Pokemon Quickies Chapter 18: Quickie 18: Riddle me this Riddle me that, a pokémon fanfic

Explanation/Disclaimer: When is a raven like a writing desk?

Quickie 18: Riddle me this... Riddle me that...

"Cool," Brock said reading the script, "Today it looks like we're going to do a few riddles."

"Neat!" Misty said, "I love riddles, does that mean we'll be skipping the immature humor?"

"WOOHOO!" Ash cries out, as he slides past on his stomach, calling out, "They forgot to hide the Vaseline this time!!!"

Brock shakes his head, "I keep telling him, that's not what it means to use Vaseline for pleasure..."

Misty sighed, "I guess we'll be keeping the humor... but at least the riddles are real."

"Yep!" Brock said, "Let's get started," And then took a step, slipped on the slippery trail left by Ash and did a pratfall onto his back.

"Weeeee!" Ash cries out as he slides past another time.

"Oh geez..." Misty sighs, "Can we just get this started?"

***RIDDLE #1

Team Rocket drags Ash forcefully into the dungeon and throws him into a cell. Ash grunts and quickly gets to his feet, and races to the door, but the henchmen are able to shut the door before he can get there. Ash pounds on the door, "Let me out!!! Let me OUT!!!"

"Take it easy kid," one of the TR grunts said, "We'll let you out as soon as Professor Oak pays the ransom."

And with that the guards walk away leaving Ash all alone. "Damnit." Ash cursed, "I'm the hero of this story, how the hell did I lose?"

Ash thinks back to the battle, where he made his tragic flaw. But he learned a hard lesson of life. Don't moon your opponent before the match, wait until after the match to drop those trousers.

"I cant believe Team Rocket caught me with my pants down..." Ash complained.

Ash looked around, "And if Brock was here I'm sure he'd say something like I made an Ass of myself... BUTT, he's not here right now, so this isn't time time for jokes... I should see if there's a rear exit here..."

Ash checked the entire 10 foot by 10 foot cell. The door was stainless steel, and locked tight. Ash looked up. About 8 feet up there was a small window, and it was opened. "I'm glad they gave me a room with a view..." Ash muttered, "If these walls weren't so smooth I might be able to get out through there."

"I wish I had my pokemon with me..., ,"Ash said, that was when Ash realized the second mistake he made during his fight, "Next time I take on Team Rocket, I'll have to remember whether or not I have my pokemon with me."

Ash knelt down and felt the ground. It wasn't metal like the rest of the room, it was a damp soil. "Hey!" Ash said, "I bet I could dig out of here!"

Ash started digging, but only got about one foot deep before he came across a metal floor. "Shbleep!" Ash swore, "I thought I had something there..."

Ash backed up and thought for a moment, "There HAS to be a way out of here... I mean... what would Aquaman do in a situation like this?"

***Ash imagines Aquaman in his position...

Aquaman looks around the room, looks up at the window, tries to leap to it to no avail. He goes over and tries the door, but cant get it open. "I shall use my power of telethapy over sea creatures to help me..." Aquaman closes his eyes and calls his fishy friends... but nothing happens because they aren't anywhere near water. "Well... this is a useful power..." Aquaman complains.

Aquaman walks around the room surveying his situation, then says, "Well, I'm fbleeped" then pops a cyanide capsule and dies.

***BACK TO RIDDLE...

"NOOOOOOO!" Ash screams and sinks to his knees, "He had so much to live for!!! He left behind a wife and two tons of caviar that he had to fertilize!"

Ash got up and said, "Well that's not going to happen to me! I'm getting out of here! I'm going to live! I'm going to fertilize that caviar! ...but how do I get out of here?"

Suddenly Ash got a brilliant idea. "EUREKA!!!" Ash declared.

ASH KNOWS HOW TO ESCAPE... DO YOU???

(think about the problem for a minute, despite all the jokes, this is a solvable riddle... then scroll down to get the answer and to continue the Quickie...)

...

...

...

...

THE ANSWER:

Ash drops down to his knees and starts digging as fast as he can. He piles up all the dirt he digs into a large pile near the window. After digging up enough dirt, Ash uses to dirt pile to climb up to the window, which he goes through to safety...

Ash calls up Professor Oak, "Professor!" Ash says, "I escaped! Don't go through with the ransom!"

"Oh thank goodness your safe!" Professor Oak said, "I was just about to transport them this ratatta in exchange for you're release."

"A ratatta?" Ash said annoyed, "A RATATTA??? You've got to be kidding me, all they wanted was the weakest and most readily available pokemon in the world?"

"That's all they figured they could get for you..." Oak explained.

"Ouch..." Ash said, rubbing his arm, "Right in the feel bads..., before I take any more ego damage, let's move on to the next riddle, ok?"

***RIDDLE #2

Misty walked around the woods, "Psyduck?" she called out, "Psyduck? Where are you?" Misty leaned against the tree, and groaned, "That daffy duck... where has it gotten to now?"

Misty shook her said and said, "If Ash was around he'd probably make a joke about Daffy Duck..., he's so despicable at times..." Then she giggled at her own joke.

"Hey!" Misty said, "There's a campfire over there, maybe whoever is there will have seen Psyduck."

Misty went down the hill to where the fire was, and to her surprise, there was Psyduck! Just sitting there on a rock by the fire. "Oh Psyduck!" Misty gushed, "Thank goodness I found you! Now lets get you back into your pokeball..."

"JUST A MINUTE YOUNG LADY!!!" Cried out a voice.

Misty startled dropped her ball. "Who said that?" Misty asked.

"I did!" said an elderly man as he came out from the bushes, "And that there is my pokemon... you cant take it."

"Excuse me" Misty said, "But that Psyduck belongs to me."

"How do you know that is your Psyduck?" The man said.

Misty picked up the duck and showed the man it's butt, "See? I wrote my name on it!"

Sure enough, "Misty" was written on the duck's behind. "Well... how do I know that YOU'RE Misty?"

Misty reached into her backpack and took out her ID, "See?"

The man reads the ID and said, "That could be fake..."

"Its NOT fake!" Misty said, "Now give me my duck."

"I will not," The man protested, "Because its not yours."

Misty: "Then why is my name on it?"

Man: "Because I wrote it there."

Misty: (getting annoyed) "Well why would you write my name on it?"

"Because its happens to be my name too!" The man protested.

Misty: "You're name is a Misty?"

Man: "Yes."

"Why would you have a female's name?" Misty asked

"Because I AM a female." the obviously male man said.

Misty sweatdropped, "If you're female then please explain why you have a long white mustache."

"Its a milk mustache." The man explained.

"It is NOT!!!" Misty screamed, "Its thick as a bush and over a foot long!!"

"I like my milk." the man explained.

Misty shook her head in frustration, this is getting me no where..., "Listen..." Misty said, "Are you acting stupid just so you wont have to give me my pokemon back... or are you just senile?"

"You know..." The man said, "I'm really not sure anymore."

Misty just stared at the man, and reached for her mallet. The man saw this and said, "Wait wait wait..., maybe we can settle this in a less violent fashion... if you can guess my name, you can have your pokemon back..."

"Your name?" Misty said, "And how would I guess that?"

"Well, you're the owner of a psychic pokemon, you should have above average intelligence... I'll give you a clue, and if you guess correctly, the pokemon is yours."

Misty rolled her eyes, and thought to herself, "It cant hurt... even if I get it wrong, he's old, I could beat him up and still take Psyduck back..." Then she said out loud, "Alright, let me hear your hint."

The man cleared his throat and said...

"I am a trainer,

That has earned great fame

Everyone knows there isn't

A pokemon I cant tame.

Allen is my first name,

What is my last name."

The man looked into Misty's blue eyes and said, "My name is hidden in that little poem... so please... tell me my full name."

Misty stared at the man for a second, then a light bulb went off. But that light bulb went off like a block away, in a little house owned by the Jones..., and don't worry, they had a replacement... but more importantly, Misty figured out what the man's name was!

MISTY KNOWS THE MAN'S FULL NAME... DO YOU??? (scroll down to get the answer...)

...

THE ANSWER:

Misty pointed at the man and said, "You're name is Allen What. The last line of your poem ended with a period, not a question mark! It was a statement, not a question."

The man smiled, nodded, and said, "Correct."

"Yee-Ha!" Misty said, "Go me... Go me..., now I'll be taking my Psyduck if you don't mind..."

Allen pouted, "Oh fine... take it."

"Thanks." Misty said calling back Psyduck into it's ball, "I'm surprised you gave up so easily."

"Well," The Man said, "A deal's a deal..." And in a puff a smoke he disappeared.

"Wow..." Misty said, "Cool trick..., I'm just glad he gave me back Psyduck without a fight."

The man's voice echoed seemingly from nowhere and everywhere at once, "Like I said, I had to... a deal's a deal, and you showed great wisdom in figuring out my name, that pokemon is in great hands..."

Misty smiled happily, and thought to herself, "I guess he was a wise old sensi... truly honorable." Then the Man continued, "Plus... I took your wallet while you weren't looking... I'm going to get Liquored up tonight!"

"WHAT???" Misty yelled, checking for her wallet, "Damnit! This sucks... let's just move on to the next one... ok?"

RIDDLE #3

Brock comes racing across the landscape at top speed, he mutters to himself, "I can't believe I'm late for this pokemon battle!!! Why, oh why, did they have to play an all night Striperella marathon last night?"

Brock raced as fast as he could, and just barely came to a screeching halt as he came up to a rickety bridge. Brock took out his handbook, "According to this, all I have to do is cross this bridge and I'll be at the tournament, with just about 5 minutes to spare before I get disqualified from my match."

Brock was about to take a step onto a bridge when he heard a loud voice yell, "WAIT!"

Brock stopped dead and turned on his heels, to see an old man standing there. In a rickety voice he said, "What do you think you're doing lad?"

"Lad?" Brock questioned, then shook his head and said, "I'm going to cross this bridge so I can get to the tournament. Now if you'll excuse me..."

"STOP!" The old man commanded.

Brock sighed, "I'm in a hurry, what do you want?"

"How much do you weigh?" The man asked.

"148 pounds." Brock explained.

"And I see you have three pokeballs with you." The man said, "And if I recall correctly, each pokeball weighs one pound."

"Hey, wait a second..." Brock said, "You're the guy from the last riddle aren't you? Allen, right?"

"That's not important now..." Allen said, "You're in grave danger..."

"You took my friend's wallet, didn't you?" Brock asked.

"Excuse me, this isn't about me..." Allen said, "This is about you, and the tournament."

Brock rolled his eyes, "Well then, let me go..., then I'll come back, and beat you up and get my friend's wallet back."

Brock started to walk away, and Allen yelled, "Would you STOP ALREADY?"

Brock turned back to the old man and Allen continued, "See... you weigh 148 pounds, your three pokeballs weigh one pound each. However... that bridge will not support any more then exactly 150 pounds, or it will collapse and you'll fall to you're death in the pit of endless flames."

Brock looked at the bridge and said, "You think there'd be a warning up or something."

"Or you'd think they'd pick a safer area to hold this tournament." Allen said.

"Well," Brock said looking at his watch, "I don't have time to make two trips..."

"What if you let your pokemon out?" Allen asked.

"I only brought three Onix with me..." Brock explained, "And they weigh over 200 pounds each."

"Well, that sucks." Allen said.

"Thanks for the help." Brock said, gazing across the bridge, "Too far to throw them... and too risky anyway... and much to far to try to call the pokemon back into the ball from the other side... damn, I'm screwed."

"Oh...," Allen said, "There IS a way to do this... and I know the way."

"Really!" Brock said happily, "What is it?"

Allen stuck out his palm and made a coughing noise.

Brock sighed and handed him his wallet. "Alright then, what's the answer."

"The answer is very simple, all you have to do is..." Allen started to say then finished it off with a "BLAH!!!" And threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared. Brock stared in shock then yelled, "You old son of a bitch! If I get my hands on you I'll stuff dog food down your throat and stick starving pitbulls up your butt!!!" (Thank you Moe Sizlack)

"Oh man" Brock said, "I need to figure this out right away! Hey wait a sec! I think I got it!!!"

BROCK KNOWS THE WAY TO CROSS... DO YOU? (Scroll down for the answer)

...

THE ANSWER:

Brock looked at his three balls, (no jokes please) and said, "I could JUGGLE! That way there'd always be one ball in the air and I'd only weight 150 pound! That's terrific... but... I don't know how to juggle..."

Brock looked across the bridge and swore, "Well... this certainly sucks... I figured out the riddle, and I still get screwed, well, lets just move to the next one... ok?"

RIDDLE #4

"Alright you three," Officer Jenny said, "You three have finally been caught."

"Oh no!" James said as the handcuffs got clipped to his wrists, "Jessie! What are we going to do?"

"Oh stop crying," Jessie said also being cuffed.

"Yeah!" Meowth said, "Its not a big deal, we'll..." Meowth was cut off as the officers put a muffle on him.

"Thanks..." Jessie said, "When we get free, could we borrow that?"

"You wont be getting free!" Officer Jenny scolded, "We're putting you away for good!"

James wailed, and Jessie snapped, "Oh stop it James, they don't have anything concrete on us, what's the WORST they could do to us?"

***10 minutes later...

"Umm... Jessie..." James said worried.

The reason why he was worried was because he had a noose tied around his neck. In fact all three of them had nooses around their necks. Also, next to each of them was a big executioner, each holding a large ax.

"Well," Meowth said, (now ungagged), "This is what I'd call over kill..."

"Dead right..." James agreed.

"HEY!!!" Jessie yelled to Officer Jenny, "What's the big deal, we haven't had a trial yet!!!"

Officer Jenny... sorry, make that JUDGE Jenny said, "This IS your trial. I am your judge jury and executioner..."

"Like that Sylvester Stallone movie?" Meowth asked.

"Yes, but with better acting..." Judge Jenny said, "Now then... let me explain..., you've committed horrible crimes on the pokemon community, and just being overall nasty villains. Because of your many crimes, there seems to be some dispute about how to deal with you three. Most of the people want you hanged. Hence the ropes."

"Are these ropes 100% cotton?" James asked

"Why yes, they are." Judge Jenny answered

"Comfy..." James said.

"We aim to please." Judge Jenny continued, "Another group of people want you beheaded."

Meowth looked at the sharp blade and said, "I think we get the point."

"Oh... you very well might..." Jenny said grinning, "However, due to corruption in the government, and the fact that your boss bought us a very nice pool table, we have to give you a chance at freedom."

"WOOHOO!!!" Jessie cried out, "Thank god for the revolving door!"

"So how do we get our freedom?" Meowth asked.

"Very simple." Judge Jenny said, "One of you will say a statement. If I think that the statement is true, then you will be hanged. If I think the statement is false, then you will be beheaded."

"Sounds fair." Jessie said sarcastically.

James complained, "You cant be serious!"

Jenny pointed over to the side and said, "We're quite serious about the law here... look."

Off to the side we see Allen in the stocks while Misty and Brock took turns kicking him. And giggling their asses off while doing so. "Woohoo!" Brock yells, "Closure!"

"Yipes." Meowth said.

"However," Judge Jenny continued ignoring the Team Rocket member, "If I cannot decide whether the statement is true OR false... then I will be forced to let you free."

Jessie said to the Judge, "Excuse us for just one second..." And the trio huddled together. The trio whispered amongst each other, Jessie whispered, "Alright, lets say, "The Loch Ness Monster is real..." no one knows if that's true or not!'

"Wait..." James said, "She might just say its not a true statement... and then... and then..." James started to bawl.

"Come on Jimmy" Meowth said, "Don't lose your head."

"But THATS what would happen!" James cried.

"Wait a minute..." Meowth said, "I think I know a way out of this predicament."

MEOWTH KNOWS THE PHRASE THAT WILL GET THEM SET FREE... DO YOU KNOW IT???
(come on people, if you don't know to scroll down by now... you're probably not smart enough to solve this riddle anyway!)

...

THE ANSWER:

Meowth grins at Judge Jenny and says, "Alright then... our phrase is, 'you will cut of our heads."

Jessie and James scream, "WHAT??? Don't give them that suggestion!!!"

Jenny scowls and says, "Alright... release the prisoners."

Meowth grins as he and his teammates are released. "But... but..." James said, "I'm confused."

Meowth sighed, "Nitwits... alright, I'll explain, I said, "You'll cut off our heads." If Jenny says its a true statement, that means she'll have to hang us, making it a false statement, which means then they'd have to cut off our head... and so on... If she said it was a false statement, that means then she'd have to cut off our heads which made it a true statement... I think you see where I'm going. So there's no way she could decide what our statement was."

Jessie and James eyes swirl with confusion, Meowth waved his paw in front of the their eyes, "Uh oh... I think I fried their brains... I think this would be a good place to end this."

THE END

Meowth placed his team members in a wheel barrow and started to wheel them out, "Good one guys" it called over to Ash Misty and Brock.

"Yeah," Misty said, "I enjoyed it"

Brock looked at the dizzied Team Rocket, "Are those two going to be alright?"

Meowth sighed, "Yeah, they just did a bit too much thinking, so I'm going to take them to a place where brains and thinking has no place."

"The new Jim Carrey Movie?" Ash asked.

"Bingo!" Meowth said leading them out.

"Ha... i knew it!" Ash said.

"No," Meowth corrected, "you're wrong, I'm taking them to playing Bingo... what are you, deaf?"

Ash Misty and Brock all shared a glance. Then Misty asked, "Can we come too?"

"Sure, why not?" Meowth said, "We could all use some dead brain time."

As they were walking out, "We could always just watch Fighting Foodons." Ash suggested.

"Jeez," Misty said, "We just want to slow down our brains, not kill them all together."

THE REAL END

And that is another quickie under the belt. I hope you all enjoyed this one because I especially enjoyed writing this one! (I love riddles) I wasn't sure how it the combination of humor and riddles would go, but, I managed to write it, and you managed to read to this point... and well, there you are. Thank you for reading this story, I hope you enjoyed it! By the way, all these riddles are classic riddles that have been around for a long time, and not written by me. I changed them to make them more entertaining, but I cant take credit for thinking up the base puzzle, they've been around since before I was born. (Of course if you believe in reincarnation, there is a good chance that I DID create those riddles myself...) I've rambled here enough. Take care, thanks for reading. Bye bye!

...

Shoot! I forgot to ask for reviews... ah, never mind, I'm sure they'll remember to review... (please)

;-)