Explanation/Disclaimer: Let's do the time warp again!!!

Quickie #27: Drink the Kool Aid, Join the Cult Classics

"THE END" appeared on the TV set and Ash let out a long yawn. "I did it guys!" Ash said proudly, "I watched the entire Cult Classic marathon on cable!"

Misty shook her head and said sarcastically, "Congrats."

Ash sensing Misty's tone of voice asked, "What?"

"Don't you think that was a bit excessive?" Misty asked.

"Seriously," May chimed in, "I know we're taking the summer off from our Pokemon travels and are just enjoying Summer like normal people, but that marathon was on for what? Five days?"

"It wasn't five days!" Ash said annoyed, then said, "It was more like 129 hours." (everyone but Ash falls over in typical anime shock) Ash grins and says, "I love making them do that!"

"The point is," Misty scolded, "You haven't slept in days, that's not healthy."

"Well," Ash said, "I was kind of tired 2 days ago, but then I drank a case of Jolt cola."

"That's not really healthy either," Brock replied.

"Come on, its not that bad…" Ash tried to defend, but Misty interrupted him, "Not that bad???" She asked, "I heard this horrible pounding downstairs I thought someone was banging on the door, it turned out to just be your heart racing."

"Well," Ash said, "I could either stand here and be criticized for my idiosyncrasies, or I could go get some sleep… so… goodnight!"

"Think it might be unwise to watch that many movies, then sleep, think of the dreams you might have!" Brock warned.

"Nah," Ash said, "I'm so tired I'm sure I wont have any dreams at all." Then headed upstairs into his bedroom.

A moment after Ash left, Brock turned his head to May and explained, "And that is what we in the biz call a segway."

UPSTAIRS…



Ash just finished brushing his teeth, and put on his PJ's. He hung his hat on the edge of the bed and scoffed, "I can't believe how critical they were… and then Brock warning me about the dreams I might have… ppffff… as if watching a bunch of cult classic movies on TV for 5 days straight will play on my mind… as if… I'm tougher then that… I'm… I'm… zzzzzzzzzzzzz…"

ASH DREAMS…

Ash "wakes" up walking down a dirt road, apparently galloping on an invisible horse… or maybe its not a horse at all, as there's a guy walking behind him smacking two coconuts shells to simulate the sound of horse hoof beats. Ash looked back at the guy and thinks to himself, "I wonder where he got those coconuts from…" Then he thought, "This seems very familiar."

Suddenly from off in the distance Ash heard a rabble. "What's that?" He thought, and he "galloped" over to the angry mob, and as he got closer he heard what the crowd was yelling. "A witch! A witch!!!"

Ash got in close to the crowd and in his surprise it was a very familiar looking red headed girl who was being accused of being a witch. "Misty!" Ash exclaimed in surprised.

"Ash!" Misty cried out in relief, "You've got to help me, these nut cases think I'm a witch! You've got to do something."

Ash looked at the large crowd of peasants and asked Misty, "What should I do?"

"Well you've got a sword with you, don't ya?" Misty snapped, "Why don't you use that?"

Ash pulled out his sword and said, "Won't do any good… it's just a prop… see?" Ash pulled out the sword and showed it to Misty. It was in fact a Gummi Sword.

"Why would you have a candy sword?" Misty asked.

"It was suppose to slay the largest appetite." Ash explained.

"Well do SOMETHING!" Misty begged.

"Ok… ok…" Ash said then thought to himself, "I wish we were later in the movie, I certainly could use the Holy Hand Grenade right about now…"

Ash put up his hands and said, "Ok ok… I got it… let's handle this scientifically, shall we folks?"

The crowd turned and stared at Ash, and the young trainer continued, "First… why do you think she's a witch?"

A man from the back of the crowed yelled out, "She turned me into a Magikarp!"

Everyone stared at the man who shrugged and said, "I got better…, but that still makes her a witch…"

"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

Ash shook his head, and said, "Well, there really should be a test for this sort of thing…"

"There is…" A peasant cried out, "We burn them… and if they burn… they're a witch!"

"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

"Well… that's not really a good test, now is it?" Ash said, "Well lets see… Witch's burn… right? So what else burns?"

"Wood?" Another peasant suggest.

"Exactly!" Ash said, "So… what does that tell us?"

A peasant tried to figure it out, "If… she's made of wood… then…she's a… witch?"

Ash nodded.

"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

"So, how can we tell if she's made a wood…," Ash said, "Well, wood floats doesn't it? What else floats?"

"Small pebbles?"

"Tiny bugs?"

"Leaves?"

Suddenly from the back, Brock dressed head to toe in a black suit, with a black tie, black shoes and a black hat, with shades on yells out, "A TOTODILE!"

Ash beamed and said, "Right! A Totodile… so what can we learn from this…?"

A peasant figured it out and said, "If… she weighs the same as a Totodile… then she's… a witch?"

"A WITCH, A WITCH!!!"

So, they loaded Misty in one end of a scale, and Ash put his Totodile on the other end. But to Ash's surprise when the blocks were removed it was revealed that Misty DID in fact weigh the same as Ash's Totodile.

"Well… I'll be damned," Ash said, "That certainly backfired…"

Misty shrieked, and Ash said, "Ah the hell with this, Totodile, WATER GUN!" In a blaze of water, the peasants were sent running by the powerful pokemon. Ash started to head towards Misty, but he was headed off by Brock. "Hey Brock, what are you doing here?"

"Will you stop joking around Ash?" Brock said, handing Ash a pair of shades, "We have to get this money back to the penguin before 8am, remember?"

Ash put on the sunglasses and he suddenly realized that he was also wearing a full black suit. He had completely forgotten, they had to get this five thousand dollars back to the nun or they'd lose the orphanage they grew up in.

Ash and Brock walked over to the classic police car, but before he got in, he said to Brock, "Hey Brock, you know the difference between you and me?"

Ash adjusted his fedora and grinned, "I make this look good."

The two teens got into the car, and Brock started it up, he looked at Ash and said, "Alright… its 9pm, we have a full tank of gas, 400 miles to drive, its dark… and we're wearing shades."

Ash nodded and said, "Let's roll…"

"Roll?" May asked, "How can we roll, the car is broke…"

Ash shook his head and looked over and now May was sitting where Brock had just been sitting. Then Ash remembered, May and Ash were on the way to visit the Professor, but their car broke down. "So…" Ash said, "What do we now?"

"Well…," May said then something caught her eye, "Look, over there… there's a light…"

Ash squinted and sure enough just a few yards away on this lonely back road was a light coming from a house, "Yeah… but that house looks like it should be called the Frankenstein's place."

"Yeah… but there's our light…" May said pointing.

"Over at the Frankenstein's place." Ash retorted.

"Oh shut up, let's just go…" May said pulling Ash out of the car.

Minutes later Ash and May entered the large mansion and they were promptly greeted by James, dressed in head to toe in women's black lingerie. "Hello strangers" he said and then made that 'ooooh'ing noise that he does.

"Lemme guess…" Ash said, "You're dressed up like that because you're playing the role of a certain 'sweet transvestite from transsexual Transylvania."

James eyes darted back and forth nervously and then replied, "Umm… yeah… that's the reason…"

Ash ignored James and said, "I'm glad we caught you at home… can we use your phone? We're both in a bit of a hurry."

May agreed, "Right."

Ash continued, "We'll just say where we are… then go back to the car… we don't want to be any worry."

James looked at Ash and said, "Well, you got caught with a flat, well… how bout that. Well babies, don't you panic. By the light of the night, it'll all seem alright, I'll get you satanic mechanic."

"Oh no…" Ash said, "A regular one will do you just fine, last time I used a Satanic Mechanic they changed my air freshener from a little pine tree to pig entrails."

James made the 'ooooh'ing' noise again.

"Hmm…" Ash replied trying to ignore James and asked "So anyway… have you got a phone?"

"Of course… we have one up on the second floor." James said, then in a seductive tone, "Would you like to come upstairs with me?"

"Listen buddy…" Ash said, "You and I wont be doing any coming, I promise you that!"

May nudged Ash in the side, and Ash rolled his eyes, "Alright… fine… let's go use the phone."

James took Ash through the Dining Room and Ash asked, "Smells good, what was for dinner tonight?"

"Meatloaf, of course." James replied.

"Of course…," then Ash turned to May and said, "You know, I'd really like to get out of here like a bat out of hell."

May smiled, "That was two jokes in three lines… I guess its true, two out of three ain't bad!"

James took Ash upstairs and opened a door for Ash, and said, "Through here…"

Ash shrugged and walked through the door and…

…and May and James were gone, and now Ash stood in a very high class looking library/sitting room. In this room sat Professor Oak, but instead of his normal white lab coat he wore a long black leather jacket, and had dark shades on.

Ash took one look around the scene, shrugged and walked into the room. "Welcome." Professor Oak said, "Please come and sit down."

Ash looked around one last time, then sat down in the easy chair facing the Professor. Professor Oak reached into his pocket and pulled out two pills.

"Woah," Ash said, "Professor… not here… later… we'll work out a deal, ok?"

The Professor ignored him and said, "Ash, here are your choices… if you take the red pill, you wake up, and you can pretend none of this ever happened. If you take the blue pill, you'll get to see how deep the rabbit hole goes…"

Ash looked at the Professor for a second and asked, "I've always wondered… what happens if you take BOTH pills?"

"Oh," Professor answered, "You get a really sweet buzz…"

Suddenly Ash and Professor turn to the camera and say in unison, "Kids, drugs are wrong!"

Then they go back into character. Ash looked at the pills shrugged and said, "Ah, what the hell," took the blue pill, and gulped it down.

Everything got all blurry, and within seconds Ash was no longer in that room, no longer with professor Oak, and for some odd reason he was dressed in an old fashion baseball uniform. And standing with him was Gary, dressed the same.

Ash shook his head, all this jumping around was making him dizzy, "How the hell did that guy from Quantum Leap handle it?" he thought to himself.

"Well Ash," Gary said, "I've finally put together the perfect Pokemon Team.."

"Cool!" Ash said, "Do you have a preset order for when you use the pokemon?"

"Yep, I have a whole lineup." Gary said.

"Now see," Ash said, "Me, I've named my pokemon by the species they are… for example, my pikachu is named Pikachu. But a lot of trainers give their pokemon odd names, weird odd names… like calling a Charmander zippy, like the lighter…"

"Yeah, my pokemon have some wild names!" Gary admitted.

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but in this new kind of tournement your in, you have to have a real lineup, and your pokemon HAS to come out in that order… you all set?" Ash asked.

"Yep," Gary said, "Who comes out first, What comes out second, I Don't Know comes out third…"

Ash stared blankly at his friend and asked, "I beg your pardon."

"I said, Who comes out first, What comes out second, and I Don't Know comes out third." Gary explained.

"Wait…" Ash said, "I thought you had the lineup set."

"I do." Gary replied.

"Alright…" Ash said, "Then who comes out first?"

"Yep, he does." Gary answered.

Ash: "Wait… who comes out first?"

Gary: "Yes."

Ash shakes his head in confusion, "Alright then, who comes out second?"

Gary: "Nooo!! Who comes out first."

Ash: "I don't know…"

Gary: "No he comes out third, we're not talking about him…"

Ash: "Let's try this again… did you give your pokemon names…"

Gary: "Yes."

Ash: "So tell me who comes out first."

Gary: "Who."

Ash: "The first pokemon you use."

Gary: "Who."

Ash: getting annoyed "Who's the first pokemon you use???"

Gary: "Who is the first pokemon I use!!"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Gary: "I told you he comes out third."

Ash lowered his head in annoyance, "Let's try this again… you've named your pokemon, right?"

Gary said, "Yes."

Ash: "Will you tell me the name of your first pokemon?"

Gary: "Yes."

Ash grinned, "Ok then, what's the name of your first pokemon?"

Gary: "Who."

Ash: "The first pokemon"

Gary: "Who."

Ash "THE FIRST ONE YOU USE!!!"

Gary: "WHO!!!"

Ash: Exasperated "All I want to know is who's your first pokemon."

Gary: "Yes."

Ash: "Wait a minute… you've named your first pokemon Yes?"

Gary: "No, who's my first pokemon."

Ash: "Yes?"

Gary: "No! My first pokemon is Who?"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Gary/Ash: "He's the third one!"

Ash shook his head in annoyance, "Yeah, yeah… saw that coming…"

There's a pause of silence while Ash just glares at Gary.

Ash: "Alright, let's take a different approach. Let's say the match is about to start, you reach for your pokeball, you throw it out and say, "I choose… who?"

Gary: "Finally! I think you've got it."

Ash looked completely crestfallen, "What?"

Gary: "No, he comes out second."

Ash: "Who comes out second."

Gary: "NO! Who comes out first!"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Ash/Gary: "He comes out third."

Ash muttered under his breath, "Alright then… lets say the match is over, your first pokemon is defeated, when you call him back, you put him in who's pokeball?

Gary: "Of course I do, where else would I put him? Of course sometimes I let him play in his own private room."

Ash: "Who's room?"

Gary: "Exactly."

Ash stared at Gary in utter disbelief. Then Ash massaged his own temples for a moment then continued…

Ash: "Ok…, lets try it this way… what KIND OF POKEMON comes out first?"

Gary: "I'm using my newly caught Zubat first."

Ash: "Ok, now… what's the name of your Zubat?"

Gary: "Who."

Ash: "Your Zubat!!!"

Gary: "Who."

Ash: "Your first freaking pokemon, zubat!!!"

Gary: "Who!"

Ash glares at Gary again.

Ash: "Never mind, What kind of pokemon do you use for your second choice?"

Gary: "A Scyther."

Ash: "What's the name of your Scyther?"

Gary: "What."

Ash: "Whats the name of your Scyther?"

Gary: "What."

Ash: "The big green bug pokemon, what is his name."

Gary: "Yes, you have that correct."

Ash: dizzy "I don't even know what I'm even TALKING about anymore!!!"

Gary: "What's the problem?"

Ash: "You're screwing around with me, all I want to know what's the name of your first pokemon!!!"

Gary: "And I keep reminding you, Who's my first pokemon"

Ash: "I don't know!!!"

Ash/Gary: "He comes out third…"

Ash: "And here we are again!!! You know what… I really don't care anymore!"

Gary: "What did you say?"

Ash: "I said I don't care!!!"

Gary: "Ohhh… he's my alternative 4th pokemon…."

Ash screamed in frustration, grabbed a nearby baseball bat, turned and was shocked to see that Gary was gone, and Ash was no longer with Gary, but instead…

Ash was standing in a large metallic room and the bat he was holding had turned into a light saber. Ash looked at his futurist weapon, and swung it around a few times, each time making that familiar, "fwwwing" noise. Ash grinned broadly, "Cool!!! I'm just like the Jedi kid!"

"Mr. Ketchum." said a voice off from the other side of the room. Ash looked over and saw Duplica standing there, dressed in a fine Italian suit, wearing dark shades, "Prepare to be deleted."

Suddenly copies of Duplica poured into the room. Ash grinned and said, "Looks like we're having an Attack of the Clones here."

The horde of Duplicas rushed towards Ash. Ash skillfully dodged in between the encroaching enemies and sliced his light saber through each other them making horrible one liners like, "Everybody loves a clone, so why don't I?" and "Send in the Clones."

Just when it seemed that Ash would be overwhelmed by sheer number of his foes, Ash got an idea. He pulled out his cell phone and made a call. Through out the room, the rings of 100 cell phones filled the air. All the Duplicas stopped and pulled out their phones and asked in unison. "Hello?"

"Hello, this is Domino's Pizza, I just wanted to tell you that your order is running late but should be there any second now…"

"Order?" the Duplicas asked in unison, "But I didn't order anything."

"Really?" Ash said, "I could have sword you ordered a slice!!!"

With that, Ash races forward, yelled, "KAZA NO KIZU!!" and in one mighty swipe, all the Duplicas were destroyed. Ash grinned and said, "That's called a very effective prank clone call! Hehe… damn I wish there was someone here for me share that pun with…"

Ash retracted his saber and wiped the sweat from his forehead. Suddenly, in walked Pikachu, except he was green. He looked up at Ash said "Fight well you did Pika. But Pika, beaten them you should not have."

Ash looked down at Pikachu and asked, "But they were my enemy, why shouldn't I have destroyed them."

Pikachu pointed over to a new threat that was approaching, "Because, they were the only thing holding back the Killer Klowns from Outer Space."

Ash looked up and saw a horrific horde of evil Clowns (that looked an awful lot like Mr. Mimes) coming his way. "Oh you've got to be kidding me…" Ash said, and then started rifling through his pockets, "Damnit, where did I put that red pill?" Ash found what he was looking for and popped the pill and then…

Then…

…he was in his own bed. And around the bed, Misty, Brock and May were all gathered around. "Ash," Misty said, "You were having such nightmares, are you ok?"

"Oh," Ash said, "They weren't really nightmares… just odd dreams… and…. points to Brock you were there… and… points to Misty you were there.. And points to May YOU were there… and points to Pikachu you were there… and you…"

Ash points to Max, then says, "You weren't in my dream… and what are you doing out of your cage???"

Max said annoyed and held up a dog's dish., "I ran out of water for my dish! Jeez, I'll get it myself" and he left the room annoyed.

"See…" Ash said, "This is what we get for not locking his cage…"

"Hey." Misty said, "If YOU want to clean out the newspaper on the bottom of his cage, then by all means, we'll keep it locked."

Ash groaned, "Never mind, we'll keep it unlocked, I can only imagine what dreams THAT would cause me to have!"

Misty folded her arms and said, "Well I guess this will teach you not to watch days worth of movies without rest, wont it?"

Ash nodded, "It sure did, now if you'll excuse me, I'm late." Ash got up out of bed.

"Late?" May asked, "Late for what?"

"The Twilight Zone marathon!" Ash explained, "I've missed the first hour of it! Only 71 hours left!!!"

With that everyone fell over exasperated in that anime style way. Ash grinned widely and said, "I really DO love to make them do that!"

Iris out on Ash's grinning face and we go to…

THE END

"Wow!" Ash said, offering Misty and May a hand up, "That was a long one!!!"

"Yeah," May said, "But it really shifted around there, didn't it?"

"Just like a dream!" Misty explained, "Plus the author just watched Pump Fiction the other night.'

"Ahhh…" Ash said, "That explains it."

Brock spoke up, "Hey guys, its letter time. Remember, you can send in your questions and comments to Edifolco25aol.com It might even get answered in a quickie. Anyway, this one comes to us from "Icanttellifimblackorwhite" in NY. He… or she… asks, "I've always thought pokemon quickies were a satirical poke at the decline of esoteric writings among popular 21 centaury authors, and I admire your use of ironic symbolisms to make those references. What are your feelings on my comparing your work to my theory?"

Brock put down the letter and looked at Ash, who shrugged and looked at Misty, who shrugged and looked at May, who shrugged and looked at Brock who shrugged and looked back to Ash. After a long moment of silence Ash spoke up.

"Umm…" Ash said, "Sure, that's it exactly, we're chock full of sybotic estrogen… sure, why not? Thank you for letter Icanttellifimblackorwhite, I'm sure everyone thinks your smarter then you really are now."

"Well…" Brock said, "Keep your letters coming… and we'll answer them as best as we can."

THE REAL END

Alright, number 27 is now done, sorry for the long wait, but it WAS longer then usual… plus half way through it the computer crashed so I had to redo it. I hate when that happens. Well, it was just the start of summer here in my hemisphere, so I hope everyone stays cool and has a fun summer. Thank you for reading this chapter, and I hope to have a new one up faster then the last one. A HUGE thank you for pushing my reviews up to over 300! You guys rock! See you all soon, take care!

BTW: To those of you who requested the Who's on First bit… I hope you enjoyed it!

The following story was complete fiction. Any comparisons made to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. Any comparisons to popular movies… well that's also coincidental… really… don't sue, I don't have any money.