Chapter 3: Something Big
Nick and Courtney were surprised when they saw that it wasn't Michael Myers that was making all of the noise in Michael Myers' room. It was...Bigfoot! Yes, the hairy apeman Bigfoot was in Michael's room, naked.
"Bigfoot? What are you doing here?" Nick asked.
"I'm doing the Macarena. What the hell does it look like I'm doing?" Bigfoot asked in a deep manly voice.
"It looks like your slumming in the home of Michael Myers,"Courtney said.
"Who?" Bigfoot asked.
"Michael Myers. Haven't you heard of him?" Nick asked.
"Oh, yeah. He starred in the Austin Powers movies," Bigfoot said, smiling and nodding.
"No, silly. That was Mike Myers. Michael Myers is a serial killer. He's killed more people than Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson combined," Courtney said.
"Look, for all I care this could be Hitler's home. My dad threw me out because I fart too much, so I needed a place to squat for the night," Bigfoot said.
"And by squat, you mean you needed a place to stay?" Nick asked.
"No, by squat I mean I need a place to squat and take a shit," Bigfoot said sarcastically.
"You mean your dad threw you out just because you fart?" Courtney asked.
"Sometimes I wish my dad would throw me out because I fart," Nick joked.
"No. He didn't throw me out because I fart. He threw me out because I fart too much. And my farts smell like road kill," Bigfoot explained.
No sooner than Bigfoot got the words out of his mouth, he cut the cheese. Both Nick and Courtney shook their heads in disgust.
"I can see why your dad threw you out. That was rancid. My dumps don't even smell that bad," Nick said.
"Mine don't, either," Courtney chimed in.
"Oh, both of you can go suck a dick for all I care," Bigfoot said.
Nick and Courtney both looked down and saw Bigfoot's penis for the first time. Both of their eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.
"Holy shit, dude. You're hung like a horse," Nick said excitedly.
"How big is that thing?" Courtney asked.
"It is ten feet long, thank you very much," Bigfoot replied.
"Can I touch it?" Nick asked.
"No, you most certainly cannot. Are you gay or something?" Bigfoot asked.
"I'm not gay. I fuck Courtney here every night," Nick said, pointing at Courtney.
"Yes he does, after I finger his asshole for about an hour," Courtney said.
"And what are you two dildo's doing here?" Bigfoot asked.
"We are exploring the home of legendary serial killer Michael Myers," Nick said.
"Well, I wish you two would kindly go away where I can take a shit on the floor," Bigfoot said, before farting again.
"Okay, we'll catch you later Bigfoot," Nick said, backing up as to try and escape the smell of Bigfoot's fart.
"And if there's a God, much later," Courtney said.
Both Nick and Courtney turned around. Nick shined his flashlight before them. Both of them screamed when they saw a man standing there. He was wearing a white mask and holding a large butcher knife. It was Michael Myers. He came home.