalization Disorder, and Dissociative Identity Disorder."

"Ugh…you already lost me…" Gilbert complained and was promptly elbowed in the ribs by his younger brother.

"Please continue, Kiku."

"Dissociative Amnesia is when a person can't recall important information, most often something traumatic or upsetting. Dissociative Fugue is when a person suddenly travels away from home or work, yet can't recall the trip or the personality they were in during it. People with Dissociative Fugue often appear normal to others."

The albino couldn't help but think of his two best friends with those definitions. Francis always seemed to forget important things when convenient and Antonio was ten pounds of space cadet in a five pound bag. He made sure not to chuckle and upset the others; this was supposed to be a serious conversation, after all. Gilbert was pretty sure Ludwig & Co. wouldn't understand his bizarre humor that appeared to help him through serious situations. Hell, they'd probably put him next in line for a psych eval.

"Depersonalization Disorder is the reoccurring feeling of being detached from one's own body. Often, patients report feeling as if they are watching their own lives as if in a movie."

"And Dissociative Identity Disorder?" Ludwig spoke the words that Feliciano could not.

"Like the others, Dissociative Identity Disorder can be caused by a form of trauma, childhood abuse either physically or emotionally, or even neglect," Kiku stated. "The difference is that fragmented personalities appear as a response, a way of coping with the situation. They give the victim an alternate person to be."

"So, they can believe they weren't the one who suffered or endured it?"

"Right."

"But what about the real Lovi?" Feliciano's voice trembled slightly. "He came first, so he should be the one in charge, shouldn't he?"

"Unfortunately, it's difficult to determine which personality or alter becomes the dominant one. Often times, there are "triggers" that allow specific personalities to take control."

"So…we need to figure out which one triggers the real Lovino?" Gilbert scratched his head.

"That would be a start," nodded Kiku.

Gilbert bit his lip, as though deciding whether or not he wanted to ask his next question.

"Is…is he still there?"

The others fell silent.

"How do we know how many personalities there are?" the red-eyed senior went on. "We know there's more than one, but what happens to old personalities when new ones come along? Do they leave or…die off?"

Feliciano clutched his chest and tried not to let the strangled noise in his throat escape.

"Bruder!" Ludwig said sharply.

"I don't like it any more than you do, but nobody else is willing to ask the hard questions, Lud," Gilbert shot back.

"That's also difficult to say…" Kiku eyed Feliciano. "I prefer to think they all remain, but some just sleep."

He smiled as Feliciano relaxed and hoped with all his might that he was right about that. After an uneasy silence, the Italian spoke up again, voicing the thought going through everyone's mind.

"…Is there a cure?"

It broke Kiku's heart to tell him no, not an instant one. Lovino's current condition could only be treated with therapy (both silently recalled how terribly the last session went) and time. Feliciano was more worried now than he had been before the meeting began. The bad feeling in his stomach seemed to grow and grow.

"Lovi and I are brothers… Am I going to get it too?" he managed to ask.

"Of course not, Feli!" Gil interjected. "Tell him, Kiku!"

"It's highly unlikely, Feliciano-kun," the Japanese boy agreed. "Dissociative Disorders aren't genetic."

"B-But we grew up together, lost our parents together, e-everything…"

"Not everything, Feliciano…"

All of the occupants in the room turned to face Ludwig.

"It's true you both lost your parents, but he was actually with them when they died. That has to be difficult for anyone, especially a child."

"B-But the doctors said they died instantly…and Lovi always told me he couldn't remember the crash very clearly…" Feli covered his mouth. "Was…was he…lying about that?"

The others looked down. No one had an answer for that.

"I think our first step should be talking to Lovino together," Kiku suggested. "If we can figure out the cause or causes of why his sense of self became so fragmented and disconnected, we can start helping him."

The others agreed and began planning.

oOo

Tactician was thoroughly enjoying his run in the body. The other Faces were being absolutely ridiculous, turning their little fight over Alfred into a full-blown war. If he wasn't around to keep them all in line, the idiots would have probably ended up hospitalizing the body.

The strategic Face had just finished a fun morning of blackmailing a pair of jocks into giving him two tickets to the next Nets basketball game (Alfred's favorite team), convincing his old buddy Sadiq to make him a fake ID, and now borrowing Antonio's car. It had been an interesting conversation, but Tactician had been able to convince him to give him the keys in the end.

"You're not telling me everything, Lovi…" the Spaniard cast him a worried look.

"Let me put your mind at ease…" Tactician replied smoothly, pocketing the keys. "I'm never telling you everything."

Tactician was confident that in the puzzle that was Alfred's affections, he had all the pieces. He was going to swing by the library to set up a time for him to sign out a study room (that would just so happen to coincide with the Nets game), but decided he could later. He was getting hungry, and unlike some Faces inhabiting the body, he knew the importance of keeping Lovino strong and healthy. Parking the car a few blocks away from home (no point in giving his plan away this early on), he got out and walked the rest of the way.

He opened the door to his house and walked into a living room filled with his brother and friends. They all looked up at him as he entered with concerned looks on their faces. The grim aura that clung to the air was almost comical to the current Face. He couldn't remember a time he saw both Feliciano and Gilbert looking serious at the same time.

"Ve, fratello…you should sit down…"

His little pawns were moving along faster than he had anticipated.

Dammit, I knew I should have gone to the library first…

oOo

"Lovi, we all love you and want to help you, but we need your help…" Feliciano took his brother's hands in his own. "We think we know what happened, but we need you to try to tell us to be absolutely sure…"

"What are you talking about?" Tactician asked with as much innocence as he could muster…which wasn't much.

"Kiku explained it to us," Feliciano continued. "There's one main personality called your 'Self' but when you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, that Self gets divided and you dissociate with different fragments of it."

Tactician became tense. That word did not belong in his little brother's vocabulary. His eyes shot around the room analyzing the others for his next move. Kiku's knowing look and fake concern started annoying him to no end. The Face took a deep breath, lining up the next part of his plan. He closed his eyes…

The others were a little reluctant about the surprise intervention idea. Everyone remembered how poorly his last surprise birthday party went a few years back…poor Antonio still had a scar (and was lucky to still have his head). Yet, Kiku insisted that if they didn't catch Lovino off-guard, he wouldn't give them an accurate picture of what was going on and how they could help. Still, confronting someone as moody as Lovino could be potentially dangerous, so it was agreed that Feliciano would take the lead and gently explain how much they wanted to help him. All of them had been preparing for Lovino to go into a defensive or aggressive personality and prepared for the worst. Little did they know what surprise their friend had in store for them…

Tears rolled off the Italian's cheeks. He quickly wiped them away, but more replaced them.

"L-Lovi?" Feliciano sputtered, thrown for a loop.

"H-How could you say that…?" Sweet asked them.

The others were too stunned and bewildered to respond.

"I c-can't believe you would turn on me like that…Do you want to send me far away to some asylum too?" Sweet sniffed, clearly hurt by the accusation. "I don't understand how you could think such horrible things about me!"

"B-But…" Feliciano felt his initiative waver. The others felt similar pangs of guilt hit them square in the chest. "Nobody wanted to send you away!"

"I'm n-not crazy, I was just t-trying to make everyone happy…that's all I wanted!" the Face explained. "Everyone kept ignoring me, so I tried harder and harder, but it all blew up in my face…"

It was true that from Sweet's perspective he wasn't psychotic, he was just going through some issues. Sweet had believed that once they were sorted out, he'd have the happy ending he dreamed of. His reaction was honest, heartfelt, and made the others feel like absolute crap.

"I'm so sorry for trying…I didn't mean to mess everything up, but I felt so alone, fratello…It was like everyone was abandoning me!" Sweet buried his face in his hands and cried harder. "Th-That scared me so much, I didn't know what else to do…!"

Feli began crying and apologizing, hugging his brother on the couch. From his other side, Gilbert pat the Italian on the head, trying to be comforting. Ludwig remained silent and glanced at Kiku as if to say 'We've made a huge mistake.'

Kiku choked on his own words, not understanding why this was happening…he had been so sure. He almost believed they did make a mistake if not for the sudden reappearance of Tactician. When everyone else was distracted by Sweet's outburst, the sly Face glanced up at Kiku through his hands. He wore an evil smirk and a cold glint in his eyes. Kiku recognized that alter as the one he had talked to last weekend.

The one who warned him he'd never be able to beat him.

Kiku opened his mouth to protest, but Tactician vanished as quickly as he rose. Lovino's Sweet Face was back, returning Feliciano's hug and allowing Gilbert to stroke his hair. Kiku broke into a cold sweat. They were all in over their heads and he didn't know what to do to keep them all from drowning.

oOo

Matthew was an awesome brother. He was always willing to give Alfred honest answers and good advice. Every once in awhile he was a great sounding board for when Alfred had to get some things or ideas off his chest. It was that wise council that Alfred needed now.

"Hey, bro…" Alfred poked his head in his brother's room. "Mind if I talk with you for a minute?"

"Uh-oh, must be serious, eh?"

"How'd you know?"

"You never actually ask me if I mind talking to you when it's something stupid."

"Forget it, then…" Alfred grumbled, immediately taking back all the nice things he had previously thought about him.

"I'm joking, I'm joking!" Matthew laughed, even if it was true. "Come in, Al."

"Thanks…It's about Lovino…"

Matthew immediately dropped his lighthearted expression. Lovino was a friend to him, but he knew he was so much more to Alfred. Which meant that if Matthew was concerned about him, Alfred was going out of his mind with worry.

"He's been…well, different at school lately…"

"I've noticed."

"You have?"

"You're not the only one with eyes, Al," Matthew reminded him, swallowing hard. "Do you remember gym class yesterday?"

"You mean when Lovi tripped on the ground and nearly landed on the building?"

"Yes, but I…I don't think he tripped, Al."

"Then what'd he do? Fall with style?" by habit, Alfred tried to bring any kind of lightheartedness into the conversation.

"I was sitting out, so I saw him from a different angle than you. It looked…intentional."

"But why would he intentionally try to ram himself into a brick wall? He looked spooked."

"Yeah, he did," Matthew nodded. "Which is what worries me…it was really dangerous."

"His moodswings have been pretty bad lately…"

"I think this is more than just moodswings, Al…and I think you know that too."

Alfred could only look at his feet as he shifted them awkwardly.

"You came to me for a reason. Why?"

"I'm just…I'm really worried," admitted Alfred. "One minute I think I know him and the next minute he's someone else."

Matthew patted his shoulder.

"It's not like I mind that if it's his choice…I still love him no matter who he is, but…" Alfred fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Lately, he's been putting himself in danger…I don't know if I can protect him or not, and that scares me. It scares the hell out of me…"

The younger Jones offered him a small smile. His brother loved playing hero and keeping his loved ones safe. For the longest time he was able to protect everyone without any problems. Alfred was strong, optimistic, and incredibly loyal. To not be able to save someone from themselves would be a difficult situation, indeed. It must be very hard for him to love a person so much, yet feel unable to help them when they needed him most.

"What do you think it is?" Alfred asked his brother.

"I'm not really sure, but I think that he really needs you right now," Matthew answered honestly.

"You're right! I can't help him unless I'm actually there for him! I'll go see him right now!" the Hero jumped up and grabbed his jacket. "Thanks, bro!"

"Anytime," he smiled and waved his brother off, hoping he'd make it in time.

oOo

"Wait…if Feli and the others were trying to help us, I think we should let them…" Sweet spoke into the mirror in his bedroom. He was very conflicted about the intervention his friends tried to hold for him. Thunder crashed outside, causing him to jump and let another take over.

"And let them ruin everything?" Tactician scoffed. "Please. Why do you think I had you throw them off our trail?"

"Y-You used me…?" the kinder Face asked, horrified. "I was just trying to help! I was being honest with them!"

"'Used' is such an ugly word, don't you think?" Tactician mused. "I much prefer 'encouraged' or 'convinced.'"

"More like 'manipulated…'" Charisma rolled his eyes.

"No kidding…" agreed Charmer, brushing the bangs out of his eyes.

"That was cruel, Tactician…" Shy spoke up. "He trusted you to do what was best for all of us…"

"I'd say ignorance is bliss, but you all have a better handle on that than I do," Tactician responded calmly.

"Who the hell do you think you are?" snarled Tsundere. "You're no better than the rest of us!"

"He already knows," Adult said knowingly. "And it's tearing him apart…"

This seemed to strike a chord in the tyrant.

"Well, look at that, the bastard finally shut up!" Fighter roared victoriously. "About damned time, too!"

Tactician had nothing to say to that, but he resumed control nonetheless. Confident the others were distracted for the moment, he picked up a small bag. He had packed it himself while the lights were out, so that none of the other Faces knew what was inside. Shifting the bag over his shoulder, Tactician opened the window, letting the storm into their room.

"Where are you going?" Sweet asked, afraid of the answer.

"I'm going to do what's best for all of us…"

The other Faces screams and shouts were cut off by Tactician's firm hold on Lovino's psyche. He wouldn't lose to them. He wouldn't lose to anyone. He was the true Lovino Vargas and he wouldn't let the others get away with destroying everything he'd worked so hard for.

In the very end, Tactician realized what he'd known all along, but was never able to admit…He lost the battle.

oOo

When Alfred arrived at the Vargas house, it was Feliciano who answered the door.

"H-Hi, Feli!" Alfred greeted him, a little out of breath.

"Alfred? Is everything alright?"

"I hope so," the American forced a laugh. "Is Lovino around? I really need to talk to him…"

"Oh! Uh, yes, I think he's in his room…" Feliciano invited the blonde in. "You make yourself comfortable, I'll go get him."

Alfred took a seat at the kitchen table, but doubted he would be able to make himself comfortable until he saw Lovino. The bitter feeling eating at his insides was only intensifying.

After a few moments, Feliciano ran downstairs, clearly distressed.

"H-He's not here!"

The words hit Alfred like a snowball packed with ice shards and stung for a long time after. Feliciano continued running around the house shouting his brother's name, while Alfred pulled out his phone. He quickly pulled up Lovino's contact data, hitting 'Call' as if his life depended on it.

No answer.

His throat went dry. Alfred tried again. No answer. As his fingers began shaking, Alfred tried again.

In a brief moment of clarity, Tactician answered the phone.

"A-Alfred…?"

"Lovino!" Alfred exclaimed, then tried to calm his voice. "I really need to see you, it's important. Where are you, Lovino?"

"Y-You called me Lovino…" Tactician smiled, tilting his head back into the stormy sky. The rain covered the few tears that escaped him. "Ha, ha…You called me…Lovino…"

"Lovino! Wait!" Alfred couldn't hide the desperation slipping into his voice. He wasn't getting through to him. "Please! I need you to tell me where you are!"

He didn't hear another word. Tactician allowed the phone to slip from his fingers to the ground.

"You called me…Lovino…"

oOo

Stop it! Please, stop!

You fucking idiot! Don't do this!

You can't!

The other Faces called out futilely from within Lovino's mind. Tactician ignored them all and walked closer to the edge of the wooden bridge leading to the park. On a normal day, the weather would be calm and the river below would be serene. Today, the wind was cutting at his skin and the river was raging beneath his feet.

"How fitting…" he mumbled.

He wanted Alfred's eyes to be only on him, no one else. It was a difficult choice, but Tactician believed ending the body's life was the only way to prevent the others from beating him. Even death would be less painful that watching Alfred choose another. He couldn't handle that, he just couldn't.

Please! I'm begging you! Don't do this!

This won't solve anything and you know it!

Stop it! Just stop it! I don't want to die!

Tactician bound his legs together and added a heavy rock to weigh himself down. That way, even if another Face pushed itself forward, they couldn't stop the inevitable. As if on cue, the others desperately tried to take control, but they failed. The current Face had already analyzed them. He knew their tricks. He prevented Fighter's forceful charge, Charisma's words, Adult's threats, Sweet's pleas, and even Shy's technique of using his own inconspicuousness against others. None could sneak past him. Tactician took a shaky breath and wiped his eyes.

"My plan is perfect…My plans are always…perfect…"

Wait! I'm scared! Please—!

Stop—!

No, don't do it—!

Tactician spread his arms and allowed himself to fall into the frozen river below.

The water stung like a thousand daggers made of ice, but Tactician was beyond feeling pain…he was beyond feeling anything. As he began to sink, he and the other Faces began to lose consciousness.

The last thing they saw was a blonde angel heading towards them.

oOo

A/N

There's your obligatory America Talks to Canada and Shit Gets Figured Out scene. It feels like I always have one of those in every fic I write with Canada showing up ^^; They just seem to pop up every time the plot needs to get moved along…Oh, Canada.

One chapter left! Is the blonde angel real or a life-fading vision? How will it end?! Actually, I already know, I just got a little excited there.

Seeya next time for the final chapter of Ten-Faced, which unlike the last two chapters, will NOT end on a cliffhanger!

-Rajikka

Translations:

Grazie – Thanks (It.)

Tsundere – A tsundere is a type of character seen in anime or manga known for appearing cold or hostile, but having a hidden sweet side. "Tsun Tsun" is the aloof or irritable side, while "Dere Dere" is the lovey dovey side. (Jp.)

Fratello – Brother (It.)