Explanation/Disclaimer: The worms crawl in; in worms crawl out, they read the quickies on your snout…
Quickie #34: Mad Monster Party
Announcer: sighs deeply "Alright, normally I will open up the story, but the people in charge wanted a celebrity to open up this one. Despite my protests, they decided to go with Frankenstein to give the opening monologue… enjoy…"
Frankenstein's Monster: "MMmmmm… Grrr… Grroowww….. Grrrrr….. Grmmmmmrrrrr…. Rrrrrr… Rrrroooowwwwww… Nippleeeeeeeeee… Grrrrrr… Gooowwww…."
Ash shook his head and asked, "What the hell was that suppose to be?"
Announcer: "I told you an opening with Frankenstein would be stupid."
"Nooo…" Ash said annoyed, "Frankenstein was the well spoken scientist… Frankenstein's Monster was the abomination of humanity that would be a stupid choice as guest announcer…"
Announcer: "Oh… I just thought…"
"Yea yea," Ash said, "Everyone just thinks… everyone just assumes that the monster's name was Frankenstein… well it wasn't… read a book people… geez… we're off to a good start… we're off to a real invasion of the pumpkin people cluster fbleep… let's just cut to the opening scene ok?"
OPENING SCENE
We open on Ash and company walking down a street at night, everyone in costume.
"Geez Ash," Misty said who was dressed like Chun Li of Street Fighter fame, "You think you were edgy enough in the opening sequence?"
Ash, who was dressed like Groucho Marx of the Marx Brothers fame, shrugged and said, "That's what happens when you eat 3 pounds of smarties for breakfast."
"That's not really healthy" said Brock, who was dressed as Sherlock Holmes of Sherlock Holmes fame.
"Yeah, that wasn't a very intelligent thing to do," May scolded, who was dressed in a pink maid's outfit.
"What are you suppose to be anyway?" Brock asked.
"I'm Hand Maid May." May explained, "And I'm going to give it my best!'
Brock and Misty gave May a very confused look but Ash said, "Very nice obscure anime reference." Ash gave her the thumbs up, then said a'la Groucho, "I used to like anime, but then she dumped me… that's what I get for trying to date such an animated gal. She tried to draw me in but I thought the whole thing was rather sketchy."
Misty sighed, "I knew it was a mistake to let you dress up as Groucho."
"Would you rather I have went as Harpo?" Ash asked, and then rested his thigh on Misty's hand.
Misty rolled her eyes and let go of Ash and said, "At least Harpo didn't talk."
"Anyway," May said, "If I can bring this back to the actual plot, I can't believe we were all invited to a Halloween Party!"
"Yeah," Brock agreed, "It was nice of Gary to throw a Halloween bash to make up for his part in the horrible Halloween Quickie from a while back."
"Yeah," May agreed, "Too bad Max didn't want to come, he said he'd rather go Trick or Treating with Professor Oak."
"I still say that Professor Oak is too old to go Trick or Treating." Ash commented.
"So, Ash, where did those directions say for us to go?" Misty asked.
"Well… to be honest, I forgot them." Ash said.
"WHAT?" all three of his companions yelled.
"Sorry!" Ash said, "But don't worry, I remember where we were suppose to go… it's 1313 Dead End Drive… Or is that Dead End Street?"
Misty lowered her head and sighed.
"Relax." Ash said, "I'm pretty sure that it was Drive… not Street…"
"No big deal," Brock said, "It's a simple matter of logic. We'll go to Dead End Drive first, because its closer, and then if that's not the place, we'll just go to the next."
"But do you know how to get to that street?" May asked.
"Of course," Brock said fixing his deerstalker cap, "It's by the elementary school my dear May."
Misty groaned again, "I used to love Halloween… and then I met these two punsters."
Ash, again a'la Groucho said, "A punster? I'll have you know that I'm a pun for hire, at least a hired pun. Otherwise you'd think I was cheap. And I don't want to horn in on your racket, Misty."
"What?" Misty said annoyed.
"Wow, deaf and dumb, you must be a real hit with the ladies." Ash said continuing his shtick.
"I never…" Misty started.
"Well you should, its fun!" Ash said waggling his cigar.
"If you don't stop, I'm going to cram that cigar where the sun don't shine." Misty warned.
Ash quickly stopped and said, "I'll be good."
"Well… here we are!" May said trying to lighten the mood.
It wasn't much of a mood lightener. 1313 Dead End Drive was a dark mansion that looked like something out of a horror movie. Just as the kids arrived there, and looked at the house silhouetted in the dark night sky, thunder cracked and lightning raced through the sky.
"Wow… nice effect." Ash said.
"Especially since there's not a cloud in the sky." Brock replied.
"Yeah…" Ash quipped, "I'm thunderstruck."
Misty glared at him. Ash backed away.
"You know," May said holding out her dress, "Do you think I'm not dressed appropriately? I mean is anyone going to get this joke?"
"Probably not." Ash said, "But when has that ever stopped us?"
"True…" May said, "But hang on… I'll be back in a minute."
May quickly ran off screen, a minute later came back wearing a fuzzy full body suit with paint on whiskers and a pink bow on her head, and a long brown tail. Everyone stared at her for a second and then Misty said, "Are you suppose to be a monchichi?"
May nodded.
"And you thought THAT was less obscure?" Misty asked raising an eyebrow.
"I haven't seen a woman change into more clothes that fast then my honeymoon." Ash quipped (again, a'la Groucho)
"Well then," Brock said putting his pipe into his mouth, "I'd say we've wasted enough time. Let's go inside… the game is afoot!"
"Aloof is more like it." Ash replied.
Inside the house, it looked as if no one has lived there for years. There was dust all over the place, cobwebs hanging off just about everything. But despite this dilapidated look, the house was still set up for a party, complete with catering and music.
Also, there were a few other people already there. A giant guy dressed like Frankenstein, a twitchy sort of guy dressed as the wolfman, a very pale looking Dracula, a guy covered in a sheet, a lanky mummy, and a zombie who was giving off a foul odor.
"Wow…" Ash whispered, "Great decorations."
"And those are some awesome costumes." May complimented.
"But the snacks…" Brock said his facing falling a bit.
"What's the matter?" Misty asked walking up to the table with Brock.
Misty quickly saw what the problem was. There was a bowl of red glop called "Hi-B-negative". Next to that was an assortment of odd foods. "Bat Wings", "Bone Chips", "Iced Screams", "Rice Crypty Treats", and a big bucket just marked, "Other Tired Halloween Jokes".
Ash walked up to the table, picked up a dented and unmarked can, took a sniff, and asked what it was.
Dracula answered, "It's wolfs blood."
Everyone gasped.
Dracula laughed, and in his deep accent said, "I'm only joking, it's really clamato."
Ash shocked, spit out the mouthful he had taken. "That's disgusting!" Ash complained, wiping off his mouth with a nearby napkin.
"MMMMMmmmm…" Frankenstein said inching closer to May.
May blushed and leaned over to Misty and said, "I think this tall guy has a thing for me!"
"Mmmmmm Grrrrr… MMMmmmHHHhhh…" The monster growled at her, wrapping his hands around May's neck.
May slipped out of the creature's grasp and said, "Yea yea… I've heard that line before pal."
Ash walked over to the Mummy and in his best Groucho performance said, "I've never seen someone so wrapped up Halloween before. Tell me are you suppose to be an accident victim or a mummy? If that's the case then where's the daddy? He probably left because your too wrapped up in yourself."
The mummy slugged Ash and drove the young teen onto his back. "Ow!" Ash complained rubbing his cheek, "What was that for?"
"Well…" Misty said, "it's not like we weren't all thinking of doing that."
"Hmmm." Brock said inspecting the zombie, "You know… something really does seem amiss here…"
"Yeah," Ash said pointing to May, "What's amiss is that there's only one miss here!"
"Hey!" Misty snapped, "What about me?"
Ash grinned and waggled his cigar again, "I stand by what I said."
The mummy punched Ash again. "Serves you right" Misty said sticking her tongue out at Ash and turning her head away from him.
Which exposed her neck to Dracula who swooped down on her and said, "What a lovely neck my dear. you're just my type."
Misty blushed.
"O-Positive" Dracula finished.
Misty sighed, "You had me until you made the pun…"
"Umm… guys." Brock said with a twinge of panic, "I'm starting to think that these guys AREN'T in costume."
"You know…" May said, who was holding the Zombie's head, which was no longer attached to his head, "…that DOES explain a few things."
Misty lifted up the sheet the ghost was wearing, and found that there was nothing underneath it. "Yep…" Misty said turning pale, "That really does explain a few things."
"Shall we flea in terror?" Ash asked backing away slowly.
"Sounds like a good plan to me." Brock agreed, and the foursome took off towards the door, which unfortunately was blocked by the wolfman, snarling and baring its teeth at them.
"Upstairs!" Ash pointed, "The teens in horror movies that run upstairs when being chased by monsters always turn out ok in the end!"
And upon that advice everyone took off up the flight of stairs.
Once inside a spare bedroom, everyone panting, Ash said, "Alright gang, we have quite a mystery to solve here… Brock, you and Scooby should check out the basement, Daphnine and myself will go check out the hot tub."
Misty smacked Ash upside the head.
Ash shook his head and said, "Um… What I meant to say… we're all really screwed."
May looked at her costume, "You know… not only is my costume so obscure no one knows it, but its really not what I wanted to die in… give me one second."
May walked off screen to the surprise of everyone and a moment later came back wearing a jeans and a white t-shirt, which was extremely well padded. She also now had long black hair. Everyone stared at her.
"I'm Brandy." May explained.
Everyone continued to stare.
"From Liberty Meadows." May continued.
Everyone continued to stare.
May folded her arms and made a "hrrmph" noise and muttered, "Blame me if I want to die looking pretty."
Brock put up his hands, "Look, let's focus on the matter at hand. We're obviously trapped in a house with killer monsters and we're really in a bad situation right now."
"Too bad we don't have Max here," Ash said, "We could have sacrificed him and made a run for it."
May punched Ash in the shoulder. "Ow!" Ash cried out, "Why am I taking a such a beating today?"
"Because you're acting like a total grouch." Brock said
"O…" Ash said nodding.
Misty rolled her eyes, "Subtle…"
"Well…" Ash said, "Only one thing to do in a situation like this…"
"What's that?" May asked hopefully.
"Clean your necks, lay down, and hope its over with quick." Ash said.
"That's really not a good moral." Misty scolded
"It's not?" Ash said, "But that's why my fortune cookie said last week."
"Well," Brock said standing up, "I'm not going down without a fight!"
"You know what?" Ash said, getting up, "You're right, me either!"
"But…" Misty said dejectedly, "Silver Bullets, Garlic, Hammer and Steaks, Fire… we don't have any of that… we don't even have our pokemon with us, they went trick or treating with Max! What are we going to do?"
"Can't you just use your 1000 kicks?" Ash asked looking at Misty's Chun Li Costume.
Misty sighed, "For the last time… I'm not really Chun Li… I can't street fight… its just a costume."
"Oh…" Ash said, then a second later, "What about the 'spinning the birdie kick?"
Misty sighed.
"Well, anyway, " Ash said, with a wicked grin spreading across his face, "We may not have those things… but I think we might be able to simulate some of them."
"Ah…" Misty said shrugging, "What the hell? I'm in, let's go down fighting."
And the group huddled up and whispered out their plans. After it was settled May said, "Well in the case, I better put on something more appropriate."
Misty sighed, "Fine… but pick something that people might recognize, ok?"
May quickly raced off screen and a moment later came back wearing a tight black spandex outfit. "Ta-Da!" She said, "What do you think? I took it from a few episodes ago. I'm wearing Brock's Donkey Punch outfit."
Brock closed his eyes and then said quietly to May, "Umm.. May… do you know what Donkey Punch means?"
"No… why?" May asked.
Brock leaned in and whispered what Donkey Punch was in May's ear, who started to blush profusely. "Um… ok… never mind." May said, "I'll be changing."
"Well… catch up with us… it's ghost busting time! I'm not afraid of no ghosts!" Misty said as May ran off screen.
Everyone stared at Misty.
Misty blushed, "I always wanted to say that."
TO BE CONTINUED…
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…RIGHT NOW…
Brock headed down the one hallway with Misty. He was whistling, and saying "Here wolfie… fresh young virgin meat right here…"
"I wish you'd stop calling me that." Misty complained.
"Well, what else would you lure out Wolfman with?" Brock asked.
Misty shrugged.
Apparently that is the right bait because out came Wolfman, snarling and drooling up a storm. Just as he about to tear Misty asunder, Brock said, "Wait wait wait… before you do that…"
Wolfman stared at Brock and halted. "Well.." Brock said, "You see.. Growing up Mr. Wolfman sir, you were always my favorite monster. Before you tear me and my friend to pieces, do you think you could just have a quick drink with me? A toast if you will?"
Brock handed Wolfman a tall cold can. Wolfman looked at it, shrugged, popped the top. Brock said, "To Wolfman" holding up his can, "The single best party animal in the monster world."
Wolfman slammed back the drink and then turned back to Misty. But suddenly he classic monster stopped, grabbed its throat, howled weakly, then dropped to the ground dead.
"What was that?" Misty asked, "Wolf's Bane?"
"Even better, what kills a werewolf better then a nice cold Coors Light?" Brock asked in a pompous Sherlock Holmes type manner.
"I don't get it…" Misty said confused.
Brock continued in his stuffy English accent, "Why, My dear Misty, we all know that a 'Silver Bullet' kills werewolves."
"Oh for crying out loud…" Misty said putting her face in her hands.
Suddenly, Misty let out a cry of horror as the sheet covered ghost hovered into the room. "Did you come prepared for him?" Misty asked pointing.
"Um… actually…" Brock said backing up, "Um… no…"
But just in time, out popped May, who screamed, "BOO!"
Everyone jumped from the surprise, but the Ghost absolutely freaked. The sheet actually just kind of disappeared into thin air… and the ghost was no more.
"Um.." Misty asked, "I'm going to regret asking this… but what happened?"
"Isn't it obvious?" May asked, who was now wearing a pink cat costume, and over that costume, she was wearing green spandex, a sword and shield with a little green pointed hat. May smiled and said, "I scared him sheet-less!"
"Oh man…" Misty moaned putting her face into her hands again, "I should have went with Max… I bet he's having a great time trick or treating…"
SCENE CHANGE TO MAX AND THE POKEMON TRICK OR TREATING…
Max and Pikachu, covered with blood, were panting hiding behind a lamp post. "Is it still coming?" Max cried out.
Pikachu peaked, and sure enough, a giant mutant zombie in a trench coat continued its path towards them.
"Man…" Max cried out, "Next year, we're not going to hit the Umbrella Corporation for candy…"
Pikachu nodded in agreement, and the two took off away from the tyrannical monster.
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY…
"Well…" Misty said sighing, "If it's a choice between bad jokes and death…"
Misty walked up to the zombie and whispered something in his ear. The zombie gasped and just kind of fell apart. Then Misty walked over to the Mummy, and sang something in it's ear, and it just kind of unraveled.
Brock and May looked at Misty in complete awe. "What on earth did you say?" May asked.
"Well, to the Zombie, I told him about the risks of being a zombie now a days. That when you eat someone you not only eat that person, but all the people that that person ate… and he just worried so much he fell to pieces." Misty explained, "And as for the mummy, I sang a very nice rendition of "don't worry be happy,", which obviously helped it relax and unwind."
Brock stared at Misty and raised his eyebrow and said, "And you complain about Ash…"
"Well…" Misty said blushing, "Just because I don't like to pun, doesn't mean that I can't… I just choose not to take the low road."
"Speaking of Ash," May said, "Shouldn't we see if he's doing ok?"
"Yea… but before we go… what's with the costume?" Misty asked staring at May's pink cat/ green spandex combo.
"Isn't it obvious? I'm Aeris wearing a Link Costume… duh!" May explained.
"Wow…" Brock said sarcastically, "Can't believe we didn't that that one…"
Meanwhile, Ash wasn't doing so well. He found himself face to face with both Dracula and Frankenstein's Creation both bearing down on him. "Well my young guest," Dracula said, "I think its time… as Alice Cooper once said, that you 'feed my Frankenstein."
Ash stopped backing away and said, "Hey now… we went through this already. Frankenstein isn't the name of the monster. The monster never really had a name. Frankenstein was the scientist's name. Dr. Victor Von Frankenstein. What is so hard about that?"
"Hmmm… I didn't know that." Dracula said scratching his chin, "Thanks for teaching me that young one… and now, your reward… your eternal reward."
Ash grinned and said, "Man… I know I should be terrified, but that was just so smooth I have to appreciate it."
The lumbering monster was just about to squash Ash when May, Misty and Brock showed up. "Hey, nice costume May" Ash called out, "Aeris dressed as Link, right?"
"See?" May said, "Ash knew what it was suppose to be…"
"And he'll be the ONLY one…" Misty assured May.
But Ash used the distraction well and in a minute Frankenstein had… (((Ash Glares))) …ummm…. Sorry, Frankenstein's Monster crashed to the ground.
"What happened?" Dracula gasped, "How did you beat my lumbering monster?"
Ash held up two batteries, "Heh, I knew that if I pulled out his power supply he'd no longer be a threat."
"Whew," Brock said, "Good thing you thought of that, those things were energizers, he'd have kept going and going and going…"
"Well, you won't defeat me with such a paltry trick!" Dracula cried and leapt at Ash.
But Ash was too fast, with a "yah!" noise Ash had thrown something at Dracula. "What's this?" Dracula asked looking at the small hard black things now stuck to him.
"Haha, I know that vampires hate cloves!" Ash cried triumphantly, "You've been beaten my fiend!"
"Why were you carrying around cloves?" Misty asked Ash.
"Just lucky, I guess." Ash said shrugging.
"Umm guys…" May said pointing to the vampire, "I don't think that worked.
"Of course it didn't work. I am the prince of darkness, Nosferatu, the king of the undead, the lord of all vampires! Puny Puns wont have ANY effect on me."
"Well then…" Ash said sweat dropping, "That's all I had… we're boned."
"Hey… check it out!" May said walking over to the window, "This Halloween special has been going so long its…" And she tugged the curtain away revealing bright sunlight, "it's morning already!"
Dracula screamed in pain and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Whew…" Ash said wiping his brow, "Thanks May… saved my butt there."
"No problem." May said sitting down.
"What a night!" Misty said.
"Yeah," Brock said, "I haven't had a night like this since late December back in '63!"
"What a special time that must have been for you." May said grinning.
"All right, that's enough." Misty said, "Let's just think of an ending for this thing."
"Hmm," Brock said, "I cant think of an ending for this thing."
"Really?" Ash said, a'la Groucho, "I can't think of any thing else!"
IRIS OUT ON GROUCHO ASH'S FACE WITH CIGAR…
THE END
"Wow," Ash said, "Just in time for Halloween, would you believe we actually wrapped this up EXACTLY at midnight on Halloween's Eve?"
"Wait…" May said, "Is midnight on Halloween Eve, Halloween or is it still the day before Halloween?"
"Or would saying 'Midnight on Halloween's Eve' mean the 23rd turning into the 24th?" Brock said scratching his chin.
"Alright…" Misty said, "You've guys have had WAY too much sugar already if your talking like that."
"I just thought it was cool to meet all those classic movie monsters." Ash said redirecting the conversation.
"Yeah, I never knew the Wolfman was a Jehovah Witness." Brock said, "And now I've learned something."
"I just thought it was cool to dress up in all those costumes!" May said, who now happened to be wearing a Homestar Runner costume, "So who wants some Witches Brew?"
"I'd rather some fluffy puffs… but I'll take some Witches Brew if that's all you got." Ash said.
"Hey…" Misty said, "I wonder what would have happened if we went to the address that Gary had given us, instead of going to the wrong place?"
"Hmm…" Brock said, "I wonder…"
SCENE CHANGE TO GARY'S PARTY…
Inside of Gary's house, and inside the main room, we see a group of people, all wearing masks, all lying on the floor dead, all their heads melted into puddles of ooze. On the TV we hear a cheerful theme song playing, "Happy Happy Halloween, Halloween, Halloween, Happy Happy Halloween, SILVER SHAMROCK!"
SCENE CHANGE BACK TO THE QUICKIE WRAP UP
"Hmm… well when we compare our quickie to a movie of that caliber… we're looking pretty good!" Brock said happily
THE REAL END
Well, took me a while but I got it up on Halloween. I hope everyone liked it. Not much else I can add to this one, I hope everyone has a Happy Halloween, and I hope that this one brought some spills, chills, laughs and… um… whatever rhymes with laughs that fits. There should be a new one up sooner then later, but then I always say that, don't I? If you get a chance, please leave a review. Happy Halloween. Bat's all Folks.