Faith No More Chapter 12 days of Christmas, a buffy: the vampire slayer fanfic

Chapter 12 Days of Christmas.

Faith said goodbye to Buffy and her crew on her doorstep. She didn't want them seeing the scene that would soon be unfolding. Buffy understood and shooed her team away, much to Willow's displeasure.

Faith took a deep breath and opened the door.

Xander jumped up as soon as she stepped inside. He started to speak, then stopped; his eyes bugging out.

Faith realized she hadn't looked in a mirror after the fight and probably looked like a mess. "Ambush. Courtesy of the Mayor."

"Aw, fuck." Xander was picking up some of her language already. "This is-"

Faith grabbed his collar and pulled him down a couple inches so they were face to face. "If you say this was all your fault, I'm going to smack you. And then I'm going to go smack Tony and your mom until you understand that it wasn't your fault."

Xander was gobsmacked. "I, uhhhh..."

Faith kissed him. Hard. And tried to hide the wince of pain that shot through her cheek and jaw at that action. "Better. Now sit down. My whole body aches." she walked to the kitchen table without giving any outward sign of limping. "One of the vamps admitted that the Mayor had sent them. Which gave me the perfect excuse for telling Buffy and the rest of the gang. Giles and Willow are probably already researching as we speak."

"And why did he admit that to you?" DD narrowed her eyes.

"Well, he was about to kill me. I'm sure it seemed like a reasonable thing to do at the time, to him." Faith said.

"And because you were unarmed." DD said icily.

"I coulda taken them unarmed easily if they were your average vamps. These guys were good. Well trained and good at working together instead of getting in each other's way. And they swept the alley they jumped me in clear of wood. Even those stupid pallets." Faith paused. "And I've been taking the same path whenever I go for a run. Gotten complacent. But you're right. A good stake or two could have turned the tide. I had to make do with broken branches."

"Wait." Xander said. "Go back to the part where he almost killed you."

"Buffy saved me. I was over-matched, surrounded, and had only dull branches for weapons." Faith admitted. It no longer hurt her pride so much to admit when someone else saved her. Buffy had saved her several times. Xander had saved her a lot.

"Sounds like a close call." DD said evenly.

Faith shrugged and regretted the action as pain lanced through her shoulder. "Had closer. Was able to walk here under my own power. Will be able to make it to my bed too. Glad there's no school tomorrow, but I'll be fine in a couple days." She looked at Xander. "But no sex tonight."

Xander looked offended. "Hey! That is the last thing on my mind right now."

Faith just gave him a wry smile and cocked her head to the side.

"Okay, fine. Not the last thing. But it's not like I was expecting it any time soon after what I said." Xander admitted.

Faith sighed. She really didn't want to deal with this, she really just wanted to forget it ever happened. "Just forget it ever happened." she ordered.

Xander looked like he wanted to say more but a glance from DD wisely cut him off. "So, how do we kill him?" Diana asked.

Faith shook her head sadly for more reasons than one. "We can't. Not yet. He's..." she snapped her fingers trying to think of the word, her brain was pretty tired. "not immortal, but he's that too." A pause. "Invulnerable. You stab him in the chest with a stake and he just pulls it out, wipes it off, and hands it back to you. We have to wait until he Ascends. But that's later." With that, Faith made her way to the bathroom and a shower. There must have already been a tear in her sports bra because when she tried to tug it off it came apart in the back. She sighed and threw it in the garbage. Her pants she had to cut off because of a huge scrape where she'd slid on the asphalt of the alley as well as two other wounds she didn't recall receiving. Then she could finally jump under the steamy water to wash all her cuts clean before they could become infected. The pain helped remind her never to do something that stupid ever again.

Faith laid down next to Xander. "I really shouldn't be doing this."

"Faith. I'm really sorry." Xander pleaded.

"It's not what you said. It's what I'm doing." Faith frowned, "I'm just using you until I can mold you into my husband. You're only 18. I'm... well, plenty old enough to know better." She had done the math and realized she was closer to Giles' age than Xander's. It had been a bit of a shock at the time.

Xander was quiet for a while. "I should be annoyed at that. That you're thinking of someone I'm not when you're with me. And yet, I'm oddly okay with it. You love me for the man I almost am."

Faith shot him a confused look.

"Jerry Maguire." Xander smirked.

It had been so long that Faith had completely forgotten the movie where Cuba Gooding Jr. had dropped trow, though the view had been blocked, she remembered. She had been really into black guys for like a month afterwards. She shook her head to clear those thoughts. "Whatever. I-"

Xander cut her off. "The other me, your husband, he was pretty special?"

"Yeah." Faith nodded solemnly.

"Well, I happen to think you're pretty special too. I want you to realize that I'm probably never going to be exactly like him. But I'm willing to try if you're willing to teach me."

Faith pulled him in for a deep kiss. When they finally broke away she whispered. "You idiot. You already are him."

"Is it wrong that I'm glad Scott had to go visit some relatives in Colorado? I mean, I'd like to spend the holidays with him too, but him being here would mean that everyone would have to watch what they say around him..." Buffy trailed off.

"No. I know what you mean." Willow assured her friend and looked over at Oz talking with Joyce. "I'm not sure what I'd do if I couldn't share this with all of you. Honestly, I don't know if I could have come if he was going to be there. Having to watch what I say all the time for even a couple of hours would drive me batty. I don't know how you do it."

"Apparently I'm not doing a very good job of it. He's getting suspicious. Asking me why I'm hanging out with you guys and him completely separately." Buffy said.

"What did you tell him?" Willow had to ask.

"Nothing yet. But once school's back, I don't think he'll be put off for much longer." Buffy sighed and turned to look around her living room where all the Scoobies were in small groups talking before Christmas dinner.

Across the room, Xander was talking with Giles. "So, have you found out anything about the Mayor yet?"

"Only that there are no records of him ever being elected." Giles sipped his eggnog. "Which really only raises new questions."

"I'm trying to get Buffy interested in going to college." Joyce told Diana. "Have you had any luck convincing Faith to do the same?"

Diana just chuckled. "It took me months to convince her to finish high school. She's smart enough for it, but it's not what she's interested in." she tilted her head towards Faith who was now sitting quietly with Oz and had eyes only for Xander.

"I see." Joyce smiled. "Have you tried interesting Xander in college then? I admit it was a bit of a dirty trick and I wanted her to be interested in college for her education. But once I got Scott to admit that he was planning on going to college, her interest suddenly spiked."

"Considered it, yes. And he's smart enough too. But a bit of a slacker through school, I'm afraid. He would need a scholarship to attend and isn't likely to get one with his grades." Diana admitted.

Oz and Faith sat in comfortable silence.

Then it was time for gift giving. Faith had given Giles a polishing kit for his glasses. "You always seem to be cleaning your glasses when I'm around. Figure you could use this." she smirked at him when he opened it. He gave her a wry grin in return... and started using the kit to polish his glasses.

Willow and Oz got a combined gift. It was a large dog collar with a tag that read 'If found return to Willow Rosenberg'. "It also has an electric shocker on it. Supposed to be able to stop a charging bull. So if you ever get out..." she motioned to the remote. "It'll hurt, but..."

"Thanks." Oz said and put the collar on right away. It was a bit too big for him pre-transformation. It was sized to fit him after the change. "I love it." he handed the remote for the shocker to Willow.

Then came Xander's gifts. A very skimpy and see through outfit that he clearly wasn't going to be wearing. Xander blushed red at that. "Keep digging." she told him. And he came up with a banana hammock for himself. "Objectification goes both ways, big boy." Most of the room blushed at that. Xander hurriedly repacked his gifts. Giles went ahead and used his present so he didn't have to look at any of the people in the room.

Then came the people who were the hardest for her to buy for. First DD. Hers was actually just a Thank You card. "I probably don't say it enough. So now you have proof that I said it once." Diana's eyes misted a little at that.

Mrs. S. got her own card. Hers simply read 'I promise to watch Buffy's back.' She needed a Kleenex to keep her tears from falling at that but wouldn't let anyone see what had made her cry.

Buffy had been by far the hardest to shop for. Until she'd been walking downtown and wandered into the sporting goods store they'd robbed the first time around. She purchased the double edged dagger that Buffy had tried to steal that night.

Giles interrupted. "Oh. A knife." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a coin giving it to Buffy. "Here, give this to Faith." After Buffy did so with a confused look on her face, he explained. "It's an old superstition. When someone gives you a knife for a gift, you have to give them something, usually a coin, back or the friendship will end."

"And in our line of work, it doesn't pay to tempt fate." Buffy agreed.

"Sure. Anyway this one isn't a Christmas gift." Faith handed over a small package. Buffy opened it and looked at the small bell therein. "It's our Victory Bell."

At a confused look from Buffy, Faith was about to explain when Xander jumped in. "Like UCLA and USC?"

Faith just nodded.

"Who ever wins whatever contest you guys have, gets to hold onto the bell until the next contest." Xander explained.

"From now on, that's our trophy. Whoever saves the other's life gets to carry it. You saved my life the other night. So it's yours for now. But I'm going to be watching for the opportunity to get it back." Faith gave a wry smile. In return she got a big hug not just from Buffy but from Joyce as well.

Then it was time for songs. Giles sat down at Joyce's piano and sang White Christmas, probably for the irony with how warm it was out. He then asked for requests.

Faith raised her hand a little tentatively. "I got one. It goes to the tune of Jingle Bells." Giles nodded and started plinking out the song.

"Dashing through the woods
We'll all go out and Slay
Cemetery's near
Slaying all the way
The vamps will hear us sing
And they'll come out to bite
We'll stab them with this pointy thing
Some Slaying fun tonight

Oh, Slayer's out, better hide
You Vamps don't stand a chance
You'd better run, we're having fun
go home and change your pa-ants
Slayer's out, better hide
Wait until it's day
Buffy's here, your time is up
She is gonna Slay

A year or two ago
She was a normal girl
talking with her friends
give a boy a whirl
Then this watcher comes
tells her she's a pearl
got some cool new powers
But she has to save the world

Oh, Slayer's out, better hide
You Vamps don't stand a chance
You'd better run, we're having fun
go home and change your pa-ants
Slayer's out, better hide
Wait until it's day
Faith is here, your time is up
She is gonna Slay

Now the ground is gray
covered in vamp dust
Every vamp we Slay
bad punning is a must
If we had a car
So many vamps we'd Slay
We'd Slay them near and far
laughing all the way

She is gonna Slay!"

By the third chorus everyone was joining in and laughing at the funny lyrics. Even Oz was visibly chuckling, Xander was in tears from laughter. "That was hilarious."

"You should know." Faith smirked back.

Xander stopped laughing, though no one really noticed as everyone had calmed down by then. Probably the only one to catch the byplay was Diana, it was an easy guess for her who had written the song. Then the clamors for Faith to sing it again so everyone could learn it began. They sang it three more times over the course of the night before someone had the bright idea of writing the lyrics down for posterity.

"You guys have a seat, I'll make the drinks." Faith said as they entered their own apartment. She came back with three glassed filled with ice and a pale red liquid.

Diana sniffed hers. "Faith?" she gave a meaningful glance at the underage man in the house. Technically, Faith both was and was not underage. Mostly not.

"One drink ain't going to turn him into an alcoholic. Besides, it's tradition. Our tradition." Faith took a sip of her gin and cranberry cocktail. "We were always on the road so we rarely got a Christmas tree. Sometimes we'd put tinsel or Christmas lights on the bikes or around a hotel room. But we didn't always have a hotel room. But we could always get a bottle of gin. Plus, we always laughed at an old story."

The others asked for the story.

"So we were rebuilding the council back in England. Everyone was together again for a little while." Just after I'd brought Xander back from Africa but before I took off again, Faith thought. "Willow and her wife had a kid. Super cute and super bright, I don't think she was much over a year and already talking. We were over to meet the fam and have dinner. The wife comes home with the groceries and the kid goes over and starts naming things she pulls out.

"Eggs! Milk! Bananas! Cheese!" Faith mimicked the girl's tone.

"Then she pulls out a bottle of Beefeater. The girl looks at it for a sec and then shouts out 'Mommy juice!'." Faith was cracking up by the time she was finished. She noticed that the other two were chuckling politely but not roaring with laughter like she was. She wiped tears from her eyes. "It was funnier if you were there."

"Most of the best stories are." Diana agreed.

"Anyway, it was near enough to Christmas that after we hooked up again, we always shared a bottle of 'Mommy juice' for Christmas." Faith finished.

Diana cleaned up the dishes before shooing the others off to bed as it was very late.

"Hello?" the voice on the other end picked up.

"Just wanted to let you know that Buffy was safe and happy. It's probably a small consolation to you right now."

"How did you get this number?"

"Phone book, genius. Angel Investigations isn't that hard to find. Though, I have to say, your logo looks more like a moth than an angel."

The line was quiet for a while.

"Anyway. Thought you might wanna know. Merry Christmas."

"Faith."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks. Merry Christmas."

Faith was a little pissed the next morning that she was out $100. She clearly remembered there being snow this Christmas and had found a bookie willing to take a bet that they would have a white Christmas at 50 to 1 odds once the weather report came in. And now she was out the $100 she'd bet and the $5,000 she'd been expecting. She wondered what exactly she had changed that had caused a shift in the weather. It would have been worrying if she didn't have some very real and very strong enemies to get ready for.

A/N: Faith thinks the Mayor is already invulnerable. Probably something that the Mayor inferred or flat out told her while she was working for him. I would also guess that he would have asked her to stab him with a stake as a demonstration of his powers. So while the 100 days hasn't actually started yet, Faith doesn't know that.

A/N2: Do not own Jerry Maguire.

A/N3: I DO own my own version of Jingle Bells.