Explanation/Disclaimer: Everybody if you can do the Bartman…
Quickie 30: Law and Order: PQU (Pokemon Quickie Unit)
Announcer: "The crime you are about to read about are real. And by real, I mean, they are based on real crimes. And by real crimes, I mean shit we just made up. However, it is up to you the readers to solve the mysteries. Why? Because the rest of the cast doesn't have a clue."
CASE #1: The Case of the Stolen Pokeballs
"That took a bit longer then I thought it would, Pikachu." Ash said carrying two large shopping bags, "I wonder if the gang is worried about us?"
Ash and Pikachu had to go to the store to pick up a few supplies for their upcoming journey. "I have to admit though," Ash said, "We did save quite a bit thanks to your coupon clipping."
"Pika!" Pikachu nodded happily.
"Yeah," Ash said, "You're kinda like the Martha Stewart of pokemon."
"PIKA!!!" Pikachu snapped angrily sending sparks in Ash's direction.
"Jeez, Sorry!" Ash said defensively, "It was meant as a compliment."
Suddenly, a police car cut right in front of the two of them, down a driveway. "Woah!" Ash said, "I wonder what this is all about, wanna go check it out?"
"Pika?" Pikachu asked.
Pikachu shrugged and sped up to catch up with its trainer, who was now singing, "Bad Boy Bad Boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when they come for you?"
When Ash got to the door, everyone was trying to talk to Office Jenny at once. After a minute of nonsense, Jenny pulled out her gun and fired it 3 times in the air. Everyone went silent.
"Ok, now that I have everyone' attention." Jenny started to say, and then Ash interrupted.
Ash asked, "Did you have to fire your gun to get everyone attention?""Well, I'm all out of tear gas." Jenny explained.
"What about a whistle?" Ash asked.
Jenny's face went blank for a second, and then said, "Hm…that IS probably why we get a whistle… never really thought of that before… but never mind that now. What seems to be the problem here people?"
"There's been a robbery!" a tall white haired gentleman said angrily. He looked to be about 50 years old, and was dressed in a navy blue business suit, and had the air about him of someone who thought he was more important then he actually was, "Someone has stolen my valuable balls!"
Ash raised an eyebrow, opened his mouth to speak but instead just shook his head and said, "Nah… I'm not going there."
"My valuable crystal pokeballs," the man explained, "They've been stolen!"
"Alright alright," Jenny said, "Let's go inside and take a look."
Inside the home, their were two things that stood out right away. An old desk stood knocked over in the middle of the room. Also, only a few feet from the desk was a window, the curtain flapping wildly in the wind, the window behind it shattered. There was also a tarp that lay crumpled and sprawled out irregularly on the floor in-between the desk and window.
"Ok then," Jenny said walking over to the opened desk, the glass from the broken window crunching from underneath the tarp as she walked, "I assume that this is where the pokeballs were kept?"
"Yes." The tall white haired man explained.
"And you would be?" Jenny asked.
"Donald Sims." the man answered, "This is my home. I keep my crystal pokeballs on display on this desk, they are quite valuable, and so I like to show them off."
"Ok then," Jenny said looking down at the solid oak desk, then her eyes moved to the light brown tarp lying under her feet, "And what's this tarp here for?"
"Oh," Donald explained, "Whenever I would go out, I'd cover the pokeballs in a tarp to deter thieves."
Jenny looked at Ash and asked, "Who are you? And how do you figure into all of this?"
"Ash Ketchum. Oh, I just saw a cop car pull in here and I wanted to see what was going on." Ash explained.
"Umm, if you don't have anything to do with this case" Jenny said, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave!"
"Tsk tsk tsk." Ash said waggling her finger, "But I've already solved the crime!"
"You have?" Jenny said looking shocked.
Ash grinned, "Of course, only one truth prevails! You see, judging from the evidence at hand, I'd say that our thief broke in through the window, took the pokeballs, and left through the same window. That's why the window was broken. Clearly this is a master cat burglar, probably working for Team Rocket. I'd sent out an APB for…""Actually," Jenny said interrupted, "That's not true at all. Not any part of it."
"What now?" Ash said dejected, Pikachu just sighed.
Jenny sighed also, said to Ash, "Just watch and see, ok?", then said, "Who was the person who called in this crime?"
A young boy , no older the 7, raised his hand. He looked nervous. Jenny smiled at him, "Don't worry, I'm one of the good guys, you can talk to me. What's your name?"
"Ok," the young boy smiled and seemed to calm down. He then said, "My name is Jimmy."
"Well hello Jimmy," Jenny said pleasantly, "You're the one who called in the crime?"
"Yes." Jimmy said nodding, "I wasn't sure if I should call in the crime because I'm the one who broke the window!"
Ash declared, "Aha! He admits it, Officer Jenny, take him to Attica."
Jenny looked at Ash and asked him, "Do I have to hit you with my pepper spray?"
Ash backed off and Jenny continued, "Well, you did the right thing calling, now tell me what happened."
Jimmy swallowed hard and then talked, "Ok, Me and my Hitmonlee were playing hacky sack in our back yard." Jimmy pointed out the window, "it's that house over there, three houses down. When my Hitmonlee accidentally used 'Mega Kick' to kick the ball. It went flying over our fence, flew really far, and it broke Mr. Sims window."
"Wow!" Ash said looking out the window, "You're Hitmonlee must be pretty powerful to kick a ball that far!"
"Well," Jimmy admitted, "It's actually my daddy's pokemon, but Hitmonlee likes to play with me."
Ash smiled, "Well, you're very lucky, when I was your age, the only pokemon I had to play with was the decaying remains of a Pidgey I found out in the woods near my house. Oh, I used to play with little corpsy everyday. Until of course Mom found out… she made me go see a bunch of… 'talking' doctors… But, I don't need to bore you with my childhood, please go on."
Everyone stared at Ash for a moment. After an awkward pause, Jenny said to Jimmy, "Please continue."
Jimmy continued, "Well, I wanted to get my ball back. So I walked over here. But when I got here, the door was open. I rang the doorbell, but no one answered. So I took a look inside, and I saw it was in a mess. So I remembered on TV that you're supposed to call the police in cases like this. So I did."
"Ah HA!" Ash said proudly, "I got it. Jimmy, tell me this… if this story is true, where's your ball?"
"Right here." Jimmy said, "Over in that corner."
"Damnit!" Ash said, "I thought I had it that time."
Jenny sighed and looked at Mr. Sims, "Is the boy telling the truth?"
"Yep." Donald confirmed, "He came running over and told the whole thing to me."
"See what I meant before?" Jenny asked, "The burglar didn't break this window, the burglar was long gone before Jimmy ever broke this window."
Jenny took a look around the room, and asked, "Did either of you touch or move anything in here?"
Both Jimmy and Donald shook their heads no. "I've seen enough detective shows to know not to touch anything!" Donald explained.
"Well, I guess we're going to have to bring in a fingerprinting unit in, see if we can get any leads." Jenny said looking around the room still, hoping something would catch her eye.
"That won't be necessary, I know who did it!" Donald said angrily, "It was that horrid Mrs. Golden."
"Who?" Jenny and Ask asked together.
"She lives next door." Donald said, "And she's wanted possession of my balls since the day I obtained them. PLUS she has a key to my house."
Ash opened his mouth again, ready to say something this time, but a stern look from Jenny made him keep his mouth shut.
"Well, then" Jenny said, "Hold on a minute and we'll get Mrs. Golden over here."
ONE MINUTE LATER
Mrs. Abby Golden, a woman in her late 20's, with brown hair, wearing a housedress came over still yelling at Jenny. "I can't believe that I'm you're thief. What do I pay taxes for? To pay for police officers who have nothing better to do then harass innocent citizens? Why I should call the mayor…"
Ash spoke up, "Ma'am, if you don't calm down, I'm afraid that Pikachu here is going to have to slap you."
Pikachu nodded.
The woman looked at Ash and the yellow pokemon and asked, "And who are you two?"
"We're Officer Jenny's assistant deputies!" Ash said proudly.
"You are not!" Jenny said.
"Spoil-sport." Ash said sticking out his tongue.
"You know," Jenny said, "Annoying a police officer IS a club-able offense."
Ash backed off again, and Jenny turned to Abby, "Now, Mrs. Golden, I've filled you in on the details, so could you please tell me where you were today from the hours when Mr. Sims left his home to 2pm?"
"Yes, I was in my home, doing housework." Abby responded.
"Do you have any witnesses?" Jenny asked.
"No…, but why would I need them? I'm innocent. Besides, those pokeballs are rightfully mine!"
"Excuse me?" Ash and Jenny asked together.
"They were mine originally, but this shyster took them from me!" Abby explained.
"I did no such thing!" Donald said angrily, "You had a yard sale, and I purchased them fair and square."
"You knew they were more valuable then what I sold them for!" Abby said, "And you took advantage of me!"
"It is not my fault that you didn't do research before you sold off your property, I cannot be held responsible for your ignorance." Donald explained.
"Why you…" Abby started angrily, but Ash interrupted.
"Wait a minute, calm down." Ash said, "I have a question. You have a key to Mr. Sims apartment?""Well…" Abby hesitated, "Yes… I do. But he has one of mine too. We exchanged keys just in case one of use ever got locked out."
Ash said, "Well, I think I know who did it now."
"Again?" Jenny sighed.
Ash smiled, "This time I got it. All the evidence is here. It had to have been Red Herring!"
Pikachu sighed, and muttered, "Pikapi, pika…" in a tone that would suggest it meant something like, 'lord help me.'
Jenny sighed, "Ash… what do you want to be when you grow up?"
"A Pokemon Master." Ash said, "Why?"
"Because if you said you wanted to go into law enforcement, I'd have to shoot you." Jenny explained.
"That's a little harsh, don't you think?" Ash asked.
"No…" Jenny said dryly, "No, I don't."
Then Jenny turned to Mrs. Golden, "I hate to say this Mrs. Golden, but you do have motive means and opportunity. You have no witnesses to where you were all day, you have a key to the apartment, you have a grudge with Mr. Sims about the very items in question, I'm going to have to take you in."
"But… but…" Mrs. Golden said half angry half panicky, "I… I didn't do it! I'm innocent!"
"You can tell it all downtown, ok?" Jenny said gently, "Do you need a lawyer?"
"But I didn't do it! There's no evidence that says I did it!"
Pikachu started pulling on Ash's jacket. "Pikapi!"
"Pikachu!" Ash said holding up his hands, "You know when you get all excited I can't understand you."
Pikachu ran over to the broken window and pointed to it. Ash looked it. Then back to Pikachu with a confused look. "Pika!!!" Pikachu said angrily, and pointed to the tarp on the ground.
Ash watched his pokemon as it ran up to the window, pointed out it, and then at the floor. Then it hopped down on the tarp and started jump up and down. The glass crunching loudly.
Ash looked confused, "You want potato chips?"
"Pika!" Pikachu snapped angrily and shook its head no.
"You… don't want potato chips?" Ash tried again.
Ash got shocked by Pikachu that time. Ash yelled, "Ow! Damnit, Pikachu!!!"
But Pikachu ran back and forth on the tarp and pointing at everyone leaving the room. Ash took another guess, "Umm… Timmy's fallen down the old well?"
Ash got shocked again. But this time, something must have sparked in Ash's brain too. "Wait Office Jenny I got it!!!" Ash exclaimed.
Q. Who's the thief? And what proof does Ash have?
SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWER…SCROLL DOWN FOR ANSWER…
KEEP SCROLLING…
ALMOST THERE… ONE TRUTH PREVAILS…
REVIEW THIS STORY WHEN YOU'RE DONE…
THE SOLUTION:
"Office Jenny" Ash said, "Wait, I got it!"
"Oh god… not again." Jenny said.
"No seriously, I really do have it this time!" Ash said excitedly.
Jenny groaned, "Ash… please… it's been a long day."
Ash pleaded, "Just hear me out, ok?"
Jenny folder her arms angrily, "Fine… I'm listening."
"Good… because that's what you have to do! Listen!" Ash said.
Jenny gave Ash a quizzical look as the young trainer walked over to the tarp and stepped down on it. The glass under the tarp crunched. Jenny looked even more curious when Ash grinned as if to say, "Don't you get it?"
Ash called over to Mr. Sims and Jimmy, and said, "You both said you didn't touch anything right? And you both stand by that?"
They both nodded, Jimmy looking even more nervous.
"Well then, there ya go." Ash said, "Take him downtown."
"Take WHO downtown?," Jenny asked confused.
"The one who stole the pokeballs is…." Ash said pausing dramatically, then pointing his finger, "YOU! Jimmy!"
Jimmy paled.
Jenny sighed, "Alright, I've heard enough, come on, Mrs. Golden, let's go."
"No wait!" Ash said.
"Clearly you haven't heard enough." Ash said stepping down on the tarp again.
"What is that suppose to mean?" Jenny said, "You're breaking glass from the window, that doesn't prove anything at… …" Jenny stopped cold.
"Wait a minute…" Jenny said walking over to the tarp. She lifted it up, and underneath the tarp was a bunch of broken and shattered glass. "Wait… just… a… minute…"
She got up turned and walked over to Jimmy, "Alright, Jimmy, I know you took them, so I think you have to give them back now."
Jimmy started to cry and said, "I'm sorry! I know I shouldn't have taken them, but it's my mommy's birthday coming up soon, and I thought they were so pretty she'd love them."
Mr. Sims looked taken aback, "But… Officer… how did you know?"
"Well Ash," Jenny said, "You did solve it, so why don't you explain it?"
"Actually," Ash said, "Pikachu is the one who solved it."
Pikachu then went off on a one minute long speech clearly explaining how he figured out who did it. Sadly no one other then Ash even had the remotest clue of what Pikachu was saying. "You want to translate?" Mrs. Golden asked.
"So?" Mr. Sims asked.
"Don't you see? If the balls were stolen BEFORE Jimmy broke your window, the glass would have landed on top of the tarp. But, in this case the glass was under the tarp, which suggests that the window was broken BEFORE the tarp was removed."
Jimmy nodded, "I really didn't mean to break your window," Jimmy explained, "Everything I told you about playing hacky sack was the truth. I wanted my ball back so I climbed through the window. But when I came in the window, I tripped over the hacky sack and knocked it into the corner. When I fell, I knocked over your desk. I heard a loud thud on the floor so I moved the tarp and saw those beautiful balls. I knew my mom would love them so… I got excited so I tossed the tarp behind me and took stuck the pokeballs in my pocket. I opened up the front door so everyone would think someone just broke in. I called the cops hoping that since I called them no one would think I did it…" Jimmy started to cry again, "I'm sorry, I know what I did was wrong. Please don't send me to prison."
Jenny frowned, "Jimmy, I think you're a little young for prison, maybe if you bring the pokeballs back… maybe Mr. Sims will settle things with you and your parents?"
Jenny looked over at Mr. Sims. Mr. Sims thought about it for a second then asked in a very serious voice, "Well… you sure he can't go to jail?"
Jenny nodded.
"Even if I pressed charges?" Mr. Sims asked again.
"He's 7." Jenny pointed out.
"If this was Texas he could be charged as an adult." Mr. Sims explained.
"Do I have to pepper spray you?" Jenny asked sternly.
"YES!" Ash cheered, "I'm not the only one that got threatened."
Insert Dragnet theme…
Announcer: "Mr. Sims decided to not press charges. He got his balls back and decided that was enough. Jimmy was grounded for 2 weeks, and had to do 20 hours of yard work for Mr. Sims to pay for the window he broke. Ash asked Officer Jenny if he could have a badge that made him an honorary depute, with complete uniform, badge, and weapon. Ash settled for a tootsie pop. Pikachu was given a full bottle of ketchup as a reward, he also stole Ash's tootsie pop when asked how many licks it took to get to the center."
Insert Dragnet them again…
THE END
"Not a bad one." Ash said.
"Nope, a little different," Misty said taking off the 'Mrs. Goldman' costume, "but not bad at all."
Brock took off the white wig and said in a sing song voice, "I was just glad I got to spend the whole episode with Officer Jenny!" 3 3 3
"What I don't understand is," Max said pulling off his 'jimmy' mask, "Why did we have to dress up? Can't we afford extras?"
"Extras?" Ash asked surprised, "We can't even afford to use Pikachu! His salary is way too high now a days."
'Pikachu' took off its head revealing both Chip and Dale who scampered out of the room. "Tough job market for squeaky voiced rodents.", Brock pointed out.
"I really wish that they wouldn't share a costume," Ash said, "It makes me very uneasy."
"I'm just impressed that you got through this whole episode with making one 'balls' joke." Misty pointed out.
"May I make one now?" Ash asked eagerly.
"No." Misty said sternly. "Aw… nuts…" Ash sighed. FADE OUT…THE REAL END
Sorry this one is so long in the making, I promise that the next one will not take as long, in fact I have started working on it, and it will be Halloween themed. It should be Spooktacular. Maybe I should leave the punning to Ash and the gang? Thank you for reading, I know this one was a little different but I had a lot of fun writing it. One my early loves of reading and writing was those 5 minute minutes, (yes, this one was based off one of those classic short mysteries), and I wanted to adapt one into a quickie. Thank you again for reading, and I wouldn't say no to a review or two. Until next time… Case closed…
(Edit: Thank you animekid88 for pointing out my name mistake there in the middle. I made sure I changed it, just so the typo didnt confuse anyone and think that had something to do with the solution of the mystery. Thanks again!)