Explanation/Disclaimer: Everybody if you can do the Bartman…

Quickie 39: Law and Order: PQU 2


Announcer: "The story you are about to read is a fib… but it's short. The names are made up but the problems are real. And the best part is you can help solve the crime. It will be like playing a video game, only not nearly as interactive or entertaining. But it's much cheaper. And isn't that what's really important. Well… when you're an underpaid announcer it is! sobs

CASE #2 The Big Sleep

"Argh" Ash groaned while walking down the hallway of the Kanto Pokemon Stadium, "I can't believe I lost in the fourth round of the tournament!"

Pikachu patted Ash on the head, while Misty said, "Seriously, how do you keep losing these things? You almost never lose whenever you battle trainers on the road. How is it that you keep losing so handily when the battles actually mean something?"

Ash sighed and said, "I'm like the Kane of Pokemon, I can kick all sorts of ass until a title's on the line."

"Well, you can always try again next month, or season, or year, or whenever the hell these things happen, they're a little hazy on the details." Misty consoled.

"Well, it was nice of you to come to cheer," Ash said brightening up a bit, "It's a shame no one else could come."

"Yea… May, Max, and Brock really wanted to come…" Misty said reluctantly.

FLASHBACK

"Seriously," Brock said, "I can't stand watching Ash lose another one of these things… he's like the Kane of Pokemon!"

May nodded, "it's the same thing every time, he'll make it a few rounds then he'll lose in some amateurish way. It's embarrassing."

Misty groaned, "I know, I know, I don't want to go either! But at least one of us has to go, otherwise poor Ash would be crushed!"

"I'd love to go!!!" Max exclaimed excitedly.

"Hmm…" Misty thought, "That's not a bad idea. You know Ash is going to be in a foul mood if he loses, he could wail on Max until he cheers up."

Max paled and then quickly said, "Um, I just realized I have something else planned that day" and quickly fled the room.

Brock put his hands up, "Ok ok… we're Ash's friends, and even though its going to suck, one of us is just going to have to suck it up and go to support him. And I think we're all mature here, and I think if we rationally talk it out we'll be able to…" Brock quickly stops his monologue to put his finger on his nose and yell, "NOT IT!!!"

May not missing a beat quickly does the same.

Misty who was just a step too slow, said, "NOT… aw, damnit."

May and Brock cheered and exchanged high fives while Misty sighed deeply and said, "Damn… well maybe it won't be so bad, maybe Ash won't make a stupid mistake this year…"

END OF FLASHBACK

"So," Misty asked as they continued down the hallway, "Why exactly did you choose to send a Cascoon against your opponent's Moltres?"

"Because he's got the will of the warrior!" Ash explained.

"Despite the fact that your opponent was both a fire and flying type? So your guy was doubly outmatched?" Misty asked.

"Oh, pokemon types don't take into account the pokemon's fighting spirit!" Ash explained, "That's all that matters!"

"Even though your Cascoon was only at level 5 and your opponent's legendary pokemon was at level 67?" Misty pressed on.

Ash shook his head and answered, "Misty, it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog. Think about what happened when the frail, less powerful Aeris fought the mighty Sephiroth. Or what happened when Qui-Gon Jin took on Darth Maul."

Misty blinked a few times and replied, "One… you're a nerd. Two… those are horrible examples."

Ash sighed, "Misty, don't you know that a noble spirit can embiggen the small man?"

Misty shook her head in disbelief, "So you have no regret in sending out your cascoon?"

"It's what Cascoon wanted, I think he's happy I put him out there." Ash defended.

"Well, at least he didn't suffer long. Did you decide what you're going to do with Cascoon ashes?" Misty asked.

"I think I'll bury them under the tree I caught him at yesterday, I think he'd like that." Ash answered.

Misty shook her head again, "I swear, either you're really stupid at times, or you just blatantly throw your matches."

Ash quickly answered, "Well I can assure you I'm not the type that would throw matches!"

Misty sighed, then asked, "So are you read to get home? Maybe we can catch the guys before they go out for lunch, I'm starving!"

"Actually, I'd like to go see the guy who beat me before we go." Ash said, "And wish him good luck."

"A baseball bat to the head good luck, or the nice kind?" Misty asked suspiciously.

Ash suspiciously didn't answer but instead said, "His room's just around the corner here…"

(Author's note, the mystery portion of this story begins now! Pay attention!)

"Hey," Ash said getting near the door, "What's going on here? Why's Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy here?"

"I dunno Ash," Misty said stopping a bit before the door, "Maybe we ought to come back later?"

"Nah," Ash said, "Don't be silly, maybe we can help! Wouldn't be the first time I helped the police!"

It was at just that time that Officer Jenny turned her head and saw Ash, and groaned, "Oh Lord, not you again!"

"Hey, she remembers me!" Ash said happily.

"How could I forget?" grumbled Officer Jenny, "Well, there's nothing here for you two kids to see, so please turn around and move along…"

"HOLY CRAP!!!" Ash interrupted looking behind the young officer and seeing a man lying on the floor, "Is that the guy I just battled? Is he dead?"

Jenny eyed Ash with annoyance, then asked, "His name is Alex Smyth. I think its very suspicious that he knocked you out of the tournament less then 30 minutes ago, and here you are, and there he is lying on the ground. Very suspicious indeed!"

Misty nervously said, "No, no! We didn't do anything!"

Ash agreed, "I was only going to kick him in the nuts, I wasn't going to kill him or anything!"

Misty spun around to face Ash, "What??? I thought you came to wish him good luck???"

Ash paused for a second, then unconvincingly tried to cover his tracks by saying, "Um… in some cultures a swift kick to the nuts IS considered a way of wishing someone good luck."

Misty rolled her eyes, and Jenny sighed and said, "Never mind, you're too stupid to off any one."

"Come on," Ash said, "Let us in, maybe we can help!"

Jenny snapped, "No way!"

"Hey, I solved the case the last time!" Ash reminded.

Pikachu grumbled.

"Well, I helped solve the case with Pikachu's help." Ash corrected.

Jenny sighed and asked, "If I gave you both candy would you leave right now?"

Ash thought about this for a moment then asked, "What kind of candy?"

But before the conversation could go any further, Nurse Joy who was examining the body said, "Good news, he's not dead. In fact, I'd say he's not hurt at all!"

At this curious statement, Jenny, Ash and Misty walked into the room and stood by the body. Ash poked the body with his foot a few times. "Not hurt?" He asked, "Are you sure?"

Nurse Joy nodded, "I'm quite pleased to say that I am positive."

"Then why does he seem like a corpse?" Ash asked kicking the side of the body a bit more firmly, only stopping when Misty smacks him.

Nurse Joy shook her head and said, "I have no idea. I came in to check on his pokemon a little while ago, and found him like this. I immediately called Officer Jenny. She got her only a minute or so after you guys did."

Pikachu hopped off Ash's shoulder and pointed to something Alex held tightly in his hand. "What's that?" Ash asked.

"I have no idea!" Joy said surprised, "I didn't check his hands, I was too busy checking his neck for a pulse! You have a very good eye Pikachu!" With that she knelt down and took a small vial from the body's hand. It was half filled with a clear liquid. Joy examined it for a moment, then removed the small cork from the top and took a careful sniff.

She gasped, "This is essence of sleep powder!"

Ash and Misty exchanged glances. "What's that?" Misty asked.

"It's a concentrated form of sleep powder. It extremely potent. Just a few drops of this can knock a person out completely in an instant."

Ash looked skeptically, "Seriously?" He then quickly dipped his finger into the vial before the nurse could stop him and tasted it. The very second his finger hit his lips Ash fell forward landing on his face completely out cold. Everyone stared at Ash for a moment then Misty asked, "Is he going to be ok?"

Nurse Joy nodded. Misty could have sworn she heard Jenny mutter something that sounded an awful lot like "damn".

Misty asked Pikachu to shock Ash awake, and the yellow pokemon was only too happy to oblige. With a jolt Ash woke up shouting terrified, "No I don't want to buy a letter Vanna!!!!" then looked around confused.

"What happened?" He asked.

Misty rolled her eyes and said, "Remember that talk we had about tasting hazardous things?"

Ash frowned, "But it's the hazardous things that taste so darn good."

Jenny sighed, and said, "Well at least in his own stupid way Ash showed us that at least Alex will be ok. When can we expect him to wake up?"

Joy examined the bottle closely and said, "Judging by how much is missing, I'd say he'll be out for at least a day."

"That's a real shame!" a voice from the doorway said.

Everyone turned their heads to look at the man standing there. "Excuse me," Officer Jenny said, "this is a crime scene, I'm afraid you can't come in here."

"What about those two then?" The man asked pointing at Ash and Misty.

"We're special cases!" Ash said proudly.

Jenny snapped, "You are not!!! Get out!!!"

Ash chuckled, "See how she kids? That's how tight we are!"

Jenny growled, but the man interrupted, "I'm afraid you're wasting your time, there's no crime here."

Again, everyone turned their heads to give the man their attention.

"And who are you sir?" Jenny asked now more interested.

"My name is Bryan Alderon." he answered.

"And what brings you here, and what makes you say there's no crime here?" jenny asked suspiciously.

"Yea," Ash said, kicking the body with his foot, "What do you call this?"

Misty hissed, "Stop kicking him Ash!"

"But its fun!" Ash moaned.

"Ash, if you don't knock it off, I'm going to be wishing YOU 'good luck'." Misty warned.

Ash thought about that for a second, then realizing, stopped kicking the body and backed off.

"Hey," Bryan said recognizing Ash, "Aren't you the prat that lost his match by sending out a Cascoon?"

"HE HAD FIGHTING SPIRIT!!!" Ash yelled.

"Never mind that," Jenny interrupted, "You didn't answer my question."

"Forgive me officer," Bryan answered, "I came as quickly as I could, but I see I am too late. You see, I was suppose to face that man in the next round. As I was preparing, that man came to my door, handed me a sealed envelop with this note, and took off in a run.."

Bryan handed a folded typed note to Officer Jenny and she read it: "I have thought this over and I have come to realize that I stand no chance in defeating my opponent in the next round. He is much too skilful and my favourite pokemon was injured in the previous match, and I know I don't stand a chance. In order to save face, I am going to drink liquid essence of sleep powder, and miss the match completely. I hope in this way I can save some honour."

Bryan continued, "I'm afraid I didn't read it soon enough. I was too busy trying to psych up my pokemon to open up his note. As soon as I did read it though I raced here to try to stop him… I'm afraid I dare say I'm too late."

Nurse Joy sighed sadly, "What a silly way to try to get out of a match…"

Bryan sighed and said, "And I was so looking forward to facing him in the next round. I flew here all the way from my home? Cowards who can't deal with losing. Pitiful. Quite frankly, I'll be happy when I win in the finals and I'm on my way back home to England."

Jenny then said, "Alright, enough of that. We just need a few statements from you Bryan and we can put a close to this nasty business…"

Ash stood up and yelled, "What? That's stupid! There's no way the guy who beat me would take such a cowards way out to miss the match! No pokemon trainer that made it this far would act that way!"

"Ash, shhhh!" Misty warned.

"No Misty!" Ash said annoyed, "I bet you this guy had something to do with this!"

Jenny groaned, "Ash, do I have use a taser on you?"

Misty snapped, "You can't just go accusing people! You know how much trouble you can get into?"

"Young man," Bryan said, his accent getting thicker as he got annoyed, "I had nothing to do with this whole sorted business. In fact, the first time I even laid eyes upon this room was just moments ago when I brought you his pitiful excuse. Between watching you choke, and seeing him take the cowards way out, I can see that they don't make trainers they way they do in the queen's country."

Ash glared at Bryan for a moment, then turned his back fuming. Misty took Ash's arm… "Come on Ash, let's get home."

Ash didn't budge.

Misty sighed sadly, "Look Ash, I know the Bryan's a bit of a dick, and I'd love nothing more then to wish him 'good luck', but face facts, Alex chickened out and took a sleep potion. The evidence doesn't lie."

Ash sighed, lowered his head in defeat and took a step towards the door.

But before he could even put down his first step, Pikachu sent a thunderbolt right at ground at his trainer's foot. Ash stopped and looked surprised.

Author's Note: Ok mystery fans. The case is now solvable. Pikachu suspects that Alex did not poison himself by his own hand. Can you figure out what clues led Pikachu to that conclusion? Also, do you know the evidence that points the finger of guilt at the true culprit? Think about it… however, if you are still stuck, here are some clues, don't worry I will warn you before the solution.

"What's up Pikachu?" Ash asked excited, "You figure something out?"

Pikachu nodded his head and walked over to Nurse Joy. He hopped up on her shoulder and pulled the vial of liquid sleep powder from her pocket and held it up and pointed to it and said "Pika!"

Everyone looked curiously at Pikachu. "You're saying you need a fix?" Ash asked confused.

Pikachu sighed and shook its head and pointed at the bottle and mimed opening it up. Then he feigned fainting.

Ash and Misty exchanged glances. Misty whispered to Ash, "What's he talking about?"

Ash shrugged, "It looks like he wants to get stoned until he passes out."

Nurse Joy sighed dreamily, "Who doesn't?"

Everyone looked shocked at Joy who blushed and said, "Never mind."

Pikachu then hopped from Joy to Jenny and took the note that Bryan gave to her and picked it up, shook it and pointed at Bryan and snapped "Pikachu chu pika!!!"

Bryan looked confused, "Um, yes, I did deliver the note…"

Ash thought about this for a moment, then it dawned on him. "Eureka!!!" he declared.

Author's Note: Ok, that's it, its time for the answer. If you still want to think about it, then please don't read any further. Can you figure out the mystery? Can you make one truth prevail? Can your cuisine reign supreme? Can you put ram in the rama lama ding dong? Can you figure out how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Then read on brave reader… read on…

WARNING

WARNING

WARNING

SOLUTION STARTING NOW

"Nurse Joy," Ash said, "You said that you found the body, is that correct?"

"Yes, it is," Joy answered.

"And you obviously didn't touch that vial in Alex's hand?" Ash asked.

"No, honestly I was so busy trying to save his life that I didn't notice it at all until your Pikachu showed me." Joy explained.

"Well there you are then," Ash said, "Take him away!"

"Take who away?" Jenny, Joy and Misty asked.

"THE BUTLER!" Ash exclaimed, "it's always the butler that does it!"

Everyone crashed over in shock. "For crying out loud Ash!" Misty yelled.

"That's it, I'm getting out the tear gas!" Officer Jenny snapped.

Ash put up his hands, "Sorry sorry, forgive me a little gallows humor. Who you should take away is that jerk over there," Ash pointed to Bryan.

"Why you little wanker!" Bryan snapped, "How dare you accuse me!"

Jenny looked sternly at Ash, "Is this another joke?"

"Nope, I'm afraid much like what the shredded piece of string said… I'm a frayed knot. He's your man." Ash said

"Ugh." Nurse Joy gasped, "Does he always make puns like that?"

Misty sighed wearily, "I'm afraid so."

Ash ignored them and continued, "The proof was in Alex's hand. Nurse Joy, when you picked up that vial of Sleep Powder, it was corked tightly, right?"

Nurse Joy thought back and then nodded saying, "Yes, it was…." then a light went off in her head as well, "Oh, I see!!!"

"Hey… you right!" Jenny said, the conclusion dawning on her as well, Ash grinned proudly.

Misty looked from Ash to Joy to Jenny then put up her hands, "Wait… stop… what's this all about?"

Jenny nodded to Ash, "Go on, finish Ash."

Ash explained to Misty, "Remember when I brilliantly sampled the sleep powder in order to assist this case?"

Misty blinked twice, "Well I remember you doing something stupid and knocking yourself out for a little bit there, yes…"

"Tomato, ToMAHto." Ash shrugged, "but don't you remember how quickly it worked?"

"Yea," Misty said, "You were out for the count in a blink, I'm thinking of using some on you next time you start punning…"

"Misty," Ash explained again, "Don't you see? If essence of sleep powder hits you that quickly, how on earth did Alex, who took much more of the stuff then I did, have time to re-cork the vial before he was out?"

Misty's eyes went wide with surprise, "oh my gosh Ash! That's brilliant."

Ash grinned and said, modestly, "Well, Pikachu figured it out first."

Jenny walked over and took Bryan by the arm, "Ok, you're coming to the station."

"Wait." Bryan said angrily, "Even if someone put Alex to sleep, you have absolutely no proof that it was me that did it!"

"Well duh, dude," Ash said grinning and snatching the paper Bryan delivered out of Jenny's breast pocket, "Since we now proved that Alex couldn't have put himself to sleep, why would Alex give you a note that says he did?"

Bryan paled a bit, Ash continued, "Also, you're the only person here competing from England. Re-read that note. Alex, being a native here wouldn't spell honour and favourite that way. He'd spell it honor and favorite. Since you're the only person here completing from England, you're the only person who would make that kind of mistake. Too bad England didn't send someone better then you to compete."

Bryan slumped down sadly, "Ok… I give up. You got me. I saw how powerful his moltres was and I knew I didn't stand a chance. So I hatched a plan to get rid of him, so I could move into the finals."

Jenny cuffed Bryan and took him from the room.

"Man Ash, that was brilliant." Misty said, "I can't believe you solved the case! I was completely stumped. Where'd you learn to solve mysteries like that?"

Ash grinned and said, "Why, elementary school my dear Misty!"

Misty groaned and Nurse Joy whispered, "Seriously, I think punning like that is the sign of a serious mental disorder…"


THE END

That's a wrap everyone!" Misty said.

"Good work guys," Ash said waving to Bryan and Alex as they left to get out of costume.

"They were good extras," Misty said, "Where'd we get them."

"Oh they were extras from Kim Possible. Now that that show's off the air, the actors are just scrambling to get new gigs." Ash explained.

"I'm sure they'll land on their feet." Misty answered.

Ash stretched and yawned, "Well this was fun, but I'm hungry, want to get a bite to eat?"

"In a minute, I want to take care of something first." Misty responded looking off in the distance where Tracey was sweeping up.

"What's up?" Ash asked.

"Oh…" Misty said a bit evilly, "I was thinking about going to wish Tracey 'good luck' just for the heck of it."

"I'll get some ice," Ash said walking towards the back.

THE REAL END

After not writing one for so long, I'm not sure if anyone's reading, but if you are, thanks so much and I hope you enjoyed it. Sorry about the long long long wait for this quickie, but I am just so busy now. Not nearly as much free time as I used to have. I wont go promising updates because whenever I do that, I fail lol, but I do have a few ideas I'm working on that I will get out as quickly as I can. Thanks again for reading, hope you enjoyed the mystery! (I got the idea from an old radio show) Please leave a review so I know if anyone's still around reading these things. lol thanks again for reading!