Pokemon Quickies

by PsychoMD

My quickie comedy series. Each chapter is a new short comedy, about 5 pages long, designed to give you a quick laugh. After a very long hiatus Ash has landed in a brand new town in a brand new region. What wonders await him in the Kalos region and what wonders await to be parodied?

41. Quickie 40: How to Guide to T and T'ing

Explanation/Disclaimer: "Boogidy Boogidy, I'll scare your dad!"

Pokemon Quickie #40: The How To Guide To Trick Or Treating

Professor Oak walks out wearing a black cloak and vampire fangs and greets the readers, "Good evening and Happy Halloween to everyone out there. My name is Professor Oak, although some people call me the pokemon professor. Others call me Sweet White Chocolate D, but that's not important right now. Tonight we are doing things a little different."

Oak continues, "Fed up with kids today not knowing out to Trick or Treat properly, the author of Pokemon Quickies has asked me to put together this little quiz to test the readers on the finer points of this yearly custom, and to give tips where necessary. Apparently, he didn't think that kids today were fat enough, he feels that we should be giving out hints on how to widen those asses a little bit more. Oh well, more food for our zombie overlords to eat when the time comes. I just hope they remember a certain professor has always been loyal to them."

He gives the camera a thumbs up, and then continues, "So let us start the show."

SCENE CHANGE TO THE INSIDE OF ASH'S ROOM

Ash dressed in green spandex covered with black question marks and a purple eye mask, walked around his room. "Alright Pikachu," He said, "Riddle me this, why is tonight the perfect night to remove the inside of hot dogs?"

Pikachu, dressed with a sharper nose and brown spots on his body simply shrugged.

"Because what better night to have 'hollow-weenies'?" Ash said giggling and spinning his question mark staff.

Pikachu grumbled and left the room. Ash sighed, "You know, the real Cheat has a better appreciation for fine humor." then continued talking to himself, "Alright then, just gotta grab my candy pail and get out of here."

Ash grabbed his plastic pumpkin pail and ran out of the room…

Oak: "AND STOP…, alright then, question one… what did Ash do wrong in this scene?

A) He made a really bad Halloween pun

B) He didn't kick the cheat-achu for laughing at his bad pun

C) He chose the wrong device to carry candy.

Oak: "If you chose A… well, I cant really argue with you, but the correct answer is C… let's watch."

Ash looked at the pail and said, "Hey, wait a second, if I use this crappy little thing I can only hold about 5 tootsie rolls. I want lots of loot! Thank you mysterious voice!"

Oak: "I'm professor Oak! …and your not suppose to hear me, stop breaking the 4th wall!"

SCENE CHANGE TO OUTSIDE WITH BROCK

Brock, dressed in black with very long white hair, carrying an extremely long but thin sword stood in front of the front door tapping his foot. Finally, Misty, dressed in a red overcoat with a wide brimmed hat covering down over her face hurried outside.

Brock took one look at her costume and said, "Well it fits, I was wondering where in the world you were. What took so long? Ash and Pikachu are going to be waiting for us!"

"Oh I couldn't decide what shoes to wear with this," Misty said, "I know traditionally I should be wearing red high heels with it, but I decided to go with sneakers instead. What do you think?"

Brock grinned and said, "I think that's the perfect cue for the next question…"

Oak: (groaning) Seriously, you kids have got to stop breaking the fourth wall, we're going to get in trouble. Well anyway, which is more correct?

A) Misty should wear the high heels because they add to the costume

B) Sneakers are better because you don't want to wear high heels while trick or treating?

Oak: "If you chose A… you simply don't understand how to Trick or Treat. Costumes are nice, but anything that inhibits or slows you down on your pursuit of getting as much sugary goodness in your sack is a very bad thing."

Misty sighed in relief, "Well good to know that I made the right choice!"

"Yea definitely," Brock said, "Because Ash takes Trick or Treating so seriously, remember last year? He ditched May because she was wearing too cumbersome a costume and it was slowing him down."

"Yea… would have been nicer of him to not have left her in such a bad area…"

SCENE CHANGE TO MAY, LAST YEAR

May, clunking along slowly in a realistic suit of armor was nervously looking around the ghetto she was stuck in. "I can't believe he'd leave me just because I'm not moving fast enough!" May complained huffily. Off in the distance one can hear a car alarm and gun fire.

May shivers a bit and whispers to herself, "I really hope this armor is bulletproof."

Suddenly, May is confronted by a group of thugs. They appear to be Bloods. May sweatdrops nervously.

Oak: Apparently young May has found herself in the wrong part of town face to face with gang members. What should she do?

A) Draw her sword and fight the ruffians off

B) Call out a pokemon to battle them

C) Bust out some East-side hand motions.

Oak: ok, times up. Here's what happens if you chose A…

Misty draws her sword and yells, "By the power of grayskull! I have the power! And I shall vanquish you knaves!"

The Bloods look confused at one another, then draw their glocks and blow May away. May, a'la Dirk the Daring, turns into a skeleton and crumples off the screen, and the words "GAME OVER" appears. Then the words "END" and "CONTINUE" appear.

Oak: Yikes… guess that wasn't the right choice… let's try B, shall we?

Oak presses "CONTINUE" and we see choice B:

May backs up and says, "You asked for it, let's see if you guys can deal with my Skitty!" But with all her clunky armor on, she can't manage to reach the pokeballs around her waist. Helplessly, she is blown away by gunfire again, first the armor falling off leaving her in her underwear, then the second shot turning her into a pile of bones. The Ghosts and Goblin theme then plays.

Oak: That damned game was always a bitch, never could get past the second level… Ah well, let's see what happens with choice C, shall we?"

May quickly busts out the gang land signs she learned from her mother when she used to survive on the mean streets of Lavender Town, and is readily accepted by the Bloods. Moments later, May is on her way, a forty the newest treat in her bag. The words: "Conglaturations, you have just beaten a great game!" appears on the screen.

Oak: "Ah, alls well that ends well, and on such an obscure video game joke as well. Shall we move on?"

SCENE CHANGE TO ASH AND BROCK

"I still say we should just leave her behind," Ash grumbled.

"You can't ditch May two years in a row," Brock scolded, "We'll wait for her until she gets here, then we can get going trick or treating."

"I'm here guys!" May said running up to her friends. May was dressed in a purple cloak, a hood resting over her head, with a jewel on her forehead.

Ash and Brock stared at her for a moment and then asked her, "What are you wearing?" Ash finally asked.

"My costume." May answered dryly.

"Don't you think there's something wrong with it" Brock asked.

Oak: "Can you figure out what's wrong with May's costume?"

A) She was suppose to be Raven for last year's quickie.

B) She's breaking the theme of everyone else's costume.

C) She's wearing all dark clothes which is dangerous to wear when trick or treating at night

Oak: "If you said any of those answers, your right… but for those that are anal about these things, the real real answer is C. One should never wear only dark clothes when walking around at night, or at the very least where some kind of reflector."

"Oh, that's just superstition!" May said dismissively.

However with her first step she's slammed into by a guy riding a bicycle. "Ohhh, I think I broke my Azereth…" she moaned from lying on her back.

Ash and Brock helped her up and May said, "Perhaps I should put on something a bit safer?"

Ash groaned, but Brock said, "Don't worry about it, we'll just hit some houses on this block until you're ready."

Still grumbling a bit, Ash walked with Brock up to the first house on the block. As they walked up the walkway, they met Tracey leaving the house. Tracey, dressed like Tinkerbell waved to his friends and said, "This is a great house! They're giving out fun size Snickers!"

"Sweet… though I'm still not sure how smaller candy can be considered fun.." Ash said hurrying up to the door.

Ash rang the doorbell and Brock and Ash greeted the woman with a "Trick or Treat.". The woman smiled and gave each boy a Snickers, they said thank you, and headed off on their way.

Oak: "Now, can anyone tell me what if anything our heroes did wrong in this scene? What? You think they did everything perfect? Wrong. The correct answer is 'Ash let Tracey dressed like Tinkerbell walk by without making one fairy joke nor hitting him.' Jeez… how'd you people miss that one?"

SCENE CHANGE TO MAY'S ROOM

May looked through her wardrobe going through all her costumes. "Hmm… I could dress like a ghost… or maybe a zombie?"

Max walked into her room, dressed up like a green turtle on his hind legs wearing a helmet and holding two hammers, and looked at all her costumes and asked, "Why on earth do you have so many costumes?"

May shrugged and said, "No more then any other cartoon character has… it's some kind of cartoon law."

"Uh huh," Max said skeptically, "Whatever makes you feel better perv." and walked out of the room.

May harrumphed and kept looking. "I guess I could be a witch, but that's a dark costume as well. I really cant decide which costume would be best?"

Oak: "Can you help May decide what costume would be best?"

A) A Ghost

B) An Anime Character

C) A Video Game Character

D) Doesn't matter as long as its sexy.

Oak: "If you chose D… you're a sad lonely person. Unfortunately, you also chose right… don't ask me why all women's costumes have to be sexy… I think its some kind of law…"

Brock: "It's not a law, but it will be, remember vote YES on prop 69."

Oak: "What are you doing in my sound booth?"

Brock: "I wanted to see if I could peek in on May while she was getting dressed."

Oak: "Oh for crying out loud… let's move on shall we?"

Brock: (muttering) "Spoil sport…"

SCENE CHANGE BACK TO ASH

Ash was looking through his bag when Brock came racing up to him in a hurry. "So where'd you go off to?" Ash asked curiously.

"Nowhere… nowhere…" Brock said guiltily, "And remember, anything Professor Oak tells you is a lie."

May follows up a moment later dressed up in a Japanese school girl outfit with red sneakers and a backpack, with medium length red hair and a hidden leaf village headband tied around her head. Ash looked at her for a second then snapped his fingers, "I got it… you're dressed as Sakura from Naruto dressed up like Sakura from Street Fighter."

"Wow!" May said, "You're good at this…"

"Nerd." Brock coughed."

Ash looked Brock for a second and then blurted out, "Brock was watching you dress!"

May looked at Brock shocked for a second then clocked him in the head with her backpack. Brock laid on the ground for a moment then muttered, "it's a fair caught… but how did you know Ash?"

"I didn't, but it's always a safe guess." Ash admitted.

"Well, shall we go to this house?" May asked.

"Yes, lets" Ash agreed and the two left Brock to recover from his trauma. Upon ringing the door bell, a creepy guy answered and said, "You know, I have lots of candy inside… want to come in and get some?"

Oak: "Ok, now this is a serious situation. Ash will demonstrate what you should do if you are EVER asked to go inside a strangers house."

Ash looked harshly at the creepy guy for a minute, then peered inside and asked curiously, "What KIND of candy you got in there?"

Oak: "May, please slap Ash in the back of the head for me."

May happily obliges. Then Ash quickly says, "Actually you should NEVER go in a strangers house. It's just no safe at all. If you want to give me candy, you will do it right here at the door. But under no circumstances will we ever go into a strangers house."

The man sighs then gives May and Ash some candy and closes the door. Ash looked in the bag and says, "What the hell… NECCO WAFERS."

Ash continues to rant, "Ok… attempts at being lured into a house for a guy to do unspeakable things to me is one thing… but giving Necco wafers as a treat, THAT'S where I draw the line!"
Oak: "A house just gave you Necco Wafers… what is the proper Halloween etiquette for this situation?"

A) Egg the house

B) T.P. the house

C) The flaming bag of dog poop on the front doorstep.

Ash interrupts, "None of the above…" then presses a button on his question mark staff. The man's car in his driveway immediately bursts into flames, shooting flaming wreckage in every direction. Ash tucks the cane under his arm and walks away muttering, "…necco wafers… pfft."

Brock got up and joined the duo, completely nonplused with what just happened. "Hey… by the way, where's Misty anyway?"

Oak: "Misty was scene boarding a plane with a red white and blue flag. The baggage clerk says she changed all her currency to krones. Where on earth is Misty Sandiego?"

A map pulls up on the screen showing destinations she could have flown to:

-France

-Italy

-Norway

-Japan

Ash waved his arm, "ooo oooo! I say we fly to Norway!"

A little plane flies to Norway, and a confirmation noise rings.

"Very good Ash!" Oak said, "But unfortunately, you didn't get the warrant, so you lose."

Ash folded his arms and pouted, "Stupid game."

Brock patted Ash on the shoulder and said, "Well, you get in trouble if you don't get a warrant."

????: "Did someone say trouble?"

????: "Trick or Treat, we'll make it double!"

And in a puff of smoke Jessie and James appear. James dressed in a big muscle suit with short blonde hair holding a large sword says, "I have the power!"

Jessie, dressed like in a breast plate with long blonde hair holds up her sword and says, "I have the girl power!"

Meowth dressed like a red mage with a O on his chest sighs and says, "And I just feel stupid."

Ash, Brock and Misty looked at them for a moment then Brock points and says, "James' costume must make him feel like a real he-man!"

Ash nodded, "And Jessie… she ra-ther looks fetching."

May added, "But Meowth looks pretty dork-o. What do you guys want?"

"We'll take your pokemon" Jessie cackled, "And all your candy as well!"

Oak: "A group of bullies are trying to take your candy. What should you do?"

A) Fight them.

B) Call an adult.

C) Walk away as fast as you can

Oak: "The right answer is either B or C… violence never solved anything."

"Actually" May replied, "I'd have to say the best answer is D."

Oak: "D? What's D?"

A van pulls up and a group of gang members rush out, shove the villains into the back and then quickly drives away.

May smiles, "Call in the Blood friends you made last year to handle your dirty work."

Oak: "And on that happy note, let's end this. I hope that you now have a better understanding about this tradition we call Trick or Treating. So go out there, get some candy, stay safe, have fun, and extract your bloody murderous revenge on anyone who tries to pawn necco wafers on you."

THE END

"That was a great Halloween episode!" Ash said pulling off his costume, "And I got so much candy! Check it out, I got a full size Milky Way."

May looked in her bag and said, "I got a popcorn ball!"

Brock checked his and said, "I got a some taffy!"

Tracey sadly says, "I got a rock…"

"I think you deserve worse then that…" Ash replied.

"You didn't let me finish," Tracey said, "I got a rock… to the head…"

Brock whispered to May, "I still think he got more then he deserved."

"Hey," May said calling over to Misty, "What did you get?"

Misty held up a large painting, "I got the Mona Lisa."

"OHhhh!" Ash, Brock, Tracey and Oak sings A Cappella, "Where in the world is Misty Sandiego… WATCH YOUR BACKS!"

THE REAL END

And another Halloween quickie is in the books. I hope you enjoyed reading it, I had a lot of fun writing it, but then Halloween is my favorite time of the year. At any rate it has to be better then the pumpkin head aliens debacle.

If you want to give me a treat this Halloween please leave me a review. I make that lame joke every Halloween, but I go with what works. By the way… quickie number 40!!! How awesome is that?

Well, anyway, have a very happy Halloween, if your going to drive, don't drink, if your going to drink don't drive, if your going trick or treating, have fun, do it smart and stay safe, and if you're giving out candy, for the love of god don't give out Necco wafers. I swear, if you give out necco wafers, you're car is going to blown up. Thanks for reading, HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!