Explanation/Disclaimer: "I I love love double double chex chex, better better then then the the rest rest..."


Pokemon Quickie #17: If its jug band music or rhythm and blues...


We open to a large screen, the kind you do a slide show on. Ash, Misty and Brock walk in front of it...


Ash: "Last time... on pokemon quickies..."


(Freeze image of Ash Brock and Misty in Dumbledore's office appear on the screen behind them)

Misty: "After Ash tried fixing a pokemon transport system, it malfunctioned and sent up all here to another world, inside a wizard school called Hogwarts."

(Freeze image of Draco Malfoy appears)


Ash: Pleasant looking fellow, isn't he? To be honest, the kid's a dick..."

Misty: "ASH!"

Ash: "...tator... dictator..."

Misty: "Nice try..."

Ash: "I do what I can... anyway, after picking a fight with us, which we were winning, we got caught. Apparently fighting on school property is a felony worthy of detention. And something tells me detention in a wizard school isn't going to be writing lines."

(Freeze image of Ash and Misty hugging appears)

Brock: "And if you look here, you see what someone can catch behind the scenes if that someone had a spy camera."

Ash/Misty: "BROCK!!!"

Ash: "Oh, you want to start huh, ok... its on..."

(Freeze Image of Brock getting slapped by Nurse Joy appears)

Ash: "A very common image around here."

Brock: "Oh yeah?"

(Freeze Image of Ash wearing a tutu and strangling a fish appears)

Brock: "Nice look Ash..."

Ash: "HEY!!! You're taking that out of context!!"

Misty: "Alright guys, lets get on with the show before this gets out of control..."

(Freeze Image of Misty buying a training bra)


Misty: "WHAT THE HELL???"

Ash and Brock laugh uncontrollably, "You're DEAD!" Misty yelled as she chases the boys off screen.


The image stays on screen for a few moments longer before Ash comes running back, and says, "And now, the exciting conclusion..."

***BACK AT HOGWARTS***


We join our favorite trio walking down a corridor, coming back from the nurse's office, "Detention!" Misty complained, "I cant believe we got detention! I've never had detention before!"

"How could you have detention, we never go to school..." Ash asks.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" Misty asked, "We're raising a civilization of morons..."

"Actually," Brock says, "I blame reality TV for the whole civilization of morons..."

"I just wish I knew what detention at a wizard school entails..." Misty said.


"Hey, its not so bad!" Ash said, "At least we're allowed to eat dinner first!"


"I wonder what wizards eat?" Misty asked as the three of them headed into the dinning hall.


"Woah!" Brock cried out after seeing the vast tables filled with students, and over flowing with all kinds of foods imaginable, "Apparently wizards eat everything!"

"YES!" Ash declared, "Look at all this food!!! This is MY kind of school!"


"Let me guess..." Brock said, "That would be the school of hard knockwurts."

Ash grinned and replied, "Yeah, I'd definitely want to ketchup on my studies here!"

"But could you cut the mustard?" Brock asked.


"I just don't think I have the bread to afford this place." Ash said.


"Well, don't squash your hopes of going here, maybe you could get a loan," Brock said, "You know the kind that you get to buy a crappy car... you know, lemon-aide."


"Yeah, I'd relish that!" Ash laughed.


"Ok... that's enough." Misty said in a pleading voice.


"Ok ok..." Ash agreed, "Lettuce go find a place to sit."

Misty: "Grrrr...."


"Hey!" Someone cried over, "Why don't you sit over here?"


Ash, Misty and Brock headed over to the voice, who happened to be sitting at the Gryffindor table. "Hi!" the boy said, "You must be the special kids, my name's Neville."

"You know..." Ash said, "I think I'd prefer being called the visiting kids, instead of the special kids... save that title for Duddits, ok?"

Misty elbowed Ash in the ribs.


"Well, please," Neville said, "Take a seat."

Ash didn't need to be asked again before he sat down and started helping himself to some food. "Here, try this!" Neville said pointing to a dish.

Ash took a taste, "Mmmm... pretty good... what is it?"

"Oh, typical wizard cuisine, Bat Wing pudding with newt eye gravy." A larger boy who was sitting across the table said.


"BLEH!!!" Ash cried spitting out the food.

The boy doubled over laughing and said, "Sorry mate, just a little wizard school humor! My name's George, and this here is Fred."

Brock looked across the table, and shook both their hands said, "Nice to meet you two... I guess you two are twins?"

Fred and George shot a look at one another, "Of course not, it was a spell that went horribly wrong... and by shaking my hand, you've contracted the disease."

"What?" Brock said startled.


George: "Don't be afraid... its fun... be one of us..."

Fred: "Yes... one of us."


Then the two broke off into a fit of laughter, Neville said, "Ok, come on, stop teasing the muggles."

Ash still poking at the food from before took another bite, "No really? What is this stuff?"

"Relax" Neville said, "Its a normal English dish, nothing gross or weird ok?"

"Whew." Ash said


"In fact, its my favorite, its good here, but no body makes brain and kidney pie with blood pudding like my grandma!" Neville said proudly.


Ash looked at the dish disgusted for a moment, then shrugged and said, "Fbleep it..." And started eating it again.


"Hey!" said a voice coming up from behind them, the trio turned around to see another Gryffindor boy, "You three must be the new kids from another world."

"That's us!" Ash said getting used to this, "Where no wizard has gone before."

"Cool!, my name is Cedric Diggory, its very nice to meet you," he said putting out his hand.


Ash looked at his hand, then looked at the grim reaper that was standing behind him, it whispered, "tick... tock..."

"Ummm..." Ash said, "You know what? I think I'd rather not get attached, ok?"

Diggory frowned and said, "My doctor says its nothing..."

"Sure..." Ash said.


Misty looked around, "Well, since we seem to be meeting the entire cast, is there anyone else we should meet?"

"Well," Neville said, "There's Dobby..."

And in walked the small creature that disproves the anime theory of, "if it has big eyes, its cute.". "Hi.." Dobby started to say before Ash hurled a pokeball at it catching the house elf. "Got you!" Ash declared, and made the V for victory finger gesture.


"Ash... did that look like a pokemon to you?" Misty asked sternly.

"Yes..." Ash answered.

Misty thought about that for a minute and said, "Alright, fair enough, but they obviously don't have pokemon here, so let it out."

"Fine..." Ash pouted and let out Dobby who ran from the room screaming.


"Anyone else to meet?" Ash asked.


"Well, there's Cho..." Neville said.

And to meet them next came in a very pretty young lady. "Konichawa." Ash said mispronouncing it, bowing slightly.


"Ummm..." She said a little nervous, "...super..."


Brock immediately rose. Then he quickly got up on his feet. "Hello there!" he gushed, "My name is Brock, and let me say that you really are a witch because you've bewitched my heart!"

Cho backed away slightly, Brock continued, "And, from what i can see you, you're developing rather nicely! (Brock thumb gestures to Misty) not like Flatty McGee over here..."

Misty's face turns red with anger as she clasps the spoon she was holding in rage.

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE NURSES OFFICE...


The nurse made a tsk'ing noise and said, "Well, I can heal you, but i don't know how you got a spoon lodged up there to begin with..."

Brock gritted his teeth and said, "Just... remove... it..." Then turned to the camera and said, "GET OUT OF HERE!!!"

***SCENE CHANGE AHEAD TO THE DETENTION...


"So, all healed up?" Ash asked Brock as he joined them outside the greenhouse.

"Jeez, we have to get Misty some anger management." Brock said annoyed.


"Or you some tact." Ash said in a sotto voice.


"What are you talking about?" Brock said annoyed, "I have tons of tact!"

Madam Sprout came out of the greenhouse and said, "Hello, Ash... Misty and Brock? I believe those are your names..., I'll be..."

"THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!" Brock said rushing over to her, "Its no surprise that your a gardener because you've made the love in my heart bloom! Also you've made my little weed grow into a stiff branch!"

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE HOSPITAL WING...


Well, you get the joke, don't you? Let;s move on, shall we?


***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE GREENHOUSE...


"Well, it looks like Mr. Brock wont be joining you two for detention..." Sprout said.


"That hardly seems fair," Ash said, "And what about those jerks we fought with? How come they're not here?"

"Professor Snape will be dealing with their detention." Professor Sprout explained.

"Oh... him..." Ash said.

"Do you have a problem with the professor?" Sprout asked.


"I feel the same way about him as I do about Steve Urkel." Ash explained.

"Let's not say stuff that we cant take back, ok?" Sprout suggested, "Well, I'm guessing that you three didn't start the fight, so I decided to be lenient on you. See this flower?"


Sprout showed them a picture of a flower that was a lot like a red tulip with teeth. "This is known as the popped cherry blossom." Sprout explained.


"Oh... that's classy." Misty said sarcastically.


"Good thing Brock's in the hospital, or he'd have something to say..." Ash said.


"I'm sure Brock doesn't think its such a good thing, did you know those things could swell like that?"


"No, thank god..." Ash said.


"Anyway," Sprout said, "Your detention is this... just go find this plant growing on the grounds, and pick it, and bring it back to me."

"That's it?" Ash asked.


"Yep," Sprout said, "And an added bonus, that flower is the final ingredient to the potion to send you back! So the sooner as you find it, the sooner you go home."


"WOOHOO!" Ash said a'la homer simpson.


"But its dark out and we might have trouble finding it." Misty said.

"Well, it wouldn't be detention if it wasn't difficult." Sprout explained.


"D'oh!" Ash exclaimed, then said, "No, wait! I have an idea! Noctowl!"

Ash called out his owl pokemon, and said, "Hey Noctowl, I have a favor to ask you. Do you see that flower? Can you find it?"

The pokemon nodded and took off in flight. "Come Misty!" Ash said, "The game's a foot!"

Ash took off running, and Misty ran after him saying, "Why would the game be about feet?"

"I guess its horseshoes?" Ash said.


"Why do I ask?" Misty said


"Hey look!" Ash said, "Noctowl found something!"

The duo ran up the pokemon, sitting right next to the flower. "Hey!" Ash said, "We found the popped cherry blossom!"

"Don't call it that..." Misty said, "That's just wrong."

"But that's its name."

"Just... stop, ok?" Misty said, "And lets wrap this story up ok?"

"Oh ok..." Ash said picking the flower, "Lets head back..."

"Sssssssssss..." came a soft noise from around their feet.


"Ash? Did you hear that?" Misty asked.


"Yeah, sounds like a gas leak?" Ash says.


"No... sounds more like radiator." Misty said


"Hmm, could be a balloon losing air." Ash said


"Or a cat hissing?" Misty suggested


Suddenly a giant snake appeared before them, "Excuse me... but it was a snake... hissing."

"Woah, cool!" Ash said, "An Arbok!"

"I am NOT an Arbok," The snake said, "I am the ultimate evil!"

"Hamtaro?" Ash asked.


"Ok, ok... maybe not the ULTIMATE evil... but I am pretty bad... I am lord Voldemort!" it explained.


The snake 'stood' proudly in front of them. Ash and Misty exchanged a glance and finally Misty said, "well... its very nice to meet you."

And two teens started to walk away, "So, who do you think that was?" Ash asked.


Misty shrugged and said, "I dunno, he must be the gardener or something."

Voldemort quickly slithered ahead of them blocking their path, "Excuse me, but I don't think you know who I am."

"Sure we do," Ash said, "You're the gardener, and your doing a good job..."

"I AM NOT THE GARDENER!" Voldemort yelled, "I am a POWERFUL Dark wizard!"

"Like guy with the funky eye on Jackie Chan Adventures?" Ash asked.


"Well... for all sakes and purposes, yes... but much more powerful!" Voldemort said.


"That was a silly mistake," Misty said, "You couldn't be the gardener, you don't have any hands..."

"Well," Ash said, "At any rate, it was nice meeting you, but we really have to get going, see ya!"

And the two teens start walking away again, but once again, Voldemort cut them off. "Is there a problem here?" Ash asked.

"Yeah see..." Voldemort said, "You see, I'm a dark wizard."

"We know that." Misty said


Voldemort: "A bad guy."

Misty: "Yep..."

Voldemort: "I have to kill you two."

"Ohhhhhhh..." Misty said, "In that case..."

Misty quickly pulled out her pokeball containing her Poliwhirl, and had it open fire with its water gun. The powerful attack slammed into the snake's face, but didn't drive it back one bit.

But Voldemort howled in pain and collapsed to the ground, it cried in pain, "Auuuuugghhhh, how... how did you know that water was my only weakness?"

Misty looked surprised, "It is?"

Voldemort then stopped yelling and slithered back up in an upright position completely unfazed and said, "Nope. Duh."

Ash laughed and pointed at Misty, "Ooh! Burned!"


"Ash!" Misty scolded, "This is very serious!"

"Yeah..." Ash said, "We're out of "to be continued"'s. So we either have to think of something to do, or die!"

The snake lunged at Ash and knocked him to the ground. Ash put his hands up trying to keep the mouth away from him.

"Hmm... looks like we're going to die... now see, I wouldn't have thought it would have ended this way..." Ash said.


Suddenly Voldemort got blasted off him by something long and hard. (dirty dirty minds.) "Nice job Onix!" Brock said to his giant rock snake. "Now, send it flying with a tail whip!"

With a quick swipe of its tail the pokemon sent Voldemort flying off into the forest. "Nice job!" Misty said, "I'm sorry I spooned you before!"

"Really?" Brock asked.


Misty thought about it, "No... no... you had it coming."

"Man Brock!" Ash said getting up, "I thought we were goners! Who would have thought to beat a magician you had to use brute force?"

"Well most magicians are weak wimps... look at David Copperfield." Brock said, "Actually I was going to say, look at Sigfreid and Roy, seeing that, well, you know... they're poofters..., but seeing as what happened during that accident, it seemed bad taste."

"Speaking of bad taste..." Ash started to joke, but Misty slapped him before he could finish.


"Don't!" she warned, "Let's just head to the castle and end this on a high note."

***BACK IN THE CASTLE...


"ASH!!!" Misty yelled, "What are you doing?"

Ash was straddled on top of Draco, Draco's face completely bruised and beaten, Ash's fists all bruised and bloody, "What? You said end this on a high note... I'm kicking his ass! Isn't that what the fans want to see?"

"Well... yes..." Misty said, "That just doesn't seem right..."

"Well... come on!" Ash said, "When are we going to be back here? What does it matter?"

Misty thought about that for a moment, then rushed up and drop kicked Professor Snape who happened to be coming around the corner.

She then starts dropping elbows on the professor. Misty then rushes over and grabs an ax from a piece of armor and lifted it up over her head. Brock took the ax from her. Misty looked at the older teen and asked, "Too far?"

Brock nodded, "Too far."

"Ok," Ash said after stripping Draco and hanging from the chandelier by his underwear, "I'm done here."

Misty looked up, "You do good work... how'd you get him up there?"

"Trade secret." Ash said, "Lets get out of here before they press charges."

***SCENE CHANGE TO DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE



"Excellent!" Dumbledore said, motioning to a large bubbling smoking cauldron, "Drop that flower in the pot."

"Hey," Brock asked, "Pretty flower, kinda an odd smell though, what kind is it?"

"Its a..."

"STOP." Misty scolded, "No more... just put the fbleeping flower in the fbleeping pot, and lets get out of here.

"Jesus Misty, just because you raise water pokemon doesn't mean you have to talk like a sailor," Ash said and dropped the flower in... and POOF!!!

...


...


nothing happened.


"Hey!" Ash said, "We're still here!"

"Well of course!" Dumbledore said, "First, I have to pour this potion on each of you."

And with that he dumped the entire pot on top of the trio's head. "AUGHHH," Ash screams while rolling on the floor, "It burnsss it burnsss!!!"

"Ash..." Misty said, "It's ice cold, the steam was just for show."

Ash stopped rolling then realized she was right, "oh..."

"Now..." Dumbledore said, "I have to chant the magic spell..."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and in a loud voice he chanted...

"Nah nah nah nahhhh...

nah nah nah nahhhhhh

hey hey hey...

goodbyeeeee...."


Ash Misty and Brock start disappearing. Ash's parting words to this world was, "The stink bombs I stuffed into Draco should be bursting now..."

"Well..." Dumbledore said, "This ending stinks..."

***IRIS OUT ON DUMBLEDORE'S WINKING FACE....


THE END


"WOOHOO!" Ash declared, "That's a WRAP!!!"

"The longest quickie ever!" Misty said, "Three parts! I cant believe we did this!"

"Neither can I!" Brock said, "I cant believe we did the "spoon" joke..."

"I cant believe we did the "flower" joke." Ash said.


"I cant believe BROCK got the save on us over Lord Voldemort!" Misty said.


"Hey!" Brock said, "Why shouldn't I get the save? I'm the oldest!"

"Yeah yeah..." Ash said, "Come on, lets get out of here, Chug-a-Freezes on me, ok?"

"Woohoo!" Misty said, with Brock agreeing, "Sounds good!"


"Alright!" Dumbledore said.


"Hey," Ash said, "Who invited you?"

"Come on..." Dumbledore said, "I'll teach you how to levitate things."

"Sweet," Brock said, "Come on then, it's miniskirt seasons coming soon!"

Misty rolled her eyes, "Hey Ash... whatever happened to Pikachu?"

"Hmmm..." Ash said, "That's a very good question, we never did explain that did we? Oh well..."

And everyone left...


***MEANWHILE...


Pikachu is trapped on a giant spider web as a spider inches closer, its fangs leaking poison. Pikachu squeaked, "Pikaaaa, pikaaa" (help meeee, help meeeeeeeee!!!) "Pikachu pika chu... (Ah... fbleep it...)

And pikachu blasts the spider off the web with a large thuderbolt and screamed, "Pikachu pika pika!!!" (You like that bitch? This is MY house!!!)


And on that note... that leads us to...


THE REAL END!!!



Alright, as Ash put it so perfectly, that's a wrap! I hope everyone enjoyed this little trip to Hogswarts, I had no idea when I started this that the story would go on this long, initially I had it planned to about 7 pages, a little longer then a normal quickie, but it just kept growing. I hope everyone liked it, and I hope everyone checked out the sister story, "Pokemon Quickies on the Road" in the Harry Potter section, where Harry Ron and Hermione visited Kanto. Pretty good stuff, and its done.


Thank you for reading this! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Now, I have a wedding this weekend, so I will be gone from home all weekend. A big congratulations to my cousin Teresa, may the years to come be very happy, healthy, and prosperous! *Throws rice* So, it'd be really cool if I came back on Sunday, and had a bunch of new reviews to read.... (hint hint hint) hehe, ok, I'm done hinting... for now... Again, thank you for reading this, and take care and have a great weekend!